10 1/2 Month Old Not Sleeping....(in His Bed)

Updated on July 10, 2008
T.D. asks from Spring, TX
21 answers

Ok, my son who is 10 1/2 months old slept better when he was a newborn! We go through this everytime he gets an ear infection. I'm sure it is my fault, but the only way we can get some sleep is bringing him in the bed with us. We have a great routine, bath, bottle, singing then on to bed. But now as soon as we get to his room his eyes open wide and starts screaming. He will eventually go to sleep, but wakes up within an hour (not complaining, enough time to get a shower and the dishwasher started!!) I cannot leave him in his room to cry!!! But I cannot continue to bring him in the bed with us. I need some help...He used to sleep through the night @ 3mo, now I think we have ruined him by bringing him in the bed with us!!

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So What Happened?

Thanks everyone for your wide range of suggestions and responses...He is sleeping in his bed!!!! It only took 2 nights, now he is officially sleeping anywhere from 10-12 hours. Also goes right to sleep for naps in his crib. I am little saddened that he will not even nap with mommy now. I did NOT let him cry-it-out. I would put him in the crib, with his "blankey" and his pacifier from the freezer, he just grabs that blanket and rolls over. Of course he whinned a bit for the first few nights, but I would check on him every 3 to 5 minutes. It is wonderful, now I can get some housework done. I totally agree that this is a routine and you should stick to it. He is cutting his molars now and hasn't been very happy, but still does not want to sleep with mommy and daddy. WOOHOO!!

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R.T.

answers from El Paso on

Just keep trying to put him bed. It will get better.

I recommend the book "No Cry Sleep Solution."

Best wishes.

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A.W.

answers from Houston on

Give peanut a hug and kiss from me! love aunt ang! mine is inly 2 months, fill me in on how it works ! love you too!

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K.D.

answers from Austin on

I have a toddler (nearly 3) who only ever slept well as an infant. He co-sleeps with us, & I don't think that it has ruined his sleep at all. He is a very spirited little boy, & I think if I'd had anyone to compare him to, I'd have called him a high needs baby, too. So really, I believe that the co-sleeping has only helped him. I would suggest looking at your reasons for not wanting to have him in your bed, & decide if (& perhaps for how long) those reasons REALLY matter. And consider possibilities besides all or nothing, such as some of the night in his crib & some in your bed, or on a mattress next to your bed or his crib in your room.
My son has been asleep for over 3 hours now. At 10 months, he'd have been awake after 45 minutes, if I'd even managed to get away at all. Even at almost 3-years-old, he will soon wake, & won't go to sleep without me comforting him. When I rush in there, it'll take about 2 minutes. If I just let him handle it on his own - well, let's just say none of us would sleep at all tonight. I know some people will say their babies were easily sleep trained, but how easy is easy? Did they spend a night listening to crying or two full months?
A baby's needs are no less intense during the day than they are at night. Please do not feel that you are supposed to do cry-it-out. CIO actually causes brain damage, in addition to damaging your baby's trust in you. Dr. Sears explained on the Dr. Phil show (which I watched to see Dr. Sears): “When a baby screams for 10, 20 minutes, or a half-hour night after night, what actually happens to the baby's brain?" asks Dr. Bob Sears. "The blood pressure goes up. The pressure gets so high, new blood with oxygen can't flow into the brain. So the brain can be deprived of oxygen, you guys. And that's not all. It gets worse. The brain can be flooded with stress hormones, and we know that stress hormones can damage sensitive developing nerve tissue. So, night after night, weeks and weeks of crying can actually harm a baby's brain. That's why we encourage you both to respond to your maternal intuition..."
Cry-it-out has become so ingrained in our society. But we are hard wired to do the oppposite. When our babies cry, hormones are released that make us want to respond to his cries. That's what we are supposed to do - respond.
As far as suggestions to help him learn to sleep independently, you may want to read "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. But remember, babies are designed to wake frequently throughout the night to help prevent SIDS. As exhausting as "sleeping like a baby" (the reality, not what the childless think that saying means!) is, it serves an important purpose.
Last thought - I know how easy it is to think that you may have created this problem - I've been there. But even as a wee baby, my son would sleep 40 minutes on his own or in a swing or car seat, but he would sleep an hour if I held him or laid down with him. That's 1/3 more sleep he got - so he lost at least a third of the sleep he needed whenever I didn't hold him or rest with him. So in retrospect I feel I did not create this situation - I just responded to my son's needs. Our children are wonderful teachers when we allow them to be. Milo taught me what he needed. And I'd love to believe that a year from now he'll be sleeping through the night in his own room, but I'm sure that there will be setbacks even 5 years from now - illness, bad dreams, travel. My advice is to try to go with the flow, because in the blink of an eye he'll be 3... 13... 23...
Oh - I just reread your post. If you're working full time, he may really need that Mommy Time at night, & co-sleeping is a great way top get it!
Good luck!
K.,
Mama to Milo (2.75)

1 mom found this helpful
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T.H.

answers from College Station on

T.,

Unlesss your little cherub is fighting this ear infection still, you might need to develop some back bone!
Keep doing your routine, but if he start/continues to cry, let hime! If he is wailing, I might suggest going in and soothing him, w/out talking to him! Hold him, cuddle but don't stimulate him with talking! Do this for a minute, put him back in bed, and leave the room! Continue to do this!
See if it works!

I have an 18 month old, and when she wakes up wheither she is sick or not, I console her, and then put her back to bed! It can take a couple of trys, but it is worth it!

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L.B.

answers from Austin on

The only advice I can give is fix it ASAP. We went through the same thing with my son. He slept good in the beginning. Then he kept getting sick (small things but one after another) so he kept ending up in our bed. Now he's almost 21 months, goes to sleep in my bed (hopefully makes it to his later) & comes back to my bed when he wakes up.

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T.C.

answers from San Antonio on

I agree with letting him cry it out. I did it w/ both of my children, 3 and 8 when they were young, between 6-12mo of age. My kids do not fuss when I say naptime or bedtime. Okay they may whine a bit, but they know they have to hop in bed. Make a routine out of it and stick to it. We do dinner, relax if we have time, bath, teeth, book and in bed between 8-9pm. They both do have nightlights (as previously suggested). When he does wake up after an hour or two do check on him though. You may have to repeat the whole ordeal, but you will know he is safe. My three year old was about a little over a year old and woke up like that and I went in without my glasses comforted her and left to no avail and went in again to notice fire ants in her bed. I felt like the worst mom ever. The point is use your instincts and do check on him if you need to. If all is well, say mommy loves you, walk back out, start over if needed. I'll say a prayer all works out. It is better to form their sleeping patterns now. I have a friend who's 11yr old still sleeps with her and her husband. I think recently they moved his mattress to their floor in their room. Imagine that while going through this process and decide what is best.

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R.R.

answers from Houston on

T. D

Please stop while you are ahead. My son used to be sick alot before he turned a year old. I used to put him in our bed to feel more comfortable about being able to keep a close eye on him. BIG MISTAKE....My son was 4 years old before we got him out of our bed. We tried everything, new bed, new sheets the big boy story, nothing worked. I had to close my bed room door and he used to cry his self to sleep out side the door. Believe me i just wanted to open the door and let him in.I dont remember how we broke him from this but stop while you are ahead. I know it is hard because you work full time, but it will pay off in the end. Better to fight with a baby now instead of waiting till he is 4 years old throwing taturms. good luck and don't give in..

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D.M.

answers from Houston on

T.,
This sounds mean, but get tough before it gets tougher on you! While it is normal for a child to suddenly start waking at 1 year, you have to show him who is boss. Don't let his tears get to you - you are in control - if you give that control to him, then you all lose. Be strong and hold your ground. Explain to him that it is his bedtime and he is not to get up once he is down. He WILL actually understand this. I have been there - this advice is good, trust me! DO NOT put him in your bed again and do not make the bedtime ritual so cushy. Put him in his bed to fall asleep, read one or two stories, tell him what you expect from him, kiss him good-night, leave the room and scold him if he acts obnoxious. One week of this and all will be well.
Good luck!

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B.B.

answers from Houston on

My 5yr old just started to sleep in his own room this week. When he was born, he was a preemie which prompt me to have him very close to us at all times. Wrong thing to do. Big mistake. I, truly began to regret ever allowing him to sleep with us. It was a 5yr transition. At one point my husband & I tried taking turns sleeping in the room with him, but he still woke-up just to make sure we were still there, so that didn't work. We definitely ruined him by bringing him into our bed. I, know it may take awhile to break that cycle he's developed but please keep putting him in his room and stay with him until he falls asleep until it works. Don't give-up. You'll regret it in the long run.

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K.W.

answers from Houston on

T.,

First off, you are going to have some sleepless nights ahead of you when you decide to break this habit and get your little one sleeping in his own bed. We made the same mistake of bringing our daughter in bed with us and it took forever to break the habit. She developed a terrible infection that affected her breathing and so she slept on our chests for nearly three weeks, trying to keep her elevated and so we could monitor her breathing. Once you start something you don't want to do with your child it's hard to break it.

You're going to need to stay in the room with you little one for a while. Bring a comfy chair in the room, place it by his crib and sit with him until he falls asleep. It may take a while for that to happen but hang in there. Just don't talk to him after a while. Let him know that you're there, that it's time for bed, and then quiet.

On the next night, you will repeat this process but move your chair a little bit away from the crib. Repeat this the following night. Keep repeating it until you are out the door.

It'll take a few nights and maybe this weekend will be the perfect time for you since it's a long weekend. That way, you and your hubby can take turns and use the days to catch up on sleep with naps.

One more bit of advice, don't leave him in his bed to cry-it-out. I believe this breaks your child's trust and terrifies them that you won't be there for them. Unfortunately, we tried this with our daughter and she began having night terrors immediately afterwards. It took us forever to calm her down and assure her that we would never leave her.

This is all the advice I can give you. We didn't start the process with our daughter until she was much older which made the process last longer but we've finally done it.

Good Luck,
K.

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J.S.

answers from San Antonio on

I went through the same thing. Now when my kids are sick, instead of bringing them to my bed I either sit with them in the recliner until they go back to sleep then I put them back in bed or, we both sleep there together. I've even made a bed for myself on their floor. I just make sure my bed isn't an option for them. Sure, I have a bad night of sleep sometimes but it is better than having to retrain them everytime they get sick.

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R.C.

answers from Austin on

I got a sidecar bed for my boy and we co-sleep that way so he has his own space. Everybody sleeps better that way.

We recently got him his own toddler bed and he took to it like a fish to water. - Granted it is still in our bedroom, but it is his own bed. He is 21 months now.

I just don't see a need to leave my child crying and feeling abandoned when they are this little.

If you follow Dr. Sears you will learn that letting them stay with you when they are little does not mean they are going to still be sleeping in your bed when they start school.

They are only little once. I believe that all the cuddling and co-sleeping encourages him to be trusting of me and confident in himself as he grows.

This has not hampered my sex life with DH. We put a baby monitor in our room and when DS is asleep we go in another room for romance.

Really, check out Dr Sears - www.askdrsears.com

There are other parenting techniques out there and you don't have to let your baby cry!

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L.H.

answers from Killeen on

Hi T.,
let him cry he has you trained and he knows it ,if he crys long enough you'll come get him DON't if you knpow for sure he's ok close is door almost all the way and it may take a while but the circle will break
L.

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M.K.

answers from San Antonio on

My daughter slept well as a newborn but that did not last long. She is 20 months old now and I just recently buckled down and set a bed time. The first night she cried for over an hour and even threw up! The second night she cried for 15 minutes. The third night she cried for 30 seconds, and the fourth night and all nights after she did not cry at all. If I would have known it would be that easy I would have done this a long time ago. Sometimes she wakes up in the middle of the night. I usually let her cry, or sometimes I just go in to comfort her. Last night I did bring her in my bed but that is no longer the norm. I think you need to just be persistent. It may take several nights of going in his room and comforting him but if you give in every time he will know that all he has to do is cry for a while and he will get what he wants. You'll have some sleepless nights at first but I think in the long run it is worth the effort.

K.N.

answers from Austin on

I don't agree with the idea of ignoring a crying child. I think it takes a hit on the development of self-confidence and self assurance. Plus, there were several occasions when my daughter woke up crying because her arm/leg was stuck in the crib slats or she was sick (you need to know why your child is crying; don't assume the reasons--no matter what time it is). However I think you need to end bringing him to your bed--immediately. Ideally you should put him in his crib.. if he wakes up, go in & check on him, reassure him that mama/dada are there and responsive, but don't take him out of the crib... leave, wait 5-10 minutes, go in a check on him, leave... wait another interval of time, check, leave, etc. He will eventually fall asleep. In the beginning of this transition phase, you might have to rock him back to sleep *in his room* to get him used to falling asleep there. But you definitely DO NOT want him to harden this habit because it will be 10x harder to break at 15 months and/or after he turns 2.

And I don't encourage the idea of putting him to sleep on a bed in your room. Again, he needs to develop the ability to fall asleep on his own. And your marriage needs your bedroom to be an adult area.

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L.P.

answers from San Antonio on

I know it maybe hard but you really need to let him cry it out. Go in & rub his back from time to time, but don't pick him up. If listening to him cry is too hard you may need to leave for a night & let your husband deal with it. A friend of mine had to do that, her husband finally said go I'll deal with it. Like most men he could sleep through anything! It took 2 nights of her sleeping in the van, but it worked. I learned from her not to let my daughter sleep with us. Good luck! God Bless.

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S.P.

answers from Houston on

Leave him in his room to cry, otherwise you are teaching him that is how to get his way. I have a 3 1/2 yr old and believe me if you don't start teaching them now then when they get older they will walk all over you with those tears. It is harder on you than on him. He will stop and I know now from experience. If you don't have a night light and soft music that might help too.

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S.M.

answers from San Antonio on

YES YOU HAVE! Sorry but it's true! we as parents sometimes take the easy way out, it's a lack of self discipline really, and it creates a bad habit in the child who will not let you forget that you made the rules, when you decided to let him sleep with you because it was easier for you! Now you have to re-make the rules, and it won't be easy! there will be some loss of sleep until the new rule is accepted! you have to have a stronger will than your child! That's some Nanny 911 advice! Yes I watch that show and I can tell you this is exactly what Nanny 911 would tell you. Good luck, sleep is coming but not neccisarily any time real soon! Be strong, hold out for the greater good for you and your child and your dear husband, whom I am sure would like to reclaim your bed as an adult only zone!

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L.B.

answers from Killeen on

Hi T.! Wow, have I been there?! But, I can tell you that there is hope! My daughter did the same thing after she got RSV at about 3 months old. I was so worried about her breathing during this terrible virus that I let her sleep in bed with us. After a few weeks I tried putting her back in her crib for naps and at bedtime and she would scream. I have to say that I tried just about everything and I would get so frustrated that I would eventually give in. Bad mistake. Finally, I stayed consistent. She would cry a bit at first, but then the crying stopped. I will, however, encourage you to put him to bed when he is sleepy, NOT asleep. When I waited until she was asleep to put her to bed, she would either immediately wake up or would wake up later on and be scared and cry all over again. My dr. suggested the 'patting back' thing to get her to sleep, but for my daughter it didn't work. If I was there, she was bound and determined to scream! I also have some music going and a small lamp on for her. Not sure if your little one uses a pacifier, but I put my daughters pacifiers in the freezer. Then, when it was time for bed I would grab a pacifier, lay her in her crib with her music and mobile going and give her the pacifier and immediately leave the room. It took a few nights, but it eventually worked! Consistently is the key. Now, she loves her crib and takes two 2 hour naps and sleeps through the night just fine. Hang in there, it will happen. Don't feel that you are alone in this, just about every Mom has been there!!

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S.W.

answers from Houston on

Hi T.,
I am sorry I am so late in responding...Don't let your baby CIO. A baby 10 1/2 months old does not have the cognitive ability to manipulate as some others have suggested. Try putting your baby to sleep on his tummy. By now he can roll over on his tummy anyway. Our first baby (we have three children) was a terrible sleeper. She slept with us until she was 2 1/2 years. That was the only way we were all able to sleep. You have not "ruined" your baby, especially since he is sick! Do what is right for you, whether you sleep with your baby or put him in his crib. But please do not let your baby CIO. It is dangerous. One time when I tried letting your baby "soothe" herself back to sleep (which is actually ignoring your babies cries), I checked on her and her leg was caught in the slat (even though our crib is code). One time she had spit up and had urp all over the back of her head. Another time, her diaper was completely soaked. My point is that babies cry for a reason. Your natural maternal instinct to respond to your baby is correct. I don't want to scare you, but I read an article in Parents Magazine about a mother who let her son CIO, and it wasn't good. He is no longer with us. If your baby sleeps on his tummy, I believe that will help. We also moved the crib to our bedroom. Hope some of these ideas help! Good Luck!

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P.D.

answers from San Antonio on

The best way to deal with that situation is allowing him to cry but going in his room periodically to comfort him. Start out with every 5 minutes, then move it to 10 minutes, then 15, etc.. The first night start with incriments of 5 minutes, then 10, then 15. The second night start with 10 minutes, then 15 then 20. Every night move it 5 more minutes later. Also, always have the same bedtime routine, which it sounds like you do already. You want him to know you are there but he must sleep in his own bed. My husband and I did this for our daughter who is getting ready to turn 2. She slept with us until she was 13 months old and then we did this procedure and now, she refuses to sleep with us. She wants her own bed. Believe me, you will all sleep so much better. It will only take about 3 nights, if that. The older they are, the longer it takes. It's extremely hard to do because he will be almost hysterical and you will probably cry as well, but it is worth it in the end!

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