I have a 1 year old little boy. He has been a self soother all of his life. He has a strict shedule that I follow that consists of bedtime at 9:45 and 3 naps a day.
I would put him in his crib and he would put himself down. (I didn't mind helping him to go down but he would get upset the more I tried and would relax when I left the room. He chose to put himself down) Just recently I pulled a muscle in my back and wasn't able to lift him for 1 month. I was able to hold him if he was given to me, I fed him ect.
When I was well enough to start holding him again, he became needy (which I understood) but then needed me to rock him to sleep EVERY time he went down. SOmetimes it takes over an hour to put him down b/c I'm there to play on and jump on ect.. It's physically wearing and I'm getting frustrated. He was fine and now he needs me around the clock. He also independantly played and now screams "Ma Ma MA" all day long. It's hard to put him down at all!!
I do not believe in letting children "cry it out" I think it breaks the trust betweent and parent and child. I'm ok with allowing him to whine for a few minutes so that instant gratificaiton through whining constantly doesn't becomes a pattern.
PLEASE HELP! the CONSTANT yelling of "ma ma ma MA MA MA " and non stop requirement of CONSTANT holding is driving me NUTS!! ANY suggestion would be gratley appreciated! Thanks and I hope to hear from all of you soon!
Thank you ALL SOOO much for all of your good advice and supportive words. I am overwhelmed at the wisdom and time that you responded with.
Aidan is a different baby now! He is now down to 1-2 naps a day (as suggested) and is much happier. Part of the yelling was teething pain and the need for more of my attention (which he expressed through "ma ma ma")
This is how I gave/give him that attention that he was "asking" for:
I started just getting down to his level and talking/holding his hand instead of picking him up all the time and this worked like a charm. He simply needed a little more mommy time/attention. He is now able to play alone again and I am able to have some normality agian!
As for putting him down:
He doesn't cry all the time or need me there to rock him for 1-2 hours any more! I took your advice and broke this behavior by placing him in his crib when he would jump on me rather then quieting down. WHen he cried, I would take him out and try again. I continued this until he learned to get his last bit of nervous energy out in the crib. (not through crying but by babbling alone) He now goes down on my chest in a matter of minutes. I have regained sanity!!
The big revelation:
came when I realized (with your help) that I couldn't fix it with holding, feeding, changing ect.. that it was developmental and normal. Once this was realized I simply accepted and adjusted to it rather than trying to fight and change it.
I can't thank you enough for your words of wisdom and expertise! It's nice to know I don't have to go through this alone:) I feel sane again! God bless you all :)
The separation anxiety seems normal enough. I think you should focus on tweaking the routine- most one year olds take one to two naps a day. Maybe you should give him an earlier bed time and cut out some of the nap time. I'll bet you will see an improvement in the behavior if he is tired and actually ready to sleep. The remainder of the problem he will outgrow. You seem like a good mom- I know it is difficult but this too will pass.
Maybe his ears or teeth are bothering him? The abruptness of it all sounds like how my daughter acted when whe had pain.
However, I think it is more likely a normal developmental thing - some separation anxiety and some maturity in realizing he can use his voice very effectively to get what he wants. My daughter wanted to be held all the time from about 13-18 months... and the whining really kicked into high gear around then.
I'm afraid that I don't have much advice. Just don't blame yourself because of the back issue, this was probably coming anyway. It sounds like you are doing all the right things in terms of encouraging trust and security. I guess I would suggest continuing to rock him to sleep at night. But during the day, try not to pick him up in response to screaming. Get down to his level, look him in the eye, talk to him, hold his hand, distract him with a toy, etc. But don't pick him up each time. As he enters toddlerhood, you need to think about how you want him to learn to talk to you, and screaming nonstop is not the way!! You are trying to teach him more mature self coping skills.
I found this age a hard adjustment, because you have spent their whole lives catering to their every whim, feeding on demand, reacting to every little sound. Then all of a sudden you realize that your child has learned to manipulate you. It is not naughty, it is just part of this age. He is starting to really test his power over you, so you need to start reacting to him like he is a little person and not a little baby. I am not saying to ignore him - and you cannot spoil a kid this age - do comfort him - but make sure he knows that you simply can't hold him continuously. That's reality and he needs to play independently a little bit and he needs to self-sooth. You just need to help him get over this bump in the road.
As much as it drive you nuts, he may just do this for a while. Once you get the daytime calmed down a bit, then you can worry about nights. I would just hate to see nightime become a battleground that could impact his sleeping. The only thing Iwould say about nighttimeis to not let him play on you at bedtime. If he sits in you lap chattering, fine - shush him, do't talk back, etc. But not jumping around and climbing on you. If that is going on, I would plop him down or pull him away from you and say "night-night, quiet time." He can't begin to associate bedtime with play or it will just make matters worse. Maybe have someone else put him to bed for awhile or wear him out at the playground in the late afternoon.
Sounds like that one month of recovery was just enough time for Aidan to worry that something serious had happened. He could be just seeking reassurance that you are there because he doesn't understand fully that you were ill temporarily and unable to respond to his needs without assistance. Be patient. Once he trusts that you are always there for him, again, he'll probably go back to being your independent little guy. You'll be tired. It might take longer to get him back to that state of confidence; but try to reassure him with your presence, and maintain a sense of consistency as much as possible. But, give yourself a window of time so that you don't get exhausted. Say, maybe a few weeks, or a month. If nothing changes, he might be just growing and testing his (and your) boundaries. Research best ways to deal with that based on your child's temperament. My daughter, though younger, had a more moderate temperament than my son and was easier to ween away from me than he was. I also was home for my daughter while my son was in daycare at a very young age. Best wishes to you.
You could try verbally soothing him rather than holding him. We tried crying it out with our daughter and it worked until she was able to crawl around her crib. Now,after our nighttime routine, she is put into her crib and I sit next to her in the rocking chair and read. If she becomes upset I tell her it is okay. I don't make eye contact and I speak to her only for a second and if she is really upset. This way she knows I am here for her but she also gets that she's got to go to bed. This has worked well for us. You could modify this to teach your son not to scream Ma Ma all day by placing him on the floor, moving out of his reach, but still soothing him verbally. This would be sort of a compromise between crying it out and soothing for him. Just an idea...
Good luck!
I do think you were doing the right thing by doing a routine for sleeping but it seems like it has been broken. I would establish a new "routine" for him. I don't think he needs 3 naps. He should be taking a nap in the morning and one in the afternoon and then a regular bedtime. I do agree with you about not letting him cry out because it does break a trust barrier. I read 3 books to my kids every night they get 3 songs and then I put them in bed. I have had a lot more trouble with my daughter than my son but overall, she follows the routine well. As for the mama, mama all day long....souonds like your son is just going through a phase that will pass. enjoy all the attention you are getting....boys are active so it won't last. Before you know it, he will be breezing by you with no more than a "hi".
S.
My daughter went through that phase too. It'll pass, but it's important you be there for him when he needs you so that he can feel reassured. That's what he needs now.
I don't remember how long it lasted for us... probably a week or so.
Hang in there,
~L.
Sounds like he needs to transition to 2 naps. When he gets tired, he will crash. It sounds like with three naps, he's just not sleepy, so he wants to interact with you.
You probably should try cutting down to 2 naps a day. It's quite possiible that some of the yelling happens because he's just not tired for one of those naps. Unfortunately at this age kid's nap schedules are constantly changing--it can be hard to keep up with the changes! My kids and most of the kids of my friends were even down to one long nap by 1 1/2 years. Good luck!
sounds like he is overtired. I would cut the third nap and move his bedtime up to around 730.
I would try cutting back on the naps during the day. 3 naps for a 1 year old may be a bit much. Perhaps combine them into one long nap? It could be that he has just found the 'button to push'. Is he walking? Perhaps he's just bored with his playpen.
My 18m old was like your son. I could put her down if she was a bit tired and walk away. Now, if she hears the slightest sound or sees the hall light, she thinks its play time. The last few nights, I walk her around the house and show her how brother and Daddy are asleep so we need to be quiet and sleep. Then she goes right down, but if she thinks she's missing something, she wants to be part of it.
You said that you messed up your back. When you try to get out of the chair when you hold him, is it different then before? You lean one way, or sort of put him down and lean forward...etc. That simple change could be part of the cause. Try doing the routine while standing and see if it helps.
M.
I'd take him to the Pediatrician and just double check for an ear infection or something that may bother him. Did you switch to cow's milk recently? Any other environmental change? Good luck!
Teach him how to hump. That will relax him.
Hi A.,
Have your child screened to see what is the problem. website is: www.infantva.org
Join a parent support group and take some parenting classes to help you learn about your children as they grow.
website is: www.kidspriorityone.org
Good luck. Hope this helps. D.
I think he is outgrowing his 3 naps.
Try one longer nap in the afternoon say from 1-3pm.
You also can't hold him every minute. You might try telling him that when you sit in a specific chair, it's snuggle time. Read a book when you have snuggle time - He will enjoy it very much!
YMMV
LBC
