1 Year Old Play Dates Going Bad

Updated on March 04, 2007
A.K. asks from Poway, CA
12 answers

I have a friend with a child almost the same age as mine.. 1 1/2 and her daughter always seems to push/hit/take toys to my daughter. I know this is normal for this age, but I feel like that mom should intervene and say.. "no pushing" etc. she doesn't, she just says, "oh well, she's one" The whole play date, i am comforting my daughter and trying to get another toy to distract her. Then the other child takes it. I have since stopped play dates, since they are not fun for either of us. What do other moms do in these situations?

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answers from Los Angeles on

You were right in stopping the play dates! Mother's should kindly intervine. In a recent parenting class I took, We were told that just because kids are a certin age, doesn't mean we don't have to instruct them on how to behave. That mother saying "oh, she is one", is just giving her child an excuse to misbehave...

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answers from Richland on

I would talk with the mom. She needs to know that it isn't just "being one", and why you have stopped the playdates. If you have another play time, you may have to be the one to intervene and say no pushing, maybe then she will follow your lead. Sometimes it's the parent that needs the initiative, not the child.
Good luck!



answers from Portland on

I usually don't stay if the other child is not acting ok. I just tell the other mom that maybe we can come back when she is in a better mood. It is normal for kids to act like that, BUT it is NOT OK for it to continue to be 'allowed' behavior. They won't learn if they are not taught.

Hopefully you can find another play date that might have other siblings. It might help.



answers from San Diego on

I'm glad you mentioned that you stopped the playdates. "Being one" is no excuse for the other mother to not step in and teach her child that hurting soemone else is wrong. In this situation I'd do exactly like you did. If you want to socialize your daughter I'd look into a Mommy and Me class. I know San Marcos has quite a few. I'm thinking the Y in Esco has some too. I think "group" playdates with parent interaction are better than one on one at this age anyway. Good luck.



answers from Medford on

While it may be true that a 1 1/2 year old doesn't quite grasp the concept of not hitting/pushing and sharing that doesn't mean her mother should not be saying anything. That is how they learn, through repeptition of correct behavior. I agree that you should have just stopped going if it was becoming unpleasant for you and your daughter. If your friend is unwilling to teach her daughter manners than you should be unwilling to go over there. Harsh, but that's my feeling. As for playdates, I wouldn't worry so much about socializing your daughter right now. Studies say socializing with other children is really unnecessary until about age 3. So I wouldn't stress about finding other children for yours to play with - if someone right comes along then that's great, by all means visit with them (it's good for you at least and can't hurt), if not, no worries until preschool when she's 3.



answers from Sacramento on

I would explain to the other mom why you have stopped the play dates. Put her in your shoes. If your child was being a bully to her daughter, would she want you to try and teach your daughter the proper way to go about things such as getting a toy? I would definatly say something to her. Explain that unless she starts reprimanding her daughter for being naughty, you would rather not be around them. You could also mention that you wouldn't want your daughter learning any of her bad behavior.



answers from Austin on

I highly agree with the advice everyone has given you. :)
I've also read MANY times from the experts that your child really doesn't NEED to play with kids her own age 'til she is around 3 years old. Mostly, kids under that age, if put with other kids will just play by themselves anyway.
I would just wait on the playdates. All she needs is her family right now. :)
Good luck!



answers from Las Vegas on

The other mom might be saying that this is typical behavior of a 1 1/2 year old however she should be attempting to teach her child appropriate behavior (even at this age). My son is very forward sometimes and will take toys from other kids and I tell him that he is not to do that and he needs to give it back. (My son is almost 2). I understand that you are in a difficult situation because it is hard to confront someone about their parenting style. I don't think I would be able to outwardly say "You need to tell your kid to stop it and control them." It's embarassing in a way. I'm sure she has got the hint since you no longer participate in play dates. If she asks what's wrong then maybe I would tell her. Good Luck!



answers from Fresno on

I would have done what you did - stopped the play dates. That behavior is unacceptable and is the child doesn't learn it now, then when?

I agree that playdates aren't a necessity now. At this age, children don't "play" together, they mirror each other. My daughter (almost 2-1/2) is just now getting into playing with other kids.

You're doing a great job, mom!



answers from Los Angeles on

I think because of running a Home Daycare I'm a bit more pushy in this area. I would gently tell the other child that it is not nice to take things from others and ask her to give the toy back to your daughter. If this doesn't work then repeat what you said and then "Help" her give it back. Of course this really only works if you are comfortablt enough with the other parent to do this.
Unfortunately a lot of parents have this, "Oh well their one" attitude. What they fail to understand is that it is their Responsibility to set the guidelines and teach their child what is right and wrong. Good Luck!



answers from Seattle on

I'd have stopped the playdates as well! I think it's useless to tell the other mother why, because she has made it clear that to her, your child's feelings don't matter. If she asks, then I would say something, but I've usually found that unsolicited advice just makes others grumpy. My son is 15 months, and doesn't do much interacting when in a group of kids, he participates, but in his own way. It's perfectly normal for them to play side by side, but not directly with each other.



answers from Seattle on

If I can remember, I think that happened w/ me also. And I think that I read somewhere that children really don't interact in play w/ each other until they are a little older.They will play among others, but not with them in something engaging.
Good luck with it.

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