Okay all you moms I thought after nursing my 1st son for a year I'd have this down pat, but I am at a loss and struggling with BF my newest son. We had problems in the hospital with him refusing to latch & not sucking at all. He was what I called just plain stubborn. In fact he didn't eat the 1st 24hrs and they made me supplement w/ formula before I was able to leave the hospital.
At home once my milk came in and after 10-30 mins of me trying to get him to latch he did nurse adequately. Now my problem is I've become a human pacifier. He flat out refuses to take a binkie. With having a 21 month old to take care of in addition to this guy I'm at a loss. I can't have him at my breast 24-7. Just recently it seems he's also using it to fall asleep, and unfortunately just like his brother they really fight falling asleep. So after trying everything under the sun to calm him down, I cave and go ahead and just co-sleep and let him suckle all night long. He refuses to take anything other than my breast, and at night I can deal with it, but during the day its just too hard with taking care of my toddler too. He will take my pinkie but with the flu and stuff going around I'm just not comfortable continuing that. And to top it off I'm having such a hard time reading this lil' guys cues. He makes the same cry, and rooting reflex when he's hungry, gassy, tired and when he needs to pass a BM. So I'm constantly puttin' him to the boob, sometimes he'll eat other times he just wants to suckle...Ugg I'm tired and need any advice out there from second time mom's? Is there anyway to get him to take a pacifier? If this was my 1st I wouldn't be so worried I'd just let him nurse. But find myself feeling like I'm cheating my 1st out of time w/ Mommy? I'm hopin' this will pass. Thanks for letting me vent, but truly lookin for some other option!!
FYI: As of right now this lil' guy hates the swing, but so did his brother(even at 20 months he won't get in a swing) so that's not a shocker to me and just recently he's started resenting the Moby wrap, which was my lifesaver until these past few weeks. I've tried different positions but to no avail. Maybe this will soon pass too. I've tried the bouncy seat etc. when I say everything under the sun...I've tried everything. He just wants to nurse and be held..which is fine if I had nothing else to do :)
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My youngest daughter did that as well. She wouldn't take the binkies that my other daughter had liked, but finally I tried another brand of binkie that was more like a human nipple (Gerber orthodontic) and she took to it. It was a life saver, because like you, my older daughter was a young toddler, so she had me very busy. Good luck!
With my 1st son we tried every pacifier sold with no luck. He either wanted a boob or a finger. This made him a lazy nurser though. We could spend 45min nursing and he'd only get 3oz! When my 2nd son was born a friend offered her hospital-issued Soothie pacifier (still in the wrapping). Since it was the only one we hadn't tried with #1 we tried it with #2 and miraculously he loved it. He was a REALLY oral baby - gained a pound in his first 9days and was 20lbs by 6mos - on breastmilk alone. I can only imagine what size he'd have been if he didn't have that Soothie to suck on in-between "meals"! Here's to hoping you find the right paci!
Hi Amy,
My first born did this to me. My mom helped me "teach" my son how to suck the pacifier. First, we had to buy a "sample pack" of pacifiers because you never know which kind your baby prefers. Mine wanted the squarish-nipple like his platex bottle, but we couldn't find one, so the old-fashioned regular playtex nipple was the closest. Because it was not the "perfect nipple form" he had a hard time taking the pacifier.....
To train your son to take the pacifier, simply put one in his mouth and gently hold it in there AND gently and medium-paced rub his cheek (like on a woman's lower blush line). He will fight it, but keep trying. this will take a couple of days of consistency to get him to learn how to use the pacifier to soothe himslef. Eventually, he will use it for a little while then need help putting it back in :O)
I hope that gives you some insight. Good luck!
Congratulations on your growing family!
~N. :O)
I have a 4 month old (my third son) and he did this to me for the first month or so. When I realized he was no longer nursing just suckling for comfort I would break the latch and lay him down or put him in the swing. Which helped a lot. Sometimes it seemed like he would want to nurse again right away, but again as soon as I knew he was no longer nursing I would take him off the breast.
Yes, there were days and nights he literally was on the boob all day, and when he was first born I didn't mind so much, but I still have two other boys 6 and 4 and although they can occupy themselves still need mommy time too. He doesn't like the pacifier, but on occasion I can get him to take it. Usually I will have to hold it in is mouth while he makes faces and eventually suckles it, but then sometimes he'll just spit it right back out. He is not fussy from not getting to suckle mommy all day. He has learned that I feed him and I get done what I need to do. Now when he is done eating he will pop himself off the breast and just lay there or go to sleep.
I co-sleep and he will only wake up to nurse now. He does use the breast to go to sleep and that is one thing that I am starting to work on getting him to comfort himself into sleep.
I hope this helps!
What type of binkie have you offered? My girls will ONLY, have ONLY ever taken the brown Nuk nippled pacifiers. Maybe warm the nipple in slightly hot/warm water and even try a drop of breast milk before offering? When he has fallen asleep maybe try substituting at that point. Also try snuggling closely with your warm breast against his face while offering the pacifier that is also warm. I had to do something similar when weaning my daughter... she took milk straight from the fridge all day and even at night, but not her last feeding that I offered breast milk. She wanted the warmth. Once she got it she never looked back. Good luck!
Yes, Amy, this will pass, but it probably feels like forever to you right now. Especially when you're overextended and feeling stressed.
Dr. Harvey Karp, author of The Happiest Baby on the Block, calls the first 3 months "the 4th trimester." At one month, your baby is still completely dependent on you, and his behavior is for the most part completely instinctual and automatic. He's not "stubborn," he's just doing the only thing he knows in order to get his emotional and physical needs met.
Get yourself some help, if possible, to help you carry that little guy around AND take turns keeping big bro happily occupied. Help can be anyone patient and nurturing: Daddy, family member, high school kid, friendly neighbor. Try wearing the baby while doing chores, but do as few chores as possible for awhile. You'll eventually get time to catch up.
Some babies never accept pacifiers; they are just less oral. But you can try other ways to soothe or distract him when he seems restless and starts rooting. Most babies respond well to surprisingly vigorous swinging or bouncing. When combined with a loud swooshing sound (vacuum cleaners and hair dryers can be employed for this) and belly-contact with a warm human, babies can often be relaxed into a nap or a mellow time of just taking in their surroundings.
He will fall into a more predictable routine in coming weeks, and you will learn to read each other better as he keys in more and more to the world around him. Until then, be patient with him and yourself. It's completely natural to wish you were through this stage. And it will be completely natural to wish it back after it passes.
I feel for you My sons are 20 months apart too, I just think your littler guy is so little and maybe him being able to take a pacifier is too hard for him this young, Try swaddling, or wearing your baby in a sling or carrier so your hands are free to spend time with your toddler, also know that this will pass, your infant will grow and not need constant nursing or mama care soon and sleep better and maybe even take a pacifier, but for now let him have the nipple
good luck
Do remember he's tiny, tiny - only a month old. A second child is almost always very different from #1. You can read to #1 while nursing #2 - let everything go that you possibly can. Don't be surprised that everything isn't ironed out by only one month. Best of luck.
Wow, that sounds incredibly frustrating. I hope when my 2nd comes in about a month I won't have similar problems!
Ordinarily, I don't suggest this book because I disagree with a lot of the philosophy and dislike the tone of the book, but have you looked at Babywise? They really really advocate feeding and sleeping on a pretty strict schedule. I didn't follow all of their advice (by far) with my first, but I did try to establish a basic feeding pattern of nursing her about every three hours when she was very young.
If your son is healthy and was born full term, you might try feeding him more-or-less by the clock. It helped to keep me sane and I didn't have a 21 month old to look after at that time either!
Good luck to you!!
A.
of course the fist word of advice is to be patient, because those first few months are so disorienting for everyone! i also relate to the needier second son, and i can tell you my boy just turned one and sometimes i feel like i am still a pacifier. sounds like your boy could use some sling time. i recommend the maya wrap -- its an unpadded ring sling. get comfortable with it when he is young and it will be priceless. right now my boy is so active and excited he is mastering walking, and his dad can settle him to sleep with cuddles, but he writhes and wiggles with me, wants to nurse but doesnt settle. 5-10 minutes in the sling rocking in the chair and he is out. if you have the dr sears book, he shows you how to use it with the baby upright. many kids resist laying int he sling, but if you get chest to chest with them and tighten down, you can have neck support, sooth a fussy belly, settle to sleep, and still push your older boy on a swing or make a simple meal. good luck to you.
I have a 5 month old and was in your exact same position 4 months ago!! I had a lot of the same feelings. You are doing a great job!! It's a huge adjustment but it will get easier (or maybe I should say different)...My little guy never did take a pacifier--I discovered that he wasn't a "suck-to-soothe" baby. Dispite the fact that I felt I was nursing 24/7, when my husband and I started using other techniques, like rocking in a chair or holding him upright (like in a baby carrier) he was very soothed by that. He's still a great nurser, but only nurses to eat really (that started at about 10 weeks). Good luck and know your boys are very fortunate to have a hard-working, caring mommy take care of them :)
Oh girl, I feel your pain! My son is now 4 1/2 mos old, and I can honestly say that this child is far needier than my first.
My son is a mama's boy, and for the first two months of his life if he wasn't on the booby he was wailing. So, at his 2 week appointment his regular pediatrician was out of town, and we saw who ever was available. She walked in the room, looked at me and said "Wow, you look really tired, I'm guessing he isn't sleeping." Umm, thanks? So, after hating her for the first five or so minutes that she was in the room she actually offered up some real life advice. She said to pump a little bit after each feeding, try to get 4 or so ounces, and have his dad give him a bottle of breast milk at whatever you expect his last feeding of the night to be. Thank goodness this worked for me, at least for a few hours. I still spent a good amount of time at night with one breast out, but, at least I was getting some sleep, and, with the bottle I was able to get four un-interrupted hours of blessed sleep (he eats every two hours, even now.)
As for feeling like you are cheating the big boy out of mommy time I can also attest to this. I felt like every time my daughter walked down the stairs there mommy was with Cam on her booby. At one point she even started sitting next to me and "breast feeding" one of her dolls. My mom chimed in with some valuable advice, and said to have a stack of books next to you wherever you nurse (I chose the couch), and while you are feeding the baby have big sissy in my case, read to the baby and you. Since your big boy is still pretty young, try having him hold the book and you say the words. You definitely can't feel guilty reading to the kids! Then, if daddy is home, leave the baby with him for 20 or so minutes and take big brother to the park, on a walk, out back, or my personal fav, Starbucks, just anything that gives you two alone time. :)
This was definitely not easy though. No matter what I did I always seemed to be stuck in a guilt trap. I felt guilty for not paying enough attention to Reese because I was feeding Cam so much, then when I would not pay attention to Cam to play with Reese I felt guilty, and time to myself? Oh man, I felt like the police were looking for me! Don't feel guilty, you'll be a pro at this two kid thing in no time, actually, probably around the time you are getting ready for baby number 3 :S....
I feel like I have completely ignored your original question, oh the binky. My son hated it, and he REALLY wanted his thumb. Not working for me. In my head I decided that you can always take away a binky, but you might get arrested for lobbing your sons thumb off. So, in the interest of paying for fewer years of braces in the coming years, I have elected the binky. Reese (the older one) was born loving the binky, her and avent were best friends, and mam as she got older. But then there was Cam, who absolutely refused anything but a booby. I got fed up one day and headed to Babies R Us (eww, its all about diapers.com now!) and literally bought every brand and style of pacifier they had. So, $100 and 20 styles of pacifiers later we finally found one that worked! :) Originally it was the Natursutten that he would take, but of course they are incredibly expensive, and only come in a 1 pack. So, I was able to get him to switch to the avent. Even now he still isn't loving it, but I can put it in his mouth and tap the center gently and quickly and he will take it.
Eventually I had to wean down the breast feeding to only morning and night because I couldn't handle the guilt. In my experience feeding a baby every two hours isn't feasible when you have an older one. Good luck, and hopefully this novel that I have offered up has a little bit of usable advice!
