When Your Life Calling Changes

Your struggle sounds very similar to my own. But the pressure to go back to work was based on need (my husband was unemployed for 1 1/2 years) rather than want. Two things have helped me toward a happy medium. First, I have been learning to balance my routines through the Flylady (www.flylady.net). She helps bring peace to the CHAOS that rules the home through carefully thought out routines (lots of planning ahead!) and a commitment to quieting the voice of the perfectionist in all of us. Second, I admitted that committing to a job as a full-time teacher would bring with it the inability to do my best as a mom and a teacher. So I've been starting a career as a developmental therapist with the early intervention program. This requires some training toward a certificate (in North Carolina, anyways), but can be done while you work. You work through an agency (who you choose) but can make your own schedule with your clients. You seen young children (from birth to 3 years olds) who have been assessed by your state's government agency for children. The beauty of this program is that you seen one child at a time, focusing on their goals for an hour. You are part of a support network for the child and his or her family as the team figures out how to get the child to reach his or her full potentional. (My son has gone through this program, and I have been SO thankful for the professionalism and the kindness shown by everyone!) Perks include: flexibility (you create your own schedule), one-on-one time with each child, someone else does the evaluating, being able to use my creativity when finding ways to reach a child (which was such a small part of managing a classroom and following a set curriculum), and the hourly rate can be quite decent. Cons include: you are (usually) not paid for your travel, no benefits, there's no guarantee when you will get clients (picking a good agency helps! - but the children are usually identified near their 2nd birthday, but they 'age out' of the program when they turn 3, so hopefully you see them for a year). It's worth considering. I NEVER thought I would find myself in this situation, but I won't change it for the world. And if I do, eventually, go back to full-time teaching, developmental therapy is a very relevant field to special education. Good luck!

I like your comment about realizing your Mom time equaled your Teacher time in years. For me, the epiphany came when I realized that I had been "with" my husband (between dating & marriage) longer than I had been with my parents. It was truly one of those "Holy C*@p" moments, & it wiped me out!

My husband's heart surgery was shortly after this time. In retrospect, I realize that I had been suffering from depression, suffering from marital stress (my emotions & his buildup to needing surgery, along with pressures of raising a rebellious teen- trying to keep his trials/tribulations from our younger son)....all of this hit the wall when we were hit with the surprise heart surgery.

After returning home on Christmas Eve, I realized that I had not sent our cards. I sat down to write a newsletter, poured my heart into it, & then realized that I could not send it out! There was so much angst & such an onslaught of emotion...that it would have been horribly unfair to burden our friends/family with all that emotional jumk. Instead, I printed out a copy & placed it in my husband's memory journal. When I'm feeling down, all it takes is a quick onceover of the letter to kick me out of my mood!

By recognizing my need to unburden my load, by getting it all out in that letter, & then using that letter as a reminder to "keep my life together"... has been a turning point for me. I know that financially I need to seek employment outside of our home to better prepare for our future of medical needs, I know that my inhome daycare is coming to an end, & I've learned to embrace this next stage in my life. I am still job searching, still running the inhome daycare....but looking to the future.

My cousin has devoted her ife to improving her own spirituality. She recently posted this quote:
Wherever you may be, ask yourself: Are you there as the carrier of your personal history plus your problematic future? Or are you there as aware consciousness, the field of conscious presence looking, perceiving the aliveness, sensing the aliveness that is all around you, even in stones? There's always a choice. (E. Tolle Present Moment Reminder)

To me, this quote represents my future. I am trying very hard to make this my present, too. It is a difficult process, but I truly believe it is an achievable goal. To aid this process, when I met new people-when I confront a new possibility, I mentally throw away the past & try very hard to open myself to a new future. It is challenging!

I used to describe myself as a counter-suggestive person. Ask me something, offer me something....& I'll usually go in the opposite direction! Even if I want what you're offering! With this turnaround, I find that I have more time to be productive, more time to tackle what's been piling up....just as many women "nest" prior to giving birth....I seem to be doing the same in preparation of working outside the home. It also helps that my oldest is independent (for the most part) & my youngest is 13.

As for trying to do it all, I guess that's what I've been trying to do. In many ways, running an inhome daycare has sucked more out of me than I ever knew! Many work days were 10-12 hours, ending just as my son's activities were beginning. There were many nights when we left at 6pm & didn't return until almost 9! Would I change my past....NO, this job which I chose provided my sons with the opportunity to have Mom at home before/after school. & it provided us with a much-needed income to boot!

If you're lucky, you realize that life is about choices. If you're really lucky, then you realize that the scope of life changes moment to moment...& if you're blessed, you embrace each of those moments!

Wow, that was a great article! I am also a teacher (on my second year of leave), and I have already felt like the author many times. Being a teacher is the only profession I ever wanted to be, but since I loved children so much, I also knew I wanted to have my own children. I guess I never realized how difficult it would be to do both. I plan on going back part-time next fall and hope to somehow work it out. It is great to hear that I am not alone in this endeaver, and I wish the author all the best!

What wonderful insight, I loved your story. Yes, I can only imagine how hard it is to teach Kindergarten. I sub in the office and health room a few days a week while my two oldest are in school and my 4 year old daughter goes to my Mom's. But, after working full time with my first two I couldn't do it again while my children are young. There is no such thing as supermom I tried it for a few years and it is impossible, something always falls apart.

Good luck with your search, but it sounds like you are in a good place. :)

Hi Marcy- I totally feel you. I was a stay at home mom for 3 years, decided to become an teacher for two years and now I'm beginning my first year back in the role as stay at home mom once again. I, like you, realized I can't be a great teacher and a great mom. My family and home were suffering. My husband is a teacher, too. We'd barter over who'd stay home with a sick kid- maybe we'd have a lesson that MUST start that day or give a time-sensitive exam (such as final exam). It was tough that I had to make a decision at the end of last spring, to bury the hatchet; but when having to choose family or work it was easy- pick family first.

A thought that helped me put the decision in perspective: When I lay on my bed in the twilight of my life, will I regret not being a teacher or not being a mom and wife with a delightful family?

You have one chance at a family- the one you have right now. You can always return to teaching once your children have taken off, there will always be a new class somewhere where you will be able to make a difference.

I am struck, upon reading this blog and the comments, by the notion of work being work...and by its very nature, work takes us away from our family and uses up our energy. We are paid for our "work" (employment) and thus we feel (rightfully) required to give our best. Yet but by giving our best at work (and our best may be only "good" and not "great" because of the other demands in our life) we have less than 100% to give to our family.

It doesn't matter if your work is a teacher or, as in my case, within the high-tech environment of a software company. Work is work...instead of demanding 5 year olds, I dealt with demanding adults...it's exhausting whatever you do (and believe me, many of those adults are single and have no understanding or respect for what it takes to be a working mom--"I stay until 10:00 pm, why can't she?")...balance and perspective is required regardless...I used to take pride in my ability to multi-task. Now I relish those times when I can FOCUS. Being a mom is one of the hardest things in the world when you cannot stop the world and *just* be a mom.

I don't have any golden nugget of advice on how to make it all work. I'm still figuring it out and when I put one piece together my children reach a new phase. The truth is that there is a HUGE learning curve to being a mom and the ongoing education is intensely continuous. The other truth is that we need to stop looking like super moms to the outside world because we're putting too much pressure on each other to perform.

And now I need to go get my almost-2-year-old out of the kitchen sink...when did she learn to pull the chair over and climb on up and play in the water. Another new phase...Yikes!

I can definitely relate to your post. I was a teacher for 11 years. I became a mom during the last 2 years and was lucky enough to find a part time teaching job that paid enough to allow me the extra time at home. I still felt the guilt of leaving my child at daycare while I went to teach other people's children every day. I was irritable and didn't do either job as well as I had hoped. The shift from teacher to teacher/Mom was extremely stressful. When our son was 1.5 years old we moved back to my husband's home state and I was able to stay at home. The shift from teacher/Mom to stay at home Mom was stressful too but I was able to become comfortable in my new role. Now I find myself looking forward and wondering what the future holds for us. Our son will begin school soon and I should be heading back to work. I'm not sure if teaching will work for me anymore so I am trying to figure out what my next role will be. Best of luck in finding what steadies the scale for your family.

I certainly understand your struggle. Before I had children, I was very focused on building a career. Once I had my children, my priorities changed. Like you, I was blessed to be able to become a stay-at-home mom. Once my children started school, I started subbing. I eventually went back to school to get my masters, and am slowly working my way back into a career, but my priorities still lye with my children. I am only willing to work part-time hours, during the hours my children are in school, so that I can still be available to them.