Photo by: CJ Sorg

When Should Kids Get Trophies?

by Gigi of "KludgyMom"
Photo by: CJ Sorg

I’ve been thinking about trophies. Think back to your own childhood, be it 5 years ago or, like mine, 30 or so years ago. For what sorts of activities did you get trophies or awards?

I grew up in the south suburbs of Chicago. I played slow pitch softball for a few years as a kid, and got nothing the first year because the Calumet Park Oranges softball team was really not very good. The second year, we won first or second place and got a trophy that I still have to this day. It was fun, and it was a big deal to us.

Moving on to high school…I played tennis and was extremely over-involved in other artsy-fartsy sorts of activities. I have no trophies or awards from choir, the numerous plays I was in, or any of that stuff. I have junior and varsity letters for tennis. But that’s it.

Point is: we only got trophies if we WON something.

Nowadays, it seems that kids get trophies merely for showing up. Every kid has to get something – or at least the parents feel that every kid has to get something. My son, who is almost 7, has 6 trophies in his room and he has yet to actually win anything. He loves his trophies and they were an obvious boost to his self-confidence. But still, the kid has not been the cream of the crop (yet) at soccer, or baseball, or whatnot. No championships, no first place, nothing!

A few months ago, I ran the elementary school talent show. It sounds like a minor project but 170 kids participated in 70 different acts. (Imagine the parent interactions I got to enjoy for the 30 days prior to this fun event). One of the conversations really stuck with me. I had sent an email out to all the parents letting them know that we were not sure what “award” the participants were going to get due to budgetary constraints. At a minimum, kids would get a cool medal with a ribbon, but we were hopeful to be able to afford trophies. For all 170 kids. I got an email back from a parent, saying that if there wasn’t budget for the trophies, that she would personally kick in $100-$200 so that all the kids could have a trophy instead of a medal.

Apparently, a medal was simply insufficient, and not reflective of the children’s effort and/or talent.

I thought, does it really matter that much whether it’s a ribbon or a trophy? Do children really feel entitled to a trophy for an event like this or would they be happy with whatever they received? Are we setting our kids up with perilously low expectations of what constitutes success? My parents raised me to understand that success was fueled by hard work, but did not necessarily EQUAL hard work. Can a feeling of accomplishment and achievement can be purchased with a trophy?
I’d like to hear your thoughts.While I’m happy my kid has some trophies, I can’t help but wonder if Yoda was right…there is no try. Do.

Gigi is a stay-at-home mom who has been involved in all things internet since 1997. Gigi combines her love of cooking with a snarky take on motherhood at her blog, KludgyMom.

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107 Comments

Well we have all heard that one adult that said I never won anything. Lori who made the first comment is right. That just happened to my daughter. Everybody competed in Sunday School for the top bible quizzer, attendance and conduct in the class. Three was chosen. My daughter won and was given a trophy with the other two students. Everybody in the class including the three winners got medals for just making the effort to show up and participating in Sunday School...

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It has gotten insane! Seriously, in the adult world do people get raises just for showing up for work? That's basically the equivalent. Both my sister and I were on a swim team when we were younger. She was a much better swimmer than me and she had Earned quite a few trophies. I had to work hard and finally won a meet and earned my own trophy. I think giving Every child a trophy discourages children from trying harder to acheive a goal.

Every child got a trophy in the show?? That's so indulgent and teaches the children nothing. How will a child ever know that when they grow up and are in the real world, that they have to work hard to succeed and especially for an award? That everyone excels in something and finding that something is hard work. Not everyone excels in everything, but to try is important, even if you don't receive the big prize.

I remember when I first started seeing this trend...

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I agree with Charity, and everyone who pointed out that we need to teach kids that yes, it's important to try your best, but you're not always going to win. That's how the world works. It's good for them to understand that everyone has different strengths, and that they all have value. Also, it doesn't take long for kids to figure out which trophies are earned and which are just 'gimmes'.

I agree. Handing out trophies for everything is just madness. It sets such a low expectation, because even the kids that don't even try get a trophy, so what does that say to the kids that DID try? I think you should earn rewards for trying hard and / or winning, not for being 'in it' only. What moral value does that set for later on? Just because I show up for work every day I DESERVE a raise ? Yeah... right... REAL world doesn't work that way....

When my son first started playing sports and I was introduced to the world of "everyone wins something" I was pretty surprised. In my opportunities to be a team mom/manager I made sure that the end of season "gifts" were something useable: a new soccer ball that all the kids signed, a personalized duffle for their equipment, etc. The kids were just as happy with those things as they were with the trophies...

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I'm coaching my daughter's 4-5-year-olds Instructional Soccer team. One of the parents came up to ask if the girls will be getting trophies at the end of the season. I told him "no" and that I felt they should get either medals or certificates. I am of the belief that you shouldn't get a trophy for just participating. I am planning on getting them either a medal or a certificate and write something that I remember of them (ex. "Best Hustler"; "Best Goal Scorer", etc)...

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AMEN! I have been saying this for years! My oldest is 12, and I have always felt that the awards mean more if EARNED. Yes, they participate, and they take away experience. Certificates, ribbons, and possibly even medals for participation are fine if everyone thinks it's necessary. But I believe only the winners should be awarded the trophies. Self-esteem is not diminished by not getting a trophy.

Gigi,
I think it depends on the intent of the program and what they are supposed to gain from it that should determine whether or not a trophy is merited. For instance, our local soccer league is just for recreation and the kids are encouraged to not keep score, but do your best, be a good sport, and HAVE FUN! We give our kids participation trophies at the end of the season as a way of saying "Thank you for being a good sport and learning to work as a team." In this sense they are all WINNING...

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One word struck me above all others "ENTITLED".

I participated in every sport you can think of thanks to a great teacher who dragged me into them. I was not very good at first but practiced harder than everyone. I will never forget winning MVP for 4 out of 5 sports in the 5th grade. I'm now 42 and credit that experience for my drive and ambition today.

There is nothing wrong with healthy competition and losing happens to be part of it...

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I'm reminded of the Olympic Games. Only the top 3 winners in any category are awarded medals. To my knowledge non-winners are not given consolation medals so they can feel good about themselves. There comes a point where individuals need to recognize that success comes in the journey (even qualifying for the Olympics) and not in the trophy.

That said, I am not against praising a child if the child gave a sincere effort to imporove in a sport or other competition (ie... debate team)...

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I received a total of 2 trophies as a child (both academic) which I have kept to this day because they were huge accomplishments for me. As an adult, I added another - for a sports league, and again, I played for years and this time we actually won the league. WOW! And again, it was something I will never ever forget.

One of my children got trophies and ribbons every time she turned around, it seemed since she was involved in 2 sports and camp...

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I have not read every comment here, buut in my opinion...for the talent show you did... certificates would have been great...especially becasue the "little people" don't really understand. I am at a point where I want it all to stop...If my child has not actually "Earned" something..we don't need another certificate or medal...Perfect attendance, honor roll, placing in a tournament or swim meet.....just because you showed up...no thanks.
One needs to actually do something to achieve a goal

I agree with Charity, I am a den mother for a cub scout den. Our cub scout committee gives out certificates, ribbons, and something like 30 trophies for our big event, the Pinewood Derby. These trophies are given to the first, second, and third place winners in the pack and each den. Then trophies are given out for creative design for first, second, and third place winners in the pack and each den...

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I think when everyone gets a trophy then the winners really don't fill the thrill of success. I was raised the same way. I got medals or trophies for winning. My son was in little league baseball last season. we went to every practice and played in EVERY game. At the end of the season there was a LL Basbeball BBQ for all teams and ages. We were told if you came you can pick up your trophies for particitpating in the season...

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