Photo by: CJ Sorg

When Should Kids Get Trophies?

by Gigi of "KludgyMom"
Photo by: CJ Sorg

I’ve been thinking about trophies. Think back to your own childhood, be it 5 years ago or, like mine, 30 or so years ago. For what sorts of activities did you get trophies or awards?

I grew up in the south suburbs of Chicago. I played slow pitch softball for a few years as a kid, and got nothing the first year because the Calumet Park Oranges softball team was really not very good. The second year, we won first or second place and got a trophy that I still have to this day. It was fun, and it was a big deal to us.

Moving on to high school…I played tennis and was extremely over-involved in other artsy-fartsy sorts of activities. I have no trophies or awards from choir, the numerous plays I was in, or any of that stuff. I have junior and varsity letters for tennis. But that’s it.

Point is: we only got trophies if we WON something.

Nowadays, it seems that kids get trophies merely for showing up. Every kid has to get something – or at least the parents feel that every kid has to get something. My son, who is almost 7, has 6 trophies in his room and he has yet to actually win anything. He loves his trophies and they were an obvious boost to his self-confidence. But still, the kid has not been the cream of the crop (yet) at soccer, or baseball, or whatnot. No championships, no first place, nothing!

A few months ago, I ran the elementary school talent show. It sounds like a minor project but 170 kids participated in 70 different acts. (Imagine the parent interactions I got to enjoy for the 30 days prior to this fun event). One of the conversations really stuck with me. I had sent an email out to all the parents letting them know that we were not sure what “award” the participants were going to get due to budgetary constraints. At a minimum, kids would get a cool medal with a ribbon, but we were hopeful to be able to afford trophies. For all 170 kids. I got an email back from a parent, saying that if there wasn’t budget for the trophies, that she would personally kick in $100-$200 so that all the kids could have a trophy instead of a medal.

Apparently, a medal was simply insufficient, and not reflective of the children’s effort and/or talent.

I thought, does it really matter that much whether it’s a ribbon or a trophy? Do children really feel entitled to a trophy for an event like this or would they be happy with whatever they received? Are we setting our kids up with perilously low expectations of what constitutes success? My parents raised me to understand that success was fueled by hard work, but did not necessarily EQUAL hard work. Can a feeling of accomplishment and achievement can be purchased with a trophy?
I’d like to hear your thoughts.While I’m happy my kid has some trophies, I can’t help but wonder if Yoda was right…there is no try. Do.

Gigi is a stay-at-home mom who has been involved in all things internet since 1997. Gigi combines her love of cooking with a snarky take on motherhood at her blog, KludgyMom.

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107 Comments

I think there needs to be a reasonable spectrum.

Some activities are really designed to encourage participation and sportsmanship. I think a small token (say, for instance, a MEDAL) to offer a slightly more tangible reward for engage is a nice thing...

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I think you are right. Being praised for trying hard is a good thing but I believe over awarding leads to a sense of entitlement and takes away from their sense of accomplishnent if they really do something well.

Where's my trophy, huh? You know, just for reading this? I'm with you--it's getting crazy!

Right on Gigi, couldn't agree more. My kids have trophies from every participation in every sport, plus library reading programs, etc...Me? I'm still waiting for my trophy in laundry, medal in grocery shopping, and ribbon for nose-wiping.

Sorry, if I'm a repeat. Um, while I'm not the greenest gal around but trophies for participants is just wasteful. And NO WAY do I want to reward kids for just showing up. My kid needs to know an EFFORT that results in SUCCESS is award worthy and worthy of public adulation....Its my responsibility as a parent, not that of the event coordinators, to bolster my child's self esteem.

I agree. Oversaturation leads to desensitization. It means nothing.

And rewards? nothing.

Hey, Gigi! It's NotJustAnotherJennifer from Midwest "Mom"ments. :) I'm with you. Though, when they are little, it's nice to get a participation trophy. I think my first year of softball when I was 5 we got one. After that, I only got trophies when we won something. I rock, so of course, that was every year. J/K. But seriously, we did get participation ribbons at field day which was nice, but didn't have the same impact as the blue ribbon did for actually winning the event...

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I'm pretty sure trophies being handed out willy-nilly is how the fall of Rome started.

I'm only joking a little bit.

I just added some numbers together in order to submit this comment. Where's my trophy?

My kids are only 4, and we have only ever gotten 1 trophy. But I do think most kids today do have a sense of entitlement. Back in the day when I grew up, you had to work to win ribbons, prizes, trophies, etc...I don't think everyone needs to get a prize to tiptoe around people's feelings or make sure everyone is treated equally. We need to teach our kids to work for it. To earn it...but that's just my opinion and my kids are real young, so it may not count for much!

I thought it was dumb to give every kid a trophy until I became a mother. Now I think they'd better give my little girl one. It makes her so happy. The real world will be tough either way, no use making it tougher now in preparation.

Well.
I was a 'sporty' for a while. And was damn proud when I won a trophy. Because I won the darn thing. I competed. I didn't just show up and look good.
Great post!!

Giving trophies for everything takes away from the pleasure of the activity itself. If the kids start to expect a trophy (or whatever - sticker, medal, gift card...) then we are teaching them that the reward is far better than the joy of the game!!! Don't we want them to enjoy life and activities and not always be working to get a prize?! Makes me nuts really...

I think it goes beyond just getting the trophy. The spirit of competition has been taken away from children in the interests of "fairness" - everyone gets a trophy, no keeping score, games in gym class where everyone "wins" - this is NOT preparing children for real life. Everyone does NOT win and you are not entitled to anything. When you're applying for honors classes or the lead in the HS play or trying to get into a good college, everyone does NOT WIN...

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I think the winners should get trophies and maybe a certificate for the kids who just participated. If kids get trophies for everything they begin to think that it doesn't matter if they try hard and/or do something well. The employment world and life in general has competition and there are winners and losers. Not everyone gets that top coveted job...

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