Photo by: Melissa Gutierrez

What's Your Birthday Party Policy?

Photo by: Melissa Gutierrez

A couple weeks ago, we hosted my oldest son’s fourth birthday party at our house complete with: bouncy house, sno-cone machine, pizza, beer for the adults, and Spider-Man breakaway cupcakes.

It was a blast. And expensive. And stressful.

It’s not like I didn’t know how much time, energy, and money a party like that takes. I mean, I did it last year! But it’s just that we had so much fun, we wanted to do it again. And I mean WE. Not just the kids, but the adults had blast, too. We weren’t that popular with the four-year-olds when we announced “adult jump,” but we were going to get our money’s worth.

Ever since we’ve had kids, entertaining guests in our home is basically non-existent. Outside of family and an impromptu mac-n-cheese party with the neighbors, it just doesn’t happen. It requires a clean house, advance planning, the meshing of social calendars, and friends. Friends with kids. Kids the same age as yours. Kids who get along. Spouses who like each other, etc. So, like I said, we don’t do much entertaining. Which is partly why, the last two years in a row, Ry’s birthday party has become our entertaining event of the year. Post party, I’m feeling much the same as I did last year—it’s sooo excessive. I don’t want Ry to get accustomed to this.

It’s probably too late, as he’s already announced the theme for his fifth, sixth, and seventh birthdays. Not to mention the fact that all of his birthdays have been fairly grand affairs. For his first, I think we were celebrating our metamorphosis into parents and survival of 12 months of upheaval more than doing it for him. We invited all our friends, with and without kids and held it at a local park and zoo.

Compare that to my second-born’s first birthday— an evening with Grandma, Grandpa, and the boys from down the street, who were invited last minute to liven things up a bit. I do feel like I’m giving JB the short end of the stick, but truthfully— and this is for all you first time parents out there—t hey really don’t “get” the party thing until age three. We could have saved a wad by skipping Ry’s first and second parties, but then we would have had a lot less fun.

Now that I have two kids, I’m trying to figure out how keep the partying under control. For my sanity, for my bank account, and for the well-adjustment of my kids. My latest idea is to host one party a year: each kid has a big party with friends every other year. And on the off year, we do a small family party or outing. What do you think? Do you think it’ll work? Do you think I’m still over-doing it? What’s your birthday party policy?

Kim Kooyers is a SAHM in San Jose, California. She has a master’s degree in conflict resolution and is putting it to good use mothering two boys, ages 4 and 1.5.

Like This Article

Like Mamapedia

Learn From Moms Like You

Get answers, tips, deals, and amazing advice from other Moms.

22 Comments

My son is two and until now we've held off on extravagant parties and toys with the idea that we'll do so as long as we can get away with it. Meaning before he starts asking or caring. I'm the same way with clothes for him. Let me get hand-me-downs now while he's too little to care. Then, once he "gets it" we can start shelling out the money for fancy parties, toys or clothes (within reason)...

See entire comment

We have 4 kids and don't want them to expect big parties every year. So, we give each kid a big party when they turn 1, 5, and 10. After that we aren't sure... we'll figure it out when we cross that bridge. But at that rate, we're throwing one big party each year.

But even our definition of "big party" is just 15 or so friends at our house, homemade cake, hotdogs and chips, and pin the tail on the donkey. Otherwise it's a quiet family affair. I've never had a blowout like you described...

See entire comment

We used to have parties at home like that. Adults stay, kids enjoy, an all day affair, and yes, I loved it. It was also when we had lots of family around to entertain as well. 5 years ago we moved to Texas and I realized that it was a lot of money to do it that way. I started by telling my kids they could invite whomever they wanted if we partied at the house or park, and if they wanted it at a "place" they were limited to how many the place included in the party...

See entire comment

We have four kids. We have had a total of one "big" birthdayt party which really wasn't that big. For the kids birthdayss (I do combine my girls because they are two weeks apart), we invite grandparents and close relatives only for lunch, presents, cake. That is enough work in itself. Lots of times, we will do something special, like take one to a college sports game with a couple of friends, but even that is dependent on the circumstances...

See entire comment

i get the whole "let's kill all the (entertainment) birds with one stone" thing. it's exactly what we do with our kids. we have 3 kids whose birthdays are in three consecutive months -- so a party for each kid every year, NO WAY. they take turns, each kid gets a big party every three years. and a birthday dinner (pizza buffet, ihop, chik fil a, something like that) on the off years. their ages are 12, 6 and 4...

See entire comment

I have two boys, ages 4 and 7. We don't do a 'big' kid party until they turn 5. We definitely celebrate 1-4 with family and a few neighbors who are good friends, but just do it at our house with cake and fun decorations (and presents, of course)!

After 5, we've decided to do a party every other year -- on the off years they can do something fun with a few special friends (sleep over, go to a fun kid place, etc.). The party years are limited to about 15 friends...

See entire comment

My husband and I have had this conversation even though our daughter is only 1.5. We had a "big" party for her first b-day, but even that was only family with a buffet here at the house. Our thinking is that birthdays will be small, family only affairs until she is older with friends of her own. There will be larger parties, chuck e cheese, for milestone birthdays, but other birthdays will just be a few friends doing something fun.

Forgive me if my response is not going to be popular...but when I was reading what you wrote the first thing that went through my head is "Are you kidding me?"

I'm all for honoring someone's birthday, but it seems like you've put yourself in a bad position: you are now expecting yourself to top the last year with an even better bash.

It sounds like you have set some really high standards for yourself. Let's face it, no one with little children lives in a museum home...

See entire comment

Every year for my boy's birthdays we would come up with a theme. The cake and the homemade games would go along with the theme. Refirgerator boxes became T- pees for the cowboy party, large cardboard cut-outs became the animal ring toss for the circus theme. We had these parties from age 1 to age 12( the older pre-teen years got less and less themey and more about a couple of friends and video games or a game of basketbal). My son just had his 19th birthday this past weekend...

See entire comment

When my children were younger I gave parties often because my husband had a party every year. My family did not. Finally, I put my foot down and said we would do it for significant ages such as 10, 13, 16,18. We have not done parties that are very extravagant, but are fun. We have an amusement park near us that is affordable - we invited some friends and took the kids there. Interestingly enough one child simply wants a sleepover with his friends...

See entire comment

I have two daughters who are 27 months apart in age. We established long ago that the last big birtday party would be the six year old party. To avoid the clean up, set up, and break down, I never do parties at my home. On the actual day of the birthday we order pizza and have a small store bought cake at home with a couple of close friends. The parties have been at the children's museum, Chuck E Cheese, Pump It Up, Austin Park and Pizza, the Little Gym, Gymboree, etc...

See entire comment

We have 4 kids and we do the every other year birthday parties. Although not on a super huge scale. One year the girls get to invite friends and choose a theme, with homemade cake and games. The next year we let the boys invite friends and choose a theme. On the year we don't have a friend party they can choose an activity to do as a family. Like bowling or the zoo, etc, and they get to choose a restaurant to go to...

See entire comment

Our son is 5, and was born around Thanksgiving which is the time we visit my family in Florida, in order to make it special for his birthday we take 2 days from visiting family and go to a theme park in Orlando. Last year we couldn't make it to Florida so we had a party with 10 of his frienda @ a bounce party place.

Since you have 2 little ones to plan birthdays for why not have one big party in the Summer or Fall, you can invite adults and kids and it won't have to be for a specific birthday...

See entire comment

Personally, I love the blow-out parties (although not the stress!), and what you've described, or some version of it, is pretty common around here. I do think the parties get smaller and bouncy houses and so forth loose their allure as the kids get older. I like your idea of having a big party every other year, alternating with a smaller affair on the off years...

See entire comment

We too se the bar a bit high at a young age & realized we needed to scale back. A couple of years we've celebrated with family only at home and then took our daughter to Disneyland & allowed her to bring a guest. I tried alternating years of D-land with parties, but she actually prefers parties.

She's 10 now and is so into sleepovers that the parties have become smaller as we can't accommodate great numbers in our small place...

See entire comment

Leave a Comment

Required
Required (will not be published)
Required (to prove you're human)
Comments are moderated and generally will be posted if they are on topic and not abusive

Related Questions

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us
Want to become a contributor?
Want to become a contributor?

If you'd like to contribute to the Wisdom of Moms on Mamapedia, please sign up here to learn more: Sign Up

Recent Voices Posts

See all