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The Eight Friends Every New Mom Needs

July 8, 2010
27 Comments

My husband and I chose, for some inexplicable reason, to make our home a good six hours from our closest family members. It wasn’t until I had kids that I realized what a poorly thought-out decision that really was. I have been lucky enough, though, over the last five years to gather together a really spectacular mom community that is as close to family as anything can be. I believe there are certain types of mom friends that every new parent needs, and they fall roughly into the following eight groups.

Mom friend superstars include:

1. The “there-in-a-pinch” mom friend who will do an emergency baby suppository run when your little one is glued to the toilet, and your spouse is out of town, no questions asked (and knows enough to recommend suppositories in the first place).

2. The “exactly-your-level-of-crazy” mom friend – one that you can call and confess that you had cereal and wine for dinner, and that your Tupperware drawer is trying to kill you.

3. The “all-baby-all-the-time” mom friend who will engage enthusiastically in any detail of your baby’s development; including his bowel movements/brilliance and agree on their peculiarity/outstandingness, even though she has three equally peculiar and outstanding children of her own.

4. The “baby-doesn’t-break-her-stride” mom friend – in fact the opposite of number three; who will drag you out for margaritas and ban all talk about family members under the age of 21 for the evening.

5. The “laid-back-playdate” mom friend who agrees that baked goods and feet up on the coffee-table constitutes a much better playdate than the local screaming/rioting community-center activity.

6. The “motivated-playdate” mom friend who will drag your lazy-mom self to the science-museum/toddler music appreciation/pre-school roller rink class.

7. The “repository of all information” mom friend, who reads all the latest studies on childhood development (so you don’t have to), knows the best pre-school in your area, the most highly recommended potty-seat, and will teach you tips like using your empty egg cartons to hold poster paint, and how to make live action puppets out of discarded potato peels.

8. The “well-rounded” mom friend who will talk with you endlessly about just how you’re both going to lose those last few pregnancy pounds (even though you’re both much too deep to worry about appearances); and totally gets how constant repeats of Golden Girls and the occasional Jerseylicious episode are essential to your well-being (even though you’re both far too busy and intellectual for television).

You may be lucky enough to combine two or more types into one, all-star, stupendous mom-friend. I am lucky enough to have a 1-2-5-8 mom friend. Precious and rare. You know who you are.

Peryl Manning is a freelance writer and stay-at-home-mom. She juggles her boys, her writing and her volunteer work with varying degrees of success, and is convinced of only one certainty: Parenting is really, really challenging. Her blog, Parenting ad Absurdum, is featured in the Seattle Post Intelligencer.

27 Comments

Oh geez Peryl - I never thought about this but you are absolutely correct and now I find myself categorizing my mommy pals in exactly this way!! (No wonder I am so fulfilled in that arena - luckily, I have them all all - haha!)

Swati

You are so right, Peryl! My kids are older now, so I don't need as much baby/toddler support, but my best friend is 100% numbers 1 & 2 and that's just what I need!

Sue

You are so right on. I think it is close to impossible to get it all in one, so five just about cuts it.

I have no doubt that I would be your sixth friend, the one who would make you laugh when you want to cry and make you cry when you feel like laughing!

I have about 2 out of the 8. I need someone to drag me out for a drink, for sure.

Brilliant! I love that at some point or another i have been or am becoming each of these mothers...especially after vowing pre-children to never be any of them. i'm still not conforming to #7...she says...

How about the (usually) childless friend who will do an emergency binky run for you when your husband is working late and your daughter won't go to bed without her fetching, I mean, wonderful binky? I have a few of those. : )

Really, though, this perfectly categorizes all my good friends!

Finally a truly positive article. Brought a smile to my face. It is wonderful how people can be supportive in their own unique ways.

Yay, Peryl!!!! You are on the front cover of the Mamapedia feature email. YOU ROCK!!! And you are the greatest mommy friend out there too. xoxoxox

This hilarious post reminds me of how lucky I am to have all my mommy friends. And most esp. the ones that qualify in the "exactly my level of crazy" category. I can't live without them.

I love this post, since we as mothers need one another for friendship and support. Our individual talents and differences strengthen each other in a way we couldn't do in isolation. I feel so fortunate to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints Relief Society, so that no matter where I live or where I travel, I can find those friendships and help. It has "made all the difference."

I total agree with this, BUT you forgot the all important # 9... A no-baby friend. I think they are just as important because they see the world from a light. I dont know what I would do without my no baby friend. She is always there when I need a good break from "mommy life". And she comes in handy for a babysitter for me when the hubby and I want to get away together.

My husband and I and our kids(3 and 4 months) moved 4 hours away from our entire lives over a year ago. I HAD some of these friends,still do, but they are a long drive away and I can't seem to find the time to make new ones-God I hate it down here an I'm lonely!

While in the military- living 1/2 way across the world and husbands often deployed I learned the value of gret support and sanity from good friends that you can count on no matter the situation! When we came back to the US I found myself in the odd position of knowing I'd live in the same place for years and was so blessed to find women that seemed to understand that not only were my children adjusting but I was as well...

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WOW! What a great article! My kids are no longer in the baby stage, but these types of friends are still so necessary. It makes me reflect back on my friends in CT and CA. I moved to AZ a year ago and STILL have not found anyone like any of the examples, as much as I try. My father recently passed away suddenly and boy oh boy would I have loved to have had my friends closer...

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Let's add one more! Number 9... The faith-filled, able to pray you through the hard times, who helps you see that God's got your back friend. That is what I needed most. Thank you for all the # 9's I had throughout the years.

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