That's It! I'm Taking Away the Atlas

My boys all use books to relax and entertain themselves. They read hanging off grocery carts and online at amusement parks. I am incredibly thankful for a school system that provided a center based education for gifted kids from 3d grade through 8th. The oldest got off the bus on the first day of 3d grade with great joy because the other kids wanted to know what he was reading instead of teasing him about his thick book.

He also had trouble standing in lines or changing his behavior based on the setting. The other kids caught on quickly that you had to stand still and not talk when the teacher came into the lunchroom. I had to teach these social rules much as other moms have to work hard to get their kids reading.

I love your blog. You do have to find what works for discipline. I think it is important though to let the school handle behavior at school. My son told me in those difficult early years that the teacher was always mad and then if she called home that I was mad too. He couldn't win. So I tried to keep home and school issues separate for the sake of peace in our home. His teachers and I would share ideas and we both learned a lot. Two things that worked well for my son were a squishy ball that he could squeeze whenever and holding hands with the teacher. The teachers thought holding hands would be embarrassing for a boy but they soon learned how warm and caring he was and the other kids didn't tease about it. He just ezpected a lot from adults - maybe more than a teacher with a room full of kids can really provide.

My oldest is mostly grown up now and loves to write as well as read! He also works with the wiggly kids as a summer camp counselor. The camp director who used to call me with problems now trusts him with the active little kids who remind her of him.

And as for your last question, I have had to take away the light bulbs from my kids' reading lamps so they would get some sleep and stop reading!

I have a feeling that your son is having difficulty at school because he is bored with the material he is "learning" there. Children who have an intellect at a higher level than their current grade often turn to physical distractions (ie, pushing others) because they are so bored with their classwork.... It sounds like you would love to have your son go to a regular school, but it may be of more benefit to him if you send him to a gifted school... or see if you can advance a grade. I can't imagine how frustrating it must be for him to sit in a classroom and learn about the letter "A" when he's known how to read "A" for four years....
Just a thought...

Our oldest son loved to read also, he was distracting to other students because he was done before them, so we sent him to school with books to read. Then came the call from the teacher saying the books where too advanced for him, what??? And in their place she would give him extra work, then we found out that when he did not do the extra work she "failed" him for that and it counted against his complete grade! Why different rules for him??

It is very hard on the child too, he remembers those days and still can recall us "fighting" for his rights. We too used his books as a punshment, but he turned out okay, none the less as he is now a Chief in the US Coast Guard who is about to leave for his turn down in the Gulf.

I have never thought of taking anything that represents "security" for my daughter. She has plenty of things that I can take away that would reminder her of the issue at hand. My daughter LOVES her stuffed animals and dolls, but she has ONE puppy that she simply CAN NOT sleep without - and I would never take that puppy as punishment - ever! I could however take other stuffed friends or dolls, but never that puppy.

I prefer to take "privilege items" away - like her DS or wii privileges. Does your son have any regular privileges you could deny him instead of taking away his prized Atlas? Maybe a weekly trip to the library or bookstore that he looks forward to? If there is no "weekly activity" that he looks forward too, then maybe you would have to take some of his books, or tell him that he must do something else (besides read) for an hour or two each day as a punishment.

Personally, I believe gifted or not the same general rules can be applied. My daughter had some of the very same issues in kindergarten and she brought a note home from the teacher EVERY day - including MANY for not keeping her hands to herself! Looking back (she just completed first grade with 2 notes ALL YEAR)! She had an overbearing teacher who she just seemed to "butt heads with" and she was struggling to figure out where she fit in at school (she is very head strong and somewhat manipulative only child) so I guess she was just "trying" her teachers to see what she could and couldn't get away with.

I am happy to say I believe it is a stage and he is trying to find out where he fits withing his new environment. As long as he does not become a bully, I think it will pass.

Please let us know how everything turns out!

Puhleeeezzzz, "gifted" children are still children. Although, due to the extensive way in which the parents of "gifted" children go on and on about what a challenge raising one is, what is the difference between discipling them? Not much as far as I can tell. Consistency and fairness are important, even to the regular kids who are clearly easier to parent (rolling eyes). Forgive me my heavy sarcasm but parenting is a challenge. Period. And I have to agree with the previous posting, let one of these parents of a "gifted" child attempt to raise kids who have real physical or mental challenges. Bet their kids won't seem quite so different.

I have 2 highly to profoundly gifted kids and I've resorted to all sorts of strange things as punishment, including books.

However, if your child is not being engaged or taught in school, I think his acting out may be completely age appropriate. My oldest attended 2 years of public school. He learned almost nothing and his first grade teacher kept him at the same reading level all year. Both my kids are now being homeschooled.

Homeschooling is obviously not for everyone, and may not be for you. But if you are seeing consistent behavior problems particular to school, I think you may want to have him fully assessed and look at all your academic options. Advocating for a gifted child is very hard work, but also completely necessary! Good luck!

Loved your post. My daughter is a voracious reader as well. She would disappear when she was supposed to be doing chores or homework. I'd find her locked in the bathroom with her book! So, "hard-ass" as I am too, I remember crossing that road unnervingly but resolved that she had to take responsibility for her actions. I gave her a warning, but the next time it happened the book was confiscated -- and returned to the library! She learned. At 15, she's still an avid reader and yes, on a more rare occasion, I still have to confiscate her book!

He is gifted - very gifted and because of that the teachers really need to challenge him much more. He is bored out of his mind. My daughter has a very high IQ and was also bored at school. She didn't act out but just hated it - she had to do work over and over that she already knew. I had to talk to the teachers to give her alternative things to do if she already knew the material. I have had to do this several times, but each time was worth it. She loved school again. Talk to the teachers - let them know how brilliant he is and that he needs to be challenged. That is the root of the problem...taking away his Atlas is only a bandaid.