Stop Feminizing Your Sons! Masculine Boys Can Grow Up to Be Good Men, Too

I am a mother of two boys under the age of five. I knew my life with boys would consist of non stop excitement in addition to: lifted toilet seats, play wresting, rowdy noises, sticks and dirt, climbing trees, collections of trucks and cars and the restlessness that the typical boy displays. My boys are a crazy bunch, and although I don’t agree with their rowdiness, their obsession with cars, and their occasional “Woof Woof” chants, I’ve learned to accept that these habits are what makes them masculine boys.

But I have noticed that there are mothers who seem to be feminizing their sons. They do this to the point where there are only feminine toys to play with, they make a show of dressing them in dresses and imposing “girly” habits on them. They make their sons sit on the toilet to pee. They grow their hair long enough that they seem to love it when people mistake them for girls. They don’t allow aggressive play and steer their sons away from sports and force them into dance classes. There are even blogs tailor to “Feminizing boys.” It makes me think: what is wrong with a boy being a boy?

The consensus behind this concept seems to be to make boys more relatable more sensitive to women and girls. They also see the behavior of boys as barbaric and uncivilized. These mothers seem to feel that boys don’t need to be masculine or play with “masculine” things anymore and they should be calm, nurturing and less aggressive – like women – because masculinity is no longer needed in this society.

In my opinion, mother’s who try to feminize their sons are telling their sons that their masculine qualities to protect, provide, and to be aggressive… are wrong, and what they need to do is to change because society says their masculinity is no longer needed. These mother’s deaden the natural masculine qualities of their boys by imposing “girly” things and habits on them and hopefully turning them into a sensitive, nurturing, and emotional being just like women. In turn, their sons can understand women’s needs so they can better get along with women in the future.

Why are we pushing our sons to be more feminine and shaming our sons for showing masculine qualities? What gives us the right to cross the line into manhood and dictate what a man should be?

When we feminize our sons, we’re taking away what’s different about them (masculinity) and making them the same as we are (femininity) and that’s not right. What we need to do is to teach our son’s compassion and empathy; to respect women in a matter that doesn’t transform them into becoming a woman. We need to teach our sons to appreciate women from the men we choose to be around. We need to show in our own homes that a man helps out in the family e.g. chores, children. We need to teach our sons to see a woman as equal to a man, financially and academically. We need to teach our sons that communication is the best way to handle a situation, and violence should only be used if your life is at danger. A masculine man can be loving, considerate, understanding, supportive, and cooperative to a woman without feminizing him as a boy, right?

The point is, we should not change our boys into something they are not meant to be. The qualities of their masculinity; to protect, to provide, to be aggressive, are not bad qualities if directed appropriately. Just because the mothers of these sons don’t like those qualities in a man doesn’t mean their sons wouldn’t like to be a masculine man.

If we want our sons to show respect to women when they become a man, we need to show respect to our sons, and understand how they think and feel instead of telling them that their masculine ways are wrong.

It’s not a bad thing if our sons grow up to be masculine man who makes rowdy noises, likes to drink beers now and then, and watch or play sports, as along as they are kind-hearted and treat men and woman equally, fairly and respectfully. Isn’t that the most important part of being a civilized human anyway?

Vanessa is a stay at home mom of two rumble tumble boys. She’s trying to figure out this gig called motherhood and at the same time, trying not to screw up her kids all one day at a time. You can find her on her blog www.practicingmotherhood.com or on Twitter.