Single Mothers and Dating: 8 Steps to Reentering the Dating Scene

Being a single mother is no walk in the park, but being a single mother on the dating scene can be exponentially more challenging. Juggling work, sporting events, daycare, grocery shopping, PTA meetings and carpools all by yourself is hard enough- adding finding and dating a man into the mix can make it seem all but impossible. Who has time for that kind of stuff? Believe it or not, you do.

The trick is to get your confidence (and your sexy!) back. Once you are comfortable with yourself and can convey to others that you are a person worth knowing, the men will come flocking. From there, the most difficult part is choosing just one! Here’s how a single mother can get back into the swing of the dating scene:

1. Create a soundtrack for the life you want to lead
Plato once said, “Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything.” We couldn’t have said it better ourselves!

Make a list of upbeat, empowering songs that make you feel like dancing around the house and put them all on a playlist or CD. Whenever you feel down or are getting discouraged on your quest for finding love, play the songs and you’ll start to feel a lot better. Think of it as therapy, but without the $200/hour price tag.

Songs to try:

• I’m Every Woman by Whitney Houston
• One Hot Mama by Trace Adkins
• I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor
• Man, I Feel Like A Woman by Shania Twain
• Fighter by Christina Aguilera

2. List Your Goals
Study after study has proven that people who write down their goals are more likely to accomplish them. Make a list of all of the things you want to accomplish and put the list in a place where you can see it every day. Break down larger goals into smaller chunks, so that you feel like you’re constantly moving towards them.

For example, if your goal is to have $10,000 in savings, start with a $500 goal, then a $1,000 goal, and so on. Cross the goals off of the list as you accomplish them, and add new things as they come up.

What does this have to do with reentering the dating scene, you ask? It’s simple. If you don’t have your house in order, nobody is going to want to enter it and live there with you. Plus, you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else. If you’re successful in achieving the goals that you set for yourself, personal happiness will naturally follow.

3. Clean house!
In both the literal and the figurative sense, you should clean your house. Get rid of all of the things that remind you of bad past relationships (now is the time to burn the old love letters written by the guy who broke your heart). While you’re at it, why don’t you ditch those flowered leggings and bleach stained concert shirts that you wear around the house?

Go through your closet and make three separate piles of clothes: one for the stuff you want to keep, one for the clothes that you can sell on Ebay, and one for the garbage. If you haven’t worn it in a year or more, get rid of it. After all, you have to make room in your closet for…

4. Update your wardrobe
Do most of your sweaters have shoulder pads? Does your favorite pair of tennis shoes have holes in them? Then it’s time to update. Thankfully, with all of the sales that can be found online these days, you don’t need to spend a boatload of money to get fresh duds. Be sure to stay away from trendy pieces, which tend to go out of style quickly.

Instead, gravitate towards classic pieces that you can mix and match, like jeans that fit well and solid colored tops. Look for items with a touch of spandex in them, as they tend to hold their shape better and last longer. Before busting out your credit card and making any purchases, be sure to look for deals and coupon codes.

Good places to check include:

• Consumerist A blog run by Consumer Reports, each morning the best deals online are listed. 80 percent off of clearance items at Ann Taylor? Don’t mind if we do!
• RetailMeNot Before making any purchase online, check to see if there are coupon codes listed at RetailMeNot. From free shipping to $50 off of an order of $100 or more, savvy shoppers know that paying retail prices is for suckers!

5. Throw a single mom makeover party
Gather all of your single mom friends and throw a little makeover party. Why go to the salon and spend hundreds of dollars on a new ‘do, when the salon can come to you?

In this economy, many people in the service industry are really hurting financially, and lots of hairstylists are starting to branch out their services. Put an ad on Craigslist or ask around until you find a licensed cosmetologist who is willing to come to your house and do everyone’s hair at once (be sure to ask for references if you find the person online).

This way you’ll be able to negotiate your own deals, and for as little as $200 everyone can get their hair colored and cut. You can even invite a nail technician to the party to give manicures and pedicures.

6. Get healthy
Do you need to drop a few pounds? Now is a great time to join a gym. If you can’t afford the extra expense of a gym membership right now, find a track and start walking. There are a lot of great resources online to help, including meal planners and support groups for those looking to lose weight.

The best free resource we’ve found is at FitDay, which helps you keep track of your caloric intake and exercise. It even charts your progress, so you can have a visual representation of whether or not you’re staying on track (besides how well your pants fit).

7. Put yourself out there
Online dating sites are the easiest way to get to know new guys. Sure, you can walk circles around the produce department and hope that Prince Charming approaches, but you might be at the grocery store for a week before that actually happens.

Instead, take a proactive and more proactive approach. Plus, there are several websites that allow you to contact members that you’re interested in for free, including OkCupid, Craigslist personals, PlentyOfFish and Chemistry.

When you make your profile, be sure to focus on the positive things that you have going for you. Nobody wants to date a Debbie Downer, so refrain from talking about any financial or personal problems that you may be going through.

Also, don’t be afraid to mention that you’re a mother. The guys are going to find out eventually, and it’s best to be up front and honest about something so important. Post a flattering photo to your profile, and make sure it’s recent. If you’ve gained 50 pounds since you were 18, don’t put up your prom photo.

8. Be honest with your kids
As you start dating again, be honest with your kids about what you’re doing. Chances are, they’ll figure it out anyway. However, there’s no need to introduce your children to every guy who offers to take you to coffee. Generally speaking, you should wait until you have been exclusively dating for a couple of months before any introductions are made.

Did we miss anything? Do you have more great deal websites that you’d like to share? Have any other suggestions about how to meet Mr. Right? Feel free to tell us in the comments section!