Pandora Keeps Telling Me I Have a Big Butt
My radio is trying to tell me something.
Or more specifically, Pandora is sending me subliminal messages via Levon Helm and The Band.
Here’s the thing, every time I put on Pandora – and granted, I listen to the Tom Petty channel, the Bob Dylan channel, stuff of the Americana ilk – the song ‘Take a Load Off Fanny’ by The Band comes on almost immediately. Oh, but that’s not all. It comes on again a few minutes later and then again. You get the idea. It plays on average a half dozen times each time I listen to Pandora.
And I’m not the only one who notices. My husband, Kevin, will come in and say “Has it played ‘Take a Load Off Fanny’ yet?” and then instantly it comes on. I’m starting to wonder if this is some elaborate practical joke.
But why that song? Huh? Just because I’m on a diet I have to hear this damn song over and over?
It knows.
Now, I’m not the paranoid type. Usually. But I can’t help thinking it’s a little more than coincidence. I’ve got a big butt, and I cannot lie. Okay, so I’m exaggerating. It’s not that big. But you know how it is when we feel like we need to lose a few pounds, ladies. Everything looms large, if you catch my drift.
And so I’ve been thinking that this might be an excellent deterrent. Maybe I should rig up the fridge to play ‘Take a Load Off Fanny’ every time I open the door.
Take a load off Fanny
Take a load for free
Take a load off Fanny
And… you put the load, put the load right on me…
Could also be used in the bathroom each time the lid goes up.
I wonder if Levon and the boys had that in mind. Or ever fathomed in their wildest dreams that some crazy bitch would make that connection at some point.
But here’s what else Pandora does. And I like this one. Kevin doesn’t like the Allman Brothers. I mean, he bristles at the opening riff of ‘Jessica’ and practically runs screaming at the mere mention of ‘Sweet Melissa’. Me? I love ‘em. Give me the Southern rock every time. So as soon as he walks in the room, what do you think comes on? The Allmans. I mean every.time. Maybe the take away for him is to just try to be a ‘Simple Kinda Man’.
I dunno.
What I do know is that I’m kinda pissed at Pandora right now for making me feel like I have a big ass. I mean, gimme a break, Pandora, I’m trying! I don’t enjoy being the butt of your jokes. You’re being a complete ass…cracking jokes at me through the internet radio.
Butt you know what I’m gonna do? I choose to turn the other cheek.
Linda is a writer, musician and mom who blogs at elleroy was here and leads the Americana band Jehova Waitresses. She is a staff writer at Aiming Low, Funny Not Slutty and Sprocket Ink. Connect with her on Twitter, Facebook and Google+.
