18 Minus X Equals Less Time With Your Child Than You Thought!

It's true, our children's childhoods pass in the blink of an eye. I have 7 years and 3 years left with my own, a fact that I find shocking every time that I think of it. I think that many of today's young people are not as well prepared for independent life as they were when I was growing up. Parents are doing too much for their kids. Also, kids don't learn how money works because they see parents pay for everything on a credit card, which they think is just an endless supply of money. Remember that kids learn important life skills by observing people, especially their parents!

I, too, have been smacked upside the head with such an epiphany. However, the profoundness of the whole you've-only-got-X-number-of-years-left-with-your-child thing didn't truly resonate with me until I did a bit more math. I whipped out my trusty calculator one day not so long ago and punched in the number of years, ostensibly, I'll be home with my twin daughters who are nine. I then proceeded to multiply said number by 365 so that I might grasp the prized window of time in a more concrete manner.

The number 3,285 almost leapt from the device, punctuating the urgency with which I should be approaching each and every parenting moment. Somehow years didn't translate for me, as they seem so endless at times. A finite number of days, however, I could hold in my hands--measured with sunrises and sunsets, baths and bedtimes.

Thanks for the reminder that time is a precious, precious commodity.

Our jobs are not over when they turn 18.

The comments here are all valid, and we are wise to consciously assess what we want to teach our children and use our time with them wisely.

However, parents STILL HAVE INFLUENCE AFTER AGE 18. Especially if our sons and daughters go to college, they are usually dependent upon parents for at least part of their financial support and they come home some of the time. There will be more time together, as long as you both are alive. You'll have far less control, but you'll still have INFLUENCE. This was some of the best news I heard when my first one was about to leave for college, and it's true.

I've found that my 21 year old son is now more receptive to some kinds of guidance, because he is older, wiser, and has simply done more living. He's ready to learn more about how to be an adult.

For example, he cares about turning off lights now, because he pays an electricity bill for his college apartment. Now, he's ready to listen to ideas for more ways to prevent wasteful spending and how to prevent forgetting to pay the bill!

He's made mistakes after we warned him about some things, and he's been glad that he followed our suggestions about other things, so he knows that we're right a lot of the time.

We show him respect when he makes choices contrary to our advice and wishes, and he shows us respect when he disagrees with us. This is so much more productive than some of the teenage years, but the ground-work was laid during the first 18 years of his life.

Aren't you still influenced by your parents to some degree?

Don't panic... they come back.
My oldest is in college... I have 2.5 yrs left with second son and 3.5 yrs left with daughter.

They go, you call and remind them it is ' Sunday, call your mother day' while they are in college... they call only when something goes wrong they can't fix or they need money. You get used to it in a sense and look forward to the occasional visit when they come home to see their friends.

Summer will arrive and so will they along with the contents of their dorm room which doubled since you dropped them off. They spread out in the house and leave you dirty dishes, laundry and without a car for hours on end. Hopefully they'll have a summer job. Then... as the summer moves forward you start counting down the days when they go back!

Ahhhh kids!

So true and eloquent! I had this feeling about our son as he turned 11 in March this year. It's a pivotal time I suppose. On one hand, looking back at all the milestones makes you feel great as a parent, on the other, we've got some major hurdles in the teens. My husband and I have always raised our kids with the end goal of independence. Not that we don't love being their parents, we do! We get the big picture and have always felt that their success would come from what we've taught them about being independent.

My numbers aren't so small as some mom's, 14 and 16 years but I too realize that my two girls are going to need real life skills not just academic memorization. I'm already working on teaching laundry skills while it's still a game to them. Now I need to rethink my money handling. They do think that the bank card is unlimited or that the bank holds infinite funds for our family. Time to start pulling a weekly allowance out for our family and sticking to it. For the sake of the girls, here goes. . . .

I remember first doing this calculation (and feeling panicky) when my oldest was a toddler, and I was counting the months/years until she'd be in school, and being sad that at that point, from then on, she will be spending more time away from us than with us (I can definitely see why some parents choose to home school!). But now that she's approaching 16, I can't wait for her to be out on her own! There are definitely some things you can still do with your Royal Highness (laundry is an easy one-- mine has been doing laundry since she was 8) but a lot of stuff, I wished I'd told my teen back during the ages when she loved listening to whatever Mommy had to say...I once read about a mom who gave her teen advice in letters she'd write once in awhile and put them on her pillow. The mom figured they were thrown away but later in life, learned her teen had read them and saved all of them!
Best of luck to you!!

From the mother of 20-somethings.
Deep breath. Relax. Keep in mind that once your children are grown and out from under your roof, you can have a whole new kind of relationship with them adults. You can invite them over, listen to them chatter on about their lives and enjoy them as the people they've grown into. Remember that your "job description" as a parent is to get them ready to get on with their lives as independent and productive citizens. Rejoice when they take those steps toward autonomy!

I hate to tell you this, but most of what you're going to teach them is done by the time their 10 - it's not really 18. Once they've hit their teen years there are so many more influences on them, that it becomes much less about teaching them to navigate the big bad world, than to just keep an eye on them and be there when they fall.
My children are 12 and 15 now. It's exciting to have a window onto what kind of people they will be once their out of your care. It's not that there's nothing left to teach them, as much as it is seeing how what you've taught them influences them as they begin to test the waters on their own.
Don't do the math! It will just drive you crazy. Just enjoy your children as they come to you and enjoy the privelege of watching them grow up instead of worrying about how soon they'll be gone.

My baby leaves home in 2 weeks for college. I keep trying to find ways to push the date back a few more days, month or years! I think I've done a good job preparing her for the real world but I know there are things that I've missed. She's a good, responsible kid and I've never had to deal with a lot of the things that the dreaded teen years bring. As I watch her deal with her first real relationship I realize that my baby isnt a baby anymore, she's well on her way to becoming a woman. Sometimes Im moved to tears, being both sad and proud at the same time.

I, too, had a similar epiphany about the time my son was 12, and I became a single mom.

That is not to say that I had not been a very hands-on mom up to that point, despite the fact that I had been forced by circumstances to work full time. I had been. We did many things together and I was very involved in his life.

What we decided to do, in addition to regular chore, homework, worship, and errand time, however, was to schedule and do at least one major (backpacking trip, all-day mountain bike ride, long hike, etc.) and one minor (miniature golf, movie, short hike, etc.) event each month, of his choosing. We did this regularly from the time he was 12 until he was 19 and departed on an LDS mission. I figured that we would not get as many chores done by doing this, but that these events would become "family glue," and would ultimately be more valuable to our relationship than the extra chore and work hours would have been.

In addition, we both worked at treating each other with the same level of courtesy and respect that we each expected from the other. Looking back, (my son is now 28 and married), it has been a terrific ride! We have now, and had all throughout his teen years, a great relationship and a great deal of closeness. I only recall about four significant disagreements during this period, besides. We have both influenced each other for the good. Much of this good came about, I believe, from setting aside time to specifically do things that he cared about doing that took us out of the mainstream of everyday chores.

One of the unexpected fringe benefits (not totally unexpected) was that I discovered that when my son's feet hit the trail, his mind and heart opened up. Hiking, biking, and backpacking together gave us tremendous opportunities to touch and teach each other.

Since he returned from his mission, attended and graduated from college, and is now married, our time like this has been much, much more limited. But the relationship is there, built substantially during the critical teenage years. And, the teen-age years were a joy!

Don't waste that critical teen-age time! Even if you are a single working mom, this time is crucial for their strength and happiness now - and your relationship now and in the future.