When to Leave Your Kid(s) at Home

As Nana I too have had to haul Jay (Nana's Banana) and Jeremiah Nana's Papaya---ages 3 & 1 to the doctor with me. And oh yes they put on wonderful auditions for Americas Next Top Wild Child. BUT it gave me the opportunity to display my patience, coping skills, and most importantly I got the chance to see just how far my GrandKids thought I'd let them go.

It made me re-evaluate how I disicipline them outside of the home vs. inside---I wasn't consistant so they had to TEST the theory---will Nana give me something beyond time out? Is there really something behind "you're gonna get it Mister"? And what really is this "it". Well they tested, I failed, they won the battle, but I won the war because they both got "it" afterwards and now when go out anywhere all I do is remind them beforehand: "Hey, remember what happened when you tried this clowning before?"

So maybe you got the op to show your doc you are balancing your life. If you can get through a rigid session with only a "this too is glass" and it didn't get broken and the doctor didn't have to BEG you to reschedule---you go girl!

I too am bipolar, and recently moved out of state with my husband and 2 year old, who is very active. Although I am currently pregnant and on no meds at the present time, I can totally relate with this, especially because some young kids(mine at least) can seem so naturally bipolar at times, which makes for a very nervous and anxiety ridden visit with a shrink. Always feeling like the Doctor's feeling like "see, mental illness IS genetic", and if it were my kid, I know he'd be acting "baby bipolar" and I would probably have left the office to go sob in my car. Good for you, though, for keeping your appointment, your efforts are to be applauded, being as, as mothers, we sometimes overlook the very important task of taking care of our needs before we can do life the best for our ability.

I agree 100% I have depression and recently couldn't get a sitter, so I took all three of my kids (5, 3, and 1) to my appointment. My psychistrist was very understanding (and fortunately didn't have a room full of breakable things), but she did seem very concerned that I was doing okay, if this is what things are like at home all the time. They'd all been dragged out of the house and across town with cries of, "We can't be late--again!" so they were acting up a little more than normal. But my husband likes to joke that with a crowd like that in the office, I'm going to end up getting my medication upped every time I go, just because they're making her so anxious!

I definitely learned my lesson and will reschedule or call in every babysitting favor I can think of before I do that again!

As a clinical psychologist, all I can say is that it's ok. We therapists (and psychiatrists) have children who act up, too! It's what kids do. I recall taking my toddler with me to supervisions back when I was a graduate student. My son once got a hold of my supervisor's tissues and proceeded to pull each and everyone out of the box. I was mortified (although I know this is normal toddler behavior) because of course I want my supervisor to think that I'm a great mom with a perfect child. When I tried to reign my son in, my supervisor told me to leave him be, reassuring me that it was ok. At that moment I realized that yes, it IS ok for kids to be kids (mine and yours!).

Laura, Wow you really summed it up. I found myself in so many similar situations, when the kids were around 4. I have a trick, that was born from desperation of course! I used to go to the very bottom of the toy box and pull out toys that hadn't been seen in months. The bigger the variety the better. I'd take this bag full of random goodies to the store, appointment etc., and actually withheld it until disaster began to strike. With a huge "mommy WOW" I would pull out said bag and (with limited acting skills) proclaim OH! "haven't seen you", and "what's this guy doing in here?". People looked at me crazy, but crazy, in my family, is a compliment!! Cheers!

No, taking your child with you is not ideal. I'm not sure if you and your child had a conversation prior to the visit? What you expected from him and consequences for inappropriate behavior? I think by age 4 years old, a child if given boundaries should understand NOT touching other people's things. As soon as he headed toward ANYTHING that wasn't in his bag....he should be directed back to a corner of the room and told, "these are your things." and he should never get so far as to rip post it notes or rake the garden. Think one step ahead of him and as soon as he's on the move......you are on the move too....toward him telling him that's not OK.and redirect. This holds true in any situation, but I agree the counselor is not the place for a child unless he's the client. I always needed time alone when I went to the counselor, etc. without distractions. I'm sure your post will help many women in the future. Parents never see their own child the way others see them.....but children are children and we have to see the overall picture as adults.

Hi Laura. As you have just experienced, it is stressful taking your kids along with your to attend to personal appts, but believe me it can get easier and a non-issue. I've had to take mine to most all my appointments, first my son since being a baby – he’s now 4 - and then when our darling daughter came - she is now 2. And in most cases it has worked out fine. I've taken no toys, not got over prepared, not tried to over think the impending appt either, basically just tried to get to my appt somewhat on time – which is an whole other topic. I’ve found that some doctors and dentists offices actually have a box of toys in a corner for possible little visitors. I’ve been fortunate enough to have had a fairly positive experience with taking my kids to appts and not because my children are the most well behaved but because I’ve had to persevere and just get on with it. The only time my plan of taking the whole crew to an appt did not work was when I turned up (late) to a breast scan at Washington Radiology. This was my first time and I didn’t know what to expect. The woman looked at me quizzingly – and probably in dismay too - and I said: “You know you have to lay still for up to one hour while the scan is being done?” Well, I did not and rapidly realized I’d had to enlist my husband’s help on this one.
I chose to concentrate my business of writing and photo editing from home so I could in turn look after and raise my own children without the assistance of a nanny or other paid help. My husband works many hours and is very supportive when I’m in an absolute crunch.
In almost all cases, offices that I’ve visited have jumped at the chance to engage my children whether it is the receptionist, the nurse, a valuable box of toys they provide, other people’s kids all playing together, or just sitting in the doctors office having a chat. My children also take to dismantling everything from pulling out the paper cups, tinkering with instruments, trying to turn on what looks like very expensive equipment, to whipping books off the shelf. I too gently remind them that these are precious belongings and to be careful etc. Most often the doctors respond, “Oh, they can’t do any harm, “They aren’t hurting anything,” “They are inquisitive,” and so forth. I’ve not been kicked out yet! One of my doctors actually told me he looked forward to seeing my son and seemed genuinely disappointed recently when I said they would be in nursery for next week’s appt. Nowadays my son likes to pretend to be a doctor - Dr. Smith – he has his doctors bag and now has a “thing” about anatomy charts. He also tries to study any wall charts asking many questions. So, in a way, the many visits to various doctors has actually turned out to be a learning experience for them. Yes, sometimes they still play up and I can feel myself cringing, but that’s my reaction to deal with and it will all be a distant memory in an house or so when we are back in the car going on our next expedition.
Laura you might want to suggest that in cases when you absolutely must bring your son, would it be possible to have a box of items in a corner. You’d be surprised how your son will remember where the box is for the next visit making it a fun memory for him too.