Photo by: iStock

Instead, I Had A Baby

Photo by: iStock

I distinctly remember plotting my “big 4-0” birthday party back when I was still in my thirties. I also clearly recall bragging to my besties that, when I turned 40, I was going to celebrate by either going skydiving or getting my belly button pierced.

Instead, I had a baby.

Yes, it’s true. As of this moment, I am very proud 50-year old mom of a beautiful 10-year old girl.

Being of Advanced Maternal Age certainly has its perks and its challenges. Being a mom in general is one of the most rewarding gifts there is in life, but being an “older mom” tends to raise an eyebrow or two. I think it’s most prevalent during parent/teacher conference weeks. Other moms come striding into the classroom sporting their lovely knee-high pirate books, stylish little hats and Michael Kors purses. I come trailing behind, rocking my Sketchers Go Walks (because they feel good on my plantar fasciitis), a purse that had a former life as a diaper bag and my daughter’s Elsa from Frozen stocking cap plopped on top of my poorly disguised greying roots.

I try to dress “on point” like other moms (younger moms), but also acknowledge that I am at the age when “hip and stylish” has been exchanged for "I-just-want-to-be-comfortable.”

Truth be told, I cannot disguise the obvious fact that I have a good fifteen years on most other moms with kids the same age as mine. I truly do my best to not look, or act, my age but inevitably there are questions from the people that I encounter in my travels. These questions stem the fact that they are fascinated that I am an Old Goat with Young Kids

To be blunt; they ask some pretty damn dumb questions.

Apparently, when you have your last child the day after your 40th birthday, stupid questions, an occasional raised eyebrow and the words “advanced maternal age” become your co-pilot.

So, As my public service announcement to future Dumb Question Askers, here are a few things I would advise that you NOT ask the over-40-mom of small kids.

Is this your grandchild?
NO, I’m her sister. Take THAT Nosy Pants

How long have you been married?

Why thank you for asking this question as a lame and transparent attempt to do math in your head. I know I look like one of the Real Wives of Beverly Hills *cough*cough* but I have had the same spousal unit for 27 years. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

You must have waited to have kids?

Actually no, but thanks for assuming that anyway. Now let me launch into my diatribe as to the malfunction of my ovaries and the quality of my husband’s “swimmers.”

Is it hard being an older mom?

Why NO, actually. Having kids comes in quite handy when I need someone to fetch my walker, rub cream on my varicose veins and sort my meds for me. I will have to say though; it’s a real pain in the rear when I forget where I leave them….

Are you really able to keep up?

Only when I take my Geritol, have a good daily nap and my bowels are cooperating.

Any other questions!?

Are you worried you’ll be attending their graduation in a wheelchair (cuz you’re so stinkin’ old)?

Heaven’s no! My kids are both geniuses and rocket scientists so I fully expect they will take care of me (because I am so stinkin’ old) right after graduation. Plus I hear they can do amazing things these days with physical therapy and motorized scooters for old folks like me.

Looking back, would you have had your kids younger if you could?

ABSOLUTELY NOT! Everything in life happens for a reason and the path unfolds as it is supposed to. My kids are hard fought and hard won. I cherish every scrape, meltdown, boo-boo and sassy-mouth-come-back and that would not change if my age was “lesser.”

Joking aside, what is it like to be an Older Parent?

Thanks to being blessed to be parent to both of my amazing kids, I’ve become a wiser and more patient person -who feels truly lucky to be able to view this world through a child’s eyes. No matter what age you are, being a parent is the hardest job you will ever do, but it is also the more rewarding.

Rebecca is a freelance writer and blogger living in Northern Minnesota. She is the dedicated mom to two beautiful kids, a veteran blogger at Frantic Mommy and someone who loves to laugh about the trials and tribulations of parenthood. If another mom reads her corny stories and thinks, “Thank gawd it’s not just me!”….mission accomplished.

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