How to Send a Daughter Off to College

A week ago I sent the second of my three daughters away to college. And I use the word “sent” for a reason. I did not deliver her. I already performed that little feat 19 years ago.

No, I sent her with my husband because he insisted on doing the 10-hour round trip in one day. And… if you lean in a little closer, I’ll whisper the real reason… the real truth was that my daughter and I were barely speaking to each other by the time the big day came.

What with all the stress that comes with the last minute preparations: the shopping, and the planning, and the registering, and the waiting to hear back from roommates, and the decision-making, and the shopping, and more shopping… And she, who has never been to college before- knew “everything”! While I, a veteran college parent wars, knew “nothing at all…”

Me: Wanna try to order your books online before you go?

Her: No, Mom! Who would do a thing like that???

Me: Remember, we have to open a bank account for you. When do you want to do that?

Her: Tomorrow, Mom! You know I don’t have time for that today!

Me: Don’t you think you should start packing… you are leaving at 6:00 a.m. in the morning.

Her: I don’t know what I’m wearing tomorrow, Mom! How could I possibly start packing when I don’t know what I’m wearing?

And, through it all, her father remained above the fray – retiring for bed at 10:00 pm the night before their departure despite the fact that both the car and suitcases remained unpacked. And when it came time for husband and daughter to leave that fateful morning, we had one of those priceless mother/daughter moments when I imparted the wisdom garnered from my 22 hard-earned years of maternal bliss that went something like this:

Me: Now don’t forget to clean the hair off the wall after you’re finished with the shower. Your roommates may not look as kindly on your morning hair art as your sisters and I have.

Her: Mom! And then, in true teenage daughter fashion, she retaliated with a barb that went something like this:

Her: See you at Thanksgiving!

Me: What about parents’ weekend? We’ll come for parents’ weekend.

Her: No, you don’t have to come.

And that, my friends, was the moment I grabbed the bottle of Febreze and ran straight to her room…

Although Liz works as a full-time Parish Coordinator of a large suburban church, her first love is whimsical writing. She can be found at her popular humor blog A Mom on Spin and has written a manuscript entitled “Anyone Can Change a Diaper… It Takes a Special Woman to Launder a Daughter’s Thong.” Liz has three daughters, aged 21, 19, and 17, and lives in New Jersey with her husband, Michael.