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How Being Frugal Can Preserve Your Child's Innocence
My mother recently bought some Skechers tennis shoes for my 7-year-old daughter. I was flabbergasted to see the free gift inside the box: a cell phone charm. A cell phone charm? For a 7-year-old? Am I out of touch or does anybody else think it’s crazy for a young child to carry a cell phone? It made me mad that a company was trying to push this stuff on kids. Of course it’s the parents’ decision to buy their child a cell phone or not, but the charm was like giving a child an empty ice cream cone.
Life will play its course, but I don’t plan on letting my children have cell phones or personal computers until they are in high school, or close to it. I guess we’ll be going against the grain since a Washington Post article “Cell Phones: How Early is Too Early?” reports that “one in five 8-year-olds are cell phone users,” according to the latest Nielsen data, and that the average age a child first gets a cell phone is now 9 years.
Even though kiddie phones like Firefly or TicTalk, which feature games and parent controls, can be had for $50 (in addition to the monthly plan), a cell phone is minor luxury.(For an older child, most carriers charge about $20 for unlimited texting, on top of the voice plan, for at least $60 per month.)
I get that some families might need a phone or child GPS device for safety or logistical reasons, but in most cases when you are careful with money, you don’t buy your first-graders cell phones. Yet the decision is more complex, of course.
A Tight Budget’s Silver Lining
How we choose to spend our money is a reflection of our values. I “can’t afford” a cell phone for my daughter because I don’t want to (because I worry it will make her grow up faster, be influenced by negative aspects of mass media culture, become spoiled).
Many elements of our family’s way of life began from a basic constraint: our limited spending power. We cook instead of ordering in, hang at the playground instead of at after-school classes, pitch in with chores as a family instead of hiring a cleaning service. But I’ve come to see these habits as improvements in the quality of our lives. Choices that I don’t want to change — even if we strike gold one day.
Putting It All in Perspective
When I worry that I’m not giving my children enough, I think of Laura Ingalls in the Little House on the Prairie series (which my daughter and I have been reading together almost every night since kindergarten, book by book).
Besides having almost no personal possessions or toys, Laura and her sisters did a lot of work. In fact, their days were filled with chores and working to survive. Were they any less happy? I doubt it.
Comparing our lives to those of other families – throughout time and over the world — always makes me feel better. Children don’t wither on the vine if they don’t get the latest gadget or their mother’s helicoptering attention. In fact, chances are they’re better off without.
So How Do You Say No to a DS, Play Station, or Cell Phone?
My daughter hasn’t overtly asked me or begged me — yet. When she does, I will say no and tell her we don’t want to spend our money that way. If she offers to spend her allowance money, my answer would still be no and here is why:
Computers, TV and video games (and let’s face it — cell phones are mini-computers) rob time from things that are good for her: making friends, getting out in nature, learning by doing (helping around the house, creating things, developing hobbies), playing freely, reading and getting exercise.
I might give my daughter this explanation once or twice, but after that the answer will be a simple no. Nancy Samalin, a parenting educator and author of Loving Without Spoiling, suggests that reasoning is not a way to get your child to obey. All those “why’s” are just ways to break us down. In fact, a survey found that kids will beg for something an average of nine times before the parents give in. So if we really believe in something, the trick is to steel up our iron wills and be prepared to stand firm. (For more ideas, see the article “Unspoil Your Child“ by Marisa Cohen.)
“When you say no to another gizmo, say yes to something your child really wants — your time,” advises the Center for the New American Dream in their downloadable booklet Tips for Parenting in a Commercial Culture. They go on to say:
In What Kids Really Want that Money Can’t Buy, author Betsy Taylor points to surveys and self-reports that indicate what children really want more than stuff is time — with parents, friends, and extended family. According to a 2003 New American Dream poll, 57 percent of children age 9-14 would rather do something fun with their mom or dad than go to the mall to go shopping. Kids yearn to get off the treadmill with their families and simply have unstructured fun…whether it’s playing games, cooking, reading together, or just sharing space with the TV off.
This advice can be a hard pill to swallow. In our fast-paced world, we are always trying to get more and more done. Going to the baseball game with a child does not feel like “getting something accomplished.” And buying a gadget for a kid that will keep him entertained for hours is awfully tempting.
Starting a ritual activity both you and your child enjoy can be a win-win situation. Not many parents want to sit down and play trucks or dress-up. But they might want to play cards together, or make cookies, go running together, have tea (or hot chocolate) and listen to music, write letters or organize closets. (Yes, kids like to do that stuff — especially if they get to do it with you.) The ritual part (every Sunday night, for example) ensures that you’ll keep making space for quality time together.
These are simply my points of view. What about you? Any thoughts on the subject of cell phones for kids, frugal living, or what kids really want?
Amy Suardi writes about saving money and making life better at Frugal Mama.
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Mitzi Rose, May 11, 2010
Thank you!! My happiest memories as a child, other than family hiking, fishing, hanging at the beach, camping, and hunting trips, were my unrestricted access to the library and our family pass to the local rec center in the summer, especially when I was old enough to bike there by myself...
Cynthia, May 11, 2010
Thank you Amy!!! I sat here reading your article with my head nodding up and down vigorously, glad to know there are at least 2 of us out there who are not waiting for December 25, 2010 to give our 7 year olds their first DS, cell phone and laptop! Good for you for promoting "Just Say No" where these things are concerned. This is my policy as well, and you know what? It totally works. At least so far...
Tracy, May 11, 2010
Wonderful article, I agree with most of what you wrote. I enjoy bringing my kids to the park, children's museum, and science museums, and enjoy more unstructured play. I do let my children play computer games, which are fun and incredibly educational for them.
I know my kids [ages 5 and twin girls who are 3 1/2] flourish with the one on one attention I give them, and they crave that more than watching a movie together...
Brandi, May 12, 2010
I have 4 children and I'm a stay at home mom! My kids are now 10 and 9. 2 of them have been asking for a cell phone repeatedly, and everytime I give the same answer, when your old enough to have a job and pay for it yourself we will think about it! As far as I'm concerned they are far to young for cell phones. If they want to talk on the phone, they can talk on our home phone where I can monitor and at least hear part of the conversation if I choose to...
Sigridur , May 12, 2010
Wonderful I agree most of what you wrote. Parents have to take their children to park, hiking, fishing or play in the garden at home, which are fun and incredibly educational for them. Its give them more than sitting in the living room and watching TV.
Susan, May 12, 2010
I totally agree with this article, my son is 6 years old and I dont beleive he should have everything. I feel that he should have a safe home, good food and a stable life its hard because I am a single mom and go to school.
Danielle, May 12, 2010
I agree with most of what is written here. Too often now families do not spend enough time together. My husband and me are blessed with five children ranging in age from fifteen years to fifteen months.Our family lives in a forest in a rural area so hiking, spending time outdoors, gardening, etc. are things we do daily. Our children help around our home, with meal planning and preparing, and with family projects so that they learn important life skills...
Teva, May 12, 2010
I really enjoyed this post! I agree with you so much on all of the points you expressed. Quality time with our children is huge! My daughter is soon to be 3, and I realize that if I don't spend time with her, I will never get that time back.
I find that when we have fun filled days, and time together, her behavior is better, she eats better, listens better, and sleeps better. Children crave attention, love, boundaries, direction, and the feeling of being accepted and wanted...
Kaylyn, May 12, 2010
Well this is a good article, But I do disagree with the fact that electronics (cell phones, computers, video games...ect...) Will keep a child from developing friends hobbies and so on and so for.
I received a cell phone when I was 10. Had my own computer when I was 13 and had a play station some where in there as well.
I have a ton of friends, I scrapbook, cross stitch and play the piano. I go camping and go for walks with my 5 month old and my sister...
Jennifer Walker, May 12, 2010
I agree with most of what you say and definitely back the spirit of the article, but I think sometimes we vilify technology. Computers, in particular, can be fantastic learning tools. It's all about how you use technology, and that comes down to parenting your child. If you occasionally use technology together, I feel it is a lot different than parking your child in front of a tv or video game for 3 hours.
Kristina , May 12, 2010
LOVE this! Agree with all of it! Most of my fifth grade students have cell phones and I don't get it! Until maybe middle school my child will only be with me or another adult I trust who has a cell phone, so why would they need their own?! It's not for safety, guys! My first child will go to kindergarten next year. She doesn't have a DS or spend much time on the computer. I would rather she play make-believe or play outside...
Rebecca, May 15, 2010
I am in total agreement with young kids not having cell phones. I was shocked (and sort of appauled) at how many of my daughter's classmates have a cell phones! My daughter is 8 1/2 and in 3rd grade! She of course has asked for a cell and the answer was and will continue to be no, until she is in high school (maybe even jr high, it depends) When she aske my why, I told her she didn't need a cell phone. She mentioned how she might need to call me, daddy or grandma...
Katie, May 16, 2010
Kudos to you! We SO struggle with this, but know in our hearts that our three young kids don't need more "stuff," rather, they need quality attention from us, their parents (which is much more difficult to offer!). Thank you for putting our sentiments into words.
Ang, May 16, 2010
I agree with most of the points in this article...technology IS starting to replace unstructured play and appreciation of nature. And a young child (7-13 years old) does NOT need a cell phone! At that age, they should always have some form of adult supervision so they wouldn't require it...
elei, May 16, 2010
oh thank you! your home sounds identical to mine. my oldest is 7...we don't do tv and video games (we have four children). He and my second attend a VERY EXPENSIVE private school (that we love) where the kids come from A LOT of money. He's been asking (testing us) about the DS for about a year now here and there. He's a pretty good kid, and he understands why we don't have it, but he still checks us here and there. I do let him play when he's with cousins and friends...
