Finding the Gift in Giftedness
When our daughter was about 10 months old, she took her first steps walking between her daddy and me. Ten minutes later, she was running down the hall. “Oh, she’s walking. How exciting!” I thought with all the naïveté and oblivion of a first-time parent. When she was 14 months old, I started a list of all the words she could say. I stopped when I reached 120. When she was three, she was reading.
A few years later, her younger brother had very little interest in reading, but he could add and subtract, kick anyone’s tail playing Memory™, and hit a pitched baseball all the way across the yard – all before his third birthday. Then came our third son, who closely resembles his older sister…on speed. Our house is exploding with brain power, and while such giftedness is something to celebrate, it comes with a whole host of challenging issues. I was talking with the Gifted/Talented specialist at our elementary school last year, and she commented with a chuckle that we “have our hands full” with such extraordinary kids. I replied with a laugh that we’ve never had “normal” children. This is just what we do.
In my observation, there are Really Smart Kids, and there are Gifted Kids – and the parents of the Really Smart Kids have the better end of the deal. True giftedness not only involves intelligence, but thinking so outside the box that the box is not even recognizable. Gifted kids think differently, learn differently, relate to people differently. They are often misunderstood by teachers and peers, and they often struggle with fitting in and feeling accepted. There is a lovely little term called “asynchronous development” that makes life oh-so-interesting: the gifted child may have the intelligence of one many years older, but his body, his maturity and his emotions are still at his biological age – or younger.
In a nutshell, the gifted child does everything earlier than his peers (crawling, walking, talking, reading), uses advanced vocabulary fluently, thinks about and notices things that other kids don’t, may be ultra-sensitive, perfectionist, underachieving, has a heightened sense of justice, has texture aversions, and has a higher risk of depression and suicide. A gifted child could have all of these characteristics, some of these characteristics – or none of them. Think of it this way: if you put IQ scores on a Bell curve, the gifted child would be as far to the right as the mentally disabled child is to the left. They are, in their own unique way, “special needs” kids – which creates a big problem when the educational system teaches to the middle or to the lowest common denominator.
Whether you have a Gifted Kid or a Really Smart Kid, the most important thing you can do is advocate, and this is a delicate art which begins with getting to know and help your child’s teachers. If at all possible, volunteer for your child’s teacher – hang bulletin boards, make copies, cut out 22 construction paper candy canes – whatever she needs. In this way, you are not only freeing time for your child’s teacher to have more time to spend with her students (especially your student), but you will have more opportunities to get to know her, get to know what your child is doing, and make sure that your child is getting what he or she needs in the classroom.
In advocating for your child, it is extremely important that you partner with your child’s teacher instead of demanding preferential treatment. I never, ever use the word “bored” when describing my child (that will put a teacher on the defensive and make her feel like she is doing a poor job), and I always tell the teacher “I don’t want to create any extra work for you, so please tell me how I can help you with my child.” I work with the teacher (and GT specialist and librarian) to create projects or assignments that will stretch my child to his or her potential. I go out of my way to thank the teacher multiple times for all she is doing to help and challenge my child. (Thankfully, every time I’ve said this, my child’s teachers have replied, “I’m just doing my job,” but from what I understand, many teachers do not share this gracious attitude.)
Outside of school, take your kids to the library, to museums, to any free or low-cost cultural or educational experience you can. Sit down with them and read, read, read, read, read, read. Then read some more. And don’t forget to read! Get to know them and their interests, and feed their knowledge in whatever piques their interest. When my daughter was five (and reading at a 2nd grade level), she was obsessed with China – because she noticed everything that was “made in China” – so we read lots of books about China, watched videos about China, cooked Chinese food… and – much to my husband’s chagrin – cheered for the Chinese athletes during the Summer Olympics. Gifted kids have a tendency to hone in on one subject and want to know everything about it – so by all means, feed it.
Entire books have been written on the subject of giftedness, so my list of characteristics and suggestions is by no means comprehensive, and there’s no way I could do this topic justice in a short space. Two great websites on giftedness can give you much more information: Hoagie’s Gifted and Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted. Additionally, many schools/school districts have parent support/education groups, and there are countless websites and organizations that can advise and encourage you as you struggle to raise and motivate your gifted child. Raising gifted kids is both a challenge and a blessing. Like all children, they are unique and extraordinary, and they have the potential to change the world – but only if their gifts are appreciated and nurtured. And, with a lot of effort, a little luck and lots of praying, your house might not explode from all the brain power contained within.
Jennifer Hunt is a wife, mom of three, doting aunt, writer, minivan taxi driver, and household CEO for their home in Texas. When she’s not in the car, she is expending creative energy at From the Corner of My Couch and Lives of Doctor’s Wives.
