C'mon Get Happy: 5 Tips for Happier Parenting
Have you noticed how much mom blogs seem to focus on the “dark side” of motherhood? It’s hard to be surprised. Moms have gotten the idea that in order to “do it right” we’re supposed to devote ourselves, mind, body and soul, to diapers, feeding, play dates and t-ball, and what’s more, we’re supposed to do it all perfectly (whatever that means) and without asking for help. No wonder mothers get the message—over and over again—that motherhood is miserable, thankless, and exhausting.
But what if we all knew that you can be a happy mom and a good mom? That there are many ways to “do it right” and the key is choosing the way that’s right for you and your specific family and situation? That looking out for your own happiness is one of the most important things you can do for your child?
It’s the truth! And finally, the world is starting to recognize it. Back in 2009, the same year I started my blog The Happiest Mom several major articles stated that parenthood makes people pretty miserable. Just two years later, though, this idea that moms can — even should! — be happy is finally taking root. In addition to my book The Happiest Mom: 10 Secrets To Enjoying Motherhood, other new books, like The Ten Habits of Happy Mothers by Meg Meeker, are encouraging mothers to seek out happier lives, too. Great news for us, moms!
But while you can definitely use the words “happy” and “mother” in the same sentence, a lot of parents make the mistake of thinking having kids is automatically going to make us deliriously happy. Nope. You’ll have to do a little work to create a parenting approach and lifestyle that work for you and your family. Here are five of my top tips for happier motherhood:
1. Trust Your Gut
A vital part of being a happy mom is learning to listen to your own instincts and make choices you can feel confident in. If your mom faith is shaken every time your mother-in-law criticizes your bedtime routine or you overhear a mom on the playground talking about a new discipline strategy, it’s time you got the message: you really do know best, Mom!
2. Go With The Flow
Let’s face it: As a mom, some days go smoothly. And then there are the days when the dog escapes the yard just after your toddler goes down for her afternoon nap and to cap it all off, your preschooler suddenly has to “go poopy.” An ability to ride out whatever motherhood tosses at you will make you less likely to freak out when things don’t go according to plan—and will make you and your family a whole lot happier.
3. Find Your Tribe
What’s more fun: pushing your three-year-old daughter on the swing for a half-hour while wondering, for goodness’s sakes, how much longer she can possibly keep saying “Whee!”? Or pushing your daughter on the swing while gossiping about last night’s Big Love with a swing-pushing friend? Let’s face it, motherhood can be boring and frustrating, but it’s a lot less so when you’ve got a support network of friends and family to keep you company and help out in a pinch.
4. Look Out for Number One
So your kids are decked out in designer duds while you shuffle through life in uncomfortable shoes and last decade’s jeans? Or you’ve been meaning to sign up for that pottery class but just can’t justify leaving your husband to take care of the bedtime shuffle for something so…selfish? Moms are people, too, and we deserve to think of ourselves every now and then. In fact, by putting yourself first once in a while, you teach your children an important lesson: that other people matter, and that they aren’t the center of the universe. You could say that being a little bit selfish is the most unselfish thing you can do!
5. Aim Low, Go Slow
Sure, it would be great if your kids were straight-A students, piano prodigies, and star athletes; your husband got a great promotion but was still always home in plenty of time to help with dinner, and you suddenly realized the secret to keeping one sock from disappearing into the ether. And then…there’s reality. It’s great to have goals, but keeping your expectations of yourself and everyone else in your family realistic can help protect you against disappointment and frustration.
I haven’t always been a happy mom, but as I share in my book, the more children I’ve added to my family, the more I’ve learned to simplify, streamline, relax, and enjoy myself. Being a mom is hard work, and of course we all have ups and downs…but I learned that you really can take steps to create a life that’s more relaxed, more fun…and just plain happier.
The best news of all? The happier you are, the happier your kids will be, too. Now that’s a good reason to let go of the guilt and killer expectations and choose to enjoy motherhood, isn’t it?
Meagan Francis is a mother of five children ages toddler to teen, and author of The Happiest Mom: 10 Secrets To Enjoying Motherhood, co-published with Parenting magazine. She also writes about being a happier mom at her blog, The Happiest Mom.
Editor’s Note: Add your thoughts in the comments and you might be a lucky winner of Meagan’s new book!
