Baby You're a Firework

It was hard for me growing up in a home where holidays were treated just like any other day.

Sure, we had turkey on Thanksgiving and a tree for Christmas, but there was never much fanfare. From a young age, I longed to entertain.

As July 4th apporached, I wished for a house with a huge backyard where we could enjoy a barbecue. There was a backyard that my bedroom overlooked. It belonged to the landlords, who were hardly ever there. I prayed they would have pity on me and allow me to use the yard now and then, but that never happened.

Every summer I was disappointed waiting to see if our family would get an invitation to celebrate the holiday anywhere but our tiny apartment in Queens. I wanted to roast marshmallows while waiting for the night sky to explode with color.

As soon as it grew dark, I would peer out of my bedroom window straining to see fireworks. I could hear stray firecrackers in the distance. Surely, I should be able to see something.

If I angled my head just so, I could make out flashes of red and blue in the distance. Listening to the sounds of the Macy’s Fireworks show playing in the background, I didn’t leave my post. My mother tried to convince me that it was better to watch the fireworks on television. Obviously, that wasn’t true, so I kept my watch out the window.

By the time the show was over, you could see the indentation the screen window left across my forehead, but I was satisfied.

Three years ago today was the day my pregnancy with Linus started going downhill. I was under the care of high-risk obstetricians because my last two pregnancies had resulted in stillbirths. I was only 22 weeks pregnant. The same week I lost my first stillborn. Blood and fear quickly overshadowed any plans we had for the evening.

With instructions to rest from my doctor, the kids agreed to have a movie night as the fireworks blared over our rooftop. The following day I went into the hosptial and started three weeks of bedrest.

Linus was born 24 weeks and 5 days premature. He has always been my little firework. I think he wanted to celebrate the 4th with us that year.

“If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow.
Maybe you’re reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it’s time, you’ll know.”

-Katy Perry

Everyone who entered my hospital room asked if I was there for the 4th, because the fireworks seen from my window were beautiful each year.

I marvel over my little firework every day who will turn three in about three weeks.

Jennifer Swartvagher is an author, freelance writer, social media specialist, and blogger. She is best known for her blog, Beyond The Crib, and its corresponding Facebook and Twitter pages. She is also a regular contributor to Today’s Mama and has been published in Mamalode and Hudson Valley Parent Magazine. Jennifer lives in the beautiful Hudson Valley with her husband and eight kids.