Photo by: iStock

A Mother’s Independence Day

Photo by: iStock



I chose motherhood.

And while some people decide to start a family and it happens, it took a bit longer for us to get there. But it’s an experience worth waiting for, both humbling and exalting and exhausting all at once. However now that we’re negotiating bike riding and have mastered swimming, I’m thinking I’d like a bit of my own independence back. I’ve been working hard to help my little one discover her own independence and now I need to recover some of mine.

And so with that, I echo the Declaration of Independence with motherhood in mind:

“When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another…”

Beloved child, I carried you for nine months and have stood by your side for the past five years. However, I need a bit of my independence back. You no longer need to tell me when you have to pee. Just do it. You don’t need to tell me you’re starving. Open the fridge and grab a snack—we have a shelf for that. Don’t scream that you can’t find your rainbow shirt: just open the drawer and start looking. Don’t tell me there’s trash on the floor; just pick it up and put it where it belongs. Want to buy something in the store? Then do the chores on your chart and work towards saving for whatever you want; I am not your bank!

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights…”

I would like my unalienable rights to include using the bathroom by myself, quietly, without seeing fingers creeping under the door or hearing “MOOOOOOOOM” until I wash and dry my hands. No opening the shower door either. I would additionally like bedtime adhered to without footsteps creeping down the stairs during Game of Thrones. Mommy just needs some quiet time. I’d like to wake without a child eerily staring at me at 2 a.m. in the morning or having the toys I put away stay that way at least for 15 minutes before I step on them again. And when I cook dinner, everyone will eat it without suddenly declaring a favorite food taboo and demand peanut butter and jelly with marshmallows in the middle cut into tiny crustless triangles.

“…that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness…”

This Independence day I hope that my Life may, just a bit, emerge from the shadows of a preschooler’s life. After all, if this is the life I’ve got, I’ve got to live it. I will toss my kid’s leftovers in the trash instead of eating them myself; I am better than the morsels my kid leaves behind—even if it’s mostly the whole meal I made by request. I will find Liberty in moments of solitude by myself: in yoga, in walks, in simple meditation on gratefulness. And I will pursue MY Happiness—that which makes me happy beyond my child. I will carve out time to read, to garden, to connect with good friends, and seek to make some new ones. And I will get out and see the world (in real adult clothes, not yoga pants or the outfit I wore yesterday).


May mothers everywhere take great pride in the independence they’ve instilled in their children, and may we all rediscover the independence within our own adult lives.

Here’s to a happy 4th!



After surviving ten years as a high school English teacher, Kathryn opted to create imaginary worlds and spend her days hunting for ladybugs with her daughter. She has written for ChildGood and Babies and Breastfeeding magazines as well as various sites around the web.

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