3 year old Self Esteem

A mom recently asked a question of concern regarding her 3-year old daughter’s self-esteem. This question reflects the doubt that so many parents endure in regards to building a healthy self-esteem for their children. This pressure can be immense and it will create for parents days, months and years of worry and self-doubt.

Yet, children are not fragile. They are born to you as healthy, eager and strong beings. Their early needs are to eat, sleep, and feel secure. This security comes from having someone respond to them in a nurturing manner when they cry, and knowing that the faces on which they gaze will reflect love and joy back to them. This is the foundation for a healthy sense of self.

As your children grow, their security comes from knowing their needs will continue to be met with caregivers who are even-tempered and consistent. Your children mirror what they observe, and when they sense happiness, love and contentment in their environment—when they see their caregivers living lives of joy—then they will model these feelings and actions in their own lives. That is what is needed to build healthy self-esteem.

Words of support and love are always nice, but they are meaningless if the environment in which the words are spoken is one of tension, anxiety, sadness, and/or hostility. Giving a child all she/he desires seems wonderful, but it cannot replace a stable and joyful home. Children mirror what they feel from their parents, and parents who chronically worry and fret over the well-being of their children will create children who are worried and anxious. Parents who trust in the well-being of their children and seek joy in their lives will produce children who are joyful and confident.

Be in awe of your children’s abilities to perceive what you are truly feeling, and know that parents are powerful teachers. The words you use to teach pale in comparison to the teachings you provide with your daily thoughts and actions. Children are paying attention to what you are doing—not what you are saying. Know the wellness of your children. They are born to you perfect; your only job is to continue to allow their perfection by trusting in their ability to know their own joy as they stay connected to the perfect beings they are born to be.

Michelle Farias lives in San Antonio, Texas and is a mother of two and happily married for 9 years. She is a former therapist, and now works as a life coach.