Funniest Thing My Child Has Said

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Is it OK to print this one?? At a rest stop woman's room, in the stall, my friend's young son asked in a loud voice: "Mom, Is your penis under all that fur?"

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Lizanne M added this item on September 19, 2009

aw voted on September 19, 2009

aw commented on September 19, 2009 - That is hilarious!!!

Carol R voted on September 21, 2009

Julie J voted on September 21, 2009

Christi H voted on September 21, 2009

Joe X voted on September 21, 2009

Shelly G voted on September 21, 2009

Philitsa H voted on September 22, 2009

Melody M voted on September 22, 2009

Rosey D voted on September 22, 2009

Lois W voted on September 22, 2009

rosie commented on September 23, 2009 - now that's hilarious

rosie voted on September 23, 2009

Maria P voted on September 23, 2009

Sue W voted on September 23, 2009

Amy P voted on September 25, 2009

Stephanie G voted on September 29, 2009

Lynda M voted on September 30, 2009

Karma voted on October 2, 2009

Diana P voted on October 4, 2009

rosie commented on October 6, 2009 - haha thats a good one lol

2boys1girlnsptbg voted on October 13, 2009

Trish C voted on October 19, 2009

2beautifulgirls voted on October 22, 2009

Patricia B commented on October 22, 2009 - I peed my pants when I read this!!!!!

Patricia B voted on October 22, 2009

HappyMom2BrownEyedBoy commented on October 26, 2009 - Hilarious!!!

Rachelle G voted on October 27, 2009

Mary M voted on December 31, 2009

JenniferB voted on January 1, 2010

Brianna J commented on January 2, 2010 - OMG! Hillarious! & they mean it in the most innocent ways too! LoL.

Brianna J voted on January 2, 2010

Samantha H voted on January 5, 2010

DanaW commented on January 7, 2010 - That's too funny. Our son likes to do the same thing. Only, it will be something like, "Mommy, I see your meatballs" in a dressing room. Where did he learn to call breasts "Meatballs"? My husband swears it wasn't him.

B C commented on February 20, 2010 - oh god -- so funny!

Lora R voted on February 27, 2010

Lora R commented on February 27, 2010 - OMG!!! Best laugh I've had today!

Melissa B voted on February 27, 2010

Melissa B commented on February 27, 2010 - THAT is Hilarious!

Samantha C commented on February 27, 2010 - omg!!!! lol!!

Hell on Heels voted on March 31, 2011

MariaL voted on March 31, 2011

Kelly G voted on April 3, 2011

Leandra Y voted on April 7, 2011

Nicole P voted on April 8, 2011

Laura J voted on April 11, 2011

meandmyguys3 voted on April 15, 2011

Ari S voted on April 17, 2011

Queen voted on April 18, 2011

Michelle C voted on January 22, 2012

Heidi C voted on September 3, 2012

happymom voted on September 5, 2012

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Funniest Thing My Child Has Said

Top 5

Is it OK to print this one?? At a rest stop woman's room, in the stall, my friend's young son asked in a loud voice: "Mom, Is your penis under all that fur?"

When asked by a friend if she knew the name of her friend's mom:" I just call her Excuse Me because I keep forgetting her name. "

Immediately upon waking one morning my 4 yr. old daughter tells me very matter of factly that "It is very hard to take a potato and a dragon somewhere that they do not want to go".

To grandpa after a long rant about his health ailments "Well, at least your not dead yet" (from my five year old).

"Nine, ten, onety-one, onety-two, onety-three." "No, no, it's 'eleven, twelve, thirteen...'" "Why?" "Huh, now that you mention it... actually, I have no idea..."

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Four year old daughter peeks into the bathroom when her ample grandma is showering. After watching her surreptitiously for a while, "Grandma, do you have any bones?" says she.

We were at church and my 3-year-old daughter kept tugging at my sleeve. I need a kleenex!" she said. I looked through my bag and couldn't find one right off. Glancing at her, she didn't LOOK like she needed one: no runny nose or sniffing, etc., so I sa

One day my 3 yr old son walked into the room and said "Mommy, I work my ass off!"

Mom to 5 year old daughter: "Go to your room." Daughter: "You're fired!"

Oldest sons (2.5 and 1.5 at the time) watched a diaper change on new born sister. After a moment, eldest son asked "Why is Caitlin's fanny in the front?" After I stopped laughing, we had our first anatomy lesson!

The 4yo boy's response to the babysitter's insistence that he clean up his toys: "This does not bring me joy!!"

My daughter put two tattoo's on her chest last night, one was a bumblebee. Her skin started to get pink around the bee. When I told her she may be having a slight reaction to the tattoo, she said no, she was just allergic to bees.

We were at dinner and there was a man who had lost his left hand and had a metal clamp type prosthetic. Halfway through our meal, my daughter looks at me, wide eyed and says, "mom, we need to go, that pirate keeps looking at me". Embarrassed, yes......

We were sitting at the dinner table, of all places, when my son announces at the top of his lungs, Mama, there is a hole in my butt!!! Apparently he was exploring without our knowledge while we ate our dinner.

I gave my 5 yr old the option of fish or chicken for dinner. "Fish!" he yelled. After taking a bite of the fish he turned to me and said "This fish tastes the way my butt smells after I fart. I should have ordered chicken!"

Post bath one night, Will gelled his hair slicking it back Fonzi style, then appeared in the kitchen, pajamas in hand, concerned, “But my pjs are going to mess up the hair!”

In a public bathroom, my 2 year daughter said, "This is different than the men's room!" I said, "Well, men's rooms have urinals." She said, "No, Mommy, men's rooms have penises!"

First they start as Corn Troopers and they grow into Storm Troopers. They are ruled by the Umpire.

My eight-year-old daughter, in a grocery store, with a can of evaporated milk in her hand, "If this milk is evaporated, why is there anything in the can?" Excellent point!

My daughter stopped at a fountain in the middle of the mall. She asked me for a penny, so she could make a wish. When I told her that I did not have any change she replied, "That's ok mom, I will just throw in your debit card."

When my son was 6, he was sitting quietly one day. Suddenly he looked at me and said, "I wouldn't like to be superglued to the wall." I guess I'll have to scratch that one off my list of things for him to do. :)

We were at a dirt -track racing event and there was a large wreck in turn three of the race. My then 5 year old son, without missing a beat yells, "Clean up in aisle three". Those who heard it could not stop laughing!

Every Saturday my hubby and daughter would make breakfast while I slept in. One morning I came in the kitchen and smiled as I watched them and my daughter looked at me and said "Look mom, I'm crappin eggs with daddy".

There is a liquor store where we live called Kokoman's. My 6 year old daughter said that it wasn't fair that they named it after a man instead of a woman. She waited a while and then said well, I guess it's okay because of girl cheese sandwiches.

After my son took our puppy, Crystal, out to pee I asked him, "Did Crystal pee?" His response - "No, but I did."

I was talking to my kids one day and said, "You know what I want to do?" My 5 yo son said, without a beat, "Go roll in the grass?" I was speechless, then cracked up!

3 year old Jack: "Mommy, can I have a blanket?" Mommy: "Are you cold honey?" Jack: "No Mommy, my foot is asleep so I need to cover it up."

"Grandma, are you 21?" No sweetheart, I'm not 21 (big pleased grin). "Is mommy 21?" No honey, she's not 21 either (big proud grin). "Good" and after a huge audible sigh of relief, "if you were that old, you'd be dead by now!"

This needs no explanation. My 4 year old daughter said one day "My butt's talking!"

Son, age 6: "I'm just trying to be my own person, why can't you understand that???"

When asked how my then 7 year old would like a new brother or sister she replied "It's ok, I like the one I've got"

WE LIVED ON A DIARY FARM AND OUR FOUR YEAR OLD SON HAD SEEN SEVERAL CALVES BE BORN. ONE DAY HE WALKED OUT OF THE BATHROOM AND SAID, THAT WAS SO HARD I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BORN SOMETHING!

My 5 year old Daughter asked me if she could have ovaries again for dessert tonight, they were so yummy! I explained they were oreos!

My 5 year old daughter got a writing journal and called it her "diarrhea" instead of her diary.

My 4 year old daughter was in trouble and I said to her "I have told you too many times not to do that", she then proceeded to say to me "No mom, you have told me three many times not to do that". - Rachelle

As I was fastening my bra my three year old said, "Mommy is that your seat belt"?

"When I grow up, and I have a penis, I will be able to pee outside." quoted by our three-year-old daughter.

When my daughter was about 3 we went to the bank to talk to someone about getting a loan. During a pause in the conversation my daughter said," Excuse me, did you know my mommy has hair on her bum?" Thankfully the person at the bank was a woman.

My husband and I were in Target and we walked by the lingerie isle. My 4 yr. old daughter stopped and saw a mannequin with some sexy lingerie on it. She looks at me and says "Mom you would look ravishing in this one". (A quote from Beaty & the Beast)

When my oldest was 5 we went out for Chinese food . She had been doing rhyming words in her class.She shouted in the middle of dinner "mommy China rhymes with vagina".Silence took over and eyes gazed at us.When I smiled and said "Yea, good job"

When I'm upset with my 4-year-old daughter, she tells me, "Mom, I'm not a Barbie, I'm a child. You yell at Barbies, not children."

On our way to my 4 year old daughter's first day of school this year at Montessori she said, "Mommy, I think I am almost ready for college now. I almost know how to read and write so I am ready."

While out shopping at Toys R Us one day my daughterage 2 1/2 is sitting in the shopping cart singing the store jingle "I don't want to BLOW up I'm a Toys R Us kid..." My two older kids and I of course were laughing so hard!

Driving past SeaWorld many years ago, my 5 year old daughter asked,"Can we go there?" I said, "No, it costs over $20, just to get in!" After considering a moment, she asked, "How much does it cost to get out?"

my three year old son, singing loudly from the next room, to the tune of "where's my pajamas": "where's my vagina, WHERE'S MY VAGINA..." (My husband asked, "Is he saying what I think he's saying?")

While trying to wait patiently for the day when she could open her gifts for a celebration, my 8 year old says to me: "Mommy my heart! The stress of having to wait to find out what's in the presents is hurting my heart. I just can't take it!"

After trying a bit of new food at dinner, my 3 year old remarked, "My tongue doesn't like that."

Climbing into our hot (by Northern CA standards) 72 degree car, my son asked, "Is this how hot fire is?"

My 7 year old drama queen said, "It hurts so much when I bend over I have to say 'ouch' twice".

My 8yo son wa out with his dad and asked how long before they got back home. When my husband asked him why he said,"well, my schedule's kind of tight."

I was having my first prenatal appointment with my 2 daughters in tow. They were watching my doc perform a pap smear and the 3 yr old yelled out "Mommy, I see the baby's ears!!"

My daughter had been very sick with high fevers for a few days and was just starting to feel better. We went to the bus stop to get her sister and a neighbor child saw her and wanted to play. I explained that we couldn't play today because my daughter h

While sitting on the toilet, my then 3 yr old asked, "Mom, is all the chubby in our bottom poop?" I said "No... why? Did you think that people with really chubby bottoms were full of poop?" She just smiled & nodded!

While driving past a police car my 5-year old said, "Mommy, if the policeman stops you to give you a ticket, is it a movie ticket?"

During our recent thunder storm, we told our worried daughter that the thunder was just the angels bowling. She quickly remarked "Why do they only bowl when it's raining!"

So, my darling husband is a cautious driver, my family has a history of race car and horse racers...as we trotted slowly down the road behind my cousin, my relative, my 3 year old daughter shouted to my husband, "dad, follow that car, she can run, but she

My daughter was watching her preschool teacher struggling to get the classroom's broken toilet to flush. Trying to be helpful she suggested to her teacher that she "might want to try changing the toilet's batteries"

One Christmas my son and I passed a house that had a Santa Claus statue standing beside the Navtivity scene. My 6 year old turned to me and said, "Mom, I didn't know Santa Claus was at Jesus's birth".

While my 2 year old son was getting his hair cut at the salon he asked me "Mommy, are you going to get red eyes today?" Confused, I didn't know how to answer, he says "Go in the back and get red eyes..." Then it dawned on me, I usually get my eyebrows wax

I took my youngest, about 5 at the time, to the grocery store. They give the kids a token at the checkout to use in the candy/cheap toy machines. They gave him 2 so he got 2 rubber bouncy balls. On the way home, I hear *sniff*, "I like to smell my balls".

My two year old after I took her temperature said, "I have a fever in my armpit."

Driving down the highway my husband and I hear our four year old daughter say from the back seat (in a very serious, concerned voice) "Ok, this is NOT good! There's a child driving that car." You had to be there to hear how funny this sounded. It was p

My 5 yr old says "Daddy when you go to heaven can you do whatever you want there?" Dad says "Yes, like eat ice cream." 5 yr old says "And not get a stomach ache!"

A couple years ago at Christmas time, I was shopping with my daughter when a "little person" walked by. She excitedly started pulling at my coat. "What?" I asked. "Mommy, I just saw one of Santa's elves!"

When putting money into the Boot my daughter says" those firemen must be saving money for their snacks" I replied" no, they are collecting money for Jerry's kids" with out hesitation she says" Well its about darn time Jerry did something for his kids!(10

My then 3 year old who kept hitting others said "Mom I am being good, my hand just aren't listening!"

I am cleaning the bathroom toilet when my husband calls me to the phone. I leave the toilet brush in the toilet, rinse my hands & go downstairs for the call - while i'm distracted talking - our 3 yr old goes up to use the potty. I am telling my husband ab

We were taking our boys to their baseball games. Our 3 yo daughter started singing, "Take Me Out to the Ballgame." She sang what made sense to her, "Buy me some peanut and jelly snacks!" (she didn't know what crackerjacks were...)

Our son pulled out some old Hot Wheels cars from one of my husbands childhood toy boxes. My husband used to play in the mud with them. "Daddy, do they have poop on them? "No, that is just mud on them." "Oh...(pause)... then I have mud in my diaper!"

My almost 2 yo grandson was so dismayed when he heard the attentive family friend was leaving for home that he lamented to his mother, "I shall be LOST without her!"

After telling my 3 year old daughter that Daddy helped me put a baby in my belly, she thought for a few seconds, put her hand on her hips, stamped her foot and demanded, "I want Daddy to put a baby in my belly, too!"

My 4 year old asked "Does Santa shave?" I said, "I don't think so." He said "Well that's good because no one would recognize him with all that hair off his face."

My 4 Year Old at bedtime: "Daddy, See my bed?" - Yes - "Daddy, see my pillow?" - Yes - "Daddy, see Nick's bed?" - Yes - "Daddy, see Nick's pillow?" - Yes - Pause, Pause... "Well there you have it!".

While on vacation my 5 year old son reached into my bag and pulled out a maxi pad and asked "what is this" My 2.5 year old daughter put her hands on her hips and exclaimed "thats mommy's diaper".

My almost 4-yr old was talking, talking, talking to the point I looked at him & said "I need you to stop talking to me." He put his fork down, looked at me completely straight-faced & said "you are a beautiful lady, mommy."

My grandson at age two was leaving my house. I hugged and kissed him and said,"I'll see you later." He waved at me and said, "See you lady. That was as close as he could get to I'll see you later. Now we all say it when leaving. See you lady. Bernice

I took my youngest, about 5 at the time, to the grocery store. They give the kids a token at the checkout to use in the candy/cheap toy machines. They gave him 2 so he got 2 rubber bouncy balls. On the way home, I hear sniff, "I like to smell my balls".