Yucky Florida Divorce...

Dear J. C,

Word of advice for you. Make sure you get everything you want for your kids written in the divorce papers. Because once the divorce is final and you don't have the full details such as increase of child support every few years, education,pre-school example College paid for by EX, even private school, if he can afford it. You will regret it later on. Make sure you have in the papers summer camp expenses, tutors, therapy bills, Braces, Communion, Wedding, Dormatory, medical expenses. Try and get him to pay most of the bills or at least half.......

PLEASE make sure everything is in the Final decree of your divorce. Alimony too. Mortgage payments, bills paid for etc........

Otherwise, you don't want to have to get your EX's wages garnished by the State. That means going back to court to get that done. Make sure that you don't leave anything out. Another thing, make sure you can move out of state without his permission, otherwise , if you ever decide to move away, you will need his approval for which he could hold you back from leaving with the kids. Also make sure you do not need his permission to travel out of state with your kids. He could hold you back too.

If he is not stable job wise, and is constantly moving, make sure he notifys the Court,state and you of new jobs, residences and phone phones.
I hope this helps. If you need more advise ......Please let me know.

Best of Luck,

G. H

I totally understand what you are going through. My to-be-ex left us just about broke and pregnant and it feels as though I am the one that's on trial. That's just the way the other lawyer works, they try to find out what you did wrong in the marriage, (even though it might have been nothing!) so they can make their client look better. I don't know how far into your divorce you are but it does get better. I'm working on twelve months now and my final date is in September. Just hang in there and if you would like to talk, write me back! Make sure that your lawyer is doing everything he/she can to help you and don't hesitate to ask for help. Take care.
J.

Hi J.,

My divorce was nasty between me and my ex but I had a good lawyer who made sure my rights were not violated. If you feel that way you need to talk to your lawyer or get a new one. Your ex should get visitation and you should have full custody unless they can prove you are an unfit mom or if you dont want custody.

J.,
I do not know the details of your divorce, but I can tell you that unfortunately judges are pushing fathers to have the most visitation and active involvement in the kids lives...........You have to get yourself ready for anything. I can only tell you that you have to learn to live with it and enjoy when you are with your children. I have lived for 10 years with the results of nasty divorce and going thru it again. Hang in there, my email ____@____.com if you would like someone to talk to.
L.

I hope you don't mine me calling you jenny. Jenny he's probaly selling you wolf tickets, telling you what he going to do. At best the judge will give him joint custody , he will not give him your baby. I know you believe what goes around will comeS around, if you just continue to be kind and let him have his fun threatening you, we'll see who will have the last laugh. God don't like ugly, it doesn't matter who its coming from. And He(God) will have the last say in this matter. I made sure I said a prayer for you before I sent this message. HOLD ON IT'S ALMOST OVER, THIS BAD SEASON IN YOUR LIFE.
P.

Hi J.

i wouldn't worry to much unless you are a drunk on drugs who abuses your children, which you don't sound to be. I have been divorce now for 3 years. I am a single 36 years old mom with 4 kids, I had my first two by the time I was 24 so I can relate how you must feel, overwelm at times I sure. My ex-husband, who is the father of the 2 smallest ones tried to take them away and put a guardian on me just because i was the one who wanted out of the marriage. My divorce took alittle over a year to get it finalized. As the judge put it unless he has proof of all his allegations no judge in there right mind will take children away, especially small ones from their mother. Notto mention yours are girls (moms know more about girls ..mine are boys (the two youngest ones, I have a another boy and a girl from a previous marriage.) I know its very stressful regardless because you still will have that worry not to mention the rage from his just wanting to take them away, but hang in there -- it will pass and soon good times will come again.

J.,
I am going through hell and back with my ex. We were never married. He never wanted me to have the child. However once he was born. He became SUPER Dad. He comes from a very wealthy family so doesn't even need to work. However he has so much luck that he works on contract and make over 150,000 a year. We proved that in court but since he hasn't filed taxes for himself or his company they only accessed 60,000 annually. They accessed me at 40,000 B/C I have a masters. The beauty of it all is that since Florida has the right of first refusal if I can't not take care of my son for more that 3 hours straight he has the first right to take care of him instead of my parents. So I can't work full time therefore I can barely make money. Florida highly favors men if the man wants to participate. My heart goes out to you b/c I didn't want my baby months old - 3 years old to his father's house without me. So I stayed out of court until then. I worst thing I did when he was 3 was go to court. Now the father is seeking 50%/ 50% custody. The poor child would have to literally sleep in a different bed every night during the week if my son's father wins. The judge now put a psychologist to recommend what to do.
I am stalling in giving my questionnaire to him to evaluate to see if I could make it to the next school year without the judge awarding him 50%.50% custody. The judge won't set a court date until he has the report from the psychologist. The main reason I don't want him to win is because his father teaches him to treat me badly. MY son comes back disrespecting me and misbehaving like a little monster. When I discipline him he tells me he want to go to daddy's and even when we are doing something fun like at the beach or anything he is constantly saying I want to go to daddy's. I am so tired to arguing with the father. Not to mention hearing my son say he wants to leave with him after all I am going through. My ex even verbally agreed to me going on vacation so I purchased the tickets and hotel only to have him say no to my lawyer we had to file an emergency motion. Only to have him agree at the last minute. I really think the court system is all messed up. I guess so many women abused the system that we are all paying for it. I have already spent $30,000 in lawyer fees etc. I image I will need to spend at least another 20,000. Not to mention I probably will always need a lawyer b/c he makes a big deal for everything to everything has to whine up in court. All I can say is pray. Very important for you to write everything down every fight, any scratch. It is sad to have to be like that but trust me when you walk into court it becomes a no holds bard.
I wish you the best
BMB

My divorce was recently finalized in Oct 2009, and my attorney and I are filing an appeal as the terms of the divorce - namely the visitation - are grossly unfair! In addition, there are many discrepencies and inconsistencies in the final judgment with respect to the court transcripts. In addition, the judge awarded my ex-husband the entire amount of settlement (a marital asset) with no regard to the children. The "new" family laws (effective Oct 2008) are NOT in the best interest of the children; they are solely representative of the fathers, even if they are undeserving or have abandoned the children/family.

My only advice to any and all moms, especially in Florida, is to keep fighting for what you KNOW is in the best interest of the children!

I'm going through the same thing. What was the outcome? Who was your lawyer?

I too had a nasty divorce in Florida. I can tell you that they always favor the mother unless they can prove you unfit which is REALLY hard to do. Don't worry. It iwll be ok. You will make it through and you will have such a weight lifted off your shoulders when it is all said and done!