Your Thoughts on a 6Th Grader with a Boyfriend

On one hand, yes, absolutely your daughter needs to be focusing on her friends, school, sports, etc. But- if you make TOO big a deal out of the 'boyfriend' thing- forbidding her to speak to him, or something like that, then you only make it seem more 'romantic' or grown-up.

On the plus side, it all sounds pretty innocent- texting, valentines, etc. But this is what I would do:

1) Just like with any other friend, do you know this boy? Have you met his parents? If not- do! Call up the mom and say " I'm Susie's mom and I was just wondering if you knew the kids had been texting each other" Don't make it anything negative, but aware parents are good parents. Having them monitor things from their end can only be a good thing. Ask your daughter to introduce her bf to you- even just a 'Hi Mrs. Miller, I'm Jim' afterschool will give you a chance to check the kid out and make it clear that you're around in the background.

2) Where is your daughter seeing this boy? If it is just at school or at sports events or with a group of friends, I think that is pretty normal. I seem to remember middle school as when some groups of boys and girls both would go to movies or hang out as friends. Even in a group, there were a couple of kids who 'liked each other'. So I think that's pretty normal.

3) I would have a heart to heart with your daughter- but make sure she doesn't feel like you're criticizing her. Take her out for a hot chocolate or some special 'girl time' and talk to her about how you feel. Tell her that you understand that she's getting older and you hope that she is learning what kind of person she likes, etc. - but that at her age, you won't be allowing her to date and that its important for her to realize that although it's nice to have a 'boyfriend' - it isn't more important than her sports, schoolwork, etc. and that you don't expect it to get too serious. Make sure she knows she can ALWAYS talk to you about ANYTHING at all.

I would also talk to her about the gift issue- a card or something small for birthday or Valentines is sweet, but let her know that at her age, too many gifts or anything too expensive is too much and not appropriate.

I would also talk to her about using the word 'Love' in the romantic sense rather than loving, say, your grandma or your dog or chocolate ice cream. I would suggest that at her age that 'love' is too big a word- Love means being together as adults, for a long-term commitment. Don't belittle her feelings- but if you suggest this in the right way, with a little humor, I am sure your daughter will see that declaring 'love' for someone at age 12 or 13 might be a little silly and premature.
Just try and keep the tone of your conversation light- you want her to confide in you and share these things with you!

4)Emphasize her close relationships with her girlfriends - remember, these girls will be her 'wing-women' at parties, etc. in the future when you are not there to look out for her! If she has good friends she can trust, her friends will all look out for each other! Ask if any of her other friends have boyfriends yet and tell her it's important not to ignore those friendships for a boy.

Unless she is sneaking around or lying to you, I think this is pretty normal. Just keep an eye on things and make it clear that you expect her to respect herself and respect your rules. As long as her schoolwork isn't suffering and she isn't getting too carried away, I think she will be ok.

Of course if you don't like the boy, or anything sends up danger signals to you, then you will have to be more firm. But this sounds pretty innocent at this point, so I would just have the talk, make sure her routine hasn't changed too much and she is still spending plenty of time with her friends and doing other things and hold your breath as you plunge into that next stage of parenting!!

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I know you have gotten a lot of answers but I wanted to throw this in. I am a high school teacher and I see how much kids try to hide things from their parents. I would really recommend that you start talking to your daughter frequently and casually about sex, physical initmacy, etc. I say "casually" because it shouldn't always be a big "talk". Kids are getting physical a LOT earlier than even when I was in high school barely more than a decade ago. The more your daughter knows from you about your values and why you think it is important for her to follow those values too, the more likely she is to make a decision for herself and not be persuaded by what her friends are doing. I hope I'm not sounding over-reactive. I taught at a school where 20% of the girls in the junior class were pregnant, some with their second kid. Ever since then I've been on a bit of a crusade to help girls know they are worth waiting for.
A.

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My nephew is in 8th grade right now and he is just barely entering into the BF/GF thing. He has had basically the same group of friends for awhile and I do remember in 6th grade them having the boy/girl parties...and I did hear of the occasional "couple" amongst them but it was not the majority, by far.

I never had BF in school but I do remember I kissed my very first boy in 6th grade....so it sounds about right to me. I don't think they really do anything at this age besides talk and hold hands and such. I do believe that girls are the leads in this early stage and our the aggressors...so it is well within your right as a mom to set different ground rules for your own daughter, if you so choose...might make it a little easier on us boy moms too!

I also hope my kids don't get too caught up in the silly soap opera-style, love games in school...just makes me want to gag...

I am with you...education, good friends, fun sports activities!

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I remember writing "I love xxx" on my hand in 6th grades...all the girls did it, but the boy wasn't their boyfriend, just someone they like. Anyway, 6th grade is way too early for a boyfriend. My daughter is 15months & there is no way she'll be kissing boys at 12 years old. I think if a 12 year old has a "boyfriend," just imagine what she'll be doing at 14 or 15. Do they kiss? I have a baby girl & am not sure how I will approach this issue when she's older. I just think 12 is way too early. My first kiss was at 16.

I suppose I'm probably in the minority, but I feel that dating and courting is for a specific reason - to find a mate. So unless a child/person is old enough to get married, WHY on earth would they need to be dating and having all the heavy duty baggage that comes with it- including sexual urges and pressures that many cannot stand under. Why put themselves into that position to be tempted in the first place? I think the whole idea of chaparones is a great one, by the way. And any parent who truly loves their kid would want to watch out for them from the wolves of the world.

Truly I wish my parents would have been more informed with me and watched me a little closer, and been more firm. Maybe I wouldn't have gotten into half the trouble I did. - hey, they didn't have death scentence STD's back then either like they do now, which is another reason i would say NAY to dating at 16 yrs old.......but 11 years old? OMG Definitely not! They are still babies.

i was 9 and bought candy for a boy and we kissed on the cheek... my first REAL BF was much later... but there were girls doing things in 6th and 7th grade. mostly going on group dates or w/their parents or shopping... you can't exactly tell them not to have feelings so just educate and supervise : )

My son had a girl ask him to be her boyfriend this year in FIRST grade!
I think it's ridiculous. Hope your daughter holds off for a loooong while! :-)

I think I was in 7th grade before I had a "boyfriend."

I had my first "boy friend" when I was in 6th grade. Ofcourse that was before texting and everything so we would talk on the phone a bit (less then i talked to my girl friends) and hang out as friends mostly. He was invited to my birthday party and came over to my house some (ofcourse my parents were home and really all we did was the same as I would do with friends, watch movie, walk outside, play with the dogs,etc) I do admit my son will be in 6th grade next year and I am not ready for that kind of thing as his mom!
I would also like my kids to wait before girls (my 11 year old son) and boys (my girls are still little) become an interest but it isn't likely. My son admits to liking a girl at school and is gonna talk to her but there will not be any texting (ofcourse my kids are not allowed to have cell phones until they are much other then 6th grade) or love yous,etc. I don't mind if he wants to get a girl something for her birthday or something like that (I appreciate the gentleman in him) but we haven't had to go through that yet. And just buying just because gifts is not going to happen. He did have 2 "girl friends" in 3rd grade but admitted he didn't really like-like them (ok girl-friends but not girlfriends) but basically did it because his friends had girlfriends. We talked about that and he hasn't had a "girlfriend" since because until now he hasn't "like-liked" anyone. We will talk about what it means to have a girl friend to him (and his friends) when he actually starts going with a girl. It is funny really because they call it "going out or dating" to which I ask where they are "going out" to and they can't be "dating" unless they go on a date! Can't keep our kids little and young forever but can set limits and boundries.
Hope this helps :)

I think a lot of girls go through this in 1st/2nd grade. I remember having a 'boyfriend' that little. But it didn't really mean anything... was just a nice boy. Then it goes away until much older.

My son is in 6th grade this year and has NO interest whatsoever in girls. He has a friends who is a girl (at church), also a 6th grader at a different school, but they are playmates, not girlfriend/boyfriend stuff. She is actually more tom-boyish. I have a niece who is in 7th who is just getting into the texting with a boy stuff.

I think the 'I love you' thing is a bit weighty for their age. But if they have phones, texting doesn't surprise me. The only real surprise is that the boy is as "into it" as the girl!

My son is in the sixth grade and he and his best friend aren't really into girls much at all. They talk about which girls are cute, and my son's best friend has a "sort of" girlfriend, but they don't do anything together. It's very innocent. Some kids though, boys and girls, are very girl/boy crazy already. I've talked to some parents who are dealing with the "I love you" issue, kissing, major petting, and more. It depends on the kids, and the parents. Some kids mature more quickly than others (or WANT to grow up faster). I know when I was 12 I wanted a boyfriend so badly, but I think I had a pretty innocent idea of what a boyfriend was. My mom was very involved too, so it wasn't possible for me to get into any trouble. I agree with you about wanting our kids to concentrate on school, friends, etc. It would be nice if they could stay kids a little longer. :-)

My first boyfriend was in 3rd grade. He gave me some baseball cards. (But then he died in a car accident.......)

My next boyfriend was 6th grade. We decided we were "going out" on the bus for a field trip. I gave him a baseball hat for his birthday a week later. Then we never spoke again! LOL.

So, my ACTUAL REAL FIRST boyfriend came when I was 16. And if I could do it over, I would not have dated even that young........

6th grade is WAY TOO young to be texting I love you.

That does seem too young to me, but of course I was a late bloomer and didn't date until college, lol (not that I didn't WANT to date, of course)! Anyway, 6th grade is the time for crushes and writing notes that say "Do you like me? Check yes or no". I realize texting and e-mailing add a whole new dimension to this.

In my opinion, if you hope your daughter will hold off on the boyfriends, you need to be very clear with her on it. My parents explicitly told me I was not allowed to date until I was 16 (not, as it turned out, that it mattered, lol). I could go to dances, etc. and I could "hang out" but having an exclusive relationship with a boy was not something they wanted to encourage. You're the parent; you set the rules & boundaries. Your daughter may not like it, and she may the throw the old "everyone else is doing it" line at you, but you know what's best for her and you need to make sure to stay involved in her life and help her keep things balanced. That's my goal when my daughter reaches this stage in a few years, anyway!

My daughter is 14 and still no boyfriend.And I'm glad.....
She is interested in boys but way to shy.