Your Childs Teacher

You have to separate yourself from your child. This is not your teacher. You do not have six months til the end of the school year. While it would be nice for her to be welcoming and appreciative of your help since she asked for volunteers, it doesn't really matter how she treats you. It's not about you. The question is, how is your child doing in school? Is he enjoying school this year and doing well with his work? Does he come home and complain about the teacher's demeanor? Not all teachers are the warm and fuzzy type, some of them are not as personable but are still excellent teachers. Remember that as kids get older, teachers are not as nurturing. If you are satisfied that your child is doing well, and the teacher is not traumatizing him in any way, then there's not a problem. If your child has told you that he is afraid to ask his teacher questions or for directions, this is something to bring up at conferences - only bring up what your child has told you, not things you've observed while volunteering in the class

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No Teacher will ever be perfect nor Mary Poppins.
You said the kids are excelling.

What you mention, is a personal idea of what a Teacher is or should be... and a 'personality' type. Which, no one will match or not.
Even in College... not every Teacher is a cup of tea nor breath of fresh air personality wise... but they can be TOP-NOTCH Professors.

My daughter had a similar Teacher last year... but you know what? My Daughter LIKED her. AND she learned. AND she enjoyed her class. My Daughter would even tell ME... "But I like her. She's just different that's all..." when I would mention to her if her Teacher is "okay... or not?"
But despite my 'personal' take on this Teacher's personality... I volunteered in class, was a Room Mom and did have great conversations with her..... that was MY initiation. I then got to know her... and she takes her 'job' teaching... quite seriously and genuinely. She cares about her kids..... in class a lot.

Not all Teachers... can also please all parents expectations. That is a TALL and impossible order. Even the best of Teachers... will have parents that do not 'like' them.

all the best,
Susan

4 moms found this helpful

You said it -- you have six months till the end of the school year. You win some and you lose some.

On a positive note, I think kids learn something from every teacher, even if it's how to get along with unsociable people. Anyway, the kids are excelling, so something good's going on.

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Well, I have one child in 2nd grade....his Kindergarten teacher was a cold fish...very un-warm & un-fuzzy! BUT my som really liked her. His first grade teacher was AWESOME! Fun, organized & much loved by the kids. And the parents.
This year...nice enough, semi-fuzzy, more down to business. Pushes the kids to try challenges. My son initially didn't like her much, pined for his 1st grade teacher, then warmed up to this one's style.
I guess the bottom line is that if the child adjusts to each teacher, then he/she will be OK.....
As for your situation--what if you ask her something?

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She does not sound very approachable..

I was in a a strange position. I was extremely active in the schools our daughter attended and I knew it was bad form to request a teacher..The school really did not allow it, even though some parents pushed and bullied.. It is just not done.. And yet I knew the outstanding teachers compared to the ok teachers..

I just never asked. I encouraged our daughter to always do her best, ask for help and to let me know of any problems. But I also knew in real life we are going to have to learn to work for and with all sorts of people. This was part of her education..

She had 1 teacher in middle school, that was AWFUL.. He did not want to be there and was just waiting to retire.. She got through that year, but I did voice y opinion to the principal and his lead teacher. The Principal allowed me to speak my mind to him in her office. I wrote a statement, and then read it to him and then gave a copy to the Principal which she placed in his file.. Made me feel better..

Once our daughter was in College she has had 1 Professor she really feels is a weak link.. But she stuck through it and dealt with it because this is the only Professor that taught this particular course. At the end she gave he Professor a poor review.. She said it reminded her of the Middle school teacher.. Why do they teach if they are so unhappy doing it?

So it is up to you. I have found that taking a cup of coffee and a sweet and meeting with a teacher on an off period and getting to know them , is the best way to know where they are coming from..

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We had our kids in private schools all through our son's elementary years. And our daughter through 2nd grade. This is the second year they have been in public schools. They both had excellent teachers through all their years in private schools.. except my son's 2nd grade teacher. Who was not by any means bad, she was just absent a lot. A LOT. And having a sub is just not the same. (I felt for her though, her husband had some serious health problems happen and she did what she had to do.)

My daughter's teacher last year was retiring at the end of the year (3rd grade) and she was nice and adequate, but didn't go beyond. Since my daughter was evaluated and given the option to participate in a 1-day a week pull-out program for GandT, I didn't worry about it too much. This year, 4th grade, she has an outstanding teacher, who is the lead for 4th grade. She really goes beyond. But also, in 4th grade the kids have a lot of new opportunities. She was encouraged by her G/T teacher to try out for something called Helen Ruffin Reading Bowl (which is a team that reads, asks/answers questions about a list of books in competition), which she made. They meet one day a month after school. She was recommended by her teacher to audition for the news team. Which is headed up by the media center specialist who also does the reading bowl team. I will be stunned if she is not selected for the team. (they put together a morning announcements news show including video/audio/powerpoints/reading script and ad libbing). I don't know anything about the 5th grade teachers next year. But I feel sure that she will be fine no matter where she is placed. She has a Lot of other learning outlets. And it seems that once the school realized her potential/talents, they placed her in the class where she will be challenged and still excel. Or maybe she/we just got lucky. I dont know.

My son, on the other hand, is at the middle school. Last year he had one teacher/subject that was blah. One teacher he adored. And one teacher that he was for all intents and purposes, terrified to approach. She was in it for the $ and her career, was working on her doctorate after hours, was routinely absent and had no patience with the students. She expected the 6th graders to have the maturity of college kids. Puh-lease!

This year, he has another so-so teacher (same subject as last year's), and another one he thinks is great (same subject as last year's) and one that I think is fabulous! He likes him, too, but doesn't glow when he talks about that class, lol. A lot of his feelings for his classes coincide with the subjects he likes... but not all. He likes Science, not ga-ga, but he likes it. His Science last year was the worst. This year... VERY good teacher who really cares about the kids. His motto is 2 rules: 1) Leave class knowing/having learned at LEAST ONE thing you didn't know 2) have fun while learning it.
I struggled last year with what to do about his science teacher. I concluded, probably mistakenly, that it was something he needed to learn to deal with: people with authority who don't do the "right/proper" thing or treat them nicely, or who are unapproachable, or who are snappy. You get that in life. You have to know how to deal with it. You can only control you.
But, that was 6th grade, and only for one class period-- not 3rd grade and all day long.
It was frustrating to see him learn to despise a subject that he has always enjoyed previously, though. Thankfully, he has a great teacher this year, and his interest in the subject is coming back.
I agree that when a teacher is tired of it, they should find another line of work. A great teacher can inspire a student to great and wonderful things. A poor one can drain the love of learning right out of them.

How does your son deal with his teacher? Does he refrain from asking questions he SHOULD be asking, because he is afraid? Would he have asked those questions of his 2nd grade teacher without hesitation? I will say this, though. 3rd grade is a difficult transition. Kids have to read to learn. Rather than still be learning to read. Same with math. They can't still be learning how to add and subtract simple numbers... they are working on higher math and need to KNOW those basics already. So there is a lot going on that is different than previous years.
For us, as long as my child is mastering the material, is being challenged, and isn't being unfairly treated (disciplined unnecessarily, called out b/c the teacher just doesn't like them or something, etc), and seems to be handling it ok, then I'd let it ride. I may get slammed for saying that. But, often, teachers have to be strict earlier in the year to gain the respect and set the behavior standard for the class. Later in the year, she might relax a bit. Or maybe there is something going on with her that you are unaware of (as it should be?). We all have our crosses to bear and our struggles. You just never know...
And, yes, kids should be encouraged to ask questions if they don't understand something. I have always told my son that over and over. If you don't understand... ASK. There are probably 5 other people sitting there wondering the same thing. And even if you are the only one who didn't "get it" the first time, or didn't hear it clearly, the teacher can't make adjustments to the lesson, or repeat herself, or do ANYthing, unless she knows there is an issue. It is up to HIM if he has an issue, to say something.
Unless your son's teacher responds to questions by the students in an inappropriate way, then I don't know that there is much you can say... that she "projects" an attitude of 'don't ask me anything' ?? That just won't fly.

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They are not all good. Some are better than others and then some are just awesome!

So far, we have been pretty lucky...with one exception, when my oldest nephew was in the 2nd grade he had a teacher that pretty much told my sister that my nephew needed special testing because she felt that he was "slow"...after months of battles and testing and all his other teachers talking to her, she finally caved in and apologized and said that she guessed he wasn't slow after all???

We just laugh at it now...."remember that one teacher Gage had, that thought he was *politically incorrect language here*!

~Some people are just crusty...don't let it bother you, it's obviously her and not you!

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I have been extremely lucky with my kids' teachers. Not only are they great teachers, I *personally* like them as people and enjoy conversing with them, even if it's not about my child all the time. Part of it is that the school district hires fantastic teachers, so even the worst teacher at their school is still pretty darn good. The other part is that we just hit the jackpot last and this year and gotten the (IMO) *best* of the already-excellent group. We'll see what happens next year, but I've NEVER heard ANY complaints from other parents about ANY of the teachers. One of the reasons we moved here in the first place was for the schools, and so far, we haven't been disappointed.

When it is just the two of you, do you start a conversation with her? If the kids are doing well academically, she must be doing something right...Some people are like that: quick, to the point, without a lot of flowery-touchy-feely stuff. Some students like teachers like that and some prefer a more gentle approach. What your child will learn this year is that there are many different kinds of teachers and that he will need to adjust to that teaching and personality style - it is a skill that will come in handy for the rest of his life (think college professors, future bosses, future in-laws). Next time you're in the classroom, try initiating a quick conversation with her about a neutral topic (weather, traffic coming in, etc) just for few seconds, to connect as people, not only as parent/teacher. And feel free to send HER warm smiles, they don't only need to come from her. Good luck!

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last year my girls had an awesome teacher.
this year, one is a yeller, the other one is kind of lost in space. i have not been feeling either of them
we just got report cards and was told my kids came top of class. i work my behind off with them at home. they do well in school. not like last year, they're not as thrilled to go to school but they're doing great.
i have decided not to try to get to know the teacher considering it doesn't look like it's an option. we will ride it out until next year. i am hoping for better cards next year.

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My son is now in 2nd grade and the only teacher so far that we both have liked was his kindergarden teacher. She was so sweet and loved to be with kids.
His teacher in 1st grade and the one he has now?? Dear Lord, keep my mouth shut. lol UGH! is the nicest thing I can say . His teacher this year is a yeller, he tells me that she yells in class alot which I'm not sure why thats necessary. Do kids listen more if you yell? Are they even supposed to yell? He ( my son ) told me ' mom I feel sorry for "blank" , he must get yelled at alot at home".....she has a 2nd grader as well who is in a different class.

We just deal with it. I tell him to do his best, conduct himself in class, and this will pass. We're praying for a better one next year!

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Of course there are truly bad teachers out there. Every profession has "bad" people in it.

I guess I wouldn't say we have ever had a really bad teacher. We have had teachers that were bad fits with our child. One was too mothering and the other really wanted to be a SAHM and so her heart wasn't in it and she was often emotionally on edge. With such teachers, we just dug in and worked a little harder to help him stay caught up. So be it. We are the parents after all and though a teacher gets paid to teach...I have my heart invested in my child's future. Still...Sometimes it feels like I do have too many jobs to cover in 24 hours (wife, mother, professional, teacher...).

My son seems to do much better with teachers who are a little more personally distant and clear and succinct in their communication style. That kinda sounds like your child's teacher. So it is probably just a different perspective. I interpret this style positively and it makes you less comfortable. If your child is excelling academically and has friends and generally goes to school happily every day -- Try to let it go.

One last thought...Volunteering in the classroom can be really helpful but as with any kind of help, it can also be a burden. Maybe a break from volunteering would give you both a little breathing room during the busy, stressful holiday season?

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How does your child feel about this teacher? If the children are excelling, then maybe the teacher is giving them just enough information in her answers, without overwhelming them. Often times, kids don't need and can't follow a long-winded explanation. I remember that I had a pretty low-key teacher in third grade, but I did learn a lot from her. Kids this age are so excitable that sometimes a very low-key person is just right to offset the kids' personalities.

If the kids were not excelling, then I would say you might want to think about switching to a different classroom, but if your child is happy and has mastery over the necessary subjects, leave well enough alone.

My child has been moved into a total of 3 different classrooms this year (not by our choice, but because our school district is out of control with trying to "balance" class sizes, UGGGGGH!) - I speak from experience when I say that you do not want to change your child's classroom unless you find the teacher to be horrible. My daughter is absolutely distraught about now being in classroom #3 of the year and having to learn a whole new set of classroom rules and make all new friends. It is really hard on kids to do that, so unless you have to make a change, just grit your teeth and live with it until the end of the year...

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My child has had teachers that are not my choice for her. The one she has right now I don't particularly care for. the odd thing is that at least 4 parents have told me how wonderful she is. Personally I think she needs to retire. She is nice enough, but doesn't want to retest the kids in reading like she should because she doesn't have time, won't work on handwriting, and thinks my child's difficulty with math is because she chats too much. My child is also afraid to ask questions because her teacher is very loud and can be very sharp in her response. But... observing other classes from the hall, I can say that she has a lot of control over her class, and as long as she isn't bullying my child or causing her to not want to go to school, I will let it go. Because the reality is that in the next 12 years, she is going to have lots of teachers, and she isn't going to like all of them and will have to learn to deal with it. She doesn't really care for this teacher either, but she puts up with her. I think you should just let this go unless your child is having problems learning.

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Most of the time when it came to my kids I would talk with the current teacher to get there opinion on who the child's next teacher should be. Looking at who my child is at school, what learning issues they have and who seems to have the patience and way to help my child. Then I request my child have a certain teacher. My reasoning if anyone asks is ... so and so is a better match to my child and I want to keep having my child liking school instead of putting them with someone that would not fit and cause the child to dislike school.

Not sure what to say about a teacher that will not smile or say even a simple hi. Never been around any teachers that give short and quick answers.

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You will not 'click' with everyone you meet personally or professionally. You will have different expectations with everyone in your life. We are quick to judge and assume because 2 kids out of the class are afraid to ask questions that all kids are afraid to ask. I also have worked in classrooms for several years now and it seems to be in kids' nature to be afraid or hesitant to ask for help or questions in general. Most parents I see tell their kids what to do. Most kids do what they're asked because they want to please adults. They have not been taught to ask questions.

My husband recently tried to explain the concept to our kids. It's ok to ask questions to teachers or even us as parents if you don't understand. It has backfired with two of our kids because they don't know how to question without being rude or coming off as aggressive.

I can suggest being a good role model. Helping kids when you can, and supporting her when you can. I work in a Montessori based school and when we have a class meeting, a teacher will give an announcement and other teachers may choose to ask for the announcer to elaborate in certain ways. We are setting an example to the kids to ask questions if we don't understand and are doing it in a way that is respectful.
If the teacher you are working with gives a direction to the kids that doesn't make sense to you (not whether you agree with it), you could raise your hand or say excuse me. Asking in kid terminology for clarification of the directions or even repeating them so the kids that are listening will understand the directions as well.
Peace