7 answers

Younger Kids and Anger?

Hi everyone.. just a quick question.. my daughter (20 months) experiences anger sometimes and when she does - she'll throw something, hit or push whatever is closest.. We tell her that we dont like that behavior and make her pick up whatever she threw, etc.. or have her give us (or the animals) a hug if she hits or pushes.. is this really anger she's dealing with? Just like tonight, she was getting ready to put a toy in her mouth (could have been a possible choking issue and i didn't want that) and I took it away from her and she threw the other toy in her hand.. with her being so young, is there another way I can help her deal with what she's feeling?

What can I do next?

More Answers

1) Kids this age cannot talk yet, like adults. They do not have the vocabulary etc.
2) Kids this age, do not even have fully developed emotions yet either.
3) Kids this age do not have, any coping-skills for their emotions.
4) Kids this age do not even know, the names for feelings or what they are feeling nor why.

5) Give it time. She is so young. Redirect her or distract her. Over time, a child will learn. But it is not overnight. A kid this age does not even have fully developed deductive or inductive reasoning.
So, whatever method you try, keep expectations and "lessons"... age-appropriate.
Otherwise the child and then the parent will always be frustrated.

6) Also, kids this age, do not even have fully developed Impulse-Control yet either.

At this age, redirection and distraction is usually used. And use the tone of your voice coupled with facial expressions, to "convey" what you mean. Kids this age, cannot "read" a person's facial expressions accurately yet, nor know exactly what it means.

Beyond "telling" her your disapproval.... teach her coping-skills. Alternate ways to express frustration. That is what she is, frustrated.
Toddlers tend to get frustrated, because, they cannot yet do what they have in their heads. Their mind and physical coordination is not there yet. ie: they may think they understand how to bounce/dribble a ball, but may not be able to ACTUALLY do it.

2 moms found this helpful

She's a baby. This is normal. She doesn't like it when she doesn't get what she wants, a perfectly normal human baby response.
Just keep guiding and being a gentle example. Don't explain so much, redirect again and again.
Sing nursery songs, pick a few and stick to them every day, this helps to keep little ones happy and calm. Lots of warmth and hugs and kisses, children thrive on warmth.
The very best to you and your little one

Updated

She's a baby. This is normal. She doesn't like it when she doesn't get what she wants, a perfectly normal human baby response.
Just keep guiding and being a gentle example. Don't explain so much, redirect again and again.
Sing nursery songs, pick a few and stick to them every day, this helps to keep little ones happy and calm. Lots of warmth and hugs and kisses, children thrive on warmth.
The very best to you and your little one

2 moms found this helpful

Anger is a normal part of the human experience, even at your daughter's age. I would suspect that anger begins at birth, my daughter got MAD when she didn't get fed on time as an infant. As for this age, she's wanting to do more, gaining more independence but she's limited in what she can do and control. My advice would be to validate her feelings, explain the rules and redirect her. Something like, it's okay to be mad, but it's not okay to throw. If you're angry you can do <blank> instead. Or if you see her getting frustrated, tell her that she seems frustrated and support her in owning that. Feelings are always valid, but she's going to need a lot of teaching (like all of us) to understand acceptable ways of handling them. Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

she's pre-verbal (or mostly so) and needs to be able to express her anger. rather than force her to do something contrary to her natural emotion (who wants to hug when they're fuming??), give her an acceptable outlet. every family has different comfort levels for how anger can be expressed (hitting a pillow, going into another room and having a good primal scream, using appropriate words, going outside and running around hard for a couple of minutes). just figure out what works for you and gently direct her to that action when you see her building up to a meltdown.
and don't expect miracles.
:) khairete
S.

1 mom found this helpful

Sounds like frusturation, which in young kids shows alot as anger. Put her in a mini time out (crib, or her safe room) and simply say "we dont hit/throw etc" it takes time, but she'll learn. Also remind her to use her words even if she can't yet. Teach her to communicate w/ language not action

I've found that teaching a child a simple Qi Gong technique can often solve this problem. It involves rubbing the tummy and mentally (imaginatively) winding up the anger inside the belly which stores it there and makes the emotion manageable - without the child needing to act out the anger. One child I know loves this technique so much she rubs the tummy of her doll, and tells her doll to spiral her anger in her belly.

She's showing her frustration. She knows what she wants, and hasn't developed the vocabulary or learned to use it yet, so she gets angry. Toddlers know what they want, their way, and they don't like anyone standing in their way of getting it.

However, at 20 months she's not too young and is old enough for timeouts when she throws, hits or pushes to help her learn she gets a consequence when she does something you don't like. Missing some time away from something she wants to do is a good deterrent. Once you have told her no hitting, pushing or throwing and she does it immediately put her in a certain spot or bottom stair designated as a timeout spot, use it each time and be consistent so she learns their is a consequence to her behavior. Also work with her to learn to use her words when she's frustrated, rather than lashing out, but reinforce that even if she's mad she can't throw, hit or push.

You don't want a 3 year old who won't listen to and obey rules, which is why you start teaching her now. It may come easily or take a long time, the key is consistency on your part to help her learn.

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