Young Kids Being Suspended from School

Yes it happens. Even when I was working at the school as an aide, AND volunteering in several ways, I didn't always hear about every suspension. This isn't the kind of thing they announce or talk about around school or among parents (that would be inappropriate and gossipy in my opinion.)
I do know that suspensions weren't handed out lightly, but repeated cases of violence (usually hitting or pushing) bullying/intimidation, destruction of school property and other forms of disrespect for staff, fellow students and school property could and did sometimes lead to suspension, and in very rare cases, expulsion.

I work in the schools, and yes, I have seen kids suspended. Generally, everything is done to try and prevent this, such as behaviour plans and IEP's, but sometimes it does come to a suspension. Usually suspensions occur when the parent does not want their child "labelled" and refuses to work with the school and psychologist to get the child the necessary help they need to behave in school. It sounds like that may be the case in this girls situation.

I think if a child is dangerous to other kids, teachers, damaging school property - they SHOULD be suspended - regardless of their age.
Giving a person a chance for an education is a wonderful thing but you don't turn a kid loose in a library if they are going to burn the place down.
My empathy for the kid goes out the window if he/she is beating on my kid or distracting the teacher so much that all day every day at school is all about some kid's discipline problems and the class is not being taught.

Chances are the kid needs social services help and her mother needs her head examined but that's not the schools purpose or job.

Change your ID and location if you are worried the real people will find you.
There IS no privacy if you put anything online.

Original Post:
Young kids being suspended from school

I have not heard of a child being suspended from my son's elementary school. This does not mean it has not happened, but I am pretty involved so if it happened a lot I would have heard something. I am surprised when one of my in-laws said her daughter has been suspended a few times. She is in third grade (it also happened last year). The mother is not exactly the best role model and it is hard to know if her version is correct. Last year the reason was for hitting. I was a bit surprise because a lot of kids have hit or been hit as my son's school and i do not recall suspension. This year it was for pounding on the stall door in the bathroom while someone was in it. The school said this is constant and she has gotten in trouble multiple times. The mother got mad and said this is the first she had heard of her daughter doing this. She thinks the girl has been labeled. IS it typical? Do you know how often your local elementary school suspends kids? It is first time offenders or repeat? edit: the relative lives a couple of hours away, so i know nothing about her school. I was just surprise since my child's school seems to give a time out for the boys who hit.

Another relative chimes in and said the girl does not answer the teacher or principal when asked about things. They feel the girl is shutting down and clams up. I have seen her do this and she gives a death stare like she is plotting and super angry (not remorseful).

p.s. i might delete the specific facts in a few hours, so it protects privacy.

thanks for the warning that you're going to delete the question to 'protect privacy' so i don't waste my time with it.
khairete
S.

Yes, younger kids do get suspended but it seems to be more prevalent in some school systems than in others, and in some specific schools than in others. In our area, certain Washington, DC charter schools have had issues with relatively high numbers of suspensions of young students, and that use of suspensions is being looked at hard, to see if it's appropriate, overused, etc. A lot of the coverage has focused on how suspension should be, and usually is, an absolute last resort.

This is really not about whether the school in your relative's case is overusing suspension -- it's more about whether the girl has some issues that are serious but mom does nothing at home to reinforce school discipline.

In your relative's child's case, rest assured there is FAR more to the story than the mother is discussing -- and probably far more going on with her child at school than the mother herself even knows. It sounds as if the girl has serious behavioral issues, or other issues that may be unidentified or even undiagnosed (sounds like there might be certain conditions going on there like oppositional defiance disorder?). When you say the girl seems to lack any remorse -- that could be a sign that there may be a psychological issue, probably made worse if mom is as you say a poor role model....

If anyone in the family is closer to this mom than you are, maybe someone would be open to starting to take this poor girl places at times, attend her school functions just as an interested aunt or adult cousin, or whatever. The girl is probably crying out for help by acting out badly. If her mom can be convinced to see the school counselor and classroom teacher together for a conference it would help; would mom listen to anyone in the family about doing so? Or would mom just get defensive and angry and say that her daughter has zero responsibility and is just being "labeled"? I worry for this girl if mom is just blaming the school and not seeing that the girl needs help right now.

Yes kids get suspended in elementary school. I know this from working in one for several years, as a counselor. A principal will usually leave that as a last resort, but there are "zero tolerance" instances like fights, weapons etc.

Suspensions are not public. If you don't know who/when/why about the suspensions at your kid's school, that means you have a good principal and staff who handle discipline discreetly.

It doesn't sound so far out there that a student might get suspended for hitting. A principal has to use his/her judgement of course- a kinder student hitting another over a toy is not the same as 2 5th graders going at it on the playground. Also depends on the age, context, force, how many times a child has been disciplined on the same behavior. Same with the pounding on the bathroom door incident.

Any random school family should not have access to any information about who gets suspended and why. However the general information of how many suspensions there are in a year might be somewhere in the public domain- wherever they publicize all the other school related data such as testing scores, ethnic breakdown, boy/girl ratio etc.

When my granddaughter was in Pre-K she was being bothered by a 1st grade boy on the bus. He thought it was ok to pinch her arm every time he saw her. Her parents told the bus driver about it but nothing was ever done to stop it. One day he pinched her so hard it drew blood. Even though it was reported it to both the driver and the principle nothing was done about it. My son, her uncle, told my granddaughter to punch him the next time. And she finally did. She drew her arm back and hit him with all her might right in the nose. She hit him hard enough to give him a bloody nose and 2 black eyes! She was suspended from school for 2 weeks for it! Mind you she was only 4 years old! Her parents went to the superintendent of schools. After hearing the whole story she was reinstated and the driver was fired! And the 1st grader never touched her again though! LOL

Our school has ZERO tolerance for violence as far as hitting, shoving, etc.
Suspension ugh also come after verbal, written warnings, them detention and a parent conference.
I guess it depends on the schools particular policy & process. Do you know the policy of your inlaws school?

You will not hear about a lot of bad things that go on at school unless you are there all the time, honestly. It's pretty scary when you do hear the details.

I am very involved in my kids school lives, know their teachers, communicate often, and know most of the adults at the school, but that doesn't mean I know most of what goes on. In fact, I know very little. Unless my kids know, I have no reason to know, so I don't. The adults don't talk often. I recently became better friends with one adult at the school and I have been elightened on a lot of very scary things that go on there. I hate it.

Yes, it happens. Kids do get suspended from elementary school, usually for repeated behaviors after contacting parents and in school suspension/detention has failed.

It is an option, but rarely used in our school. I've seen the overall demographics and breakdown of disciplinary actions.

However, if my child was suspended even once, I would be in that office immediately and working to resolve it. If the child is defiant, it could be ODD, for which she would need a professional evaluation. My DD pushed a girl at lunch (who had been bothering her). She was understandably sent to the office, but then we discussed it and worked through it (teachers, counselor, principal, other kid) and nobody was suspended. I would suspect that a thrice-suspended 2nd/3rd grader has Issues and so does her family.

I thought most schools were doing more inschool stuff for discipline. Kids go home and play all day when they don't go to school. They do NOT sit at home and do nothing.

In school they'd be in a classroom and doing work, no recess and no interactions with other kids, just doing their work.

If it happens at my children's schools, it is handled very privately and discreetly. I've had kids in public school for 11 years and don't personally know of any of their peers being suspended in elementary school. In my experience, it's a consequence more commonly used in middle school and above, and will be used first time for serious offenses (drug or alcohol use, fighting) or after a long string of smaller infractions after detentions, school service and other techniques don't yield a change in behavior.

Last year a 4th grade girl had a violent meltdown on the playground that required some staff (who were trained) to use restraint techniques on her and she was taken from school via ambulance. She has a history of mental health issues so she was out of school for a couple of weeks but my guess is that was to address her health issues and stabilize her and wasn't a suspension or punishment handed down by the school.

In short, I echo your experience that suspension really isn't a regular part of the safety and discipline toolkit used by our elementary schools, but it seems that that's not the case everywhere.

yes, elementary school kids do get suspended. When you use the term "hit" or "hitting" I immediately think pre-K or K. Once they get past that, it's considered fighting and kids can be suspended for that. Usually it is after more than one incident and is a last resort. In your relative's case, you said that the bathroom incident happened multiple times. There is only so much the school can do and if the passive discipline doesn't work, then suspension is the last resort.

I don't doubt that the mother had never heard of the prior incidents. It probably wasn't something in and of itself that required a call to the mom, but the cumulative effect was the problem.

Was it an in school suspension? Or regular suspension? In school suspensions happen a lot. The kids spend the day in or near the principals office or if it's a big school they may have a class room set up just for the suspension kids. It's not really a normal thing at 3rd grade. Has she been tested for learning disabilities or mental disabilities?