Yet Another 'Sleep' Issue - 9 Month Old Doesn't Know How to Soothe Himself?

I'm a sahm too, and decided I needed my sleep, and my son needed the comfort only breastfeeding could provide, more than us enduring the "crying it out" method, and him learning to soothe himself. For the first 14 months of his life, he wanted to nurse nearly every 2-4 hours during the night. I have his crib butted snuggly up against my bed. I personally feel that babies are forced into independence too soon. Developmentally, they'll let you know when they are confident enough to sleep on their own... Anyway, after 14 months, it was June, with him being so active outside, we'd tire ourselves out playing, and he naturally seemed to sleep longer, and nurse less in the day. By September, he only wanted to nurse at night, and by October he only wanted to nurse right before bed, and by Thanksgiving he didn't want to nurse at all anymore. I didn't force it, that was how it progressed for him. He's still in the crib next to me, and wakes up only once a night, if that, and once he realizes I am right there, he'll go back to sleep. That's our story, but I'm a firm believer you have to do what's best for your own family, and what works for one, doesn't mean it'll work for all! Good luck!

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P., get him out of your room! He is at the age of separation anxiety and having him in your room is going to make it worse. Having said that,strict bedtime routine of whatver works for you. With mine, it was bath,snack,read a book,bathroom and cuddle for 5 minutes and bed. The bath calms them down,the snack fills them up,the book provides quiet bonding time as well as education, the bathroom assured us of dryness and the cuddling of course reassures them.Keep bedtime within a half hour-not the process, just the actual bedtime. This will take a week to sink in.During that week, the first night check him every 15 minutes and verbally ressure him that he is ok and you are checking him-do NOT touch him. The next night increase to 1/2 hour checks with same verbal reassurance.
Third night, one hour checks and do NOT verbalize at all. Fourth night, 1 1/2 checks. Fifth night, 2 hour checks from the doorway. Sixth night, 3 to 4 hour checks. By then, he should be sleeping all night. This is what our pediatrician told us when our now 9 y/o was spoiled at a year old and would not go to sleep without me holding him. It was difficult to hear him cry and not rush into his room, but we stuck to the schedule and by golly it worked.Now that he is 9 y/o and doesn't remember it, I do remember and remind him how spoiled he was and is!!! Good luck and keep us updated.

I am going through the same thing. My 9 month old slept through the night (8-9 hours) two times a week ago. But before that and since then we wake up 2 times a night. I nurse her back to sleep. Sometimes I think she is asleep but when I lay her back down she wakes up a few minutes later. Granted, those times are few and seem to be if she is sick or now I think she is teething. But even if she goes back to sleep she had to be nursed. I have decided I won't worry about it. My toddler (who is 26 months old) finally started to be able to get herself to sleep. For the longest time I even had to nurse her for her to take a nap. Finally got over that one. Once the baby was born. But I wouldn't let your ds even start yelling. It is just stressful for you, him and everyone else I'm sure. Go to him right away and let him know your are there. Nurse him and let him feel secure. He will outgrow it. I know my dd did. Now I just have to wait for my littlest angel to be able to sleep through the night.
Another thought. It would be better to just nurse him from the get go, than to try to avoid it and then give in, because then he has seen that the fit throwing has gotten him his way.

Pam

did you try the Dream Soother...buy it...my daughter is 8 months and loves it.

Hey. I will say that I understand how you feel. It is really hard to let your baby cry it out. You feel guilty and frustrated. But, I will tell you from experience, that if you stick it out, it will work. We did the Ferber Method (BUY THE BOOK) with my son and he was very stubborn about it. The first 2 nights he cried for almost 2 hours before falling asleep. It took us about 2 weeks before he learned to just go to sleep and it was a tough 2 weeks! It has been over a year now though and I get comments all the time about how easy it is for me to put him down. He even does great at naps in a pack n play at someone else's house. Looking back, 2 weeks of tough training was SO worth it. The Ferber Method book has techniques on how to do it if you share a room with the baby as well, although I agree with others that it would work better in his own room if that is feasible. My son still woke up 1ce a night for a feeding and I would go in and give him the breast or a bottle. He would go right down with no crying at that point, but if your son does not, just stick with letting him cry it out. If you give in, it only makes it harder the next time. Also, a good routine does wonders. I always start mine with his last meal (usually cereal and fruit) then a bath, then lotion, then prayers and singing while I rock him. I tell him goodnight and lay him in his crib. He stopped wanting a night bottle before bed a while back and around 1 year stopped waking before morning. Now I get about 12 hours from him at night and 2 1-2 hr naps. Stick with it, be patient, and maybe start on a weekend (could the other kids stay at grandparents that weekend so they don't hear the screaming? just a thought). Let us know how it turns out!

Good Luck!

Hi P.,
You sound like an extremely busy mom! I know it's tough, especially at night when you just want to get some sleep and you feel like you are a 24 hr. "on call" plumber! LOL
Have you considered the following: make sure he is really full when he goes to bed, play some soft music, maybe being in the same room with you & dh is actually disturbing him?, can you try to have your hubby pick him up or rock him a little so there is no "dairy mart" option? Can he have a little cereal at bedtime as well as b-milk? Maybe try a little water in a bottle in the middle of the night? Keep to a pretty strict bedtime routine. Just a few thoughts I had. Good luck!

2 things!

1) Feed him more during the day. Even if he seems fine, he can eat more during the day. Offer him more feedings. Not just more right before bed, but more all day long. Once his system realizes he's really full (takes a few days) he will sleep through the night.

2) Don't worry about mean. Some people think it's mean to let their baby cry at night. Some people think it's mean to train a child to sleep with parents so they're scared by themselves (not saying you're doing that-just saying the opposite argument to the mean CIO thing).

If you want your son to sleep on his own, he can. He CAN sooth himself. Yes, he will cry at first, because he has learned for 9 months he can get comfort all night long if he does. CIO only works when they learn they have to go to sleep themselves. If you give in, you've raised the bar for how long they cry. You know he'll cry at least 40 minutes now, because that's how long it took him to get his way in the past. Don't worry, it's not too late!

You can do it gradually, or all at once. Depends how long you want to spend on it until he's happily and securely sleeping all night alone. I would put him in his own cozy space, in a separate room where he doesn't feel "engaged with others" as he falls to sleep. Be sure he's well stuffed from full days of eating. Give him a definite good night routine and snuggles, and walk away. Don't give in.

Let the family know that he's going to cry, but this will pass, and it's for his own good and happiness sleeping at night alone. It should take 3 days to a week. Maybe less. You're not abandoning him, you're letting him mature and be comfortable in his own skin-you can hug him in the morning! Hang in there and be firm if this is your choice-and enjoy your beauty sleep!

My son was that way as well. The only think that worked for us was for the dad to go in at night. Since our son knew nursing wasn't an option, he'd go back to sleep. It only took a couple of nights. Good luck!

P., I think the first thing you must do is move him to his own room. It would be very hard to give him some time to self-sooth if he's right there screaming at you. Also, He can see you and want you. If it were me, I would move him to his own room first, for a week or two, and then try to make a change that will help him sleep through the night. When my daughter was 9 months old, I asked her doctor if she should be able to go 11-12 hours at night without nursing. The doc said yes, so I decided to make a change. She was probably waking about 3 times a night to nurse and was barely nursing during the day. Once you make a decision to quit, you must stick to it because switching back and forth will only confuse your son. My daughter was most definitely relying on BFing to go back to sleep at night. I realized it was my fault. I used the Pick-up, Put-down method that is outlined in the book, "The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems". It seemed crazy to me, and she wasn't very happy with it the first night, but it actually worked! In a couple of nights my daughter was sleeping through the night...well, she still woke, but was able to put herself back to sleep-which eventually led to all-night sleeping. I didn't want her to feel abandoned either, and this method allowed her to not feel abandoned, but taught her to get herself back to sleep. She also started nursing much more during the day to make up for what she wasn't getting at night. I hope this helps...and when it's the middle of the night and you are dealing with a crying baby, just think to yourself that this isn't going to last forever...just a few more weeks.

Mean it is not, and abandoned nothin.'
He keeps yelling and pushing your buttons because he knows that he can and that you will give in, because that's what you've been consistently doing.
I'd suggest going ahead and putting him in the guest room to sleep, and be CONSISTENT. Only go in to check/change his diaper and see that he's safe.

This is one of those issues that often causes a big debate, so you need to decide what is right for your family and then stick with it - consistency is key when it comes to sleep. My babies were overall not great sleepers, and at the recommendation of our pediatrician we followed the advice in Jodi Mindell's Sleeping Through the Night book. It is a CIO book, but not quite Ferber. Basically it's allowing the child to cry and then checking at certain intervals which gradually get longer and longer. Usually the 2nd and 3rd days are the worst and by the end of the 2nd week things are pretty good. Where Mindell's advice differs from some other CIO techniques is that she says you really only have to do it at bedtime (which might be easier on the other people in the house). During the night you can still do whatever (nursing in your case) works. The falling asleep alone at bedtime will still work its way through the whole night. For the most part it did work for us the way she describes.

Also, I would try to avoid having your baby nurse right before bed - move it a bit earlier in the routine so it starts to become less directly associated with sleep. And I also agree that if you can feed more during the day it may help too.

Good luck!