WoWedding Reception Invite

OMG what is up with people?! It is NOT OKAY to mention gifts ON AN INVITATION, and certainly not to ask for $$. Honestly if I were you I wouldn't go - it doesn't sound like you can afford it and from the wording, there's probably a good chance that it's cash bar.

A wedding gift is not an admission ticket, it's something that people give (or don't) to wish the couple well, depending on what they can afford and/or want to give. No one is obligated to give a wedding gift and to put it on an invitation is obnoxious and presumptuous. You're not even supposed to put gift info on a shower invite, which is why registries make those little cards that you tuck into the envelope with the invitation. I can't imagine mentioning gifts on a wedding invite. No class!

6 moms found this helpful

I would just stay home. The whole thing sounds kind of tacky to me. You're not close enough to be included in the dinner, but expected to give a gift of money? I would say thank you, but I'm sorry we can't make it that evening.

6 moms found this helpful

Ugh. I went to a wedding once that had a CASH BAR! LOL

Yes...it's tacky that they specifically asked for cash.

Don't go if you don't want to. Send them a nice card. And it CAN be cash-less!

5 moms found this helpful

Chances are, if they cant even pay for your meal (because you werent even invited to that part) they are not going to pay for drinks. If you dont want to go, then dont go. They are very tacky, I would say if it was your boss, suck it up and go, but nope, these people are just fishing for money obviously. They should have just left their celebration for close friends and family. But I guess more people more money right? Dont put yourself out for them. Rude.

4 moms found this helpful

Tacky, tacky, tacky. People should have the reception they can afford - if it's coffee and cake in their living room, so be it. I know there is a trend for cash bars, but it's really ridiculous and rude. Requesting a gift is way out there. If this is someone with whom you work very closely, you may have to do something BUT it would have made much more sense if the office workers had gotten together to throw the party or a shower. Since you aren't important enough to have been invited for either the wedding itself (although some people DO just invite family) or even close enough for the buffet dinner, then I think you aren't close enough to have to reschedule your "plans" for that evening. A simple, "I'm so sorry, I have plans. I hope you have fun though!" will be sufficient.

You other coworker might have been bold, or also might have been confused about what to do and was looking for some guidance from you. The issue is not what you can afford or not afford - the issue is always how close you are to this person (I'd say not close since you weren't invited to the 2 main events). Just smile and be pleasant, and continue to work professionally with her. You are not buddies. You are coworkers.

If you feel like it, you can send a card extending your congratulations. However, if she will just be looking for the enclosed check, forget about it. And if they already have everything they need, they don't need your money! Ignore it!

4 moms found this helpful

Were you invited to the wedding? If you were, then you should get a gift. If you are just there to toast the newlyweds, no gift. Just toast them.
Honeslty, unless I was particularly close to a co-worker I wouldn't even go. I know it sounds horrible, but life is too short to waste time on folks that are just ships passing in the night.
I'd rather spend my $8 on ice cream with my kids than a drink with strangers _ LOL!
Don't feel obligated, but a nice card would be a nice gesture.

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Seriously, we have all lost our manners these days.

This is becoming an increasing trend, married couples to be coming on with that BS comment - "oh, we've got everything, so if you want to give we want money." I have been told this at weddings and I have seen it on invites "cash gifts only please." Well, if you really have everything then why do you want my money? It is a recession ya'll, we are all strapped for cash. How dare you ASK when you really don't need. And how selfish!

OK, can we say it all together now? THIS IS TACKY! And it is totally disrespectful to your guests. Much more respectful would be to say, "Thanks, but we are blessed to have everything we need. Don't feel obligated to bring anything. Your presence to help us celebrate this day is more than enough!" Wouldn't you have felt much better if you heard that?

I don't blame you that now you and your husband don't feel like going to her reception anymore. Don't you feel like you got invited only because of your checkbook? Married couples with no taste do this all the timej -- the more you invite, the more $$$ you can get. Old tried and true trick.

I would bet you that you will also be expected to pay your own tab for drinks as well.

In displaying this disgusting level of poor etiquette, your co-worker has already brought negative vibes to her own reception. If your spirit is not in it, don't reinforce that negative energy. Give a card, without money, and give it to her at work, and then say, "I am sorry, but I won't be able to make it to your reception. Congratulations." And move on.

4 moms found this helpful

TACKY and sounds like you are walking into a trap.

They are trying to maximize ($$$$) their benefit of this wedding.

It is also TACKY to invite people to a reception, suggest $$ as a gift and leave the invited guest not knowing if the reception is paid for by the newly wedded couple or if the guest is expected to cover their own bar tab and bring $$ for a gift.

If you are not a good enough (as in close) friend to go to the wedding and reception then I would not attend this function. This screams $$ maker to the couple to me. Very selfish and disrespectful of friends.

Asking for money is tacky enough and since they are bold enough to do that, I will bet you money that when you get to the bar, you are on your own for drinks which can run up a nice tab depending on what you drink.

4 moms found this helpful

I like the suggestion of calling the bar to find out who is paying, remember a tip also needs to be included in the price of the drink.

We went to a wedding a few weeks ago at a very nice Hotel,. I was shocked that it was a cash bar. A glass of beer was $6.00 a call drink was $10. Very odd..

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OK, so let's think about this. Yes, obviously, this type of invitation isn't in the best of taste. And most likely it's a cash bar. But maybe they're not out for your money. Maybe they really want to share their happiness with everyone they know -- but can't quite afford it. Haven't we all been there?

My daughter's teacher is getting married next month. Every day, she teaches English or History to about 100 teenagers -- and she likes them! God bless her! Anyway, "her" kids are important to her but she can't afford to feed them all so she's invited them to the Mass and to the first our or two of the reception -- and has asked that they leave after that. OK, so it's a little awkward but you know what? Every one of those teenagers wants to go -- even knowing they have to dress up and won't get fed. It's what the couple can do to include as many as possible in their joy & celebration.

Try to put yourself in a spirit of happiness for the new couple. If you can, go for an hour, have a soda (no one can tell if it's Sprite with a lime or a vodka tonic and rum & Coke looks pretty much like Coke) and toast the couple. Share a smile or two. Say a kind word. Go home, knowing they did their best and you did yours. No gift is "necessary".

It's always in good taste to wish someone well.

3 moms found this helpful

Call the bar and ask if drinks are being paid for by the bride and groom. You can have one drink and drink ice water the rest of the night.
Give what you can.

3 moms found this helpful

Were you even invited to the ceremony?

It sounds tacky & greedy to ask gifts of people you didn't even feed or entertain at a reception. I don't think I'd go, personally. It doesn't sound like this is a close friend, so I wouldn't feel bad if you don't go. She obviously didn't feel bad about inviting several people to her "b" list bar "reception".

What exactly is a bar reception, anyway? Who does that?!

2 moms found this helpful

How close friends are you with the bride? Are you just a colleague, or best buds? That would play a major role here too.

Hmmm...sounds to me they want to "cash in" on the guests.. by inviting all her co-workers. Is the groom doing the same, inviting his co workers? They are just seeing $$ signs my friend.

I guess she is bargaining on paying $20 a guest for the buffet, maybe a drink... and the return would be pure profit... Sounds to me she is hoping guests would give $50 gift seeing as it is for a wedding.

You were not invited to the wedding, and you are not close friends/family...

If I were you I would give this one a miss, just go to bath and body works and buy something small that is on sale, or give her a gift card if you really want to get her a gift. Give it to her the day before the reception, and give it to her at work. Don't feel obligated to go unless you already agreed to go.

I would just shake hands, say congrats and decline the invite.

2 moms found this helpful

My guess if they are asking for money and you are not invited to the dinner the bar is not an open bar, or they will only have a keg of miller or similar that is free till it is gone.

You are never obligated to give a gift. It is proper to give one but YOU give what you want not what is requested from you. What about doing an office pool, everyone throws a few bucks in, sign the card and give that.

If you do not want to go do not go. Personally I would go but I love being around people and enjoying life, of course spending no additional money on drinks or stick to just one drink. I would give what I want, maybe a gift card, it is very tacky to say this is what they want/need.

2 moms found this helpful

Oh hell, tacky as hell!

We are getting married in a little over two weeks. Formal wedding and all. We have the Noah's ark thing going, two of everything, so we need nothing. I did not mention gifts, or money. We don't need anything, ya know?

Clearly if they are asking for money they need something, money!

It really sounds like they want to have a party celebrating their marriage and expect everyone to pay their way. If you can't afford to have a party don't have one!

I wouldn't go only because if you do and don't pay your way then they will be all over calling you tacky and leaving out the bit about their pan handling.

2 moms found this helpful

DOn't go if you don't want to! Life is too short to waste time doing things you don't want to! In 5 years will it matter that you went to this party, most likely not..

2 moms found this helpful

You are absolutely right. TACKY! I also get the feeling you are looking for permission to bug off and not go. I give you that permission. :)

Ask yourself if not attending and not giving a gift will affect your relationship with this person at work and if that matters. If it does, get a small gift (picture frame, candles, etc.) and a card and tell her that your plans have changed and you won't be able to make it. Give this to her at work.

Best of luck with this situation. Remember, you are not the one who made it so WEIRD!

1 mom found this helpful

I would go and give her a card or some kid of gift card. If you can't afford drinks then drink water or nothing. There is no rule that says you have to drink alcohol when you are out at a place it's being served.

And what I got from your post is that if you can take a gift you are fine to go and enjoy but because she asked if they could have cash instead you don't want to go. That doesn't sit well with me, either you want to go celebrate her marriage or you don't. If you don't want to give her cash then take a different option.

1 mom found this helpful

Well, seeing that you are going to a bar reception and not the actual wedding event, I would not feel gifts are, for lack of a better word, "required." I would assume the bar is pay your way, otherwise they would have invited you to the reception with an open bar. This is an instance where any mention of gifts was innapropriate. You are not obligated to bring any gift, a congratulatory card and 30 min of your time with one drink is all that is needed. You can even have that drink be a coke or club soda.

1 mom found this helpful

I repeat the word others have used so well: TACKY. Your coworker may be a nice gal, but she's acting in bad taste here. However, that's strictly between you and me and everybody else on Mamapedia.

It doesn't sound like a reception. A reception is the party the bride and groom (or their parents) give for the wedding guests, or for close friends and family if the wedding was out of town. This just sounds like a party - and a "pay your way" one at that.

If I were in your situation, I wouldn't feel obligated to attend. Instead of going, you could mail the bride and groom a congratulatory card or note, and put a little gift card in it IF you choose.

I might also find some reason to be otherwise engaged that night, if that was what I needed to deal with other co-workers' nosy questions.

1 mom found this helpful

I always believe honesty is the best policy. You'll feel better for telling the truth. But I also understand that you might feel uncomfortable to say you can't afford to attend or give a gift. If it were me, I would tell her in advance that you won't be making it - since you already said you'd be there, I don't think you necessarily need to give an excuse, just say you won't be making it. If she asks why, just tell her that you have another commitment that night with your family. (Whatever you do that night with your family is what you do!). Politely thank her for the invitation and assure her that she'll have a great time and a fun celebration! Keep the focus on her, and she won't make a big deal out of you not being able to come. As for a gift, I would send a card. No need to include money, but a congratulations card (even homemade if you're on a budget), will still make her feel special.

Yes I have had this happen before. What we did was plan it kind of like a work get together. We passed around one card for all the work friends to sign together and took a collection that was more like 5 to 10 dollars per person if they wanted to contribute at all. Some people just wrote some advice or funny stuff and whoever was going brought the card. Those of us going planned on meeting together as a group and hung out and had a good time. Many of the work friends didn't bring their spouses. The bride and groom spent some time with our group and we had fun but didn't stay that late. It was very relaxed because we had a group to talk with but understood that the bride and groom had a lot of family there. We actually enjoyed it because we don't have alot of time to just catch up and stuff at work. I guess I would take it as the coworker wanted to include all of you in this special event in their lives. I think the comment about money used to be tacky but lately it is becoming common because it is practical in these hard financial times and they wouldn't want you to spend hard earned money on something that they wouldn't use.

I would not go and not give anything (mail a card if you feel like you want to). If you're not close and felt her invitation was tacky, don't contribute to it. I have found it easier as I've gotten older (and have more kids and less money) to just say no to things I don't want to do/buy/donate, etc.

I haven't read the other responses, but if it were me I wouldn't go. Just a co-worker. Not a close relative or friends. Keep your money for your family. If you weren't important enough to go to the buffet then blow it off. Sounds like they are being cheap and trying to get money without doing anything. YOu most likely will just be in a club like setting and paying for your own drinks. Tacky if you ask me. Do you hang out with this person outside of work. Has she ever been to your house? Don't even worry about it.

If you don't want to go, then just don't. Skip the gift and send a nice card. Problem solved.

I don't think you are under any obligation to go or to give a gift. If it were me, I probably wouldn't say anything ahead of time about not coming. On Monday I would ask how it was and apologize for not making it. All you have to do is tell her that something came up and you couldn't make it. If you really feel like you have to go, just stop by the bar for a couple of minutes, say congratulations, and tell her you have another obligation and can't stay. It would have been nice if all of your co-workers had gotten together to pool money for a gift. We often pass an envelope and anyone who wants to contribute can. Noone knows if you have contributed or how much you have contributed.