Wow

It sounds to me like he is using it for a escape tool. I would sat down with him and have a heart to heart talk about why he is so unhappy that he feels the need to escape in to his game world. I would not judge I would just listen and allow him to get it all out. Then and only then can you to talk about how to make things better for everyone.

Trying to ignore your own needs for your children is heroic. But do they really have a dad? They're watching their father continually choose to play some game over playing with (reading to, talking with, etc.) *them*.

Definitely try counseling. Do your utmost to persuade him to join you in counseling. It helps if you admit to him that you might bear some responsibility in this (even if you don't think so, and even if it is not the case, it is *possible*, and your saying so will probably soften him up a little). You can even say that you want to learn what you can do to get him to want to spend time with you and the children again, and counseling can help you learn as much as it can help him learn how to grow beyond this issue. Not force yourself to live with it. Not force him to live without it. Grow together to see what has caused it, what he is blocking out, and how to figure out how to meet both of your needs and get him back into the family.

Good luck.

L.

WOW, know about the game, my brother and sister in law have played for years. And so do the kids, yes 4 computers. It is a family thing. When they do it, they all do it. Works out well for them. Better than watching TV. And remember there are worse things he could be doing. Everyone needs an escape from the stresses of life, sounds like you might to. So my advice is Share and Share alike. Ask him to teach you the game and make it a family affair. Not your thing, okay. Find something that is, and respect that your husband has found his. Count your blessing girl, he could be drinking alone, partying with buddies, and going to bars after work, working all the time, sofa coach, or just a blob in front of the tube.

dont give up...when your husband gets home from work tell him you have things to do and leave the kids with him for the amount of time he would play wow. when he complains explain that this is what it feels like for you. you should definetly not just let it go. and it doesnt count when there are two partents but one is absent, even if they are just sitting in front of a computer. kids pick up on that kind of thing. it isnt fair to you or your childern.

I play and while it can be addicting in a way...you have to keep things realistic. I am GM of a very casual guild that has enough level 70s to do the 5 and almost enough to do the 10 man raids. We don't have the best gear, but we do have fun and almost all of us are married with or without kids so that makes it more manageable...we just sit down and send emails saying please reply yes if you can make any of the following times to raid, and then we set up that one time...we may only raid once a month in a month like november or december because we have lives that take us away...coaching soccer or basketball, kids who go to bed early help us play late in the evening when the kiddos aren't a factor...and some of us have two computers and play with our kids and/or spouses.

I know what it's like to be in your situation though. Although on top of his addiction to a NASCAR game he was violent and abusive and I did leave him.

I really don't know what to offer you except sympathy and empathy and to let him know that we are a nice horde guild on Blade's Edge server that is family friendly.

M.

Ah yes, the addiction of World of Warcraft. My ex-husband was addicted and my current one is too. Here is a website that is designed to help people and their families with the addiction. Many people do not take this seriously but it is exactly like alcoholism. You are not alone in dealing with this and honestly, there isn't much you can do about it. He has to see the light and realize he is missing out on real life so he can escape to this other world because it is easier.

http://www.olganon.org/

H.: First of all let me say, I am so sorry that you are experiencing this with your family and feeling the way you are.

Referring to your statement "I need to know how grow calloused and oblivious to my own needs and desires for my children"........WOW is right! Sweety, this simply will not work. If you try to take this route, this is only going to make the problem worse. We, as women, have emotional needs, especially from our spouses. And, as hard as you try, you can not just tuck those emotional needs away and act as if everything is okay. This will only make you more bitter towards him and his "gaming".....which, whether you want them to or not, your children will sense your bitterness and your unhappiness.

Now, I'm certainly not going to suggest that you leave your husband over him playing a game. But, what I do want to tell you (from expereince) there is never a right time to stay with your husband "for the kids".......when mom & dad are not happy, the kids just know and it trickles down to them whether you think you are hiding your emotions or not.

So, with that being said, it's obvious that he is not going to stop playing his game. If I'm correct in the fact that you've expressed your feelings and resentment to him about the situation on numerous ocassions.

The best advice I can give you is maybe you can "include yourself and your children" and play the game with him? (I'm not quite sure what kind of game he is playing). If that does not work, find a hobby for you and your kids that you can do while he is gaming. Take the kids to the movies, the park, the dog park (if you have a dog), you get the idea.

I would also continue (in a calm, loving manner) to talk to him about how you feel about how much time he spends playing his game and you really wish he would spend more time with you and the kids. That it is hurting your relationship, etc...

My husband is an avid deer hunter, so for about 4 months out of the year, I barely see him at all. But I have learned to live with it and actually learned to enjoy the time with the kids when he's not around!

Good luck sweetie and please heed my advice about not trying to become calloused, etc........this is detrimental to you and your kids.

God Bless,

S.

I have felt your pain. No, don't leave him. That won't solve anything. It will just take away more time that your kids should have with their dad. My husband, too is a gaming freak. We have a 6 year old son and one on the way. I used to get really angry, jealous, hurt, and just feel awful for my son. So I did something about it. I explained to him that it was fine for him to play alittle bit each night when he got home. (Everyone needs downtime after work). But until our son went to bed, he was not allowed on it. I simply asked him what was more important- family time or computer time? I never threatened to throw him out, but he knew that if he didnt make the right decision , the computer might be on the front lawn when he got home. He got the message and did the right thing! But now I have a new dillemma- my son plays the same game! They do play together, which is kinda cute but, oh lord! He tells me to just go take some time for myself but I'm a married Mom, not a single woman!

Sounds like a behavioral addiction, or as Dr. Laura would say, "a bad choice that has become habitual." If he is spending all his spare time on the computer, then he is neglecting his responsibilities as a husband and a father. He may need to talk to a therapist for some time, or you may need to pull the plug and get rid of the computer entirely, despite the inconvenience that may pose for the rest of the family. My husband plays Star Wars Galaxies online as well as other games, and this is pretty much his only hobby, but he knows the risk of playing too much, and he's always available to help around the house and he makes sure my needs are met before he gets online. I make sure to be clear about what my needs are when he asks, or before he gets online, and if I feel concerned, I talk to him about it. Perhaps your husband doesn't realize that his refusal to take responsibility for his life is causing him to neglect his family and risk losing it. Try to make things work - if he had any other type of addiction, he would still need help and support to get through it, if he truly wanted to get through it. Do you have a pastor you can turn to, or a family friend he considers a mentor? Perhaps if one of his male friends can point out what he's doing to himself and his family, it may shake him enough to where he will make the changes he needs to make.

I know sometimes we women tend to think we're being neglected when we're not, but that doesn't mean we have no important needs or that we're being selfish if we truly are being neglected. The only other thing I can think of would be to read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura, which gives a general idea of how to care for our husbands so we stop nagging and start modeling positive, nurturing behavior. Among other things, to praise him for what he does do well (like, if he provides for the family, to thank him for so doing), to show appreciation for any little thing he does around the house, and to not nag though you may have to bite your tongue off not to - and when men feel appreciated, they will be more willing to serve and to give, because they thrive on the approval of their wives. But, ironically (and I think we women are the same way), they want to know they're loved and appreciated without having to "earn" affection, just like you would resist doing what your husband wanted you to do if he withheld affection unless you did it his way. I'm not sure I'm summing up well, but it's a very worthwhile book. I read it a few months before I got married and when I put the counsel into practice, I feel better about myself and my husband feels great about me, his marriage, himself, and his life. So, perhaps work on that yourself while you also try to get him to see that his hobby is becoming a second job, and that's not fair to the rest of you.

sounds like he has an "addiction" to the game. he needs an intervention! also ask if he'll go to the doctor - but you need to get info from your doctor about what is considered "addictive". Most doctors don't consider game addiction to be like alcoholism, but it sounds like he is addictive. What would happen if you were to throw it out the window or destroy it? Get rid of the TV or golf clubs or whatever altogether? Go to your parents for two weeks? Good luck!

I hate the game WOW!!!! My husband has been playing for over 2 years now. We have a 3 y/o and a 10 month old. He RARELY and I do mean rarely spends time with me or the kids or any other person for that matter. At first we went round and round too. But I have started spending time with my kids and my friends and we have a monthly girls night out. That has helped me cope, some, but I still demand my time and I still dont get it. He is starting to see that I need him like he needs the game and one day there will have to be a choice made, his family or his WOW. People outside of the family tell him the same thing and he thinks it is funny. He just laughs it off. But I do have a breaking point, just like most women in this situation, and I am going to break.

Talk to him , and keep talking to him. I pray for you that one day he will hear it and understand that marriage is not just a certificate. Take time for yourself, with or without your kids. Live for you and your children, he may or may not follow, but you cannot live like that forever. Do what you feel you need to for your sake and your children's sake. He needs to be a dad. I will keep you in my prayers, I understand completely. And if (and when) I figure it out, I will let you know. (and you do the same....=)

Take care! I am praying for you!

well H., i am not an advocate of divorce....you need to discuss this with your husband.....you have to decide if you are prepared emotionally for the result of an ultimatum...anytime you give one, you have to be prepared for it to go either way.....my concern would not only be the fact that he doesn't spend time with you and the family, etc but also what is this teaching your daughter about who to choose for a husband and your son about how a dad/husband is supposed to act....you at this point have to choose how far you're willing to go....you either have to insist on a change or learn to live with it like it is....good luck...R>

I don't know if this is your style or not, but when I get so frustrated with my husband that I want to leave, I sit down and write him a long heart-felt letter. It's important to use "I feel..." and "I want..." statements so you come across too accusing but still get your point across. It really seems to help jolt my husband awake and helps him reflect on his behavior. I hope it helps. I really think video games can be addicting, so he may need some professional help, ie couples counseling, to see what he's missing. Good luck.

I understand where you are coming from. My husband began playing the same game a while back. We had the same issue at first. I did at one point, take all of the cords off of my hubby's computer and hold them hostage for a while :-)He decided to limit his time and take certain nights off entirely. It worked out really well. Now we both play (in fact, I am the guild master of the guild we are in)but we have rules(so to speak). First, the members of our guild are all adults with families. If we are playing and need to do something, everyone understands why and doesn't question or pressure us to stay and ignore our families. If there is something big we are going to do, we plan for it like we would for a date (even to the point of getting a babysitter and having her take the kids to a movie or something). We never play before the kids go to bed. At least three nights a week, we don't play at all. And, when we do play, it is only for short periods of time. ....

You could say that we make it a family thing sometimes. My kids love helping me make my charterer run around and jump (usually off of cliffs where I die...lol). It is a great way for me and my hubby to spend time together. If it isn't for you...ok...find another common ground that you can both enjoy and get him involved in it.

This isn't the end of the world. It isn't the end of a marriage. It is a problem in...not necessarily communication...in compromise and understanding.

Family has to come first. He has to see that. If he doesn't want to stop playing, you can't force him. You just have to figure out a way to work it into a issue that you can deal with. But don't talk about leaving him. . .then it becomes much bigger then it needs to. He could be doing things that are much worse.

Sorry I couldn't be more help......

Honey you can't change him. You don't have to grow callused or oblivious to your needs. But, you do have to detach from his behavior. Acknowledge that this is the way it is and create your life the way you want it to be. Plan on things to do with the kids. Invite your husband to participate, but don't depend on his participation to do the activity. You and the kids have a great time whether he is there or not. He may see you guys having a great time and want to be there or not. But don't make your life and the lives of your kids dependent on his behavior. If the kids ask about Daddy, say he had something else to do. If they have further questions, tell them you don't know maybe they should ask Daddy. That takes you out of the blame equation. They will recognize what is going on. God bless you.

Hi H., My husband plays WoW too, my husband and I have come too agreements of when he can play, during family time nope, when the kids go to bed sometimes, when we are all asleep yes, My husband works nights so he plays in the morning to wind down and then sometimes before he goes to work. He also has the option to play at work after his night paperwork is finished. I have been with my husband for 10 years and married to him for 3 1/2 years. You and your husband just have to work it out. I hope this helps.

It sounds like he is addicted just like a gambler is to the casino. He needs help. Suggest a counselor for him or even for the family. Leaving him should be a last resort that isn't even considered yet. You can't become numb to your needs and definitely not to those of your children. I hope, for your children's sake that your husband realizes what he is giving up when he's glued to his game.
J.

I totally understand your wanting to leave him. Is it the best optino?? I doubt it. But atying will requeire LOTS of work from both of you.

I largely feel this is an addictive problem. It has been said of alcoholism more than once: It's not the alocohol, but the person that's the problem." So true.

Some people have addictive personalities. These people can become addicted to ANYTHING: Food, clothing, shopping, gambling, drugs, alcohol, computers, tv, sex, etc., etc.
He may need outside intervention for addiction.

Also, any digital equipment, and aother kinds of electrical appliances send out certain types of transmissions/waves, which many believe are addictive and mind-altering.
You might do some research on this.

Other reports say that subliminal messaging is being used in everything from tv to video games..in order to maker the player literally 'addicted'--where it's alal they can think about.

For these reasons, I do not allow video games in my home.
That's just me--and you can call me crazy, but it's not worth all the trouble for me...

Is there anything in his past or present you may not know about?? Some guilt or pain he's attempting to escape by immersing himself in a game??? My husband was abosed as a child, and for the years before I knew, I never could understand why he would just sit in front of the tv the way he did... I know, now, it was an escape from his painful memories and emotions. ...Just something to think about...?

I will pray that you and your hubby can find a good couselor, and that he will be open to it.

Blessings,
H.

It's never a good idea to stay together just for the children. If it isn't working out and you guys can't fix things, or he can't cut down on his fun time to be more of a dad and husband, or whatever it is he needs to do, then it may be honestly best to split up. Happy parents help make happy kids, and if they aren't happy together, that's a problem. My parents divorced when I was little and it never negatively affected me. I didn't try to or want them to get back together, I never thought it was my fault, my sister and I grew up to be happy, healthy, secure, and successful people. Good luck and I'm sorry you are going through this rough time and facing these decisions.

I agree with Rebecca, read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands"-Dr. Laura Schlessinger, it won't be easy, but I think you will be surprised if you do what she recommends. YOU CAN change his behavior. Nagging won't work-will only make it worse. You will have to continue to be strong, when he realizes he has a problem he will be more willing to seek help. Pray a lot-I will say a prayer for you too. God bless you.

Hi H.,
Oh I hate to hear this. It seems that he is so wrapped up in this game that he is missing out on time with you and family time. He is going to miss watching his children grow up! Don't disregard your own needs, you don't want to become bitter! He owes you, as your husband, quality time. Don't let him teach your kids that this is what a good husband and father does! I would not tolerate this at all. If he would really choose the game over you all, you need to know so you and the kids can move on with your lives! I'm sorry, that seems harsh. Maybe you can get him to see a counselor with you, to save your marriage and to save yourself from resentment towards him.
Good luck!

I feel your pain. Whether a husband is addicted to his job or a computer game the time and attention he gives to other things besides his wife and kids is hurtful. How were things before WOW came into your lives? No spouse is perfect but overall was he a pretty good guy? If so, I would suggest counseling. And to copy a phrase from Ann Landers, if he won't go you need to go without him. It will help you clarify what you need to do for you and the children. Something I just read recently was about a famiy where the wife was "just too tired, depressed, not interested..." to join the family. So they planned fun outings and went without her. Unfortunately, WOW has it's own pull. My husband is not a video or computer game person but my kids are. In order to see what they were playing I developed a character on one of their accounts. It IS a fun game. After I got to a level 20 it was too hard and too complicated to get to the next level so I stopped there. So I understand the draw of the game. For people who have addictive personalities and even for those who don't it's a hard game to put down. There just needs to be the self discipline for a balance. I've told my kids they need to get their head out of a fantasy game and be in the real world the majority of their time. Hopefully counseling will get you where you need to be.

I would go ahead with the ultimatum. If he chooses the game over his family then you all are not really losing anything. Little boys learn from their fathers, sounds like he isn't learning much. It would be better for him to be without a bad example. You may be pleasantly surprised if he chooses family. However you are already doing everything by yourself so you might as well do it without having to watch the back of his head. good luck

LOL You sound like me. I actually started playing it with him. He became the GM of a top 250 in the world guild. How is he doing with the expansion out now? I know that increases everyones playing time. I was addicted too, to the point of rushing home from work, avoiding going out with my friends because we had a "raid night" scheduled. My 15 and 7 year olds were even playing some. Then I looked around me. My kids were no longer outside playing when it was nice, they were wanting to play on the computer. My son wanted to play football, but we couldnt find a team that their practice and game nights met our raid schedule. It took a serious reality check. I quit WoW. My husband took 3 months off, and now only plays after the kids have gone to bed. We put our family, especially our kids first. My son played his first season in football, and they won their league. We even took a great family vacation and didn't even worry about the computer once while we were gone. It's hard. I still want to play, because its something I have control over and I was actually pretty good. Ingame, you can do a /played or something like that and see how many hours he has logged on each character. Add them together and calculate how many days he has lost this year. Its pretty scary. But, DO NOT DO WHAT I DID AND START PLAYING TOO!!! My kids paid the price for a while. We started way back when it first came out, and were serious raiders for almost 2 years. Does he have any other hobbies? Try to encourage them. Talk to him about family night or something. Get a movie, popcorn, or a game and sit down as a family for one night a week. You may not get him off WoW, but at least you can ask for a compromise. If he is in a raiding guild, he might look for one that only raids 3 nights a week. Demand the 4th night for the family.

And as for the divorce comments, if that is all that is wrong with your marriage is his game time, you have something left to fight for. Coming from a gamer, counseling, etc... will be refused. You guys need to have a serious talk. Your son can start T-ball and other sports soon when he is 4. Does your husband plan on being a part of it? We have had MANY fights over it, but I am not giving up 16 years of marriage and my best friend of 20 years over a game, I hope you do not either. Also, you deserve a date night too. You and him, at least once a month, no kids, get out of the house, or send them away, so you can have some alone time.

My husband plays this a lot too and it is hard, especially because the time that his group plays seems to be really bad for daddys with kids. He has complained about that to his group, but I guess too many single guys for it to make a difference. :) Anyway, thankfully I am able to talk to my husband about it and he sets limits for himself as to how many nights he will play. I know that is is a stress reliever for him, and so that helps me be patient when he is playing. But it definitely sounds that this game is being detrimental to your family life and your marriage. It sounds like you have sat down to talk with him how you feel and ask that he sets some limits. If not, that would be the first step. If you go to church, you can always talk to your pastor about it and see if he would be willing to talk to you two about it together? Do you know any of the friends he plays with online? Perhaps talking with them about your concerns and having some type of intervention where they can keep him accountable to the amount of time he plays might help. This obviously depends on those friends, but it might work.

I am praying for you and I hope that you two can work something out.

I have learned (sometimes the hard way) that the ultimatum route rarely works. If you give an ultimatum, you have to be prepared to back it up. So, if you tell your husband for instance you are going to leave him if he doesn't stop, and you don't leave...you see where I am going.

I know it can be frustrating when your other half is doing something you don't like. Keep your faith in your husband, and instead of showing him how angry and frustrated it makes you, do the opposite. Talk to him about it during a time when no one is stressed or busy and let him know how you feel. Voice your concerns about how you feel that you and the kids are being neglected for a game. Be sincere but not mean. I wish I could take my own advice because there is something my husband is doing currently that I can't stand...and I get mad about it at least once a week. That's why I even bothered to respond because I really do feel for you. When I tell him he better stop or else...of course I'm not going to leave him becasue I love him. He is an adult and doesn't like being told no. In fact, I've found that being mean and getting P.O.ed about it just does the opposite, you know, and I think he continues this one thing sometimes in an act of defiance...

Anyway, find out from your husband why it is so important to him to spend so much time playing this game. Is it a way for him to escape the everyday pressures of life? Does he have a very hectic, fast paced job? Does he go out or have any other hobbies or issues? Do you take any time for yourself, or have any hobbies? (I know this is hard when you are a mom)

It's hard to be patient with someone when they are doing something you think is a complete waste of time, especially if you and your kids are being neglected. But ask yourself, deep down, what is the best way to really HELP him. Also, ask yourself this...is it the gaming that is bothering you, or is the gaming covering up some other issues that would really warrant leaving your husband? Please don't take me to sound like a know it all... you just sound like you really do care about your family and I don't think any one of us would just leave our spouse because they have a vice.

I am in the same place and can offer no help but with me my husband is either working or hunting/fishing. Our children are now 17 & 8 and we've been married 20 years. It really hurts me to not have someone in my life to share time with me and I feel really hurt by it but I have lots of friends and family who I spend time with and I'm very often the only one there without my husband around. I hate it, but our kids do really great and are so comfortable, that I can't pick what makes me happy over what is making them happy now. My husband and I don't argue or fight .. we hardly talk it seems. When we have holiday events, he's there for a few hours and then off to the woods. When the kids are on their own, I'm not certain what I'll do - knowing me, I'll keep them happy and stick around. Some of my friends have been in the exact same place and once their kids were out of college the relationship with their husband got much better because they didn't have any distractions from the children .. I pray this is my end result also. You really have to decide if you can make it without his financial support (I work too, but I would be struggling with just child support) without it hurting the kids. Mom's needs or the kids' needs. I choose the kids at this point. I hope your situation works out and all are happy.

I don't know how open you would be to this, but my church has an addiction recovery program. This sounds like a pretty serious addiction if it's affecting your family this much. Anyway, it's open to all people, not just members. It's set up kinda like the AA 12-step program, but it's for any type of addiction. If you're interested, here's a link to a website about it. http://www.providentliving.lds.org/content/list/0,11664,6... I hope you can work this out. Good luck!

Hi H. -

This has got to be hard for you, and I'm sorry for the trial, but in it, you are only responsible for what YOU do, how YOU respond. You mentioned faith which is promising that you know and love God. While you are totally unable to change your husband in any way, nothing is too difficult for God! Yea! and Praise the Lord! In that, you have hope!!

It happened so many times in my own life that my husband would be 100% wrong! A favorite thing I would say is that if you asked 100 people, EVERY ONE of them would say HE was wrong! And that was probably true, BUT!! In EVERY instance, God was using the tribulation to change "me" more into the image of Christ Jesus.

I remember fussing with Him, "But, God, that's not fair!" He doesn't judge 'fair' by our self-centered standards though, and I will tell you this - - once I surrendered to Him - my Heavenly Father, and was obedient to Him (which is ALL I am responsible for) it was like I could see Him changing my husband DAILY! It was truly remarkable to watch how Holy Spirit moved and worked in my husband to bring him around to doing what "he" was supposed to do according to God's Word!
: )

Now to know what YOU are respoonsible for is easy to find out. Go to the Word, get out your Bible and look up all the "wife" scriptures - - and if you come across any "how to treat your brothers, better read them, too, because he is also your brother in Christ (hopefully you have unequally yoked yourself).

Remember the purpose for your creation - to be his helpmate. Remember your vows - better or worse. In James, you'll read that you should count it all joy when you go through trials and temptations, so be glad in the midst of this hard time - you can be glad that God is on your side. You can be glad that he's at home and not out at some bar getting drunk and hitting on strange women! Ask God for some of His joy when it gets particularly hard, because the joy of the Lord is your strength!

Be kind and use soft words. Don't try to be his Holy Spirit. No nagging. YOU stay "right" before God then stand in your faith and watch Him move in your behalf!

Also, H. - ask those people you trust to pray for you and for your husband - you don't need to talk about all his shortcomings at length - just ask them to pray. I'll poray now : )

Father God, I lift H. and her husband and family to You and ask that You would reveal Yourself mighty in their home that You would be glorified! Help H. to be patient and kind in every response and speak to her husband as to his responsibilitites toward his family. Father, You are able and NOTHING is too difficult for You. I thank You for moving on their behalf and pray all in Jesus' name. Be glorified, Father! Amen.

Been there, done that. My solution was to start playing so I could understand. I did the same thing with football - instead of whining about hubby sitting on the recliner Sunday watching football, I asked him to explain it to me (this was 20 years ago), and now I'm a big fan too.
I've never played WoW, but I have played Everquest, Everquest 2, and I still sometimes play Vanguard. They are very addictive, and the difficulty is when you get in a raiding guild. The first thing your husband needs to do is get in a very casual guild, and only let himself raid once a week. Yes, he'll lose getting upgraded gear and not be able to keep up with everybody else. Ask him if losing his kids or not seeing them grow is worth getting left behind in the game. In RPGs, it's often a joke about how RL (real life), is "overrated". Though players are just joking, it can start being true if you aren't extremely careful.
If his playing is too severe, a counselor might need to step in. He needs to realize that he is needed more at home by his family, than the people in the game need him (and they do need him for whatever his role in the guild is - you have to understand all of that in order to counter him and communicate with him).
Your husband is not a bad guy because he's addicted to the game. He's just lost his focus.
Also, I don't know if WoW has this, but EQ has a timer that can be set so the player doesn't lose track of time and be playing longer than he/she realized. Ask him to set that, or get a timer for him.
And don't sit back and expect him to tire of the game. RPGs are not like Mario Bros.

I was going to say...it depends on how long he has been playing this game but now I see. A year! Thirty hours a week! Has he been doing this for 30 hours for an entire year?

Unfortunately I believe this to be more common than we realize. I bet you get a lot of response.

This is a total escape mechanism. He is unable to live up to his responsibility as a husband or a father. Perhaps he has some great stress that he has trouble facing. Sometimes when I have great stress like that I read books. In any case, you have to make a decision. You have to invite him back into the family and tell him that you need a partner, full time, not someone just "phoning it in".

Personally I would leave him but to do that you will need a well-executed plan. Get you plan in place and then give him the ultimatum. It may involve counseling for his addiction. Then whatever your plan...follow through.

Good luck.

he needs someone else outside you marriage to make him realize his problem...he might even need a support group-those games are super addicitve. I remember that my first husband wouldn't sleep-he'd come home from work and start gaming, and sometimes I'd get up in the morning and he'd still be playing. There is hope. You might look into marriage counseling-sometimes you can go through your church and have a minister do this for free, all you have to do is ask. Good luck and be blessed!

I think you should develop an interest outside the home so you will have some time away and he can see what it is like. My hubby in very much the introvert. He is definitely the man who can live on the side of a mountain and as long as he has Internet and tv he could only go down to the local town once a year to purchase supplies and if someone said "Hello" to him that would be all the social interaction he needed. He would stay on the computer all day and all night if he had his way. I don't care if he gets up in the night time and gets on the computer and stays up all night, he has natural consequences from that. He'll be tired the next day and eventually decide to sleep instead.

If he has certain times he meets friends on line to play then give him "some" time. Everyone needs hobbies, things they enjoy, I enjoy tv, reading, sewing, playing Zuma and other games on the computer. I would hate it if my husband gave me an ultimatum and said I couldn't do any of those things or else. I moved my computer to the living room so I could still keep an eye on everything. My hubby still has his in the office/extra bedroom.

So, there ARE times when it is not the best time for him to be on the computer, obviously he needs to spend time with his family. Make 1 night a week a family night where the phone is not answered, no one comes over, no sports, computers are off, etc...you all have to make sacrifices. Play games together, make family vacation/getaway/activity plans, make cookies, anything to just spend time together. It will help your whole family. Pick a night that is yours to do what you want, he takes care of everything, then let him have an evening to himself. Pick an evening to spend with each child, him one and you the other then switch kids the next week. Plan a date night every week, if you don't have money to eat out and do activities that cost then think of things that are free. Take a walk by the lake, sit in the park and visit with each other, find free things to do by reading the notices in your local paper, go to Tulsa and see a free performance at a theatre, go to a museum.

Here's one link to local stuff in Tulsa:
http://bestoftulsa.com/thingstodo/index.shtml

Celtic Thunder is performing in Tulsa on Thursday, if you have ever watched when OETA has their fund yearly raising marathon then you have seen these 5 guys perform, they are totally wonderful.

http://www.celticthunder.ie/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celtic_Thunder

Your Christmas parade is on the 6th, plan on taking the whole family. Take an evening to look at Christmas lights. There are lots of ideas out there and as you make plans to do things during family night eventually he may be weaned away from so much of his game time.

If he just really doesn't make an effort then I would make the call to a mental health professional and start some counseling so you can be sure about the decisions you will have to make.