Would You Say Something to Friend About Concerns for Her Daughter?

"So, my friend, you know that concern about your daughter's lack of speech you've mentioned to me? You know, now that I have spent more time around her, I can see what you mean. Have your brought this up with her pediatrician?"

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My son was the same as your friends daughter. He is STILL behind in speech my he has come SO FAR since he was 2. He is almost 3 and speaking pretty clearly. His pronuciation is still off, but he is speaking in sentences, and using his voice to express his needs. I was really concerned about him when he was about 18 mo (he had no words), so I told my ped, and he started getting speech therapy. Speech Therapy has helped TREMENDOUSLY!!! Without speech therapy he WOULD NOT be where he is today.

Next time SHE brings it up, or you find a way to work it into the conversation....tell my story (say I am one of your friends). The speech therapists taught ME how to encourage my son to speak. Signing Times DVDs also help.

When my son wasn't talking a lot, I was REALLY worried. The hardest thing is that when a child is speech delay, you can't tell if they "know" things or not. So....it was really difficult to assess his cognitive skills. Also, is speech is behind, it is often difficult for kids to interact well with others. Since my son's speech has developed we have learned the is in NO WAY cognitively delayed (in fact he is ahead), and he is SUPER out going. Since your friends' daughter's speech is delayed, she may also have other concerns that may or may not be warrented. Helping your child with speech can open them up and let you see who they are and what they know. Speech Therapy has been a blessing to us. I really hope that she seeks out this FREE service for her child.

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Sounds to me like a possible hearing problem. Mention it to your friend this way , "Remember the day you asked me about ....... Well, I have been observing her since then to see if I can see what concerns you, and I was wondering ..... have you had her hearing checked ? Or spoken with her pediatrician about this ?"

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Mj, it would be good to go ahead and tell her that it would be good to have her evaluated. It won't hurt anything for her to have the eval. She asked your advice. That means she's worried and it's okay to tell her how you feel.

Her daughter should be saying words. If you google speech development, you'll see what they are looking for before and after 24 months. Show her what you find, and I think she'll see how important it is to not wait too long for an evaluation. Her ped can give her a referral.

All my best,
D.

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Hi,
As a mom who just had her first Parents As Teachers meeting this morning because my 19 month old isn't talking much I say PLEASE say something. If she has voiced concern then it has obviously caught her attention. I got tired of everyone telling me that "it will be ok" and "all kids progress differently". I would have been thrilled if someone had said...."you know if you are worried then contact these people or talk to your pediatrician about a screening test." Early intervention will never harm your child. I say talk to her and be armed with information such as your local PAT or even the Infant/Toddler program in your area. Also if you know of a speech screening place then offer that to her too. As a first time parent I had never heard of these services but I'm excited to get started with them!
Good luck!

Definitely voice your concern. I have a child who had a speech delay. He was only grunting and pointing to communicate and at age three he was very difficult to understand. He received speech therapy starting at 17 months and also received speech therapy through the local school district beginning at age three. He tested out before kindergarten and you would never know that he ever had a speech delay! Please speak to the girl's mother-it could really make a BIG difference in the lives of both the child and the parent. It certainly did for us!

My daughter didn't start talking much till she was nearly three. Now I can't get her to shut up! ;) I don't think I'd be worried for another year.

many kids aren't talking yet at 2. The fact that she is engaged, following what is going on, etc. is a good sign, but not talking at 2 (and she is not even 2 yet), is not that uncommon. If that same behavior continues for another 6 months/year with no progression, then there may be more concern and schools (usually through the ISD) are set up to assess early childhood delays/help.

I would definitely try to gently bring it up. I worked with two year olds for many years, and yes, there are some that talk more (and less) than others, but they really should be talking by this point.

The sooner they get evaluated and get help if needed, the better their chances are. I know someone who waited until her son was almost 4 to get him evaluated- he has mild autism and they could have started working with him two years prior, but those two years are lost because he never got evaluated.

I would make a suggestion to your friend the next time she happens to bring up the subject, that it might be a good idea for her to consider talking to her pediatrician about her child's delay in speech at her 2 yr check up. She even want to ask that her daughter's hearing be ck'd as well. I kjnow some children talk later but there may also be a problem. Good luck to her.

My son just turned 3 yesterday and he is a huuuge chatterbox! He talks sooo much! You know what though? At 2 years old he only said maybe 10 words. I would tell her she should think about screening if six more months go by and the girl is not speaking. Otherwise, I would bet she is just a little delayed like my son was. If she can understand what people tell her, that is a good sign.

Since she has already voiced concerns, it's not like a comment will be coming out of left-field. As someone suggested, maybe start with, "Remember how you asked me..." and go from there. I think sometimes moms are afraid to talk about delays with their children, so for her to reach out is really important.

Depends on a lot of things: age of the child, closeness of your friendship, her level of concern about it.

If it were ME (and it's not) and she was a pretty good friend, I would encourage her to discuss the speech thing at the child's 2 year well check up with her pediatrician. I'd probably mention that EI is free, and the sooner started, the better. You could bring up the topic of your child's well check up and how you're thinking about preparing a list of questions/concerns so you don't overlook anything--ask if she does that since she has the 2 year appt coming up soon....

I cant say for sure bc i dont know her of course but I am not sure that she is really off w/ where she should be at her age. did you look up speach for children her age and see what it should be and when to worry? my DD is only 19 mo and she is talking in full sentences so I cant really compare that to other kids at all but a lot of the kids in our playgroup are at 2 or almost there and they only say a handfull of words and they are right on track. IF you look it up and it still does not feel right to you then I think you should say something. she is your friend and I am sure you know how to talk to her like you care and like you are just worried and you want to support her. if something were wrong w/ my DD and i had no clue I would want someone to tell me...i would hope they were wrong LOL but I woudl be happy that they told me. xo good luck

I would talk to my friend and tell her your concerns. No matter if she had concerns first or not. You sound like you care about people, so you tell her your cancers. Can your friends little girl hear you when you talk to her? I have a granddaughter that just had tube in her ear because she had ear infections all the time; she was not saying word clearly. Maybe there is a speech or earring problem.

I would wait until she brings it up again and then say something. All states have a free program for birth-age 3 for speech. They can evaluate her and offer free services. Our son was a late talker and got services through Tiny-K (Kansas). He actually had fluid blockage in both ears, so he couldn't hear well enough to speak (break down between receptive and expressive language). If they evaluate her and find no problems, then at least she'll have peace of mind. Our son will be 5 next week and NEVER STOPS TALKING now--and I think his vocabulary is advanced.

Ya know, Im not sure how to approach it. But I was concerned for my own daughter and everyone else told me she was fine. Even the Pediatrician was worried until she turned 3. She was talkin but it was what she was hearing. Her hearing is fine. Had it tested several times. She had speech therapy for 3yrs. She is 6 almost 7 now but the comprehension is not quite there yet. its coming but slow. she can read and is very smart. but in my opinion do not wait any longer. start something now. I hope this helps.

Yes, say something. Please ask your friend about her daughter's hearing, and see if she will have her daughter's hearing tested by a specialist. The pediatrician's office test is not enough. I have a friend who's daughter acted exactly like your friend's child. She was not talking, grunting, screeching... she is hearing impaired and they did not figure it out until she was almost 3. They did the regular hearing tests at the doctor's and passed because the little girl could hear a little bit and she faked her way through them. So she started speech therapy and the therapist finally recommended they try a hearing specialist. She was severely deaf in one ear and mildly in the other. My God child is also hearing impaired and does the high pitched screams. It is because they can't hear themselves well. I don't know if that is the issue, but she should be screened. SO many people overlook the hearing, and that is how we learn to talk. Good luck!!

From the sounds of it your friend has already opened the door for communication about this with you. She's expressed her concern and while you may have reassured her that children develop differently you can readdress the issue now that you've had a chance to notice the behavior yourself. My only suggestion is that you do it with care and simplicity. I wouldn't make it a huge thing, just a casual conversation about it with your suggestions and her making the final decision. Friends reach out to others when they're not sure what to do too, and it's always nice to have a friend who supports you with any situation that arises with either themselves or their children. :) God Bless.

not this early........i know some kids who didnt talk till 4 or 5., not mine, they never hush!, lol....id give it at least a year

It is very touchy to suggest that something may be wrong with someones child. Some people are very open to advice and others just don't want to believe what they are hearing.

Do you have Parents As Teachers in your area? If so they could be contacted about screening the little girl. If they find that she needs some speech therapy they can get the proper help for her. My older son was the same way, even the screaming. He benefited greatly from speech therapy, and since we started it early his classmates have no idea he ever had a speech problem.

Good Luck

This can be hard, but since she mentioned something to you, I would say something to her. She may be feeling that she's over-exaggerating or that she feels like she just doesn't know about kids and she's asked and everyone says it will be fine.

I would tell her that after playing a little more and getting to know her daughter more that you noticed what she mentioned before and though it could be fine, if it was your child you would have them checked, so something that could be fixed can be diagnosed before a real problem forms. There is always a chance she won't respond well, but if she mentioned it to you, my guess would be she'll appreciate someone telling her she's not crazy and they agree.

Good luck and good for you for being such a good friend, many people would avoid what could be just helping a new mother.

Well, in my own experience with three kids, they really do all blossom at their own speed when it comes to speaking and communicating.
My first was practically speaking sentences by the time she was 18 months. My second did just what your friend's daughter is doing. My dad was actually worried and had the talk with me that you are contemplating with your friend. I just laughed it off because I knew what I knew from home. Now, she never shuts up, (lol!), and, when she sits down next to someone she'll talk their head off! She knew exactly how to tell me what she wanted and such. My 3rd is 17 months now, and, he is doing the grunting thing also. However, he is slowly putting some words together, so, I am not worried. I'm no expert at all at child development, but, I would say give it some more time before really being concerned, unless she seems to be behind (majorly) in other developmental expectations. ;) Since she seems to understand things and has her own way of communicating, I would almost guess that she is just not quite ready to want to communicate verbally yet. The thing I always remember with my kids, is to NEVER compare them to other kids. They will always be behind others kids in one way or another.

I didn't read all of the answers but here is my perspective. My daughter spoke early and clearly - my stepdaughter on the other hand could only say mom, dad, & tea at two years old - the girls are 7 weeks apart in age. My stepdaughter would grunt for what she wanted and scream because she couldn't articulate what she wanted to say. By speaking clearly to her and giving her time to find the answer - and expecting her to answer - she was fine by about 3 (she's 30 now and she hasn't shut up since then). I found that her dad and her bio-mom didn't expect anything out of her they just handed her what she pointed to so... I would reasure the mom, like you have already, that all kids move at their own pace and make it a point on play dates that you spend time talking to her.

way too early for you to diagnose. It may simply be a case of the family not working with her to encourage speech, it may be that she is a follower when playing with your child.

I would focus on subtley at this point. Make a point to "show" them how you encourage her to speak, make a point to recommend your school district's early childhood program......etc. If by 2 1/2 she's still not talking, then by all means - speak out - for the child's sake!

The next time your friend expresses concerns about her daughter's lack of speech, I would strongly encourage her to contact the school district/First Steps/Early Intervention for an evaluation. Yes, many kids have normal "late talker" kids... I have several friends who expressed concerns over their child's lack of speech around the age of 2, had their child evaluated by the school district and we told there was no reason for concern. However, my 2 1/2 year old son suffers from a serious speech disorder that was identified when he was 16 months old (he's been in First Steps since 8 months due to other issues) and any speech therapist will tell you the sooner you seek intervention, the better off your child will be. My son's speech disorder basically affects his expressive language - what he is able to communicate to others. His receptive language - what he understands - is age appropriate, but because he understands what is being said and knows what he wants to say, he has increased frustration because he can't get out what he wants to say. Could your friends daughter's "high pitch scream" be her extreme frustration that nobody understands her???

In my experience, even the best pediatrician isn't clued into severe speech disorders and won't get too concerned until after age 3 when a child has missed critical speech therapy time. We have an awesome pediatrician and when I told her I was checking into early intervention, she didn't feel it was necessary and that he would be "caught up" by the time he was 2 or 3. I trusted my instincts and sought the evaluations (they are free through the state, so all it costs is time). I am so grateful that I did because my son's speech is much farther along than other kids his age with the same disorder (but were diagnosed/started therapy much later) and he will more than likely completely overcome these issues, although we still have several more years of speech therapy ahead of us.

Feel free to ask any additional questions. I would also look into the speech disorder, Apraxia. I believe on the www.apraxia-kids.org website, you can find the symptoms/signs of Apraxia. Apraxia is a neurologically based speech disorder and differs from a speech delay. A speech delay is something that even without therapeutic intervention, a child will eventually catch up with their peers. A speech disorder is something that a child will not overcome without intense speech therapy.

Best of luck!!