43 answers

Would You Let Your Teenager Wear This to School?

So I am kinda stuck here...my 14 year old has been wearing skinny jeans for a while. She also wears regular flare or bootleg jeans. Well, now all (or alot) of the girls her age (she is in 8th grade) are starting to wear those 'yoga' pants. She went and bought herself a pair at Victoria's Secret PINK when she went to the mall with my husband a couple of weeks ago. They are pretty much leggings with a flap that go halfway over the butt with sparkly letters or a design. She says "But all the girls at school wear them." My husband and I DO NOT want her wearing these to school. They are pretty thin and I don't like her tush hanging out! She tried to tell us that she wears the skinny jeans and they are pretty much the same thing. I can kinda see her point. But, the jeans are a thicker material and I feel there are more to the jeans. We told her she could wear them as long as she has a shirt on that covers her butt. But then she gets mad because you are covering up the PINK letters. I don't care, I want her butt covered up! I don't know...are we being too harsh?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks for all the great answers - so far. My daughter is a really great student and she really doesn't get into much trouble at all. I think she is doing it more to "fit in". I think we will have to have a talk with her more about being an individual and not having to do what everyone else is doing. Even though I have mentioned this...maybe I need to do a little more of an in depth talk! And beleive me, we talk to her about sex and boys alot. I can only hope that she will do the right thing...thanks again ladies!

Featured Answers

I would not let my daughter wear pants with words on the buttocks area. That's just saying "Hey everyone look at my butt!" No thanks.

You are not being too harsh. You are being a parent enforcing rules.

11 moms found this helpful

I have a boy (TG), but I probably would not allow that to school.

Looks like she's got herself a new pair of lounge pants for the house! lol

4 moms found this helpful

This is yet another reason why I love love love the uniform both my kids had to wear thru high school! I never really had to deal with these issues except for "play" or weekend clothes. That being said, I would not have allowed my daughter at that age to wear anything from the PINK line except maybe a zip-up jacket!

4 moms found this helpful

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We took a stand a long time ago about "writing" on butts - NO. There is never a good reason to draw attention to your tushy. I also have a 14 yr old daughter but we went through this a few years ago. I explained that people can dress any way they want - but they can not control who looks at them and what they think while they're looking at them.

I explained to my daughter and her fiend that while they may want to dress to impress the other girls about their style, and they may be happy that the popular boys will be looking at their butt, cleavage, etc (pick the body part du jour) they can't control what those boys are thinking or saying, they can't control the old dudes who'll look at her butt, they can't control that people they don't want looking at them to be looking at them.

I also explained that how you dress is sort of like how you bait a hook when you're fishing. When fishing you use differnet bait or lures for different fish. I asked my daughter and her BFF - do they want to bait their hooks for guys who only want to get their hands on their bodies or do they want to attract a guy who is is really going to like them for who they are, not what their body parts look like?

Part of this parenting stuff is setting boundaries that are not popular with our children. We have been up against this alot in the last two years. But one day when pressed, my daughter admitted that deep, deep down, she was "kinda relieved" that we are strict parents and often say "no". Saying no gives your kid an excuse to not do something she's not comfortable with anyway. This way she can blame you. (Of course there will be all those other times when she'll just be mad at you.) As my husband and I will frequently say to eachother as we shrug our shoulders "oh well". My husband is also known to say that we say no now so they can get used to hearing it when they want to do other stuff as the next few years come up. ;o) Another thing I tell me kids is that I'm the one who will one day have to stand before God and answer as to how I raised my children. There will be plenty of other mistakes I'll have to explain - this won't be one of them. ;o)

Good luck mama!

18 moms found this helpful

I would not let my daughter wear pants with words on the buttocks area. That's just saying "Hey everyone look at my butt!" No thanks.

You are not being too harsh. You are being a parent enforcing rules.

11 moms found this helpful

Let's look at this a different way...
Maybe I was just a sneaky little brat in high school, but if it were me, I'd bring them to school and change into them there. What is she wearing for gym class (or does she not have one?)?
I was having sex at 15, and so were all of my friends. You're not preventing a mindset by stopping her from wearing them, nor are you encouraging it.

These are high school kids. Which means that they are *already* looking at her butt, no matter what she's wearing. And if she's already in skinny jeans, there's not much of a difference.
The other way to look at it, is if all the other girls are doing it, she's just going to blend right in, rather than calling attention to *her* behind.

Really, I don't think I'd make an issue of this. It seems pretty trivial. I'd focus on bigger things, like making sure she understands safe sex and talking to her about whether or not she's thinking that way.

6 moms found this helpful

Bottom line is you are the parents and you make the rules. Follow your gut and don't give into the "everybody else is doing it" argument that we all have used in our lives.

6 moms found this helpful

Where do you think the boys will be looking? At her face or the glittery letters on her Hiney? Ask her what kind of attention she wants to attract? That being said, ifnyour husband and yourself do not approve then there should be no arguing!

6 moms found this helpful

I had to actually look up and see what these things look like lol

If her butt is actually visible, then I would say no. I would probably allow her as long as she was covered completely. The pictures I see of them, they look cute, of course I'm in my 20s so I don't know if that makes a difference. I agree with the another poster though that clothes aren't always worth the power struggle. When I was in high school I wore all black which my mom hated, but she let it go because I stayed out of trouble and had good grades, was active in extras, etc. But, if she actually has parts visible, I would say no unless she covers it up.

6 moms found this helpful

Tough question. I wear yoga pants. I'm familiar with the PINK brand (I don't buy that brand, it's aimed at teens). I bet lots of girls her age are wearing them. I really don't care for the "writing on the butt" style over all, at any age.

Clothes are usually an area where I avoid power struggles (I've raised two kids into their 20s) and some of the things they wore to school I didn't agree with, but I let it go and concentrated on grades, activities, and friends.

Are you concerned this is a part of a larger issue? Is your daughter's behavior otherwise appropriate for her age? Is she truly comfortable wearing these, or is she doing it to "fit in"? Are they the right size, or did she buy a smaller size to fit tighter? Would she compromise with yoga pants with no writing?

5 moms found this helpful

Yes......You are being too harsh. I am the mother of 5 grown children and I have learned a lot along the way! Yoga pants are the least of your worries. It could be eyebrow piercing, tattooing and night club clothing! As long as her butt cheeks, or the crack of her rear is not showing, don't pole vault over a mouse turd! Pick your battles.

5 moms found this helpful

Whether or not I'd allow my daughter to wear them isn't the question. You've already said that you and your husband don't want her wearing them and told her so. This is one of the situations where you need to choose your battle.

When I was in 8th grade, we WERE interested in sex. I DID wear spandex skirts (that I hid from my parents) to school so that the boys would not only look but also grab my butt. And I would never, in a million years, have told my parents about it. If you don't like them, then take them away. Otherwise, she'll just hide wearing them to school.

THAT SAID: I love the comment about baiting a hook for boys. I really want to remember that one for my kids...

4 moms found this helpful

I have a boy (TG), but I probably would not allow that to school.

Looks like she's got herself a new pair of lounge pants for the house! lol

4 moms found this helpful

This is yet another reason why I love love love the uniform both my kids had to wear thru high school! I never really had to deal with these issues except for "play" or weekend clothes. That being said, I would not have allowed my daughter at that age to wear anything from the PINK line except maybe a zip-up jacket!

4 moms found this helpful

Your the parent!!! You make the decisions!!! If you don't like it, don't allow it!!! In fact, she should not be allowed to go shopping for clothes on her own. As a teen, I always got approval from my mom before I bought anything. My sister in law makes her 17 year old daughter bend over, squat, raise her hands, etc. to see if any movement shows skin. If it does, the outfit is not purchased. I remember my mom doing the same. If the clothes don't meet your approval whether it is because it shows skin, is too tight, or too thin, you as a parent have the right to so "Absolutely not" If your daughter buys clothes you do not approve of, make her take them back or give them away.

4 moms found this helpful

I am not a prude...but I have a 4 1/2 year old daughter and will soon feel your angst. 14 year olds should not be wearing clothes from Victoria's Secret! Except for bras...if they can fit into them and afford them!
Jeans are not 'see through' like leggings can be. If she insists, take them away. If she likes the sparkles on her tush (!) buy her a pair of jeans with embroidered pockets!

4 moms found this helpful

Time to talk to hubby about supervising her shopping a little more closely, lol.
My son is 12 and I have battled with him already over clothes. His money or not... I tell him beforehand if it is appropriate or not. And if he chooses to buy it, WHERE he will be allowed (or not allowed) to wear it.

Same thing with some of his worn clothing... big gaping holes in the knee... fashionable or not, they are not allowed away from home. Not to the mall. Not to church. Not to Target. Not to school. And he knows it.

Good luck.

4 moms found this helpful

The only conflict here is that your hubs let her buy them and now she is told by you two she can't wear them. I used to sell Juicy Couture for kids and those little yoga pants had writting in the tush for toddlers. I refused to put them on the floor and spoke to the buyers, who were all in their early 20's, childless and wore Juicy themselves how inappropriate it was. Oblivious, but I made my point. No writting should be on the tush of a teen girl unless she wants "that kind of attention", which by your description she doesn't sound like it. You are right you have to talk to her more about what boys will be looking at and the message she will be sending. Are yoga pants in general a non-negotiable or these particular ones? Maybe you can offer to return the VS ones and buy her a thicker, equally cute pair sans the tush writing. Good luck!

4 moms found this helpful

It depends on the school dress code.

My 16 yr old in 10th grade does not like writing on the tush but they do wear Hollister and yoga pants, especially the cheerleaders. Yoga pants are a part of the cheer uniform this time of year.

You are the parent and it is your choice, HOWEVER.... choose your battles wisely. Sometimes..it is not worth the battle because you may be causing another one to be brewing......i.e... changing clothes when she gets to school, etc.

I don't forbid things, we just talk about it and come to an agreement... give and take.

3 moms found this helpful

Nope, you are not being too harsh. Victoria's Secret Pink pretty much indicates under garments. You're the mom.

3 moms found this helpful

I am thankful that my 16 year old daughter has a good fashion sense and thinks such clothing is rediculous. Mine is actually alittle of a plus size girl, but she dresses her body wonderfully, very fashionable and classy.

Skinny jeans/jeggings/leggings can work, if done right, such as with tall boots and tunic type tops/sweaters. But for me, yoga pants belong at home, lounging on the sofa, watching movies or the latest DVR'ed show I have! But never anything with a word across my rump! UGH!

A few years ago, we were traveling by road to the mountains for a snowmobiling trip, with our daughter in tow. We stopped at a grocery store for some supplies (soda, munchies and unfortunately, cough medicine!)..they had a subway inside so we ate with our wagon-train of pals, since we were stopped. As we sat eating by the entrance to the store, we were people watching. We saw a group of young gals come in...the early years of the Ugg boots and sloppy sweats look...and these gals had JUICY sweats/yoga pants on...that word right there across their bums! I was floored!

Who in the world would want that word associated with their hind end??? I mean...REALLY? ish....LOL. And this is fashion??!!

Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful

Hi D.,

Our 15 year old bought the skinny jeans and her Dad simply threw them away. She was supposed to wear shirts that covered her back end and she didn't so he threw them away. Believe it or not, after the initial frustration and anger from her, she simply started wearing her other clothes. Why buy something you can't wear. Kids think their clothes are important but their real friends are not going to ditch them because they are not fashionable. My child figured out her Daddy was right. Whew! No, you are NOT being too harsh!

God bless,

M.

3 moms found this helpful

Nah, if it looks inappropriate to you, dont let her wear it.

3 moms found this helpful

Don't over think it Mom! You said no. Let your no be no and your yes be yes. She doesn't have to like your answers....
Power to the Mamas!!!

3 moms found this helpful

I agree. Home use (or for Yoga classes, LOL) only.

If all girls were .... (fill in the blank with something stupid/dangerous)... you wouldn't let her do it just because "all the girls are ..." would you? Neither should she.

3 moms found this helpful

This is why I am glad I have all boys. If I did have girls I would NEVER let them wear anything with writing on the behind. Thats just an invitation for creepy guys to look there. It drives me crazy when little 4 & 5 years olds wear pants like that. I don't think its the pants that would bother me as much as the writing or designs there.

3 moms found this helpful

No not at this age I have a 13yr old NO way would I let her. Luckily here school also dosn't allow these type of pants. However my 22 yr. old does where them EVERYWHERE. They don't seem as bad on her as on a Younger girl. I would let her keep them and say they are for weekends at non school times. Also check with her school they may have the same policy as ours.

2 moms found this helpful

I would NEVER allow my daughter of any age to wear something like that. I don't want her looking at herself as a sex object, and I certainly don't want other people looking at her that way.
Take those things back to the store!

2 moms found this helpful

What are school's dress codes?They might not even allow them in the school. I have a 16 year old and I would not allow her to wear them, not to school at least. I understand that PINK is all the rage, but I think it is important that limits are set. She will be mad at you, no doubt! Good Luck the teen years are hard to deal with. Mine wears those skinny jeans and I am not a fan..hopefully that fad will go away soon.

2 moms found this helpful

My oldest is 10 and I agree with you. I would let her wear them at home only.

2 moms found this helpful

I'd say weekend wear only - maybe for sleepovers but NOT at school. And cause I know teens are sneaky they would be kept in MY room so she can't smuggle them to school and change there.

2 moms found this helpful

No. Check the school dress code policy. Our school systems policy does not allow this. If the policy in your daughters school does not allow this but it's not being enforced, then it's time to bring it up with the principal and they need enforce it.

1 mom found this helpful

Ahh ... no ... I would stick to your guns. I totally agree - inappropriate.

1 mom found this helpful

1- Is her butt, crack thereof and all completely covered *both* when standing and sitting?
2- Do her underwear peak out at all when standing or sitting?
3- Does she have to tug at them all day to keep them from showing any part of her butt or underwear?
If she's covered, underwear hiding and she's not tugging on them all day I'm not sure it's a fight worth having. If' she's not covered, showing her underwear off and tugging on them all day to keep them on than I say absolutely NO.
Personally I never wear yoga pants at all, I think it looks like you're wearing your PJs all day but a lot of people find them comfortable. I hate low cut pants that make me have to look at someone elses underwear and butt, I find them classless and unflattering. I hate them just as much as I hate boys who wear their pants so low you see their boxers.

1 mom found this helpful

Hmmm, I have a 13 year old daughter, luckily she is not a girly girl and wouldn't be caught dead in Pink.
However she does wear some things I don't like.

We discuss it at length. I reiterate often how she may be labeled as something she is not. I tell her, personally I think you're better than that.

I haven't FORBADE anything yet (she's an outstanding student, an excellent friend, and an all around pleasure everyday {really, tehehe})

But then it's not sexually suggestive things she wants to wear, she likes to be, uh, unique. Ok, just plain weird sometimes!

You know her best. But I guess I would not subscribe to this particular battle.She's not wearing them because she wants to look like a slut, or because she WANTS people admiring her butt really, she's wearing them to fit in with her perception of the norm.

:)

1 mom found this helpful

It's kind of hard to say without seeing it. Is the material see-through? Are her panties showing? Is her butt (skin) showing? If not, then I might not make a big deal about it.

I haven't seen these pants but, from how you've described them, I don't think the dress code at my daughter's school would allow them to be worn. Maybe you could try checking with the school because wearing them will not even be an option if they don't meet the dress code requirements. Good Luck!

I saw a 7 or 8 year old with sweat pants or yoga pants that said "Ambercrombie" across the butt yesterday. Sorry, but that is just asking for people to look right at her rear end. Gross. I'm fairly open minded. Skinny jeans, for the most part, don't bother me if paired with an appropriate top. But I refuse to allow my girls to wear any clothing with writing on the butt.

Hi Mama-

I haven't read through any of the other 35 answers that you have gotten so I apologize if this is redundant...

I see a few items playing out here:
1) The need to respect and follow your rules
2) Even though you think she is trying to fit in with the crowd, she is trying to break away from you
3) The need to belong or "fit in"

That said, and based on your "so what happened" post, I personnally would let it go. We are talking about pants here - not drugs or alcohol or strangling/the fainting game or cutting or any of those other nasty destructive habits.

Maybe there is a compromise here - they are not appropriate for school but you can wear them on the weekends or when she actually goes to a yoga class, after all, they are "yoga" pants, right?

If you are really against them, can you obtain a copy of the school's dress code? Most schools, even if they are not the "uniform" type, have certain restrictions about what a student can wear. Maybe you can get the support you need for your arguement from there so this is not so much a "Mom says" issue but rather respecting school policy?

Good luck. I dread what my little girl will be wearing in just a few years!

~C.

PS. I hope you flagged Dad for letting her purchase them in the first place, even if it was her money. If they never entered the house, this would not be an issue.

How about a compromise. My daughter likes to wear the leggins but only with a long top that covers her behind. That is the only way she wants to wear them and that is the only way I will let her wear them. So try that and explain to here that because the yoga pants are much thinner than her skinny leg jeans she must cover her behind when wearing them. Showing too much can cause unwanted attention that she may not be able to handle at this age.

No. You are not being too harsh.
My daughter bought a shirt one time with an inappropriate message on it - with her money. Honestly, at 12, I'm not sure she entirely got the meaning LOL
Anyways, I told her why I didn't like it and why I thought it was inappropriate. I told her she would NOT wear it when she went out with me, when we joined family or at church. And warned her that if she wore to school, they might possibly make her put a loaner shirt on. I then left it in her hands to do the right thing. She threw it in the trash!
So, hold your own. If only more parents did!

I'm with you. Moms need to teach girls to be classy not trashy. This will give boys more of a reason to make lots of sexual comments & treat her like a sex object. I was a large chested, 5 '1, 89 pound girl in high school & boys would make sexual comments to me all the time & I was extremely shy about my size & would conceal as much as I could, so I can't imagine what they would have said if I was blatantly flaunting myself.

Also this is a good Daddy/Daughter moment were he can chime in on what boys really have on their minds at this age.

NO, no , no! My gosh do I see a lot of kids wearing clothes that are not suitable outside of the house! If you do not feel comfortable with it, then no means no. Especially at that age. Question though, if your husband doesn't want her wearing them, why did he let her buy them? Lounging around the house, but not in public!

I have a 15 year old. She loves PINK. She is very developed and -truthfully-gorgeous. She wears skinny jeans, she wears the cropped sweat pants. She wears her shirts much lower than I would like although it is more that she just fills those shirts out than that they are low. BUT... She wouldn't be caught dead in yoga pants because I wear them to yoga class!!!
I draw the line at words across your butt. My girls do have a couple of pairs of soccer shorts with SOCCER across the back end but they are not tight fitting at all. And they wear them to soccer. Otherwise they are welcome to wear PINK logo clothing as long as the writing comes up the leg or is on the front pocket area. I would not object to the yoga pants-she should have chosen some with appropriately placed writing.
Also, a good time to discuss advertising for other people and not getting paid for it. My oldest boy would not be caught dead wearing anything from a national brand store with a logo on it. My middle child-the 15 year old girl-likes the name brands but always goes for the least flashy/ least noticeable logos. She wants people noticing her-not who she is wearing! My youngest-13 year old girl-still likes the name brands but-again-not across her butt.
Dads need VERY specific rules about what to buy and/or allow their daughters to wear. They have no brains sometimes and totally still see them as their little girls. My husband actually let my daughter buy some cute bunny earrings. They were PLAYBOY bunny earrings. She didn't know that but he did and he just didn't see the problem-she was eight!!! Those "got lost".
This same man thinks nothing of us running to dinner and leaving his 15 year old daughter with her 15 year old boyfriend home alone-"just for a bit, I just checked on them. They're fine." I have had to explain to him that NO, that is NOT ok. He would never have left our son here like that- not sure what he is thinking. Or obviously he isn't thinking.
Anyway, can you exchange them? Or-middle schools usually ban them. High school is more lenient. The one thing is-she won't be standing out. "Everyone else" really is wearing them.
I'm with the one mom that says "pick your battles". She's 14. A couple of years or less and she will be driving. Or with others that drive. Work on common sense, bring up issues, but ultimately let her make some decisions on her own-and make a few mistakes.
Good luck.

Here are few good rules to teach your daughter: 1) If you're not wearing a skirt or dress, always wear pants. And leggings are NOT pants. 2) Your butt is not a billboard. Never wear a brand or logo on your butt unless they're paying you to.

Im a 14 year old girl and i know yore an adult and dont care what i have to say but i wear yoga pants almost every day, they're really comfy and not "provoking" or anything. I think you're over reacting alot to jus a pair if pants.

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