Would You Let Your 9 Year Old Walk Home from School?

You need to trust your inner voice. Do not let other people's opinion sway you from what you are comfortable with. You are not over protective. You are realistic about the world we live in. Good luck.

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Trust your instincts. Who cares what the other parents think about you, this is your son. When friends come to our house
we honor their parents request and keep the rules of our home.
Keep your son safe.

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Hi C.,
If you are not comfortable with it, then don't do it. Don't let your son's friends/parents decide what is best for you. Maybe they are too carefree? And that will come back to bite them in the ... someday, if they are not careful. Just my thoughts, you can never be too careful. K.

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I agree with you. Your son is too young to stay at home by hisself. I lived in area like what you discribe and did let my kids walk home until one of the men on the list stopped to talk to one of my sons. I was home and put a stop to them walking home after this. I had two boys and they did pretty good being by their selfs but they would have wild days and get into trouble. I think any time you can keep a child busy and not alone to create his own trouble, the better off you are.
The same children who parents are saying you are too protective are the same one who may get to stand in front of a judge with their children that got into trouble. Times are very dangerous. We no longer have to just worry about our childrens friends but our neighbors also.
I always found if I do what I think is best for my child no matter what any one else says I alway came out a head. I learnded the hard way no one know my children like I do so their advice is not always correct. I think you should do what you think is best for your child. He will be gone soon enough enjoy him now.

R.

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Main entry portal for the Texas Dps Sex offender website is:

https://records.txdps.state.tx.us/DPS_WEB/Sor/index.aspx

there are other websites on the web, but this is the only one that I would trust to be the most accurate in Texas…

I found a guy that literally lives across the street from me. I do not let my kids outside even for a second w/o me w/ them-much less walk home from anywhere.
The old saying, "It's better to be safe then sorry" plays in my head everytime I try to make a decision about anything.

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C.-Absolutely not are you over-protective! I am a sex offender probation officer by day and do real estate also. Just because your neighborhhod is "safe" does not mean anything. I supervise sex offenders in the nicest of neighborhoods. Remember the case of Michael Devlin who kidnapped Shawn Hornbeck, 11, at his bus stop in St. Louis in 2002? I do not want to make you paranoid but we are in a different day and age than when we were young and walked home from school. As many great memories as I have from walking home with friends I will never let any child of mine walk home from school. The only way to protect your own children is to do it yourself. If you did let your son walk home and God forbid something happened you would look back at this e-mail you sent out and never forgive yourself. Be safe. Your gut instict told you already not to allow it, go with it, that is what we do as mothers. I wish you the best and stay strong.

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I think a lot about stuff like this although I've yet to really arrive at the decision making point- my two are 5 and 7 (8 tomorrow!).
I think that I want them to have some independence, but I want them to be safe.
The closest experience I have to what you are mentioning is the idea of letting my girls ride the city bus one day, so they can go to the big public library, a museum, or some other interesting spot. I want them to be able to do that, but I don't know what age they'll be (obviously I think it'll be before they turn 16).
My idea for you here is not to let them do anything you haven't already done with them. When I teach my girls to use the bus, I'll be with them the first several times. I will teach them how to do it and how to act during the trip, the whole banana. I won't let them go near it until I feel like we've done it enough times for it to be...automatic.
Same deal with taking walks/rides around the neighborhood. I don't let them do that without me yet, but we practice a lot. We take walks or rides (or sometimes skates) around the neighborhood and I ask them where to turn and how do we get home from here throughout the process. My 5yo now knows her right from her left and she could get you home from her pre-school if you asked her. You don't want them to be afraid, you want them to be empowered, and confident, calm, and able to respond appropriately- to cars, people, dogs, etc... Oddly enough dogs are among the largest dangers we face in our neighborhood- running loose and that will throw off my children's sense of 'what do I do- he's coming right at me'.
You have to teach them what to do, model it, and let them copy you.
Summer's coming- so maybe think towards next year as a goal. Tell him, you want to walk with your friend, I'm going to show you how. And practice several times with him until you feel sure about things, walking with him is the only way you'll know what he will experience. That'll be hard with your work schedule, but I'd encourage you to try and find some afternoons during the summer when you could walk the walk and talk about what to look out for and how to respond if this or that happens (maybe even Saturday afternoons). I bet he'll feel better about it that way, and you will too.
Finally, labeling parents does not do anyone any good. Don't fall into the trap of 'they said this so I'll respond by allowing that'- he's not their kid. period.
Hope this helps a little! Best of luck!

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Me personally I would not let my child walk home especially if I knew that there were pedaphiles in the area. I say it's better to be safe than sorry. I know people may say you are being overprotective but you need to do what you feel is right to protect your family. Unfortunately, the world we live in is not a safe one and things happen to children everyday. If your neighbor cop won't even let his children play in the front unattended then why would you allow your child to walk by himself..I would take the advice of the cop and not let your child do it. There is definitely a good reason why he is not allowing his children to play unattended. Again, better to be safe than sorry.

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C.,
For what it's worth, I don't think you're being over protective. You're talking about YOUR child. Is it possible for the friend's mother to pick up the children from school? It's okay to explain to your child that you are just not comfortable with it and if his friend's mother can't pick them up, then it may be best to go to their house another time when you or your husband are able to take him. Please don't ever second guess or apologize for doing what you think is right for your family.

Best of luck!
A. W.

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C.,

I don't think you are overprotective at all. This is your son, and it is your duty and right to protect him. How many parents who have lost their children to kidnapping wish they had been more protective? You need to trust your instincts, and if the situation makes you feel nervous, don't do it. If your neighbor who is in law enforcement will not allow his children unattended in the front yard, I think that is a clear warning.

As for myself, I am not even sending my children to public schools, because after being a teacher for 6 years, I don't feel safe sending them there. Instead, I am choosing to home school. Probably most people would think I am ultra protective, but I really don't care. They are my children and it's my job to keep them safe. Don't feel bad about not letting your nine-year-old walk home from school. You are just doing the best job you can in protecting him, and for that you should be commended!

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I have a 9 yr old boy (I'm the same age as you) too. I have gotten a lot of the "lighten up" from my parents as well. We live in a very different age and time. Ultimately you have to go with what God has given you to decide this and do not allow anyone to bully you. (If I could bold the following... I would) ...Its wrong for his friends parents to say your overly protective. That is a red flag to me that a PARENT would undermine your parenting to your child. No telling what else they allow their child to do in the name of lightening up. I asked my husband today if he'd let our son walk from a nearby elementary (Cox -which is in a very nice neighborhood) less than a mile home and he flat out said "No." They are still so young. I think that if you don't ever allow your child to do anything then it could be over the top, but if you are making decisions based in the best information you have nothing can beat your mothering. Don't you hate this guilty gene we get when we become parents? :)

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Yes, I would let my son walk home alone. We live at a time where we need to be really careful of our children's safety. I would not let him stay home alone for that long. You need to make sure your son is comfortable about talking with you and his father. He should be taught how to be aware of his surroundings and how to scream, and run for his protection. He needs to know who to call, where to go for help. We always think it will never happen to us, unfortunately this is not always true. Just teach him how to protect himself.
God bless.

I know I may be responding a day late, but who cares what some other kid's parents think? Kids do have a way of bending the truth, or unintentionally changing the story when it's retold, so it could be a different story at the other house. If they did say it, they have some nerve!

No matter if it was said or not, you shouldn't care what another set of parents thinks about your parenting skills-your son is yours and not theirs. My kids are 10, 9, and 7, and NO I would not allow any of my kids do what your son asked-pedaphiles or not. No child is safe anymore in this country, and your job as a parent includes protecting your child from unseen dangers. Sounds to me like you are already doing an excellent job of it.

I would never let them walk home alone. I'm scared that he'll get kidnapped. It's happened before. If he hasa cellphone, that's a different story.

in the area means they are some where within the neighborhood. I still wont let my 12year old stay home alone or play outside with out an adult there with her. Thou nothing may happen With his friend ever, It's still the rules for you better be safer then sorry. Im not over protective by any means, I know there are people out there that isnt convicted, I know 3 personally (ex of mine havent see for years and my 2 uncles my kids are not aloud to be around. Down my dads street there are 3 also. The streets are not what they use to be when we were kids we were able to leave the doors unlocked and we were able to walk down the street without the feeling of being watched all the way home. Trust your judgement and dont worry about people saying your being overprotective because your trying to keep your son safe.

Regardless of what other parents "would" do, You need to do what you feel is right. Don't let other people tell you that your being overprotective, in my opinion that's our job as a parent, and if you don't feel comfortable then say NO!
Don't give in to peer pressure!

No, don't let him walk home. Trust your motherly instinct, and don't worry about what other's will think.

If your neighbor in law enforcement is 'over' protective of his kids and he knows information about the 'area', then trust that. Kids will always tell you that their friends parents allow this and that, when it might be just a very few.

At 9 yrs old, they want to be more 'free' or 'responsible', especially boys. You've read the stories about kidnapping, etc., so say NO to walking alone or playing in the front yard alone. I'm a grandma to 3 adult children and 2 grandkids, and my son is much more protective of his kids than I ever needed to be, as times have changed.

As a teacher, I heard many stories about things that happened to kids going to and from school. Some even happened on campusbefore school and after school when few to no adults were around. Unsavory characters hide and attack without warning. The smaller the child, the more vulnerable they are. If it were my child, I would do everything to protect his safety and let others worry about their own choices.

Simply put and from my heart - not in this city. I am a paramedic (who has seen things no one should ever have been victim too) and I went to college to get my BA in Psych. Looking at it from all of those views and the crime rate in Houston now. . .I simply could not chance it until he was a bit a bit older.

I would not let my child walk home from school. However, there are two possibilities of allowing him to walk home from school. First, if you can arrange to take off an afternoon and be at home, then he could walk home. Second, if this particular friend lives next door or within a few doors down, that's one thing but if your child has to walk more than a few doors down alone, I would say no. His friends' parents say you are over protective? My response is what else are these parents allowing their nine year old child. Telling your child no and sticking to no is teaching the child there are boundaries to obey. If the boundaries are broken, then there are consequences.

At nine years old, if the child is in the 4th grade, schools will release what is known in my area as "walkers" to walk home on their own. I livr in an area with a concentrated amount of pedophiles as well.

You have to go with your gut on this one. If they are walking home in groups 3 or more children together, I do not see a problem, saftey in numbers and all..

If it's just the two of them, I see no reason you couldn't ask the other child's mother to walk them home or pick them up for safety. If she doesn't seem to be trustworthy tell your son you are very sorry, but it will have to wait until a day you have off of work or until other arrangements can be made for his safety. Explain to him that different parents have different ideas of what is considered safe and two boys walking alone from school is not something you and your husband consider safe.

Do not let what other parents feel regarding this issue maje you second guess your own instincts. This is your child after all, not theirs. Your own feelings are what matter. It the same as discipline. You don't let someone else tellyou how to discipline your son do you, then don't let them tell you what is or is not safe for him.

Good Luck.

as long as your son and his friend know the rules, (walk straight home, don't talk to ANYONE, run the opposite direction if approached by someone in a car, etc.) everything should be fine. as much as we'd like, we cannot smother or hover. they have to test their wings, and that's better a little at a time. if they can walk at least part of the way with other kids that are going the same direction it's even better. staying together makes them a less likely target. also have him call or email as soon as he gets to his friend's house so you can stop worrying. it's hard to know when to give a little freedom, but it's much better a little at a time. as much as we'd like to protect (or be over protective), it's more harmful in the long run. kids have to learn to be safe, and to be mindful of their surroundings.

I do not let my children ages 9 and 7 walk or ride their bikes home from school alone. I don't feel like I'm being over protected, just don't want ANYTHING to happen to my kids. I know not everyone feels the same way as I do, as there are several very young kids who do walk home alone and even cross a busy street with a crossing guard, but still I would never let my kiddo's walk alone. My 13 year old still gets a ride to and from middle school and it is less than a mile from my home. She could do it, but I just feel like we are better off being safe and not sorry. Don't let anyone make you do anything you are not comfortable with. If your son and his friend want to walk home together, have an adult walk with them. You are his parent. You make the final decision.

I let my 8 year old walk to and from to school every day (I just started this a month ago) but he walks with about 6 other boys in the neighborhood. If there were child preditors in my neighborhood, there IS NO WAY I would let him walk anywhere! I am with you on this one. The kids in my neighborhood have been walking to school since Kindergarten, and I just let Colby, my son start...he will be 9 this year. The woman across the street lets her 6 year old walk to school because he has a 11 year old brother who walks half way with the kids. We live 3 blocks from the school, in an okay neighborhood.
C., Stick to your guns on this one. I do not blame you one bit for being protective. He is your child, and you should be. If the neighbor thinks you are overprotective, talk to her and tell her everything thats going on. Does she know about the pedifiles?
To compromise if your son really wants to walk, tell him you will meet him close to the school and walk with him. Take your 3 year old for a walk everyday and pick up big brother from school. This could be fun for the three year old, and beneficial to you (getting outside for fresh air and sun). See how this works first, check out your neighborhood for yourself.
Good luck Mom...I think you are doing just fine! Don't worry about being overprotective, you have every reason to be in our society these days. Its just not like it used to be anymore.

Personally, I don't think you are being overly protective. I have a nine-year-old as well. In this same situation, I would do a couple of things. Walk the route once with my son (doesn't have to be right after school) and his friend. The other is ask if the friends parents would be home when the kids walk to their house. And last, I would insist on a call from your son, probably using the house phone upon his arrival.

Still, use your best judgment. Could the parents of your child's friend meet the kids halfway to their house? and walk the rest of the way? If I was a parent of the friend, I would be very understanding an offer to do something like the meeting half-way, at least for a while.

Good luck.

I don't think you're being overprotective, I think you are trying to protect your child. A 9 year old may be able to handle some situations and he may be able to handle more than you think he can, but he's still 9!

Don't let peer preasure talk you into doing something you are really against. However, if he is a responsible young man and you think he can do this, I would have him call you before he leaves campus and as soon as he gets to the friend's house.

Will the parents be home or is that another potential for disaster?

Good luck!
T.

I think you should go with your own instincts, God gave us these wonderful children to protect, guide and eventually let them fly free, 9 might be to early to fly free. Your sons friends parents might not have the same concerns or beliefs, but you wouldn't want to second guess yourself on the what if's & then the "what if" came true. It is obvious you love your children, stick to your guns, Parenting is not for whimps! We have a hardest & the best rewarding job in the world.

Absolutely not, you are a prefectly normal mother. A couple of weeks ago I was thinking about allowing my kids to ride the bus home rather than letting their dad pick them up after school. My son begged me because all his friends ride the bus. I was never a bus rider, so the thought never crossed my mind and my husband is perfectly able to do it. So I thought and thought about it until one afternoon I had a father of one of my daughters friends come to my house looking for his daughter. She was not there, but he says that she never made it home after school. We asked around, but nothing. As it turns out, after looking for her for an hour and a half, the bus driver took her to the bus barn. I don't know why, if she fell asleep or what, who knows. But, that ended my situation about whether or not to let my kids ride the bus. I just don't feel comfortable with it, so why put myself through the stress of it? Tell your son, if he wants to go to his pals house, he will have to wait til you get home in order to drop him off. By the way, my son is 10 and my daughter is 9. They are still my babies and after hearing things on the news everyday, I thank God that I have been able to keep them safe and pray that I always will. I am also over protective, but I am their mom and it is my job to make sure they are okay each day.

C.,

I say go with your gut feeling. Who cares what people think of your level of protectiveness. 9 is still to young. I would rather be over protective and have my son safe than to feel pressured by others and have something terrible happen to my child. In my household, if my son's friends can not provide transportation for them then it's not a good idea. Perhaps other arrangements can be made. I feel for you really, because I know your son will be disappointed, but atleast he will know that you love him and will do everything to keep him safe.

Good luck.

My experience is not from my child, who is 6. It is from my own experience with my sister. In the 70's where we lived in California, there was a known pediphile going after young girls. My Mom's response was to cut our hair short, that was it. We were on our own. Well, my sister had 2 attempts made to grab her. I don't know if it was the same person each time, but she got away both times.
That experience has shaped how I raise my son. His dad & I are both super-hyper over protective parents that never let him out of our sight. (He had a similar abduction attempt experience here in Houston at about the same age.)
The thing is, that was a long time ago. So, it has nothing to do with the "day & age" and more to do with you have to do what's in the best interest of your family.
Also, another (possibly irrelevent) point. If this other family feels that you are over protective about this issue, what about guns in the house? Kids are very good at getting into trouble, and do not have all of the impulse control needed to keep them out of trouble. I would think that a under protective parent is the one that is the most likely to be irresponsible about keeping a gun in the house. This may not even be an issue with you, but I thought I'd bring it up anyway. Sorry if the comment offends anyone. (I am from California, remember!;)

First of all, if your police officer neighbor thinks ther could be a problem, i would not do it. Ask him the interney site which list all the sex offender in your area. You only have to put your address in it and it list the known sex offenders..your elementary school should know as well. When I was a principal we got an update everytime there was a sex offender moved into our area which included any area that our buses went as well as walking distance of our school. Sex offenders live in all kinds of neighborhoods. I would report ANY suspicious behavior such as your neighbor was. that really shold have been report the first day she saw it. this is exaclty how some of the offenders pcik their visitms. Who is at the bus stop? are there parents outside at dismissal. These are all things the sex offender looks for...Unfortunately we have to be more vigilent than ever before.

The othe point is that some sex offenders are at a level that the public is not alerted....In my estimation, we should be concerned about those as well. So your police officer may know about these as well. Also some may simply be in the hopper and not processed as of yet. Yes you need to be cautious. The same people that accuse you of being over protective could be ones that simply do not want to take the time. You are right on!

I believe after reading your plea that your instincts are telling you no. have you trusted your gut before? Trust it now. Remember, Your sons friends don't dictate how you parent you do. Tell him in a couple of years maybe.

C. - I do not think you are being over-protective - listen to your instincts and know that you have the pedifile info for a reason - to be aware and be careful. I think a 9 year old is too young still to handle himself. If you do let him, then I would talk to him about how to handle himself in certain situations - never to leave the group, yell, yell, yell if anyone approaches, if necessary and do NOT talk to any adults he does not know. I still think he is too young. Better safe than sorry. There is much time for him to walk home - when he is 11 or 12.

Alli

Hello:
I think that you should do what you think is best for your child and not worry about what other people do or say about you being over protective. Now days a lot of folks let kids do things that may not be safe or appropriate for them b/c it's convenient for the over stressed and over worked parents. Why take the risk when you don't have to?

I, personally, think you have every right in the world to be "over-protective". The world we live in today is not what it was 20 years ago...not even 10 years ago. Children are our most precious and valuable gift that we will ever get in a lifetime and we have to do EVERYTHING in our power to take care of and protect them. If you don't, who will? I know there will be times that your child may think you are not cool, but someday, even if it is when he has kids of his own, he will realize you were only doing what was best for him!

No! Don't do it!!!! You must protect him!!!

With the information you currently have, you are wise and caring to have concerns. I really think that you and hubby need to sit down and explain to son the current dangers of today. Then determine if he knows what to do if someone approached him. It is irrelevent what someone else thinks about you being "overprotective". I have seen over and over the regrets for parents who wish they had done more when their child is taken or hurt. Nine years old is still young and vunerable. Even with a friend there are obvious concerns. As a last resort compromise, your son should call you immediately before he leaves school and immediately upon arrival, if you chose to allow him this highly questionable activity. Never lose your right as a parent to monitor all activity and it includes who will be at the friends(adult) what they will be doing, where else are they going, etc.

Hi there. I am a single mother of a 9 yr old girl. I make huge sacrifices for us to live in the neighborhood that we live in. It's not necessarily the best neighborhood, but it definitely ranks up there. We only live four blocks from the school and I don't let her walk home from school. On days that I know I'm going to be home early, I will let her ride the bus home after school, but at the time I know she's going to be getting off of the bus, I'm in the front yard waiting. I have discussed with her about the possibility of her coming home after school next year, but not this year.

M. in Houston, Texas

NO! I wouldn't. Follow your instinct and forget what his friend's parents say. They should respect your fear. How about they offer to meet them and walk home with the boys!

NO NO NO

That is a really tough one. Your son needs to know that you trust him, but he has to be trustworthy. Do you trust that they will go straight home and not get distracted and veer off course? What do you know about his friend and his activities? Is he the type of kid who would engage in vandalism or get into trouble?

As for the actual walking home, there is relative safety in numbers and your son would be less of a target than if he were walking alone. If this is a one-time thing you can consider it.

That said, I would be really leary of the parents of this kid. If they think you are too overprotective, are they going to have alcohol or pornography available to your son and his friend? How lax are they in their child rearing. I think people who "have a clue" are impressed by parents who are overly concerned about their children. I would be really concerned about the environment that he is going to. Maybe you could schedule it to get out of work early on a Friday and have the kid come to your house for dinner and a movie so you can get to know him better.

I for one am not a proponent of sleepovers at all, there is too much child sexual abuse of boys and girls by both peers and parents! I have seen it in my own upscale neighborhood. I was in law enforcement too and saw enough to be "overprotective." I know exactly where the registered sex offenders are in my town! Anyway, trust your gut feelings. You have instincts for a reason and you can never un-do something bad that has been done. God Bless you and your family!

Have you gone on watchdog and put in your address? That will show the child predators in your neighborhood. My response would be absolutely no, do not let him walk home, he is to young. The website address is www.FamilyWatchDog.us I put my address and I was apalled at how many were in my area. It will blow your mind. God bless. L.

I don't think you are overprotective at all! Go with your gut and who cares about other parents!

hello, do what feels right in your gut..I have a beautiful 6 yr old and I wont let him walk the 3 blocks to or from the bus stop,,you have sick people in the neighborhood,if it was me I wouldnt tempt fate

In todays age u can't trust it. I have three girls 10,7 and 3 and i am over protective. If i can't see them there too far.

you are soooo not over-protective!!!!!!!!!!!!!!The way I see it is "better safe than sorry". My oldest is 12, and he is just dying to ride his bike to our nearest Y, but I absolutely will not let him, you hear so many horror stories of men abducting young teens, that you just cant take that chance. We live a safe neighborhood too, but again....better safe than sorry. Here is a link for you to look at, http://www.felonspy.com/search.html

Best Regards,

S.

You can only do what you think is best. Don't worry what your child's friends parents think of you. Maybe they are not protective enough! I might question that child's parents to find out what they let their child do since your son will be at his house doing the same things. They may have WAY different opinions on what a 9 year old should be able to do if they think you are "over protective".
God bless you!

I think it depends heavily on the maturity of your child. I walked to and from school at that age and school was a little over a mile from my home....As a mom, I don't know that I would let my child do the same.

No. Don't let him walk home alone. You are right to think the way you do. What if a pedophile did grab him on his way home? He would be defenseless and you and he would regret it for the rest of your lives. Who cares what other people say about over protection? Your concern is all about him and not them. He is your child not theirs. Trust your heart, mind and gut. Stick to your guns despite the peer pressure and do what is best for your child.

Well I am probably on the overprotective side too, but I don't think I would let him either. It sounds so corny but I don't even go walking in my own neighborhood at the exact same time every day. I do go and walk, but I try and mix it up. I figure if I have the exact same pattern all the time it is easy to keep tabs on me if anyone decides to watch. It is weird, I never worry about anything happening I just always try to be wise about things. So my vote is better to err on the side of caution. :)

Personally, I do not think that you are overprotective. I would not let my child walk home to this other child's house after school. If you have any misgivings, you should go with your gut. Of course your child wants to walk to this home. If you are not sure of the supervision and are worried about pediphiles, have him come home as usual. You can allow him to invite the child to your house for an overnight. This would be a good compromise.You would also get to know this child and perhaps the parents better in this situation and you would retyain some control. J. K.

Your 9 year old probably told you that other kid's parents thought you were overprotective because he wants to go and you don't. My youngest son is 14 and he says stuff like that all the time. He's 14 and if I knew there were pedaphiles in my neighborhood I wouldn't let him walk it. If you lived where there was very little crime and you knew most of the people and you knew there weren't pedaphiles then I'd say you were being a little paranoid if you didn't let him being he isn't walking alone but you know all these other factors and I'd say you were being negligent if you did let him walk. Too bad if your son thinks you're being overprotective. That's your job to protect him. You will be a nervous wreck till he gets there and you don't need to be in that way at work. Also, even though nothing probably would happen, what if it did? How would you live with that knowing your gut was to not let him to do it?

I wouldn't even consider it. I've seen kids walking home and they are very distracted and unaware of their surroundings. I even had to intervene when I saw a few five year olds and their older supposedly protective brother playing near a drain ditch that had water in it. I'm sure their parents didn't have a clue what they were up to. You would be so worried too, why stress yourself out like that. So what if you're labeled as "overprotective".

There is no such thing as overprotective. There is watching out for your kids and there is not watching out for your kids. If you feel at all like he shouldn't be somewhere without you around to keep him safe, then don't let him be! If you have a gut instinct that he shouldn't walk home but you let him anyhow because probably everything would be just fine but then it turns out it isn't, you have not done your job as a parent. I don't take others thinking I'm a crazy overprotective nut as anything but a compliment. I keep my kids safe, it's my job.

Unfortunatly, you can't be too safe these days.

I have a 10 year old daughter and a six year old son and although we live close to our school I do not let them walk home from school. Whether you live in a good neighborhood or not, as you know, bad people can come from or live anywhere. It is very hard not to give the freedom they desire but it can come at such a high cost. I have friends that let their kids walk and when I see them walking I worry. Don't worry about what people think of you. Follow your heart, your childs safety is involved. You have to do what is best for you and your family. See if the parent would be willing to pick up your son from school instead of letting them walk.

C.,
I think the word is cautious and you have to be these days. If you decide to let him and it is your decision no matter what anyone else says. Make sure he has the talk about straight home and dont talk to strangers and what you want him to do if anyone approaches your son he doesnt know. All we can do is teach our children and let them be on their own otherwise they will live at home all of their life. I think you are doing a fabulous job. Maybe take a vacation day and stay home so you can meet him in the neighborhood or the front door the first time for your ease of mind. Good luck and I hope everything goes well. K.

Hi C.,

You know, I think the best thing to do is go with your gut instinct. If your sons friend thinks you are to over protective because you question his safety, well, make sure you talk to them and be assured that the boys will not just be let to run free in the neighborhood.

In this day and age you really can't be to over-concerned on your kids safety. Good Luck.

Hello Mrs. Over Protective, welcome to the club. I am told this same thing day in and day out. My son is 12 and my daughter is 9, there is no way I would let this happen and I live in a very small town of about 866 people. Our town is about as "safe" as it gets, but you just never know and why take chances? Bad things happen everyday even in "safe" communities or neighborhoods. If the friends parents are saying this now, what are they going to say when their son is abducted, beaten by bullies or gunned down because the gang members ended up in the wrong neighborhood and feel a little froggy? He is your child that can never be replaced and I think it is pretty crummy that anyone would second guess you for wanting ot keep him safe and with you for a long time to come. Would you let your child get into a car with someone who had been drinking just because they say they didn't drink enough to be drunk? Look at Jon-benay Ramsey, she was in a very nice neighborhood in the comfort of her own home and something very bad happened to her. I know you can't protect your children from everything, but you can at least try when you have control over what they are doing...My best wishes to you on making your decision, be over protective, it never hurt anyone.

A lot of people have already responded but I want to give you some personal experience.

My mom was VERY overprotective. Yet, I was molested when I was 10. In a public place. You just can't always prevent something from happening. However, you do need to be cautious and teaching your child to stay away from strangers has been proven to be ineffective (I saw that on dateline, with actual hidden camera footage to prove it.)

Also, there are a lot of children who are abducted while with a friend. That happened recently in my area. That happened in the neighborhood I grew up in (nice part of League City!) When I was in college two teen girls were pulled into a white van on the street the college was on. That same van had been seen on campus late at night, we assume looking for an easy target. These girls were not out late at night, though, it was in the afternoon. This was a super nice neighborhood, too.

Just because you are in a nice area with perhaps no registered sex offenders does not mean that there are not perverts, as your friend warned you.

I would never let someone else's idea that you are being overprotective sway your opinion that it is not safe for him to walk. Stick to your guns. It's better to be over protective to a little nine year old then to have him hurt, molested, or even killed.

S., mom to four girls

C.,
I'm not going to appologize to anyone for their thinking that I'm an overprotective mother and you shouldn't either. The only person who is going to look out for your child above anyone else is you. That your son's friend's parents said that about you shows that they are too lax in their supervision of their child, and would be of yours if you left your son in their care.

Alot can happen in even the best of neighborhoods. It sounds to me that you are trying to justify letting yourself go against your better judgement because of another parent's callous remarks about your parenting skills. You know of five pedophiles in your area. That's five too many. You can't control that the pedophiles are in your neighborhood but you CAN control whether you let your son walk home from school or not, or play out in the yard, and so on. Your police friend has the right idea in my opinion... never let your kids out of your sight when possible.

It seems like we hear on the news at least once a week where a child was nabbed, or there was a failed attempt at a nabbing. Sometimes more than once a week. Times have changed from when we were kids. We no longer live in a world where we can assume our child is safely playing in the yard next to ours. We have to think ahead of "what could happen" in order to keep our children safe. Is this over-protectivness? Yes. Is it uncalled for? No.

We have to look out for our children because there are others out there who are looking at them with perverted thoughts. I'd rather be overprotective of my child and have her safe and sound in her bed at night than to be lax on watching her and have something happen to her. I don't want to ever look back in life and say I didn't do everything I possibly could to keep my child safe. I'm sure you don't want to either.

As for your son's friend's parents. If they're saying negative things about you in front of their son (that you know of) then I wouldn't let my child play at their house. Simply because of the fact that your son might over hear them and you don't want him to get "ideas" in his head that they are better, smarter, whatever than you. If your son wants to play with their son then they can play at your house. That's just my opinion. Parenting is difficult enough without our children hearing other people's opinions about how you decide to parent.

With all of that said, you can't protect your child from everything. I realize that as I'm sure you do too. But, that doesn't mean we can't do everything in our abilities to protect them from what we can protect them from. You have five pedophiles in your neighborhood, one even parked in front of your house to watch children walking home from school... thankfully your neighbor was observant and scared the guy away. You can get your child home safely, away from the possible attempts of a pedophile, by not letting your son walk home.

I'm sorry if I've come across harshly. That is not my intent. But, I cannot stand the fact that other parents feel the necessity to comment about other parents skills as a parent because we choose to do things differently. I'd rather be overprotective, which in my opinion is basically being prepared for anything and not overprotective at all, and have my child home and safe. I could care less what someone else thinks. We only get one shot at doing things right with our children. There are no "do-overs". I'd rather err on the side of caution than not.

Good luck!
K.

You have to listen to your gut on this one. What does your husband say about it? I've been tossing around the idea too but I'm just to unsure.
Good Luck

If his friend walks home regularly, and there are others walking home, I think it is OK. Have him call you as soon as he gets there, and give him all the rules.

You really have to trust your instincts. What is your gut telling you?

Regardless of the reports of pedaphiles (yes, that's the spelling) a child needs to feel comfortable and independent. If his friend walks all the time, it's probably fine. Talk with his parents and discuss your fears because they may be able to shed some light on the situation.

Be sure you review the rules of walking in a new area and how to handle "stranger danger". He's growing up and these discussions are critical.

Good luck.

No you are not being over protective, but protective and being realistic to keep your child safe. Stick to your feelings and protect him.

S.

Howdy C.! I don't think you are over-protective. Some people just haven't experienced trajedy or don't realize that "LIFE" really does happen to them TOO.
At the risk of sounding corny it's, "better to be safe than sorry," & I don't know that much about you but believe me when I tell you-as a victim of a pedaphile myself, I'm certain you're a loving mother & only want what is best for your family. I'd strongly keep in mind what your cop friend said.

No way would I let my kid walk home, but I'm OVER-PROTECTIVE, LOL.

No, I wouldn't. You are right. It's better to be over protective than to end in horror. That's what it would be if your son disappeared. I was connected to law enforcement for many years. The bad guys don't look any different than anyone else. They live like rats in the underground and have no care for anyone but themselves. Your son is the most valuable person in your life why take a chance.

In my opinion, NO WAY! Are you kidding me? I don't even let my older boys (8,7) play in the front yard unless I am there and I don't think we have any pedophiles in our area. Please don't replace your GOOD and WISE judgement for someone who says you are over protective. This is your child, not theirs.
Do not take the unnecessary risk.

NO !!!

Never let your guard down when it comes to your children.
all it takes is one second, and they can be gone from your life. No matter how safe your neighborhood has always been.

Talk to the friends parents, maybe they don't have the imformation you have, maybe they would understand your concerns better and not want their child walking home alone either.

Hi! Well, that's a tough one. Considering where you live and the distance.....we live in southeast Texas just north of Houston. I would NEVER let my kids, even if they were 12-13 years old, walk home from school. There are serious safety issues here. It really has to depend on your personal location and crime stats, I would think.

Though, nomatter where any of us live, random crime still exists. I'll always be overly cautious. Better safe than sorry! :-)

You're a good mommy!!

I think you should go with your gut feeling. If you don't feel that it's safe for your son to walk to his friend's house, then don't let him. Who cares if others think you're being over-protective. He's your son. Err on the side of caution, I think.

Good luck.

You are absolutely not over protective. I will not let my 15 year old daughter walk down the street without our aussie in tow. The world is not as safe was it was when i was little.

Where is the mother of the friend he will be visiting? Why can't she meet them at school and walk them home?

I used to walk to and from school every day, but that was 20 years ago. We also used to roam the streets from friends house to friends house until dark with no worries....but that was then...and things are ALOT different now! I say go with your instincts. I used to think my friends that their parents would take them to school were spoilt, but now in these times, I am sure that I will be doing the same for my son. I see parents waiting at the bus stop with their kids now, and I think that is good too. You can not be too careful. Who cares what other people think? It only takes a second, and he is your son, not theirs. Do what you think is right.

Good Luck!

In the other direction--you mention stopping his allergy meds.

My son just quit taking his on his own. I tried to get him to keep it up, but he said he would rather be stopped up than on them. I recently started on some diff. meds and ....they exhaust me! I can always tell my allergy meds made me a little tired, but the allegra (generic) I was on was absolutely making me feel like I could not stay awake or get anything done.

It is possible that your son's allergy meds were slowing him down and now that he is off them his body is adjusting. Plus he now has excess energy and does not know what to do with it.

I would just explain to his teachers and ask for their patience in giving him time to work through this. I have always talked to my ds teachers anytime we changed meds and they were very understanding once they knew what was happening. ;-)

Good luck

Hi C.,
First off I want to sound off about that child's parents. First sign of irresponsibility is sounding off about a child's parents to their child. That did nothing but make your child feel awkkward and make themselves look like cool parents to their child, thats not respecting you or your child. Then of course it will be a easy choice to decide that you are parenting and they are too laid back. I have a neighbor too that thinks I'm over protective, but the truth is they don't know where there is most of the time. Your not being over protective. Your child is in your care for you to keep him safe. Your going to sleep alot better at night knowing that your child is safe and that you are confident in the choices that you make. By the way when my neighbor started saying things to my child and theirs that I'm to over protective I went and had a talk with her how I felt and how she disrespected me and my child. She asked how I disrected my child. I told her by belittling my parent skills to him only makes him feel bad, because kids want to be proud of their parents and gives them a since of security to see how others perceive them. So to make you look good to your child and to make it look like your not to laxed you belittled me and if this is going to be this way, no my son want be coming to your house. She appologized and said she understood and that she didn't realize bla bla. Anyway go with your instincts don't go to work and have to worry about it. Kids love and respect us more when we make good discipline and safety decisions for them. I hear more young adults bragging about how their mom kept them in line than people bragging how their mom let them do what they wanted. Follow your gut I'd rather a pouting son than one that maybe on a milk carton.

C.~
PLEASE go with your mother provided gut instinct! Do not allow what someone else's opinion to bother you regarding your child's safety and mothering skills . I am a mother of an 11, 7,and 3 yr olds and my 11 yr old begs me to allow her to stay with all three children if I have to run to the grocery store (2-3 blocks)for milk. There is NO WAY!!!!! I live in a community where everyone knows everyone and I feel extremely safe, but... you never know. She is a brilliant child and would know exactly what to do in an emergency but bottom line she is my child and how can I impose such a huge responsibility on her?
Although your child may be "ready" and mature enough, unfortunately there are people out there willing to stop at nothing to conquer what they want. My advice is simply go with your God given mother instinct. You can never be too overprotective and safe in this world today. May God bless you and your family always!

F.

C. - you need to do what YOU feel is best in this situation. I will tell you that we live 3 blocks from our school and I will not let my 9,9, and 10 yr. old boys walk alone or ride their bicycle alone. They must be with 2 or more when walking AND STAY TOGETHER or at least one other when riding their bike to school. I know I am viewed as over-protective at times but I don't care when it come to the safety of our kids.
Can't they ride the bus home on the day your son wants to go with his friend?
Go with your gut feeling on this one......I think that *gut* feeling is the voice of God.

C.,
I don't think you are over protective. Continue to do what you are doing. This world is not a very safe place now a days. Look at it like this, how many kids do you know come back home once they are abducted? Usually it's in a box. I have 3 kids ranging from 10 to 15 and I still take my 15 year old to school. Your kids are only with you for a very short time anyway. They will live on their own for many more years than what you have them for, so I say protect them while you can!! J. V.

Follow your gut and your heart. It is okay if your decisions don't mesh with other parents. I would say no, don't let him walk home by himself, especially with the information you've been given. Better safe than sorry, right? So why risk it?

It's not always easy, but DO NOT let your child's comments sway you one or another. Your son may be telling you the truth, but I've found my kids making comments like "my friend's parents think you're overprotective". And it does tend to influence my decision, and I found out later that it wasn't true -- my child was just manipulating the situation to go her way(!). You are totally and completely responsible for your son, not his friends' parents. You can only use your best judgement that works for your family. And by the way, your son's friend's parents shouldn't be commenting about you and your parenting decisions (if in fact they did say that to your son). Good luck, it's very difficult to raise children and keep them safe.

Hi C. , I feel for you because I also have a child who is 9 who I watch like a hawk. She has a friend who's parents let her basically do what ever she wants and I dont. Its hard to explain to a child that you are just protecting them without them feeling like a baby. As for the other parents who say that you are over protective maybe they just dont protect there child enough. Its sad to say but we dont live in a world were children are off limits to crazies and perverts. I know that it only takes one minute for something bad to happen and although we cant protect them from everything bad in the world we can atleast try. I hope that helps good luck

C,
I to have a young 10 year old who wants to walk around the neighborhood with friends and even to school. My answer to her is always NO!!!!!! I rather her be mad at me ,than ever get hurt by a stranger. I would just die if I bent the rule for one moment and something happened. I am not over protective I am a master of protection and soon I will have a doctorate with my 3 yr old twin boys. Best of wishes on your decision.

I do let my 9 year old walk home from school with her little brother. We live in a neighborhood where there are no (known) pedophiles, and we live 3 1/2 blocks from the school. There are lots of kids and parents out walking after school as well. I don't allow them to go on their own before school as there isn't as much traffic of other people walking because everyone arrives at school at different times. I have really been mourning the "loss of innocence" from when I was a child and could just go ride around the neighborhood and play with the kids until dinnertime. I don't want to keep my kids unneccessarily from that. I have recently given my daughter permission to walk around the block to her friends home, or to ride around the block on her bicycle, but she has to take a walkie-talkie and stay in contact with me. If she doesn't answer, I go out and find her. We talk to eachother every couple of minutes at least. If you live near enough, a walkie-talkie may do a lot to ease your worries. HOWEVER, if you don't feel safe, then don't do it. If I had that many pedophiles in the area, I really don't think my kids would be walking anywhere out of my sight.

Yes, I think I would. I had a similar situation. My son walked with a group. We had an alarm system. He was instructed to go in the house, only after he opened the door and heard the alarm beep. Then he was to call me at work and let me know he was safe. He was instructed not to talk with any strangers. If anyone approached him or tried to talk to him, he was to run away and go to the nearest place where other people were. We had posted phone numbers to neighbors that stayed at home and if he needed help or was scared, he could call them. It's hard, but little by little you need to help them get independent. They always need a safety net, so give them plenty of guidance, rules to follow, and always ask him how the walk home went. They have got to grow up sometimes and letting them be exposed to the real world little by little is better than throwing them to the wolves when they are 16. Good Luck!

Listen to and trust your heart. IF you arrange for your son to check in with you the MINUTE he gets home, IF he has one or more safe spots between school and home (like a neighbor whom you trust and you know will be home, where he can go for help) and IF he is a responsible boy, you might try it. If any three of those items are missing, I'd hesitate.

A book I've found most helpful in thinking about my children's safety is PROTECTING THE GIFT by Gavin DeBecker. (He has also written THE GIFT OF FEAR about adults protecting themselves, also recommended.) You might also look into the Yello Dyno curriculum (www.yellodyno.com) which teaches kids safety ideas set to song (studies show that people remember things better in crisis times if they're set to music! Really!). My kids love it and go around singing the songs all the time (they're 10 and 7). The basic idea is to tech your kids to trust their intuition: if it feels weird or wrong, it is and they should get away!

What does dad think about this?

Hope this helps. It's a tough subject!

Julia W.
Lago Vista
mom to ds 10 and dd 7, Girl Scout leader and Cub Scout helper, wife and helpmeet

I remember the days of walking to and from school. Personally I would educate my child about how to protect himself and let him try it first in an environment of some control... like on a Saturday when you could watch a clock and go check on him. Make rules you are comfortable with. Such as has to be with a friend, have a cell phone with him that is on, only on Fridays Whatever works for you and your concerns. I do worry that our culture doesn't allow kids the freedom to find and work things our for themselves. Good luck.

I think alot of read flags have already been presented to you with there almost incidents. It only takes one time, would you want to risk an almost to having your child abuducted because someone has pinpoint your child, because they know they are alone? It makes for an easier target. I personally would not even leave 12 or 13 year olds alone or walk home alone. I don't think I am an over protected mother, I know I am just regular protecting my child, it is common since. I Live in a new, safe neighborhood as well, and I don't let me children unattended in the front yard either. I drive in the neighborhood daily and there is an elementry school within blocks. I see lots of kids 6,7,8,9 all ages walking home, and I tell my children, that If I wanted to take one of these kids all I had to do was pull over to the curb and get them because no one is around and it would be that easy. It is frieghting to think of that, but it could be the reality. Better safe than sorry. You don't get another child to replace the same child. I wouldn't let the child dictate what he would like to do in the form of safety, that is the parents' job. He cannot even begin to understand the consequences in the larger scale. I hope you make the right descision, go with your gut feeling and don't try to reason with it. Thanks,

No! Better safe then sorry. And I mean that in the most profound way. You are NOT overprotective. God gave you your 2 kids especially to protect! I have first hand experience with the horrible results that pedifiles cause for their child victims. 9 is still so young - I'm sure he knows wrong from right, but pedifiles operate in the gray, making it very confusing for kids. And, most 9 year olds are not big enough to fight back against an adult effectively.

You know, it is probably MOST likely he will walk home with his friend and everything will be okay. But what about the one time that it isn't? I'm not saying to live in fear - but I am suggesting to play it safe. Saving our kids from the horrible results being vicitimized is worth the title of "overprotective mom". Our kids may not think we are very "cool" when we "overprotect" them - but later in life, our commitment to them will resonate. When they are older & bigger, we'll be able to give them more freedom to be on their own - just not yet.

In the meantime, could you meet your son's request somewhere in the middle? Invite the friend to play at your house on the weekend? Or take a little time off work one afternoon to let the friend come to your home after school? Or meet up with the friend and his mom someplace fun - the park, a pizza/game place, etc?

I would listen that still little voice. If you are in doubt, than I would not allow him to walk there. Considering all the other factors you have mentioned in the your letter.

D.
Houston, TX 77044

Go with your gut instinct. God gave that to us for a purpose. Sometimes we do get overprotective though. If there are no major streets to cross, I let my son walk, but he has to call me as soon as he arrives.
L. L.

no -just look at the news.

Absolutely! Let me tell you, I know it is scary and there are ways to ease your fears and let your child grow up independent. It helps to read this recent article (http://www.newsweek.com/id/133103/page/2), so that you realize that the world isn't any worse off than it's ever been, and in most instances it's safer than it's ever been. The only difference is the 500 channels of tv and internet that only profits off of the bad news. My son is 11 and he has been walking to friends houses since he was 8. To curb MY irrational fear, I bought him a cell phone (added it to my Sprint plan). He uses it to let me know when he gets there, when they are doing something, but the best part is, I tell him to keep the ringer off while walking and keep the phone in his pocket, because it has a GPS family locator in it. If I am ever worried, I just use the tracker on my cell phone or internet and it finds the location of his phone within 300 yards. Our kids need the same independence we did when we were kids. I've always believed God will see us through and we have to trust our guts. If you are worried about the suspected pedophiles in the area, petition to have them removed, set up neighborhood watch, call the police and ask for extra patrols. But kids shouldn't have to deal with grown up problems. If we get involved in our community and "out" these pedophiles, then it makes it alot harder for them to come into contact with kids. And for that neighbor, she should alert police with the license plate number of the person that parked in front of your home.
Trust your gut mom! You are not a bad parent for allowing your 9 year old child to be independent and self sufficient!
Good luck!

I am of the thought better safe than sorry. Your child is only 9, I do not think you are being over protective. You are his mom and should trust your instincts don't worry about what the other child's parents think. That being said, it is probably safer since he is traveling with someone else and not alone.

My son is only two so I have yet to hit your stage of parenting, but I can say right now that I'd feel way more comfortable with going with my gut and being safe than sorry. If something were to happen (and it probably won't, but still), you'll always regret that you worried about what the other boy's parents thought.

I think this concern affects every neighborhood, I do not care how nice of an area. Pedophiles are everywhere. Personally, there have been incidences of perverts across the street from both of my kids' schools that made the papers (same guy). At that point, I would not allow my kids to walk home by themselves. But I have been called overprotective as well. But I am lucky enough to be able to leave work early or have family pick them up. Also, see if your school offers an after school program. It is extremely cheap at my daughter's elementary school...$180/mn per child. One thing you could do is to give your son a whistle (LOUD one) to blow should there be any problem and they must have a buddy system. I gave my kids one that they use to go outside and play and they knew not to blow it just for fun...but my oldest is 12. You can talk to other neighbors and see if you could form a group of kids to walk together or ride bikes . But above all, listen to your instincts. I agree with some of the moms that replied already...don't listen to those that say you are overprotective...listen to your inner voice and the police officer.

Arg! What an awful situation to be in. If you have any doubt, protect your kid. Teach him only to walk with a group of kids and to NEVER agree to help a stranger asking a kid for help. That's a pedophile trick. (an honest adult would only ever ask another ADULT for help finding their puppy!)

L.

No. I don't care care how close it was. I grew up in a tiny town where it was safe and me and one of my friends would walk everywhere we went. We were only in middle school and junior high but it was safe. Now in that same town I would be scared to walk through it. People have gotten crazy in these past few years. I watch the news every morning while getting ready for work, and there are too many "missing people" stories for my comfort. I will be 22 next month and I am already worried about the community my 18 month old will have to grow up in.

Your son may be exaggerating about what his friend's parents say. And really, what does it matter? When someone made a comment about my using a "leash" on my 2 year old, I said that I wouldn't be the mother crying on the evening news begging for someone to return my child. If your gut says its not the best situation for your son at this age, then say no. If you do let him, require that he comes straight home, choose a route that he must take and walk it with him several times, and have him call when he arrives home. Let him know that these rules are for his safety and mom's peace of mind. If he can't follow the rules, he can't walk home. Good luck.

C., I don't think you are over-protective. I would not feel save letting my 9 year old walk either. No matter how long you have lived in a neigborhood, there are people out there that are looking for children that seem to be easy targets. Don't let anyone tell you that you are over-pective. You are just trying to protect your child from harm. I pray that you make the right decision. Mother knows best. God bless you.
Mrs. GG

NO NO!!! you can never be to protective my grandson was molested by someone at his other grandmother's houseand this was out in the country and it was a drifter just passing thru so you see it can happen any time any place this was about a 100 yards from the house we have to be on our toes all the time let people callyou overprotective just say thank you GOD gives mom a certain feeling when it comes to our kids always listen to that little voiceof caution may you and yours always be blessed

no no no if they think you to protective,too bad hes 9 not 12.too many freaks out there especially in trinity

Hey C.,
I live with my sister and I have a one year old daughter. I'm the nanny for my sister's nine year old boy, 7 year old girl and 14 year old son. We have let the nine year old walk home from school with a friend but he has to call the house as soon as he gets to his friends house and if he doesn't call by the specified time, we go get him. We also make sure the other boy's parent knows that they are both coming to her house after school and the we're expecting a phone call. The world is a scarier place than when we were little but I believe we still need to let our kids have some type of childhood. Be as safe as you can and only do what you feel comfortable with. A mother knows best and if you feel wrong about it, don't let it happen. Trust yourself.

I wouldn't let my 10 yr. old walk home with out me being there to greet him when he got home. K. R.

dear worried, yes you have a right to be concerend, but if he is with another person or even better a small group it sounds safe. i have lived in usa and i let my kids walk to school about a mile. the school insisted to pick them up , so we did. now i live in another country in a very safe city, and my kis are grown, but my friends let their kids ages 10 oldest youngest 5 ride bkies to my house there home is 2 blocks away.there is an old saying a once of prevention is worth a pound of cure. if you do not feel good about it don't or ask them if you can go along for the excerize, so they will not feel like babies. and give them space. good luck.