Would You Let the Neighbors Take Your Kids to Church?

Um....call me crazy, but is there a reason that if you wanted your kids to go to church, you wouldn't just take them yourselves?

I mean, I'm all for kids going to church, but if you're not taking them, then it's not that important to you, right?

And at ages 3 and 6....what's the point? So they can attend a kids church/craft/activity thing for an hour?

If you want them to go to church (and your 6 year old saying 'no' now doesn't count) I'd take them yourself.

4 moms found this helpful

Yes I would. When I was growing up my grandmother (who raised me) didn't drive, so our neighbors offered to take us to Sunday School and Vacation Bible School. It was fun for us and educational. Too many children don't get the simple rules for life...especially the "DO UNTO OTHERS" rule.

If you have doubts or anxiety, go with them the first couple of times. Even if you don't like church, it won't hurt you and who knows, might give you some incite and alieve your anxiety.

3 moms found this helpful

Nope. This is just one of those things that is an inexplicable NO. If you are not concerned about the religion part then join them - go with, build a relationship with these people and go from there. You are uncomfortalbe with it for a REASON.

3 moms found this helpful

For me, it's not about the church thing - I wouldn't pop my kids in their car even if they said they are going for ice cream. If I don't really know or trust people, my kid doesn't go without me. If you think you'd like to have a close relationship with them so future outings are ok, then go ahead and start having them over and getting to know them.

3 moms found this helpful

No, not at those ages. Too easy to brainwash. Why take a 3yo to church? That's weird to me.

3 moms found this helpful

I went to dozens of churches, synagogs, mosques, and temples, and shrines as a child.

My parents aren't religious (my mum is agnostic and my dad had 17 years of catholic school, that apparently served for a lifetime), but as we travelled I would go to religious...mmm... events? worship? gatherings?...with my friends. My Fridays, Saturdays, &/or Sundays (and solstices, equinoxes, etc.) were often filled with the religions of my friends. Then we'd come home and get to talk about all of the amazing things we got to see and do.

I would have NO problem if my son were to go to church/temple/etc. with the families of his friends.

It's the 'kid factor' that makes it okay with me.

I WOULD have a problem of his going purely with other adults in MOST cases. He could go with a certain select few of my own friends... but for the rest my answer would be "Oh! That's so kind of you to think of us. I think we'll have to decline for now, though."

2 moms found this helpful

Unless your kids know these adults and are very comfortable around them, and very comfortable being put into new situations without you or their dad nearby -- no, I wouldn't do it. These adults sound like they mean well and are not being pushy or in your face. But these folks likely will take the kids to church and then drop them off at the church's Sunday school classes for the kids' ages -- taught by other adults whom you have never met. So your kids could be uncomfortable or even upset (especially a three-year-old) to realize they are in a strange place, with an adult they don't know, with kids they don't know. It's nothing to do with the fact the setting is a church; this would occur if someone took your kids to a recreation center, a kids' class, a local festival, anywhere. I would bet that, if you are nervous about your children most of the time as you say, they have seldom been anywhere without you or your husband.

I would go with them all or meet the neighbors at their church. Say that your kids aren't used to doing things without a parent nearby and that you'd like to sit in on their Sunday school kids' class to help out. Yes, say "Help out"! Most Sunday school teachers would be fine with your presence and would welcome you, and should understand that with new kids, mom might need to be around so the kids gain comfort. If the teacher tries to push you out the door, say that your kids are not used to doing things without you yet and you're interested in seeing what the class does.

Watch things. Does the teacher have a real lesson planned, or does he or she just let the kids have play time? Is there structure but also a sense of fun? Is there a variety of stuff to do -- a lesson, crafts, songs in some combination? Or do the kids just have to sit and listen to the teacher drone on? Does the church building itself seem well-maintained and safe? Are kids watched by enough adults and with care, so a kid can't slip out of the room or down a stairwell to somewhere else in the building? What's done if a child needs to leave the room for the bathroom--does the child go alone or with a buddy or adult helper? During the worship service, how are children treated? Is there a "children's sermon" after which kids leave the worship service for their own activities so they don't have to sit, bored, through the sermon for adults? Ask the pastor or someone else in a postiion of authority how children's teachers are chosen (most likely they'll be volunteers--it's hard to get folks to teach Sunday school sometimes!), etc.

You might find this a very good environment for your kids. But no, I would not send kids this age to a church at all without a parent, unless the kids were going with close relatives or close friends whom you knew well. And even then I'd probably go a couple of times, at the least, to check things out.

If your kids and you go, and the kids really love it, I'd keep taking them there but I would also attend with them every time. If one of the kids gets upset there, or hurt, you need to be around, and they need to see by your presence that it's an OK place to be, if you believe it IS an OK place to be.

2 moms found this helpful

No, I think its weird they didnt invite you and your husband as well. At that age kids are usually off in Sunday school or in the church daycare, or in their own kids friendly service, that was my experience at least. We only went periodically, it was usually Methodist churches. I think its strange, why would they want to take 2 small kids to church with them, what would happen if the kids acted up??

2 moms found this helpful

I see why you have anxiety over this, I would too and I'm not at all an anxious person.

When my oldest was 3 my MIL wanted to take her to church with her. I was so nervous about her getting in the car with someone other than myself. But, at long last I let her go. She loved it. After a few months of her going I started to go too and then the whole family joined in. So, in my MIL's case...her plan worked. Although we no longer go to that church we do all go regularly on Sunday to a church that more suits our family's needs. I think, that may be your neighbor's plan too! :)

Have a good night!

2 moms found this helpful

It's a nice gesture, but they are too young. When they get older and can account more for themselves, it's not a bad idea.

2 moms found this helpful

Glad you followed your gut! Always a good thing. If in your shoes I think maybe I would have said "sure! WE'D love to go!" and therefore accompany the kids. If not, then definitely no. When I was young, my only exposure to church was through my friends but that was when I was old enough for sleepovers and such. I am really thankful I got to go to different churches with my friends and experience it all. As for why she is asking? Many churches have really fun activities for kids so maybe she just honestly thought they would enjoy it. Glad you made a decision you are comfortable with!

2 moms found this helpful

No way would I allow this! People who make this kind of offer generally have no problem with "stepping on the toes" of another parent. If you allow this, what will be next?

2 moms found this helpful

We religiously go to church, so I am all for it BUT I couldn't let my kids go with virtually strangers.

2 moms found this helpful

I would go with them. Going to a new place, with people they don't know very well, doesn't sound like a recipe for success. My 3 and (almost) 6 yr olds go to church every week with us and love it, but they wouldn't want to go to a neighbor's church without me.

2 moms found this helpful

I would offer to go along too. You don't have a problem with the religion part of it, it would be fun for your kids and this way you strengthen the neighborly relationship without the anxiety. I believe in Godly intersections. This could be one of them!
HTH,
A.

2 moms found this helpful

Then say no.
And if your daughter does not want to go, then only 1 of your children would be going.
So even more so I would say no.
And they only asked the kids to go. Not you/husband.

And, is this the first time, they asked to take your kids anywhere???
In their car, with only adults?
And you have never been in, their house.
But you are neighbors for the past 2 years and are neighborly?
Hmmm....

No, I would not allow my kids to go anywhere, with only them.
It doesn't matter where they are going.
I would say no.

You feel nervous.
Your radar does not feel comfortable.
So say no.
Just give them a polite excuse.

And, your children are very young.
I would not, let anyone take them anywhere, much less in their car or in their home, without you or your Husband.
Unless they were your own parents or your own grandparents.

So, your neighbors are: a woman and her sister and her Father... who all live together and they are all over 50 years old?

Please tell your Husband no, as well.
The sounds of this even make me nervous.

And you don't even know their friends or their group or their Church, and have never been there yourself.
But that is besides the point.
No matter where they are going, church or not or an ice-cream parlor, I would not let them take my kids.

The thing is, you are neighborly. But that does not mean, you know them.
And you have never been in their house nor invited in.
Nor do they have children.
Etc.
etc.
etc.
This is creepy.

2 moms found this helpful

1. you say the religious aspect does not bother you.
2. you state you have anxiety about "anything to do with my kids".
3. hubby is for it.

i think you answered your own question. the anxiety is always going to make your "gut lean towards no." this is probably one of those instances you should lean on hubby and trust his judgment, since it's an area where you obviously have some trouble making rational decisions based on fact, rather than on your fears.

2 moms found this helpful

Weirdest thing ever. No friggin way. If I want my kids going to church (and sometimes we go) I'll take them, and we study religions etc. My oldest two are 4 and 6, and no, I would not send them there or anywhere else with the neighbors. And our neighbors are also extremely nice. And they go to church.

2 moms found this helpful

I would check out the church and find out if they have children's programs. If they do then mention that Mr. XX and Mrs. XX offered to let them come with them. They may offer some comments about them that are reassuring but they may not know them personally if the congregation is a large one.

It might be just a nice offer too. I would check it out further then see how I felt. 3 is a bit young to go somewhere with strangers but the 6 yr. old should be fine.

2 moms found this helpful

How old are your kids? Is there something in particular you are worried about? I take other people's kids to church with me all the time. I often have four extra kids in addition to my own on any given Sunday. I belong to an aging, shrinking congregation, and I want to help build the Sunday school so that it is more fun for the kids who attend with their families. Would you consider going once with them, just so you are comfortable with the surroundings and what happens there? Besides chuch being an important experience for kids, going places without parents is an important experience for kids to have. It sounds like a kind, generous offer, and generally the message at church is to do kind, generous things.

2 moms found this helpful

You don't really offer us enough information to help you out.

How long have you known these people? Do all of them live in your neighborhood? Do they have children of their own going? How old are your kids, and WHY do you think she's asking? Have you met the father and sister? What has your 'gut' told you about them? Why is your hubby all for it? It's kind of an odd thing to ask to do esp. if the two of you have never discussed church/ religion.

The age/confidence/abilities of your children would really dictate which way this should go.I would go with her/them and check it all out... AND see how she reacts to your asking to do that.

If your hubby is all for them going why don't all of you go?

Last but not least... if you have any uncertainty about it at all...... Jerry Sandusky. Need I say more? Better safe than sorry...

1 mom found this helpful

No, I wouldn't let them take my kids to church.

I understand and have the anxiety the same as you.

As far as I am concerned 'Religion' is something that is my responsibility as the parent and I will take care of that.

I would politely but firmly have had just told then 'No Thank You' as soon as they asked...wouldn't have hesitated one bit about it either!

1 mom found this helpful

They seem nice people, but still you don't know them at all.
My husband and I go to church and take our children, if none of us cannot go, the kids just don't go.God will understand!

1 mom found this helpful

I would say your neighbor is trying to "save them", and being a Christian ( I assume it is a Christian Church) she is doing this with a good heart, but just kind of went about it in a backwards way. She may have tried to "save" adults before and been hurt or treated badly in the adults' response to her inquiry, so she sees this as an easier way. She that you don't take them to church, and assumes that you yourself wouldn't want to go, since you don't, and figures if she takes them, maybe she can save their little souls, and MAYBE you'll come along later.

I would just say, to her, "Thanks for the invitation, but I would like to go with my children to any new place they are going, especially while they are so young, may I come along?" or "Is this an invitation for our whole family to come and experience your Church and see if we would like to start attending there?" or "Thanks for the inviation, but I don't want the kids going anywhere without a family member, while they are so young." Whichever you prefer.

1 mom found this helpful

No way would my kids go under those circumstances. I suffer from anxiety also, and after reading your post, I got very anxious:) It's not like these people have kids of their own that your kids play with. If that was the case, then you would know them more on a parental level. I find it strange, to be honest with you that she would ask. If I were her, I would cautious because I wouldn't want to be responsible for someone else's kids, not to mention, what if one of those children accuse me of doing something inappropriate to them? It happens you know. Call me paranoid or a helicopter mom, but I do what feels right to me when it involves my babies. The heck with what anyone thinks---these are MY kids. I would politely decline: "No, thanks, my kids would rather be with me."

1 mom found this helpful

If I knew them well, AND if my daughter wnted to go, AND if they weren't into any dangerous stuff like snake handling, then I would let her go.

1 mom found this helpful

I'd say no to the church thing, just as I'd say no to them taking my kids out to dinner or to a movie. You don't know these people well enough and your kids are very young. It's not like they're teenagers who are interested in the world and different religious experiences (in THAT case, I'd say "absolutely, take my kids to your church!). If you want your kids to have some church time, you'd take them yourselves.

Must admit, I find it kinda strange for your older neighbors to randomly ask to take your kids to their church...without inviting you, too...just strange...

1 mom found this helpful

Nope. It's one thing if a relative wants to take the kids to church, but not neighbors. You don't know what they're going to be telling your kids, if it's something that goes against what you guys believe, say if they're homophobic and start telling your kids being gay is bad. You want to be there for that sort of thing.

1 mom found this helpful

Take the kids without me? Hell no! I'd have no idea what kind of church it was. Regular church, fundamentalist, or even a cult? Who knows?? If you are at all entertaining the idea of letting the kids experience a church service of some kind, I'd take them myself. Otherwise I would just smile sweetly and say, "No thank you."

1 mom found this helpful

Haven't read your answers yet, but my answer to her would be NO. why in the world wouldn't you say something like - how nice of you to invite my kids to your church. I'd love to visit too. Tell me where the church is and what time the service is and I'll meet you there?

You are right to be anxious about strangers taking your kids to church. Its not about the church part. Its about the fact that you don't know them well enough or have a relationship with them where your kids know them and am comfortable with them etc. How would your 3 year old react if he/she wanted you and you weren't there? He would have to go to the neighbors and ask them to bring him/her home.......No, don't let anyone take your kids anywhere unless you know them and trust them. Period.

I will feel uncomfortable letting my 3 and 6 year-old children go with neighbors to any event or occasion even if it's to attend a religious function.
I will never ever let them go with anyone not unless it's with family members.

Updated

A resounding NO.

I have kids the same age and I probably would have said no too, unless it was friends I knew very well.