Would You Have Another Baby?

Well, I think you're certainly hormonal right now, and it's a natural reaction to look at our youngest and think, OH -I want a baby, but think about all that entails. Are you just going to keep having baby after baby after baby because the youngest ones always get older? You have to stop at some point. After 2 stillbirths I would thank God for the 3 healthy children you have (and one is only 16 months!) and call it quits. 3 is plenty and you don't need to go through another heartbreak.

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No you're not crazy. You just went through a horrible experience, and it's not the first time! Give yourself time to heal, readjust, and think. Dont get rid of your baby stuff just yet. Maybe put it out of sight for now. But its obvious that you are not ready to make the decision of no more kids. And thats ok. Thats a huge decision that some people dont settle on for years. You can prevent getting pregnant until you make a solid decision. I am so sorry for your loss, and hope you have alot of support getting through this tough time!

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My husband and I are in a similar predicament.

I want more kids, he doesn't. Our reasons are related to my cancer diagnosis 10.5 weeks postpartum with our second child. My oncologist has assured me that my treatment shouldn't have affected my fertility, but is it right to have another child? What if it comes back? I have 1 more treatment option before we run out of treatments. But, I do want more kids, always have. I lost the first year of my daughter's life, and our son's 2nd year to the treatment and side effects. I also never considered in a million years that I could possibly need the cord blood that we chose not to bank with either child - those stem cells could be my only chance at living long enough to be their mom.

So, I say look internally and see if you can find the answer and peace with your decision. You'll always have a "baby" that isn't your baby anymore. All of us will and will lament them growing into the next stage, but it's a part of life.

I wish you well in making your decision. If it were me, I'd probably seek fulfillment in the healthy children you currently have.

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I won't get my point across as some well spoken women out there but in my opinion you are not only hormonal but also in mourning. That being said, you are absolutely not crazy for considering the possibility of more children. They are such an amazing gift and source of happiness. However, why does the decision need to be made now in the midst of grief. Practice safe sex (when you are able to practice again) and revisit the idea 3,6,10 months from now. In the meantime, if you have the room to store it, hold onto your baby furniture/clothes and decide what to do with it all at a later date when your heads are clear and your hearts are not so heavy. I am so sorry for your loss!

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I am sorry for your loss. Talk with your husband because a pregnancy is something you both have to agree on. You both have to be able agree on what you both want and feel is best for your family. In my opinion, you should go talk to a counselor or therapist. You have experienced at least 2 significant losses in your life. Talking with someone will allow you to get all of your raw emotions out, anger, sadness, helplessness, bitterness, etc. Without even knowing it, your children may be seeing some of these behaviors already. Please seek out a professional to talk to.

Also, I thought I would pass along something my OB said to me last year when I had my baby. My husband and I contemplated having a 4th. I get EXTREMELY sick to the point of having a central line put in for months. My condition is expected to get worse with each pregnancy (and it has). My OB said that I would most likely be hospitalized if I got pregnant again for an extended amount of time. There is a point when I had to say enough is enough so I told my husband that he had to get the vasectomy as soon as the baby was born, which he did. Of course, my baby is now 14 months old and we both want another one. My health dictates something else. So I did try to prepare myself with the last birth that this was it, the final baby. My OB also said that if I "craved" having a baby and the baby stage then this is something that will never go away, not with the 3rd, or a 4th, or a 5th. I would always want one more baby. She said she sees it a lot.

Please go talk to someone for yourself, your marriage, and your children. Hugs to you as you go through this difficult time.

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Don't 'do' anything right now, you need to grieve for the loss of Leyla.

I understand the feeling that you are not done. When my second was born, I knew the moment I had him, I wanted another. I still feel guilty that I felt this way even as I sat in the hospital with my newborn.

His birth and my pregnancy was traumatic and I had really almost died. Then, he needed speech and OT services and my husband said enough is enough so I thought, 'Okay, I will always wish I had my girl but I can live with my two beautiful boys.'

So then I went back to work and we bought a second house. Decisions that to me meant I had to moved on. Four months in our new home, I found out that I was 16 weeks pregnant with a baby girl.(I didn't think I could get pregnant again after the difficult conception / pregnancy with my 2nd). Since we had given everything away a baby needs, we had to start new. I also started being a stay at home mom again.

She is almost 10 months now. I am trying to live in each moment more than I usually do because I know she should be the last one. Money is tight. We thought I was going back to work permanently. But, I do feel more 'done' now having children.

You are not crazy but give yourself time to heal and enjoy the children you do have. You never know what may happen in the future.

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I'm sorry for what you're going through and for the loss of your babies. I guess this is a very personal decision. I had three miscarriages before I had my baby (now 7) and my husband was really getting to the point where he couldn't watch me go through it all again. He was ready to hang it up--so to speak.
That said, yes--you're hormonal now, and yes--you are grieving right now. I don't think it's the time to make any large decisions. Nest around your family right now and in time, I'll bet your answer becomes clear.
People are always advised not to make any major decisions in the year following a major loss, and I don't think your hubby should get the "V" just yet. JMO. Hope this helps.

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I am so sorry for your loss. You are not at all crazy. You will know when you are done and it does not sound like you are. Right now you should take the time to grieve your daughter and then see how you feel. I am pregnant with my third and we tried for four years to get pregnant - sometimes I wanted to give up - but I just knew I wasn't done and wanted more babies. You will know too. Cut yourself some slack.

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I am so sorry you have had to go through this again. I have to agree, it is too soon to make any decisions. You have hardly had time to grieve the loss of this child. Give yourself and your family time to grieve, they have all lost someone too. Then in a few months, or years, you can make that decision, after you have had some time to think about things. Do not push yourself to do something you may regret later.
God bless you and your family.
R.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how difficult and tramatic it can be becuse I also loss a baby boy. I was 20 weeks along when it happened. It took along time for me to get over the loss. I had no children at the time and wanted them so I was determined to keep trying. I now have two ages 5 and 3.
I know that feeling of not feeling done. I wished that started younger I wanted at least 3. but because of the loss I have two beautiful boys but I feel that I am a mom to 3 even though my 1st son is not hear.
I have the feeling of wanting more children but I don't want to be pregnant again and I don't want to give birth again. I finally got my body where I want it to be (LOL)
Would adoption be an option for you? This is something I often thought about for myself because I feel that I have enough love to give another child. I would love to care for and love a child who is out there somewhere in need of a family.
Please take care of yourself. Take the time to mourn your baby and go though all those emotions to get yourself to the other side. I think it's normal to think about having another child after a loss. You feel so angry,robbed and sad that you just want another baby to bring back all the happiness that you felt when pregnant. You want to go back to how things were before. So, no I don't thnk you are crazy at all.

No you are not crazy! I am so sorry for your loss but I think with it only being two weeks away its too soon to really tell your true feelings. I wouldn't go out and get myself or my husband fixed at the moment nor would I go without any type of birth control. You need time-both of you do. Time always heels the heart and although you will always mourn the loss of your baby don't make any rash decsions at this point. Live life, have fun, and enjoy it and maybe in a year or perhaps a few months you can reapproach this with a clearer head. People mourn in different ways and some take longer than others to heel if ever but life does go on and you will know when the time is right and how you feel about it as well. I think there is too much right now for you to emotionally deal with right now and don't even think of either one of those issues right now.

No you are not crazy. If it was me, I don't think I'd be selling that crib yet. I think we know how many kids we want. Somehow it's built into our brains, lol! My grandma had five miscarriages in between my mother and her brother. If she would have given up, my mom would be an only child. I know this is super hard on you and I really feel for you, but if your instincts are really telling you that you want more, than go for it! I don't think it's your hormones, I think you know this is what you want. Sit down and tell your husband exactly how you are really feeling and I bet he will be in your court with you. After all, he was expecting a fourth child too.

WOW, I've never heard of anyone else miscarrying their "even" numbered pregnancies like I do.....I thought I was the only one! : )
I'm sorry about your losses but I'm currently pregnant with an "even" pregnancy and going on 24 weeks. I thought as soon as the preg test showed a posotive that I'd miscarry within a few weeks but so far she's going strong. I'm almost still in denial, like I wasn't supposed to have this baby, she beat the odds though!

So YES it is possible, don't lose hope and hang in there. I know how hard miscarriages are on you and your family. They're depressing and make you lose hope but don't! If you're carried 3 children full term, I wouldn't doubt you will again! BTW, this is my number 4 and my husband calls her the miracle baby, since we both thought this was supposed to be my next miscarriage.

Good luck and many blessings to you!

I don't think you're crazy, I think its a combination of everything you mentioned (hormones, motherly instinct ect.) I would give yourself time, and then really discuss it in detail as to what you guys really want. I also wanted to add while you said you robbed your youngest of the last 6 months, it probably just feels that way to you, but I doubt your youngest is suffering from mommy neglect. =) I think in time you will figure out what it is that you really want, and you and your husband will come to a solution. Good Luck! =)

I haven't read the other replies. I am so sorry for your loss! I remember seeing your other post recently and my heart went out to you.

I think it is too soon to make this decision. I would recommend not giving away the baby things and waiting a few months to see how you feel. Sometimes, in the wake of tragedy, emotions can be so overpowering that we don't we don't think clearly.

Your little one is still so young. Even if you wait another year to try again, they will still be fairly close in age. Devote your time now to your three beautiful children and husband, and revisit the idea of a fourth child in a few months or a year when you're hormones and emotions have had a chance to stabilize.

Also, talk to your doctor about the likelihood of carrying a new pregnancy to term.

I would say put all the baby things away and don't do anything permanent for 6 month or a year. By then the hormones will have settled and you can see how you feel. I have not experienced a miscarriage but my deliveries were both complicated and after 2 babies I was advised another baby was not a good idea medically. My second is 17 months and a toddler more than a baby now. I do feel sad at times that I will probably not have another baby...even though I have a boy and a girl and only planned on 2 in the first place. On the other had I have a friend with numerous medical issues and she had something like 21 miscarriages to have 2 healthy children...and the second one started out as twins and only one went to term. I depends a lot on how strongly you feel. You could always try journaling on it for a while and then see how you feel later in several months. I would definitely wait a few months past the date that would have been your due date to try and make a decision.

I'm so sorry for all of your losses. But I would give your guys a year or two before doing anything about vasectomies and tubes being tied. On of my favorite ways of saying this is stop trying to prevent pregnancy's and just let it happen if it happens. Seriously. If you get pregnant again then YAY!! If not, then you know to get rid of the crib and baby things.

Only you and your husband can make a decision like this. I have two kids, a girl and a boy and my son is 16 months. I feel like in my situation (living in NYC, having to take public transportation with two kids, expenses) that I am done having kids but I also look at my son and think...my baby isn't a baby and what I'll never have a baby again?!?! So I really think the feelings are normal. My sister has two boys and although financially she and her husband knew they couldn't afford a third she really wanted her girl. After not using protection for several months and not getting pregnant it was on an all girls trip that my sister made a life decision. She was with her girlfriends at a baseball game and all she could think of was how she wished her boys were there. She knew that day that she didn't really need a daughter that she got and receives the same from her two boys :) Her huband had a vesectomy and they are both happy with the decision they chose to make :)

Give yourself some time and maybe your life decision will also come to you. Many blessings.

I think you're suffering from a loss and need to take TIME in order to recover emotionally and physically.
Also think about it this way: you say that you feel bad that you "robbed your youngest of the last 6 months". If you were to get pregnant again, there goes another year or two of his young life.
ENJOY your children, be thankful for the three beauties you have and revel in the fact that they're growing and thriving. YOU were the biggest part in this: giving them the love and nurturing that they need/needed in order to grow, but they STILL need this love and nurture. So ease up on focusing on the children you don't have, and start anew with the babies you already have that need you! :)
Good luck, momma. Congrats on your wonderful children. :)

No, you are not crazy. I have felt just what you are feeling but my losses were miscarriages. I had 3 children and 10 miscarriages and was thinking the same thing you were when I discovered I was pregnant again. After a worrisome pregnancy we were blessed with our 4th child and THEN we decided to be done. It was easier to make that decision after a successful pregnancy...then I didn't feel like I had just given up. I think it is too soon to make your decision...you are grieving....take more time. Grow strong...enjoy your family...then decide.

I always knew I wanted three kids; that just seemed like the perfect number for me. I really had to talk hubby into it, he was very happy with our two boys. I had a missed miscarriage with my third pregnancy, then got pregnant right away and he's now a healthy four-month-old. As I was giving birth, and the moments directly after, I thought, "I totally want to do this again!"
I think that's something that a LOT of women deal with that probably never goes away (always wanting one more). When we had our first, my husband's aunt got "baby fever" so bad she and her hubby really got into serious arguments about it. Because at that point their kids were 22 and 16! She became a grandma a few years later and I think the "baby fever" has been replaced with "grandbaby fever". :)

I know we are most likely done, but that still makes me sad at times. I feel guilty that it does because we are extremely blessed with three healthy happy little boys, but I think it's a very natural feeling.
I will echo what other mamas have said in that you should definitely take some time before fully committing one way or another. Enjoy the three blessings you have. A friend of mine is unable to have children and after the long process of adoption, found a mother wanting to give her baby up after it was born. My friend spent the latter part of the pregnancy with the girl only to see her change her mind after the baby was born. So now my friend is grieving and preparing to start the whole process over again. Thinking of stories like this make me beyond thankful for the kids I have.

I'm sorry for your loss(es) and hope that you are able to find some sort of an answer.