28 answers

Would You Expect an Engaged Woman to Participate in Bouquet Toss?

One of my friends was at the wedding reception of her future mother-in-law to be during the bouquet toss. Thinking that she isn't "single" she did not go to the dance floor until the bride/future MIL made her (his family knew well before the wedding). My friend feels like her FMIL does not acknowledge her relationship with her fiance.

She asked me if I thought it was inappropriate, and I thought it was - but then again I'm a bit weird (and of course in this situation, biased). I haven't asked for advice on here before, but I've read many a fantastic piece of advice, so I ask for your wisdom. What do you all think?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks for the responses - and for posting them so quickly; they really did give me other views on this situation - I tried looking for the answer to this on etiquette websites with no success.

I've talked to my friend about it, and she gave me a bit more insight into her situation, which helped me figure out what she was truly miffed about. It turns out that the bouquet toss was the icing on the cake and just wasn't sure if she was justified in listing it among her problems that evening; FMIL always had something for her son to do the minute he sat next to my friend, and overall had a nasty attitude about my friend's presence (even asking her son why he was marrying her, in front of my friend) until the bride needed help boxing up food, packing presents in the car, all that end of the night stuff. I think my friend was most embarrassed about the toss, though, since she was the only engaged person dragged onto the floor, when there were several engaged women sitting near her at the time who did not participate, and this happened in front of ~400 people. (One poster did ask if he participated in the garter toss, and the answer is no.) I think had not all this other stuff happened she would not have been upset about the bouquet toss.

I reminded her that's its probably best to know her FMIL's feelings now than be totally floored at or after the wedding, and urged her to talk to her fiance, who wasn't too thrilled about his mom's behavior, about how to handle the situation (her FMIL's feelings) before it blows up at exactly the wrong time.

Featured Answers

I think people see the bouquet toss in the different ways.
1) For all women to fight over
2) For all unmarried women to fight over
3) For all uncommitted women to fight over

Her FMIL seems to be in group number 2. I wouldn't put any relevance on it.

Half the fun in these things is dragging all the hold outs to the floor. Although I hate the bouquet and garter tosses, they are tradition. It's cute when all that is on the floor are little girls, but its just not that much fun. No one expects that the person who catches the bouquet will truly be the next to get married; rather we expect that the bride will throw it to a friend she would like to see married soon. If that is the case, I'd consider it an honor!

Yes. Who catches the bouquet is supposed to be who gets _married_ next. Not who gets into a committed relationship next. I know one woman who has been in engaged for something like 8 years. Just because you are engaged, does not mean you are getting married. So, you could even take it that the FMIL is looking forward to the upcoming nuptials.

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Good Morning L.;

My husband and I attended a few weddings before we got married (while we were engaged), he would always push me to go to the bouquet toss, even though I didn't think I should. He said to me, it's all in fun and technically, you are still single. So when the time came for the garter toss, I in turn had him go for that. The line goes both ways...

My only question is, did the FMIL also have her son participate in the gater toss, if not, then yes, she was out of bounds.

Have a great day!

All the weddings I have gone to have the understanding if you are not offically married you can go up to catch the bouquet. This may be a Michigan thing though. You could tell your friend, maybe the FMIL wanted your friend and her son to catch the two items (bouquet and garter) so they will be the next to get married.

Absolutely. I did and everyone else I've ever seen that was engaged did. Catching the bouquet just means you are going to be the next one to get married. You aren't married until you say your vows, so you are technically still single even if you have a fiance. Catching a bouquet would be most appropriate for an engaged woman and pretty much seals the deal for the big day!

Wow, I just read the rest of your story. And I thought I had MIL problems. If she really loves the guy I guess she can't put up with his Mom, but MIL problems never go away. It is like changing a man...not possible.

i would have to say that i think it's fine if she went up for the bouquet toss. she isn't officially married yet, and it is supposed to be a fun way for the still single women to poke fun at themselves. but if she doesn't feel like she needed to be up there she didn't have to go. or just to appease her family she could stand there and not try to catch it. but if she feels that her family doesn't acknowledge her engagement, she needs to voice her feelings. that way it is out in the open and her family will be more careful in similar situations in the future. i hope this helps put a new perspective on things.

I think people see the bouquet toss in the different ways.
1) For all women to fight over
2) For all unmarried women to fight over
3) For all uncommitted women to fight over

Her FMIL seems to be in group number 2. I wouldn't put any relevance on it.

I would of course expect an engaged womanto activly try to catch the bouquet. The one who caught mine was my husband's engaged cousin and she was the next to be married in the group and delivered a week before I did. As long as she is NOT married she has the right to be there with the single girls. Being engaged does NOT mean she's married yet. Anything can and does happen. I know a girl who was engaged and dumped him at the alter.

I do not think it is inapproriate. Some people look at it as the "next person to get married" is the one who should really catch it. Do they have a date set yet? I would not look at this as if she is not acknowledging the engagement unless other things have been done or said.
FYI: We had so few single women at our wedding years ago that we had to have married ones 'fill in' for the photo op!!! What great expressions were captured of some of the 'married actresses'

I think it's totally normal. In our family, if you aren't married your single when it comes to the toss. That doesn't mean we don't acknowledge the relationship is part of the "fun". We totally expect it and I come from a huge family, so it's not because there's not people out there. Each person has taken their turn. Most of them have been the one to catch the bouquet (so that they catch the last one before they are married).

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