Would This Hurt Your Feelings? - Yukon,OK

Updated on September 28, 2011
K.M. asks from Oklahoma City, OK
53 answers

My husband and i were watching tv last night and a guy on the show called his girlfriend "the most beautiful girl in the world." My husband immediately said "She's not the most beautiful girl in the world! Good grief." Then a little later he said, "There's the most beautiful girl in the world!" and pointed to...the dog.

I took this to mean that he does not consider me to be the most beautiful girl in the world. Certainly if you stood me up next to a supermodel, I would pale in comparison. I just have this romantic notion that every man's wife should be the most beautiful woman in the world...to him.

I didn't cry or get upset over this, and I didn't say anything to him, but it did bother me for a little bit. However, it's also about time for me to start PMSing...

Just wondered what you ladies think.

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So What Happened?

Wow, thanks for all the responses! I almost didn't post this question because I didn't want to deal with the snarks, but I got way more genuine responses than snarky ones, so thank you for that.

We DO have a beautiful dog. I've put her picture on my profile so you can admire her ;)

I didn't mean to let on that my husband was comparing me to the woman on tv (who was not an actress, by the way) or to the dog. That wasn't my point. I don't think he was making a joke; I think he was just being his practical self. The woman on tv, a 19-year-old, pretty girl, is NOT the most physically beautiful girl in the world, and he just stated that out loud. The statement about the dog did not bother me, except that I guess I WAS sort of looking for him to call me beautiful, but he totally missed the opportunity. No, I'm not the most physically attractive woman on the planet and my husband is not the most physically attractive man. I guess I was distinguishing between total overall, inner+outer beauty and he was not.

Thanks for all the advice. There were some real gems in there, too many to list individually in this response. I've already let the incident go. No harm, no foul.

Featured Answers

D.P.

answers from Detroit on

I can't take offense because although I love him deeply, I too do not think my spouseis the most beautiful man in the world. That said, I would not trade him for the most beautiful man in the world.

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J.C.

answers from New York on

The next time he goes to initiate sex, point to the dog and say, why don't you go (choice of word here) the dog, a.k.a. the most beautiful girl in the world? Then roll over in bed and laugh. You might get some roses out of that one!!

5 moms found this helpful

T.F.

answers from Dallas on

Hormones have you worked up.

It would not bother me. I model and keep myself in great shape and am not bad to look at but there are some beautiful women (and men) in this world. I appreciate it when my hubby tells me he has a hot wife but I also don't get worked up when he sees a beautiful woman walk by and says WOW.

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L.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

ha! Open mouth, insert foot. Surely he didn't mean to hurt your feelings or insult you, but yeah, I think right there and then I would have said, "Oh yeah? Are you going to sleep w/ the dog tonight, then?" With a smile and a wink, of course.

9 moms found this helpful

T.N.

answers from Albany on

Sigh, this is another item for your family's Top Ten List Of Dumb Things Your Father Said!

:(

8 moms found this helpful

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

I don't think either of his comments had anything to do with who was the most beautiful woman in the world. Both comments were about how stupid he perceived the guy on TV as being.

So if it was my husband the comments wouldn't have even hit my radar.

7 moms found this helpful

E.D.

answers from Seattle on

Well, I'm certainly prettier than our dog. She's got this strange little sausage tail, a thick neck, and she chases shadows. Also, I smell better and I don't lick my own bottom.

By comparison, I'm practically perfect in every way (((*snort*)))

Still, I gotta say, if my husband suddenly started writing love poetry, it would probably be written to our dog. She ALWAYS wants to be next to him, thinks he's completely fascinating ALL of the time, she loves when he comes home covered in grime, she listens REALLY well, and she's saved his life. Hell, I'm JUST his wife!

HA HA HA HA HA.

No, it probably wouldn't hurt my feelings. I know my husband thinks I'm foxy. And we joke around a lot.

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

Sounds to me like he was just making a joke. You're over-reacting.

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C.W.

answers from Indianapolis on

Wow you need to lighten up a bit, don't you think he was just joking around? I mean seriously...

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B.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

C'mon. Really? You are upset over that?!?!

He was talking to a character on TV. He was denegrating the actress that was being called "the most beautiful girl in the world". He was discounting/disparaging the actor's taste and ability to see beauty. He was saying the actress was a real dog(!!!) from his point of view.

I'm amazed the ladies on this site missed that.

If I would have been watching that show and heard that I would have been very tempted to tell the actor his taste in women was severly lacking, but my dog is a male. ;~))

BTW, your husband didn't marry the most beautiful girl in the world. I did!

"A model needs professional makeup, designer clothes, and perfect lighting to look as good as the average woman does to the man who is in love with her."

Good luck to you and yours.

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A.S.

answers from Iowa City on

No. That wouldn't hurt my feelings. It is pretty clear it was meant as a joke. I know my husband loves me and thinks I'm beautiful so a dog joke wouldn't put me out of whack.

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B..

answers from Dallas on

It was a joke. I would have chuckled. In my opinion, this is not something to take personally.

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B.F.

answers from Toledo on

LOL my hubby sometimes says stupipd stuff like this I would of said well I hope she will keep you warm tonight while your on the couch and laughed. men just dont think sometimes OR think they are funny.

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2.O.

answers from Washington DC on

It is obviously a sarcastic joke. I'm actually surprised you would think otherwise. Of course he doesn't think the dog is prettier than you!

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M.W.

answers from San Francisco on

Nope it wouldn't hurt my feelings. Remember he was comparing the actress to the dog.

I am sure you wanted him to turn his head and lovingly gaze into your dreamy eyes and say 'You are the most beautiful woman in the world!' Now that would have been the scene straight out of a romantic chic flik movie...but most men are not like the well scripted movies.

If he is a decent man and does things to show you he loves and appreciates you then let this roll off your back and take some midol. But, if he is a jerk and looks for ways to put you down then I would say you are justifed in having your feelings hurt.

Remember...he is not a woman. Women think in their head like the lines in the chick flik movies. We get disappointed in our hubbies when they don't read our minds...and say those well thought out lines. They tend to joke around.

Hopefully you married a great guy and he will feed your ego in other ways...just didn't in THAT moment.

Good luck and best wishes!!

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L.U.

answers from Seattle on

I am NOT the most beautiful woman in the world...even to my husband. And I am okay with that. He may think Halle Barry is, but I guarantee she is not going to go out with my husband! I don't think he's the hottest guy out there either. But he's mine.
I don't understand why you are bothered. Your husband was making a joke. Or maybe he thought the dog was better looking than the chick. Do you SERIOUSLY think your husband is the hottest guy on the planet? Probably not. But you love him. And your husband loves you.
L.

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T.F.

answers from San Francisco on

Read my last answer and you'll know why I probably think our dog is prettier than I am. She's a pretty Chocolate Lab so that's okay ;-). Actually depending on the context this could be pretty darn funny. I'm sorry it hurt your feelings though. Is there anyway you could have fun with it and feel a little better about it? I would imagine you ARE the most beautiful person to your husband, he was probably just thinking, "That girl's not that great, the dog looks better than her not even comparing to his thoughts about you."

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L.C.

answers from Dover on

See, that's where I would have had to open my mouth. Not like I was angry or yelling or anything, but just a little tit for tat.

Something like,

"See, the stupidest men always seem to go for the most beautiful girls."
"So, I wonder how she'll feel about making your dinner tomorrow? I mean apparently to be most beautiful you can't have opposable thumbs so it could be a problem."
"Meet your knew wife!"
"Like most other beautiful women, you aren't her type."

One good zing deserves another. Not to be mean but just to get your own licks in.

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P.S.

answers from Houston on

WHY when us mamas complain here about something or someone has hurt our feelings and we want validation AND THEN then we add on we might be PMSing? Just leave the PMSing out so we don't have to be reasonable with our answers ;)

Sorry, I know that didn't answer your question. Yes, we should be the most beautiful girl in the world to our SO's.

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I think he was more likely mocking the man in the show than he was making a statement about your beauty.
Beauty is beauty. Love is based on so much more than that.
Realistically, I think we can all look at our spouses and pretty much for certain be sure that they're not the most beautiful, handsome person in the world, right? Does that make our love less valid or real? No way!

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M.R.

answers from Phoenix on

Here's how I would have responded..."Do you think she's still available?" and I mean the dog, like I would have said that after the dog joke.

I think your husband was trying to be funny. I'm the one with this kind of sense of humor in our relationship, and my husband is NOT...and it really irks me that he doesn't get me sometimes. Ugh..lighten up is what I constantly think. But my son gets me, and my daughter is like her dad, she doesn't take to teasing very well.

P.S. - You have a very scary looking dog...sorry.

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J.S.

answers from Hartford on

It sounds like he was making a joke. Personally, my feelings wouldn't have been hurt. I mean, he was comparing the woman on TV to a dog. He was calling the woman a dog. That's a joke. A bad joke with poor execution. But in no way was it a dig against you.

Over here my husband thinks that our daughters are the most beautiful girls in the world. Especially our middle daughter, who is like a sweet little China doll.

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T.K.

answers from Dallas on

No, it wouldn't bother me. I vote PMS. Maybe he thinks of you as his woman, not his girl. Reminds me of the commercial where the woman asks the man to choose between her or the dog, he chooses her, but when she asks him to choose between her or the beer, he takes the beer. She leaves him alone with his dog snarling at him. So he turns back to the dog - I didn't mean it girl.

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K.I.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Is just your PMS......
Don't get upset.. :)

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H.P.

answers from Houston on

Bless your heart--that might be hormonal. It could have been insensitive on his part, but it might just have been a case of bad timing. I don't know how much later he pointed at the dog, but if that comment was fresh on his mind when he decided to play with the dog, then it makes sense that he might throw that one at her. How would he know that it would hit you like that? Surely, he thinks that you look better than the dog. Your knowledge of this might be something that he is taking for granted. Girl, go get yours when you need it. If you're hormonal and need a boost, go get it. I have moments when I tell my husband, "Hey, I need to feel pretty right now," or " I need you to stroke my ego a little."

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I probably would have laughed and agreed, OUR black lab IS the most beautiful girl in the world!
But, yes, pms sure can mess with your sense of security AND sense of humor.
At least he didn't say it was the hot woman down the street ;)

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A.G.

answers from Houston on

LOL....it was obviously a joke.

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J.D.

answers from Cincinnati on

I wouldn't have been hurt because he was comparing her to the dog. I would have just given him a hard time about it. PMS can really get in the way of things. men are just dumb sometimes.

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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

I agree with Momma W - he was comparing the girl to the dog. It's the PMS talking - if you weren't PMSing, you'd have laughed that he compared the girl to the dog. If he's not a romantic guy by nature, then don't drive yourself crazy expecting him to make the romantic comment. Guys are just clueless, even when you're married to them :)

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H.1.

answers from Des Moines on

Aww, I'm sorry. I couldn't help but laugh just a bit because it sounded like my husband :p

I think it entirely depends - was this just a comment that he made to be funny or because he wasn't even thinking? Does he normally treat you in ways that make you feel special and beautiful? I don't think many men outside of a romantic movie would turn to their wife and say "She's not the most beautiful girl in the world, you are." That's just not something I see a guy saying to his wife. This doesn't mean he doesn't think it.

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M.P.

answers from Provo on

Oh Rachel D. How I love your remarks.
If your hubby is anything like my ex, then it's his way of being funny. He would always say things like that but only to be funny and not to actually say that I'm not beautiful or what not. Could that be what he meant. Either way you should talk to him about it and how it hurt.

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S.M.

answers from Kansas City on

Sounds like he was trying to get a rise out of you.

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

.

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M.P.

answers from Sacramento on

I don't think that you should take it personally or let it hurt your feelings. I take it as more of a joke that. He thinks the dog is prettier than the girl on TV. His comment most likely had nothing to do with you.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

So my question is: HOW OFTEN, does your Husband, insult you? Then, how DEROGATORY is he, to you... on a daily basis?
Or is this, unusual for him? Is he usually nice to you, or not.
If not, then he is probably a jerk.

So to me, the "context" in which he said this... is the point. Because, if he usually treats you well, then he was just being an air-headed Dude, making the remark about the dog and it was a clueless remark. Not meaning to hurt you.
BUT... if your Husband is usually a cold callous derogatory mean insulting Husband to you... then well, he probably made that remark, as a dig to you.

Then well, maybe he was just being a typical guy, sitting there watching TV and making juvenile comments, to the TV. Without any thought.

So many scenarios are possible.

It has NOTHING to do with, your appearance.
NOTHING.

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F.H.

answers from Phoenix on

Does he always say insensitive things like this to you? It would hurt my feelings as well. And I don't think I'd let him get away with it either. I would tell him how I felt and ask why he said it. For no other reason than to tell him its not ok for him to treat you like that. Good luck!

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K.P.

answers from Seattle on

No it wouldnt hurt my feelings. It would just give me a chance to really razz him and give him a hard time about it. He would then see that it wasnt a nice thing to say. But I bet he was trying to make a joke and it didnt go over well.

If you dont tell him that it hurt your feelings then how will he know? You have to stand up for yourself and be like hun, that kinda hurt my feelings.. Surely you think I'm better looking then the dog!
And I am sure that he would have said "Of course you are!" and then all would have been alright.

Something we all know as women is that Men cant read our minds, and well, they do and say stupid things! Its that Y chromosome ;)

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M.S.

answers from Washington DC on

I think MY dog is the most beautiful girl in the world ;), so I kind of get what he was saying. He was probably thinking that you are the most beautiful WOMAN in the world! Maybe give your hormones a week and see if it still bugs you and then decide what to do.

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C.T.

answers from Dallas on

I can understand your feelings. Your husband was just joking around, but not being too smart about it, in my opinion. You should have let him know right then and there that comments like that hurt your feelings. Some people are just more sensitive than others especially when hormones are going crazy.

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A.L.

answers from Charleston on

Very insensitive with you sitting right there. I would think that comment would have been said around his buddies when they're being goofy and trying to get laughs instead of his wife. I wouldn't stress too much over it. Men are notoriously stupid for putting their foot in their mouths.

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M.D.

answers from Dallas on

If I was PMSing or on mine, it might bother me.. other than that, probably not... Sometimes the thing that I wouldn't think twice about or heard a million time, hearing it right before I start or during (lately) I will go off.

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E.G.

answers from Atlanta on

Oooooh, do THAT!!! The dog comment, I mean!

Well, all of us mortal humans are entitled, every so often, to make total and unabashed JACKASSES of ourselves. Last night was your hubby's turn.

Do you mostly have good communication with your spouse? It probably wouldn't hurt to tell him how you felt about this comment.

All my best K.!

E.

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J.L.

answers from Chicago on

Probably didn't mean it that way...In fun when you don't feel hurt ask him what he meant. I am sensitve about that kind of stuff too..So I hear ya hugs :)

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K..

answers from Phoenix on

DH & I have a playful, joking type of relationship, so I wouldn't be insulted. I'd just assume he thought the girl was ugly. From the sounds of it, you guys don't have that type of relationship & that's unfortunate. Or does he seriously insult you all the time, and that's why you're taking the comment in a negative way?

Let it go. It's petty & you're going to feel really ridiculous if you decide to make this a big deal, and the whole time he intended it the way I think he did.

Grab a glass of wine & chill out :-)

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P.M.

answers from Denver on

My first reaction was to laugh. It's funny, but also kind of sad! If he was trying to make a joke, no I wouldn't be upset. But I can see how that would hurt your feelings! If it makes you feel better, my husband once called out for me in the grocery store, and yelled "Penelope"! - (his dog's name) I will never let him live that down :)

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J.K.

answers from Dallas on

That's definitely a MALE response. Guys just don't think sometimes. Don't take it too personal. I'm sure he finds you beautiful in every way.

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S.B.

answers from Redding on

Don't let this bother you.
He wasn't thinking in terms of comparing you to a woman on TV. Or any other woman for that matter.
It would have been nice if he had looked you deeply in the eyes and said, "My beautiful darling, you are the most gorgeous woman in the world", but.....
it sounds like he wasn't taking the situation very seriously in the first place and I know lots of guys who tell their female dogs what pretty girls they are.
They are NOT comparing them to their wives.
I don't think for one second your husband was comparing you to the woman on TV either.
Some guy you don't even know said something nice to his girlfriend and your husband didn't say something equally nice to you. Don't hold on to it.
He was just saying something out loud. He never meant to make you feel badly. I'd bet money on it.

Best wishes.

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H.G.

answers from Dallas on

Yes it would probably hurt my feelings but I wouldn't say nothing. You know people spit things out without thinking it through. My husband had a pic of me as his wall paper on his phone then we went to a truck show and he took a picture with these two hoochies that were almost naked and seriously rubbing all up on him ( I kept my mouth shut). Well the next day he asked me to get his phone and I looked and he took my pic off and put that one as the wallpaper! Thanks pal! That helped my esteem!

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S.Z.

answers from Reno on

My husband has never considered me beautiful, ever. I am totally OK with this, because not everyone HAS to be beautiful. Every now and then he'll try, awkwardly, to tell me I'm pretty because he thinks that's what husbands are "supposed" to do, and it just annoys the snot out of me. Tell me how smart or talented or funny or delightful I am, but don't talk about how I look. Looks fade. Intelligence, a sense of humor, kindness - those things don't fade. Who cares what I look like? If he loves you, how you look, and how other women look, is unimportant.

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P.K.

answers from New York on

I would have just laughed! Then the next day I would have gotten on may
hands and knees and barked and met him at the door LOL. A good sense
of humor is a must in life!!

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S.P.

answers from Birmingham on

Sounds like he is a jokester so I wouldn't have taken it seriously. Now in the case I was full-blown PMS mode, i might have thrown something at him (just kidding!).

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W.B.

answers from Tulsa on

Surely he was joking?!?!

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J.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

You definately have control that i dont, he's lucky to have you!

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