46 answers

Would This Bother You? - Cherryville,MO

I have this friend....

She is a really close friend. She doesn't work, her hubby does, but he doesn't make a whole lot. They get money still from both sets of parents on a regular basis (I just found this out). One night, a few months back, she asked if I wanted to go out for drinks/dinner. Well, we both agreed we needed to get out so we went. She kept commenting how she was so broke prior to us heading out. She often complains to me about how broke they are, the fact that they have to sell their house because they cannot afford the mortgage, etc. So, I offered to pay for her entire evening - at it was quite pricey for the two of us! We had fun! We are not rich by any means, but I figured, hey, we have more in the bank right now than them, why not.

Within 2 weeks of our outing, she and hubby leave for the Dominican for a vacation. They spend 4 nights there. Three weeks later, they go to Vegas, spending 4 nights as well. Then, they go to a Cubs game a few days ago. I am irritated by this! We are not going to any baseball games this year because according to my hubby, we cannot "afford" it (ie - that money could go toward a bill) - and we sure as heck aren't taking any vacations! I am not mad at her for me offering to pay for her, that was my offering. I am not mad at her at all. I guess I am just venting because I don't see how she couldn't afford a night out with me but can go on three vacations. And what are we doing wrong that we can't even go to a game and they are traveling all over the US? Ok - now you all can tell me to get over myself. =)

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™


Featured Answers

Well, since her and his parents pay for things perhaps they didn't have any money from the bank of mom at that time.

4 moms found this helpful

That would tick me off too. There's an old saying that goes something like this, fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. If she ever says anything about going out to eat again, I would be tempted to say that you are broke and if she wants, you will fix peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at home:)

That's what I'd say:)

4 moms found this helpful

I would be pissed simply because she was complaining about having no money - accepts a generous offer undeservingly from someone who isn't rich either - then goes on 2 very expensive vacations and a baseball game!

4 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Oh, I don't think you need to get over yourself, I think she needs to get over herself.

Being irritated is a completely normal/acceptable reaction to your friend's behavior. Letting it bother you for days on end, not necessary.

Be proud that you & your husband can handle your finances without having to run to mommy & daddy.

Then, next time she wants to go to dinner, either skip the invite, or come right out & say, "Ok, but it is your turn to pay."

10 moms found this helpful

Oh, yeah, it would bother me. I'm a soft touch, and some people have no trouble playing on others' sympathies. I fell for the "I'm so broke" line probably about a thousand times before I realized that it's really okay to just say no.

Two of my three sisters have borrowed big money from me to meet "desperate" expenses, and then gone out and treated themselves to vacations and expensive gadgets that I can't afford. Years later, they have yet to pay back the thousands they promised they'd get back to me within months, even though they could see, if they cared to look, that I've been going without goodies they take for granted.

I learned. Sometimes that wisdom just has to come the hard way. Most people I know who chronically bellyache about no money have enough, if they want to prioritize their spending. Sounds like your friend has a knack for prioritizing hers, at your expense.

I'd like to add, I'm still a generous person, and this experience hasn't soured me on giving. If there's a real need, like disaster relief or a local food bank, I always find a means to give. I 'tithe' 10% of my income for such giving.

Sorry you got taken. I hope you can either talk to her about it, or just let it go for your own mental health.

8 moms found this helpful

I can totally understand why you're bothered by it--it would really bother me, too. You are living responsibly within your means and not splurging, and she took advantage of your good nature.

I would just make sure that any future activities you do with her are split 50/50.

And if she complains again about not having enough money, smile, and laugh like you think it's a real joke and say "You say that all the time, but you went to the Dominican Repulbic, to Vegas and to a Cubs game in the last six months! You're funny! Andy and I haven't taken a vacation from home in 2 years--now that is being broke!" then laugh. Then change the subject.

7 moms found this helpful

I have a coworker that cries poor mouth constantly. When it comes time to chip in for lunch, she conveneiently doesnt have her debit card or any cash and promises to pay back but never does. When we have an office gift exchange she doesn't participate because she can't spare the $10. When someone brings food she's all over it. SHe can't stop at happy hour with us because she can't afford it. And then BAM! she bought a $4,00 van outright with cash and went on a big family vacation a month later. My jaw dropped just like yours. So, this goes on for another year with her being so broke from the vacation and blah blah blah, till BAM! she bought a brand new Mazda. I figured it out. Her husband is a saver. He watches her spending very close. He saves diligantly for the big stuff so she has to forgoe all the little stuff. Once I got a perspective on what was going on I felt so much better. I don't offer to pay her way or share food anymore. It's not that she can't afford it. She's just choosing not to spend. So, if that's her choice, groovy. I fully support it. Heck, I even envy it. But I don't support her anymore!

7 moms found this helpful

For what its worth I would feel the same as you. Some people just go through life as users and she sounds like one of them. Feel good in the fact that you are the better person for living within your means and not taking handouts.

7 moms found this helpful

Sounds like her definition of "broke" is much different than yours..and mine :). It would bother me if it was a close friend, and I'd probably feel a little taken advantage of, because clearly they're not that bad off. On the other hand, maybe are really broke, and they're just not living within their means. If that's the case, it's not going to get much better for them.

6 moms found this helpful

They're probably charging it.

Meanwhile, it's nice of you not to be mad that you paid. I'd be a little ticked off, personally. But you're right, you offered. Just don't ever do it again.

IMO if she knew she was about to go on a bunch of vacations, she shouldn't have accepted your money. Sheesh.

5 moms found this helpful

Yup, I've had friends like that and now I'm more cautious before rescuing someone from their financial troubles. I'm not surprised if your friend really is broke. It sounds like she and her hubby spend beyond their means.

5 moms found this helpful

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