Would like to Hear from Moms of Teenagers!!!!!

How about hearing from a grandmother. We have one daughter and 3 step children and have also had several nephews live with us over the years. We have 9 grandchildren and one great grandchild. I have worked with all ages of children and had a in home day care for years.
My first suggestion is do not do this alone. Parenting classes and group not only teach you a lot but give you support. At 16 and 17 you should start see some signs of maturing but not always. Not knowing more about the situation I really can't offer advice, but can offer support. Get advice from those close who woke in this area. It may take a few phone calls but it is worth it.
D.

I have a teenage son 17 yrs old I miss the time we use to spend togather when he was younger. Everything has changed his a great kid but I see him growing up so and I don't know if i am ready for that

Hi, L.. I have 2 kids- 8 and 18. My son is heading to college in 3 weeks. He has been a great kid. It is my 8 yr old daughter that I am going to have problems with. Just hang in there and say your prayers. I have been dreading college. I made it fine through graduation. Leaving him at college is going to be the hard part. Are your kids involved in activities at school or church? Hope you hang in there.

Hi L.,
I do not have a teenager yet but I am curious to know what are they doing to drive you crazy? Can you be specific a bit! I am doing a project about teen-age may be I can offer few words.

A..

L., you are not alone. I have an 18, 16, and 14 year olds. My kids all seem to be pretty good kids, no real problems with any of them. You don't specifically say what problems you are having with yours, but I'm thinking they are just normal kids. They are gonna make mistakes, that's how you learn. Just be supportive of their good choices and try to suggest alternatives to bad choices...and most importantly, tell them every day that you love them. I think this is where a lot of people goof up. We tell our babies we love them all the time, but once they get a little older it is not so forthcoming to say "I love you", but they still need to hear it and they still need to know it. I recently went through an issue with my 14 yo. Instead of yelling and getting angry with her, I told her I would talk to her about the problem when I had cooled off. I thought very hard about what I wanted to express to her and what I wanted her to get out of our conversation. About two hours later, I sat down with her and we talked. There was no yelling, no fighting. She opened up to me and told me that she had felt bad about what she had done, but that she was still a kid and would make mistakes. She told me she had thought about it too, and told me what she wanted to do to fix the situation. She acted very responsibly and I agreed with her new decisions. It was wonderful. I feel much closer to her now and she even told me she was glad I had not just yelled at her and punished her, but had given both of us space and time to think. She knew I was not happy with her, but I let her make the changes...I did not do it. I just listened and supported her better choices. I actually felt like a "good parent" with the way I had handled it. Try it. Good luck to you.

I understand the word help. I have 3 teens at home 2 boys one 15 and one 17 and i girl that is 16. It seems like they fight about everything.

I too have a teenage daughter and can understand what you are going through. Sometimes I don't even like her - she has a mouth on her that won't stop and frequently loses her privileges (ex: ipod, cell phone, driving priveleges). Says she can't wait till she leaves home for college - if she only knew how good she actually has it.

Hi, I am a mother of a 16 year old daughter. I like to read the mamasource posts also. unfortunatly i am not alot of help because it is all younger children. A little about my girl. She struggles with her school work so i asked on here for some ideas. Thankfully i found a wonderful person to help tutor her. Jess is a good kid who sometimes does not make the best choices. she is learning from this thankfully. I'm lucky she likes to hang out at home. It's nice to know that there are other mothers out there who have teens who also just need to talk or need advice. There are days that i am at a total loss as to what the right decision is.
Yesterday a long time friend of hers asked if she wanted to go camping with him (hes 17), his older brother (hes 21 and another friend of his (hes 25) that she had never meet. I may have over reacted. I asked her if she really thought that was a good idea and in what lifetime she actually thought i would let that happen. to say the least she did not go. As usual i wonder if i over reacted and if they were inviting girls other than jess if it would have been ok. I really am not sure some days if im being over protective. How do you decide when to let your daughter grow up and make those kinds of decisions. I am still thinking maybe 30 years old lol.

about me: i'm a 37 yr old mother of a teenage girl who is independent, strong willed and has the most gentle heart. Even as her mom i have to say shes a good kid. I am in the Army and work full time. we keep busy with 5 horses and lots to do on the property.

My son is 17 and the joy of my life and the reason I am so patient...

Communication is the key. My son talks to me about a lot. His friends talk to me about a lot. It would be very naive of me to say they talk to me about everything, but, they know that I will tell them the truth, along with my 'words of advice'. I don't talk down to them because almost every other adult does. I flat out tell them I am not their friend, I am a mother.

Teenagers are going through so much these days...way more pressure than we ever had. I know things are relative to the times, but these kids live in an instant society. Anything they want is available 24 x 7. They need to know a person, you, is there for them 24 x 7. My son knows he can depend on me to talk through any problem, give him an excuse to avoid a potentially 'dangerous' party, and just sit with him quietly if he needs that.

His father is so immature, he tries to be our son's friend...not the way to make a child feel secure.

Remember, your teenagers, my teenager, all teenagers are still children. They are stretching their wings, opinions, evertyhing, but they will remain 'good' as long as they know they have someone they can depend on.

I never hang up the phone with my son without telling him I love him. He never leaves the house without telling me he loves me.

I feel very strongly that too many parents want to be their children's friends. They also feel that once their children are teenagers that, as parents, they don't have the right impose rules on them. They are wrong. Teenagers need rules, they need to know that someone cares what time they arrive home, that someone cares where they are and who they are with...

Talk to your teens, how else are they going to know that their actions are driving you crazy...ask them what is bothering them and don't take 'nothing' for an answer. Go to dinner or lunch with each of them alone..

Well, sorry for climbing up on my soapbox...

Best of luck! Feel free to write back if you want to vent or share.

First you and your husband sit down separately with each child and talk to them to see if you can get to the root of each problem.

Your may want to ask them to sit down and write a note regarding how when where they think a big change came in their life. Reason I suggest this is that some people can not talk about a problem, but can pour out the problems on pape.

The hard thing for a parent is that children pour out their problems to them. Then when they become teenagers most confide in friends. This can cause many problems.

God Bless

I know what you mean. I have a 18 year daugter and a 15 year son. They are good children but sometimes they can be a hand full. My oldest is getting ready for college and youngest for 10th grade at the school for the blind. I am not ready for this. But as far as help goes only God knows what to totally do. But I do understand the hair pulling and floor walking nights of what are they doing now? For the most part I have been a stay at home mom only took jobs that allowed me to be home when they were home. So I know what you mean by HELP!!! I am there.

L., I know what you're going through. Mine are grown now, but I weathered with my youngest daughter what you only see on TV and pray never happens to you. Praise the Lord for them...love them unconditionally...pray for them constantly. The Lord will use them to shape your character for the kingdom. Trust me, it does get better. The Lord turned my daughter totally around. She's a jewel with a darling little boy (one of our 11 grandkids). For about 5 or 6 years, she was lost to the world, but the Lord has given us our daughter. Her dad and I are so thankful. She's told us over and over again how much she loves us and how glad she is that we love her unconditionally and never gave up on her. L., it will get better. Praise the Lord...

I have 3 girls, 21, 17 and 15. If you would like to talk about something specific please send me an email @ ____@____.com

I understand your pain, and have used some pretty creative ways to raise my daughters (which have their moments but are overall very good young ladies).

Good luck and look forward to hearing from you.

Sounds like they are at the place where they know everything and mom knows absolutely nothing and they are going to do what they want regardless of what you say.

All I can say is to try to talk to them and maybe reach a compromise on their decisions.

Good luck in the future.

I'm working on my third teen, 16 year old son. So how come you are having problems. If it is the adult stage where they think that we don't know anything, let me tell you I've been there.

T.

Well now you understand the saying "Mothers of teenagers understand why some animals eat their young" haha
I know how hard it is. I raised two kids myself and let me tell you the teenage years are BAD! I don't know what trouble you are having but I know it can be tough. They will grow out of it and if you can hold your ground and try to keep your sanity you will make it through. If you want to talk one on one I have been through probably every possible thing with both of mine so let me know and I can give you my email. I do feel for you and would love to be of help any way I can even if it is just as a sounding board. Mine are 23 and 26 now and both are doing great. That was not always the case though.

Hi, L.!
I completely understand where you are. I have two boys (14 and 16) who I worry about daily! They are both basically "good" kids - but they definitely have their moments!! I know I don't do enough of it myself, but the first thing we parents need to do is PRAY, PRAY, PRAY for our kids - everyday!! We need to pray for them right now and for their future.

We are in the midst of a dillema with our 16-yr old right now. He was talking to a girl from out of town who we did not really approve of. This girl had lied to my best friend, the girl and our son lied about talking on phone when they were told not to, and her sister had brought her several times to see our son without our knowledge. We basically told our son that WE could tell him who he could and could not talk to for any reason at all. We said we could tell him not to talk to someone simply because we didn't like the color of their hair or the size of their foot - cuz WE're the parents and he is still the child. We wanted to leave it at that...but we did try to explain why we didn't approve. I hope it got through to him.

I do worry that saying they cannot talk will only push them to talk more or find ways to get around what we've said. I've known that to happen before. But I believe that WE as parents should BE the parents and tell the kids what they can and cannot do. This is teaching them, I believe. I also believe that they don't always need an answer to their "But why?" Sometimes it's just a feeling we have and we cannot put it into words. I feel that too many parents these days let the kids have their way without worrying about the consequences. They let them do things they shouldn't so that the kids will "be out of their hair" or the parents will not "have to deal with them".

But this is our responsibility when we have kids!! I believe we must "deal" with them until they are out of our house. We must teach them the ways of the Lord so that IF they stray from God's will, they will come back - and soon!! I know that when they are out of the house, they will their own decisions. That's why we need to explain to them why we say they can't do certain things. So that maybe they will make good decisions later.

Okay..I'll get off my soap box and stop "preaching" now. lol Just know that you are not alone!!! If you like, you may email me at ____@____.com. I'm certainly not an expert and quite often need advice or someone to listen to me.

(PS: One more thing..if your child has a myspace (or the like) account, please check up on them. I made my son give me his password so I could check it at anytime. It's scary what kids put on there!)

About me:
Working mom of two great teenage boys! Married once for 19 years to an awesome guy who loves me more than I deserve!! He am so lucky is so involved in the boys lives!!

My teens are 19 (boy) and 17 (girl). I also have a 12 and 10 year old. So, moms of olders are here. :-)

I don't have any advice, but would love to get some too. I have a 17yr old daughter and a 16yr old daughter, a 13yr old son, and 9 yr old daughter. But the teenagers are driving me crazy and influences the younger the ones. They are not bad or trouble makers, just teenagers. So if you get any advice please pass it along.

I to have 2 teenagers mine are 16 and 13 both boys and yes I know what you mean. Mine have been at their dads for the last 6 weeks and I just got them back yesterday the 2nd, and by night time I had already gotten on to them more than I should have had to. You can email me anytime ____@____.com, just put int the subject mamasource so I won't deleate it.
Have A Great Day

Hi L.,

I'm right there with you...I have a 15 year old son, and he's VERY good at it. The tough part is deciding which things to intervene with...some choices and consequences are needed to help them to become better adults. As we know, we learn better from experiene and teenagers need all the experience they can get...adulthood isn't that far off. Without knowing the details it's kind of hard to offer specific advice but in a nutshell what we do is this. We mentally have a three basket system...basket #1 is it's serious and we need to get more involved; basket #2 is actions/decisions that need addressing but on a smaler scale...like a comment to reinforce the positive or comment on the negative (without a lecture); and basket #3 is it isn't worth the argument. The goal is to make it as many #2 and #3 baskets as possible.

I hope this has made sense and is somewhat helpful. It was nice L., to address an issue with a topic and at an age level that is relevant to me. Thank you for asking the question...I'll be watching for a followup post from you so I can read all the advice you receive.

W. Q

We have just moved to Louisiana and signed up for this hoping it would be a good source of information. Teenagers can be very trying, but after the gray hairs, it gets better. We have six kids, with the youngest now in his second year of college. We have been through it all and can assure you, eventually it does get better (give it about 8 to 10 years). The best advice I can give you, is for you and your husband to stand together on your decisions and don't let the kids cause a problem there, as they will definately try. Good Luck.

Hey, L.!
I have a 22 year old son and a 14 year old daughter. I'd be glad to have someone else to communicate with about teenagers as well. What types of things do your kids do that are so wild? Recently my 14 year old sent her Dad and me an email that she wanted to start dressing gothic and that there was nothing we could about it, she just wanted to warn us. ha Well, we managed to handle it without a blow-up, but it was tricky. Thank God she loves God and I could play on that to help me out. Thank God for being there for me, too.
Anyway, there is a site called CafeMom that you should like. They deal with parents of all ages and kids of all ages.
S.

I do not have teenagers yet, but I have a 16 year old sister and very close 17 year old neice and believe me when I say I know the frustrations of seeing them make bad chocies,lol. My sister needs her butt beaten by my father becasue my step mom has been doing it by herself for 16 years while he works. But my niece on the other hand being rasied by her dad has my mom and my grandmother raising her as well and everyone in the family spoiled her,including me. She has made some really bad choices. I was tired of hearing them complain about it and finally said hey she is going to be 17 soon she will just have to grow up an find her way. Surely she has just calmed down in sorts and started to straighten out. I think your kids will figure out on thier own the paths they need to go down. I hate to say it they are becoming adults and you need to let them. Shortly they will both be moving on just guide them in the right path and pray. They have you, it seems like you ahve done all the right things to make sure the turn out well mannered adults. I am sure they will be safe even if you feel otherwise. There are still many sleepness nights ahead after all they are your children =)

It would help us to help you if we had some idea what they are doing wrong. Just in general I would make some they know you think they blow it and why without being old mom, sometimes at this age all we can do is be there for them. They need the freedom to make their own choices with in reasons. IS the wrong choice something that will work it self out without any real lasting problems are not. If it is they trust the good parenting you have done up to this point work itself out, But if not they you will need to stop it at all cost. I know teenagers and young adult kids can drive you crazy went you see they not making the choice you would love them do. I want my son to go back to school but he will not do so, all I can do is tell him what I think and pray he will make the right choice before it is too late. He does had a good job but I know he could do so much more.

Our youngest child will be 18 in November. Lucky for us she watched as we stumbled, struggled, fought and tripped down the road with siblings before her.
There where so many times when we threw our hands up and simply told them we can't take this anymore, and more than a few times that we simply had to tell them,"We love you cause you where answers to our prayers but that doesn't mean we like what your doing or the choices your making, and even a time or two when I looked them in the face and told them I didn't raise them to be an a##."
When my youngest son who is 20 now started getting in trouble in Jr High and then dropped out of High school it broke my heart. I took him aside and told him, he was making the biggest mistake in his life and someday he would see that. I wanted him to know that I still believed in my heart that he would become a good man, simply that the road he chose to get him there was the rougher of the two he had before him, today he tells me he sees that for himself because he is struggling with all the bumps in his road.
The last little chick in the nest watched everything that went on before her and has opted to take the easier road and finish school and is already making her college plans,she has goals and is determined to reach them and we both breathe a sigh of relief.
When the children are all together they like to talk about when they did this or that, and how it sometimes drove us crazy to which we smile and hubby takes off his hat and leans forward so his bald spot will shine brighter and then points to the dominant gray streak in my hair and tells them it was all a result of parenting and he can remember when......
My best advice is chose your battles wisely, ask yourself in three years what difference does this battle make in both of
your lives, then breathe in and let the little things fall away, and pray a lot. Not just for them but for yourselves.
No one told us how hard parenting could be and if they had way back then I don't know if I would of believed them.
If your children are naive about the many down sides that bad choices can result in try to tell them even if they cant hear you, then hug them and walk away. Our job is to steer them towards the right path but sadly we can not force them to walk on it.
Bblessed always in all things

My lovely daughter is now on the "other side" (25 yrs old) and I still see signs of that "ugly teen"! There is hope - you will all survive. I feel for you, there were times that I thought I was losing my mnind.

My best advice is to 1) pray 2) make and stick to reasonable rules and 3) when rules are broken, there has to be consequences. It is SO HARD to stick to rules and punishments but we are not here to be their "friends", we are PARENTS. Being "friends comes later (as I learned from my Mom - one of my best friends).

Just remember that you are not alone and we are all pulling for you and all the other Moms and Dads going through the "teens"!