Working Moms - Floral Park,NY

I don't! My house is always a mess. I'm currently between housecleaners, but it's always scattered. We get the kids to clean up after themselves, but that doesn't take away from the fact that the floor still needs sweeping 3 or 4 times a day! I'm hoping that, starting Monday, with both kids going to preschool and PreK, and no longer being at home with a nanny, that the house will stay a little more in order. It's almost impossible to find time to exercise! Whenever I can, I take the boys in the double stroller and walk a long time, but that doesn't happen every day. We're about to rejoin the Y near us, but then I have guilt over picking up the boys and depositing them in yet another childcare playroom while I go exercise!

I have an at-home editorial job that I do at night when they're in bed, and I like it, but I think I'm going to have to drop it. I also work full time M-F outside the home, and I've cooked 2 meals since February. My husband cooks if we cook. I don't have time to do anything (or the energy) to the house after the kids are in bed. I sit down and work more.

I may get slammed for this, but it's the honest truth -you can't do it all, and you can't do it all well. If you want to or have to work while being a parent, then something (many things) have to slide or you'll never take up the time with the kids you need to and put in the work hours you need to. A lot more women than will admit it park their kids in front of the tv for hours, and therefore they have beautiful and immaculate homes! I'm talking about work-outside-the home moms (and some SAHMs too). IF you can find a part--time job that will pay enough to justify childcare -my hat's off to you! That is the perfect scenario, and one where you could do a lot! As far as balancing -if someone works full time, has a perfect home that's clean all the time, cooks, exercises AND spends truly quality time with their kids every day -they're lying! SOMETHING in that equation is going lacking, and you can probably guess which thing it is.

6 moms found this helpful

The truth is that my husband is amazing. That's how we get most of it done. Not all, just most of what needs to be done.

We've both always been working parents except for 12 weeks last summer when I was laid off. I spent that time primarily looking for another job so I didn't get anything done that I'd hoped to during the time off......except spending a little more time with my kids.

Something has to give, but if you have an incredible husband to help divide and conquer, it makes it much easier. We balance each other. I usually cook. I don't prepare meals ahead of time or in crock pots (I've never cooked in one). I make dinner every night after I get home from work while my husband has them outside playing. I do dishes while I'm cooking so there's never a huge mess to clean-up. We take turns with bath nights. In the winter we do every other night, every night in the summer.

We both trained for 1/2 marathons this past May. Sometimes we'd be side-by-side in the basement on the elliptical/treadmill while the kids played in another area. Sometimes we'd trade nights.

I don't have much of a social life, so that's probably where a lot of the balance comes from.

We have no family close by either (closest is 300 miles away). So, we're on parent duty 24/7. It's the life we chose, and it got hard after our daughter's birth when I went through 5 months of chemo. My husband had a 2 year-old and infant on his own every other weekend while I recovered in bed. But, we made it manage.

Somehow, it just all works out.......you do your best and hope you've done more well at the end of the day than you've screwed-up. :) Good luck.

4 moms found this helpful

Hi A.,

I am a full time working mom (and have been all my son's life). I've also been a single parent for the last two years. It IS doable, but it requires that you be really clear about your priorities (so when there really is a conflict, you don't beet yourself up about your decision).

For me, my son is absolutely my priority. That said, I put a lot of effort into researching and choosing the best daycare and school options for him. That way I feel really good about where he is when I'm at work. When I'm working (I'm a middle school teacher) I keep my cell phone on my hip and answer it any time it's his school calling. That way I don't spend the day wondering if everything is okay.

In terms of making time for everything:

Cook- I don't cook meals that take longer than 20 minutes to prepare during the week. That means some semi-prepared meals (trader joes is great for these), some frozen leftovers, some slowcooker meals, and breakfast for dinner every Thursday night (by Thursday's I like the break, and DS thinks its a treat).

Clean- My son (4) is responsible for keeping his own room clean and for picking up his own belongings from around the house. We pick everything up every night after dinner so it's never too big a mess. Every couple of nights, I run the vacuum. On Saturday mornings, we spend a couple of hours doing all the major cleaning (bathrooms, laundry, floors, dusting etc). Before we go out for the day.

Kids- My son goes to school/daycare during the day. In the mornings, evenings and on weekends we're together and I imagine we do pretty much what you do with your kids at those times. I haven't missed out on raising him by working. I was there for his first words and steps, taught him to swim and ride a bike, taught him to read etc. We've got all kinds of inside jokes and he knows without doubt that I love him more than the world.

Exercise- There's a Kid'sClub at my gym. He goes with me on weekend mornings. On weekdays I either go straight for work before picking him up or get him and take him with me. I have time to workout 4 or 5 days a week if I want to.

Time for myself- I'll admit I don't have a TON of time for me, but that's more about being a single parent than being a working parent, I think (I'm off in the summers and still don't have much "me time")

Taking work home- I try not to take work home, because my son is my priority so when I'm with him I try to be devoted. However, when I do have work at home, I just do it after he goes to bed.

Sorry this is so long. Hope it helps.

T.

4 moms found this helpful

I have a two year old and worked full-time for the first 21 months. A few months ago I started working part-time (at least 27 hours+per week). I worked really hard to establish my career, but it is emotionally and physically demanding. I struggled with full-time. I struggled for many reasons: my husband and I both do not work traditional hours (which means bringing home a baby past bedtime occasionally), not seeing my son often enough for me (going a day without seeing him), finding time for myself, find time for activities for my son, and feeling like I am missing out.

I did not have trouble managing my home because my husband and I both split the work, we both take turns cooking, shopping, etc, we have a cleaning service. I think if I had to do it myself I would never have lasted as long as I did. The down side is that on my days off all I did was run errands. This made me feel the time I had with my son was not good quality as he tells me he does not like to go shopping and would rather play. Although he still says that and we play a lot more.

I went to the gym 3-5 times per week and walked/ran the other days either on my lunch break, 5:30 am, or late after work. I found me time but felt guilty.

Tips would be to plan your meal for the week ahead, have yourself organized for the next day, have daycare that you love (I do and I never worry about my baby when I am not home), take time for yourself when you can, try not to feel guilty.

Good luck!

4 moms found this helpful

I wouldn't call it a balance - I'd call it a juggle. Something's up in the air, and something's on the way down. (Sometimes, of course, the juggler drops all the balls and thinks a career as a magician would have been better, but that's a post for another day).

I'm a teacher, so my work ebbs and flows. I have two kids, my oldest is starting kindergarten in a couple of weeks. We also have two dogs, three chickens, and a fish (but the fish is very low maintenence.)

On paper, my life sounds a little crazy, and I guess it is, but it works because a) I like my job and b) we need my job (my husband got laid off in april, and I've never been so glad that I work).

We do have a routine. I prep for the next day right after the kids go to bed - get dinner for the next day set up, figure out lunch, throw in a load of laundry, tidy up. In the morning, hang out the laundry, get everyone dressed and out the door, go to work. Afternoon pick up and hang out with the kids while putting dinner together, have family dinner and play a bit, bath and bed.

Yes, sometimes the house is a total disaster. I am very inconsistent about exercising. Still, I make dinner from scratch 6 of 7 nights. I feel like I do have time in the afternoons to play with my kids, and weekends are family time (and grocery shopping, of course). It helps that my kids are good about going to bed at bedtime (around 8-8.30) and that I'm not new at my job.

Being home with the kids during the summer gives me a nice taste of the "slower pace" of staying home. I like it, but couldn't do it year round. Again, I like my job, and I do have the advantage of some afternoon time with my kids. Maybe I just like being a little crazy : ) Hope this helps!

4 moms found this helpful

First of all, anyone that says you can do it ALL and have a perfectly straight, organized, clean home without help is lying to you. Something has to wait...usually it is the house (not saying you don't clean but the messes are ever present) and yourself.

If you would like to work part time but be able to do it on whatever schedule you want to set, let me know. I can tell you about my part-time home based business...I work full time or I would pursue it full time instead (one day I will!).

3 moms found this helpful

I've always worked full-time (since my oldest was 4 weeks old, and I was able to take 2 months off with my younger child). Yeah, it's tough to balance it all. At this red-hot moment, my job is seriously NOT enjoyable (I've been working 70-80 hour weeks for the past few months). So with that in mind...

1) You have to have help. Whether it's from your husband or others, you can't do it alone. I imagine this is also the case when you're a SAHM? My husband shares in the household chores, cooking, bathing the kids, helping with homework, etc. If you can afford it, get a cleaning lady.

2) You have to be super, super organized. I am tied to my Blackberry, and if it's not in my Outlook calendar, I am guaranteed to forget it. I use reminders in my Outlook calendar to track everything, from work meetings to project deadlines to my kids' ballet lessons... you name it. I live by a schedule. My kids are in bed ON TIME every night because if they aren't, I'm off schedule, and then my household work doesn't get done.

3) You will get less sleep. It is what it is. I work 15 hour days these days, and then I probably need an hour a day to do things like shower, brush my teeth, iron my work clothes, help do my girls' hair for school, get them dressed, get myself dressed... and then let's say an hour a day for eating... and an hour a day for house cleaning, paying bills, mamapedia etc... that leaves about 6 hours for sleep. If I get any exercise, then I'm down to 5 hours sleep. i feel like I could hibernate for 3 months and still not be well rested.

4) You have to teach your kids to be competent on their own. I don't "do" much for my kids - I wish I had time to, but I just don't. Even my 5 year old knows how to sort laundry and load it into the washer (she has to get an adult to help turn it on, that's our rule). She can also clean bathroom countertops, and my older daughter (who is almost 8) has been running the vacuum since she was about 4. Both of them know how to clean windows. They share significantly in the household chores. I think this is good for kids anyway.

5) Keep "easy" foods handy. I always have a big bowl of apples, oranges, etc sitting on the kitchen table. If the kids are hungry and we're busy, they can have a piece of fruit whenever.

6) Remember that work will absolutely suck sometimes. That's why they call it work. =) When you're at home, yes, you have a tough job. But no matter what, you won't be fired. Nobody yells at you if the laundry isn't done, but boy, you drop the ball at work and your boss will be all over you like an angry ferret.

That's all I can think of right now. Tough week at work. I'm going to go have a martini (oh! I guess that's my 7th and final point - stock up your wine cellar! LOL)

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I've been a single mom for 14 years and it's really hard to balance everything alone. I like working, I'm really good at it, but there are days when you just have to let some things go. There are only so many hours in the day. Part time might be great to start out with. I don't know how old your kids are, but working is a lot easier when they start school. You don't have to pay for daycare, they have to get up and out of the house every day anyway. They don't even notice you're not home because they're at school.

If you have a helpful husband that will work with you as a team it's also easier.
Working can be very rewarding in many ways. And if you HAVE to work or CHOOSE to work, you try to strike a balance the best you can.

Best wishes!

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You don't make it work. Unless that is, you have the luxury of being able to afford a housekeeper/cleaner and a nanny.
We have two incomes and can't afford the above, so life is stressful.
We eat out more than I would prefer (about 3 times a week), the house is usually a mess during the week, we clean on weekends and by Wednesday we are back to messy.
Last week I picked our clothes out of a basket of clean, unfolded laundry, because I was too exhausted to put it away.
For about a year and a half my husband was a student, which gave him a lot more time at home. That worked actually great, so I think with part time work it should be possible "to have it all".
I hope to go back to school next year and regain some time with my daughter, who currently spends more time with her daycare providers (9 hours a day) than me (about 3-4 hours a day, at least one of those in the car commuting). Sad.

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i have lots of cook books for 15 minute recipes. I do dishes while cooking and if I am going to use the crock pot the next day I make both meals at once. as for the cleanliness of the house I have kids. need I say more. mine stays descent but not clean and I have a lot of short cuts such as a toilet bowl cleaner by clorox to clean the bath tub. I make a list of everything I need from the store and do it once for all week. I do alot of 5 minute cleaning jobs one a day. bath sink, stool so forth. laundry kills me. I also make a list of bills to pay that week. set a route for the shortest travel time and do it all in one day. at least once a week I have a me day where we do left overs for dinner and I don't clean. I ususally go dancing on friday night every other week. that is my me time. you just figure it out.

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I don't. :) My house is a wreck, I work full-time, my husband works part-time (opposite schedules) and is finishing school so watches the kids when I'm at work. We try to keep the dishes somewhat done, the floors vacuumed, but even so I think our clean laundry gets rotated through baskets more often than it ever makes it into drawers. I like my job, try to work out on my lunch breaks--I was working out more easily after work when my kids were smaller but now they just get in the way and it becomes dangerous and since I'm pregnant with our third I am so tired after work that half the time I just take a nap with the kids anyway. I like to hope that my home will be clean someday, but I'm trying to do what I can and not feel too guilty about it.

If you can share a few things in the home and lower your standards, it helps. My husband often cooks dinner the nights he doesn't work and I try to make dinner when he does work.

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I never could figure out how to do it without going completely nuts.

And Julie B. is absolutely right - something is going to slide.

Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful

www.manicmommies.com "For moms trying to do it all...and then some!"

This is a podcast, web site(s) and international phenomenon...not everybody who joins this group works outside the house, but the common consensus is, whether you're a SAHM or working mom, raising kids & getting it all done is hard & mostly impossible if you work. I work, and so I have had to let some things go in order to keep myself from going nuts. Check out the podcast ( accessible from both the Manic Mommies website and iTunes) and join the Manic Mommies under the Big Tent (instructions for joining on manicmommies.com), and you will see indeed just how hard it is. But at the same time you have access to a community that is chock full of support & advice from moms across the world. Join us and take the plunge!

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We often doubt ourselves, a little too much. I am actually starting a full time job on Monday.. the first full time job Ive had in 7 years. Ive been a stay at home mom and have worked part time temporary jobs here and there which worked out great - they were usually around my schedule which made it easy for me. Having a couple of extra bucks doesn't hurt either.

Now since Ive announced Im starting a full time job on Monday everyone else is asking me those questions... who will cook, do laundry, clean the house, take the kids to practice etc... Ive never heard so many negative comments in my life! I truly believe things usually work themselves out and I am not worried.

Id say dont be afraid to ask for help... my mother is coming up on Monday to help me out for a week or so. I personally dont worry about cleaning the house - it gets done when it gets done. To many people focus on the wrong things. With kids no one expect you to have perfect house. Ive been to playdates where homes look like pictures from catalogs, its unreal! Use your free time to spend it with the family and spouse. And Ive already told the husband, if its too much Id hire a housekeeper. Now my kids are 17, 16 & 7 so the older ones can help with somethings.

I always worry about the 'what ifs', you know the phone call from school, the kids are sick, no school today... but an employer should know you have kids and if the employer cant understand, then you shouldn't work for them. Good Luck

1 mom found this helpful

I have worked part time since my kids were both 3 months old. In the last 4 months, I moved to full time (for a short term project at work). My experience with both schedules is that if you can make part-time work for you, then it is MUCH easier. Also, plan a little float time in the schedule - so that if you have a bad morning, or are running a little late - you are still OK. (Either work hours, or picking up the kids..) Having your scheduled REALLY tight just adds stress to the equation.
(For me, if I run 15 minutes late finishing something up a work, then I still have time to get to daycare before they are also mad at me. If I am not running late, then I either get the kids earlier, or can have a short conversation on with a friend on the phone, or can stop at the grocery store for something quick before getting the kids. All help the stress level.)

All that said. You have to choose what priorities you want to have. There are still only 24 hours in a day. My husband does an awesome job helping with dishes, laundry, clean up... etc. It is still not as 'good' as we would like it to be. However, it works for us.

Keep in mind that being a SAHM is also challenging. :) Just a different sort of challenging. :) You still have to choose how to spend your time, and what is important to you. Your schedule is maybe less dictated by others - although that is highly dependent on the age of your kids. :) (My kids are 2 and 4, so they would dictate more of a schedule than I figure a 12 and 14 year old would.) Anyway. Some of the same balancing that you do for that you would do if you were working too. :)

It makes a HUGE difference if you like the job vs. not. :) VERY true. I really enjoy what I do, so it works for me. :)

Good luck with what you decide. Remember, either way you go, you need time for you too. :) That can be hard for me to remember....

1 mom found this helpful

I've always worked full time, although I've always wanted to work part-time, it just didn't work out that way. It's all about finding the right balance that works for the entire family. Also, you need to focus on what's important for the entire family. Some people thing having a spotless house is important, to me spending time with my kids was more important, so my house is clean, but never sparkling and spotless. Some people beleive in having home cooked healthy meals every night and spend an hour or two in the kitchen each day; I think healthy meals are important and sitting down together as a family is important, some nights it's a roast, salad, veggies, etc, others it's ziti and frozen meatballs; well other people are picking up take out to eat in between running from this event to that event. There's nothing right or wrong about any of these, it's about choice, balance and what's most important for YOUR family. As far as me time, that was when I got to take a shower and get dressed without being interupted. When they were little, there was almost no me time, but that was ok, the focus was on the kids; now that they're older, I get lots of "me" time.

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I am also a teacher like many who replied, and if it wasn't for summers, I would not have made it teaching for the past 12 years! It is emotionally and physically draining, but so rewarding, so I still enjoy it. My two cents is that if you can swing part time work, do it. I feel that's the best of both worlds, as attainable as that goal is. I am full time and there are days I am so tired my eyes feel like they are watering. For me, what has been sacrificed in the impossible quest to "do it all" is sleep! I get up at 5 most days to exercise, my kids go to day care with my husband around 6:45 a.m., then I have to get myself to school. I am starting to sweat now as I write this, thinking about how our schedule is so tiring and it's around the corner! What I have learned, as others have said, is that yes, a few things have to give, and no, you will never be able to do it all the way you want. Even in the summer when I'm "off", I have my kids full time so I don't have much time to myself. I recently started getting a housecleaner, not regularly, but once every couple of months for a deep cleaning, making it easier to just keep up with weekly vacuuming and cleaning the bathrooms and dusting. You do have to decide what is most important to you; for me, obviously it's spending time with my kids, working out, making sure we all eat healthy (I try to limit take out to once a week but I am not afraid to do a frozen pizza or easy meal like that as needed), and keeping the house relatively clean, especially the bathrooms. You learn to sneak chores in to 5 minutes' time, like cleaning the toilet and wiping the sink down right after giving the kids a bath, since you're already in the bathroom and kneeling down!

I also have to admit that my work at home has been significantly diminished, which is tough as a teacher because there is ALWAYS correcting and planning I could be doing. I try to make the most of my time in school and for about half an hour after, and sometimes I actually have to take a personal day or call in sick to get serious work done, like report cards, since they don't make it at all realistic for any teacher to do all that's expected of us these days, moms or not, young kids or older kids at home. Good luck with whatever you choose to do/have to do. It is NOT at all easy to juggle all these balls, pretty impossible actually, so just give yourself a break and try your best. The rest should follow!

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I work full time as a teacher so I am home all summer with my kids and all the holidays. I actually love working and I find I am less tired during the school year then over the summer. I do have a housekeeper and my husband helps out in the evenings with the kids. I am also in a book club and a bunco group- so I have girl time twice a month. You do get into a groove and it gets easier. I don't spend a lot of time working out and I don't have a home cooked meal on the table every night, but I don't do this in the summer either. Good Luck with whatever you decide. I have contemplated working part time as a teacher, but I know staying home everyday was not for me.

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The help you have at home is key! Like someone else said below. My husband works 60 + hours a week and usually does nothing around the house except a little tidying on Sunday afternoons before his nap.
My kids help a little, but they are getting ready for college and work, too.

I tried full time about 4 years ago & just about went bananas! I was angry at my husband b/c he did not help out. His job is very stressful and he needs time to chill.
I was a miserable mom for my kids as I had deadlines and problems and they had problems with life too.
I scaled back to part-time after 10 months. All is a lot better!

My SIL is thinking about going back to work and she will probably be OK. My brother does all kinds of stuff around the house: cooks, runs the kids, irons clothes....because our momma taught him that. Makes me determined to raise my sons more like my Mom than like my MIL.

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I have days when I don't want to work or do anything except watch a good movie. I am a single (divorced) mother of of 4..2 still at home. I work part-time and I am earning my Masters degree online. It's tough some days but the youngest starts school this year so I won't have to worry about paying for daycare anymore. One less thing off my plate.

It takes me about 2 weeks to get a routine down once the semesters begin and I am switched clients every 4 months. I do my homework in the early mornings, when the kids go to bed, and during nap time on the weekends. I usually take something out the night b4 for dinner that's quick and easy for when I get home from work @ 5pm. Cleaning gets done during lunchtime or the night before. I have to take work home with me and it usually takes me 2 hours a night to do it...on top of homework. It's tough, but it will be worth it in the end.

As far as exercise goes...lol..I'm lucky if I can take the puppy for a walk every morning at 7am...that's my exercise.

The best thing I can tell you is not to put too much on your plate. Remember what's important.

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I think it matters on your child's age... I worked FT when my daughter was an infant, and I found it manageable. I had my mom stay with us Mon-Fri and that was a huge help relieving worries and such, but she didn't help out with the house (just taking care of my daughter... but I had to prepare solid food/snack/etc). Because she went to bed around 7pm, I was able to go to the gym and get some work done. I cooked a batch at a time and stored for a few days worth of food. My husband helped with preparing food for the next day for the baby. But it all got harder as my daughter grew... as she became more active and expressive (Not to mention her bedtime changing randomly), making time for myself became utterly impossible. By the time she sleeps, then I'm off to cleaning and cooking, and by the time I'm done, I'm tired.

What gave? 1) Time with my daughter. I would only get to see her 30 minutes in the morning and about 2-3 hours (at most) when I got home. But I'm using a part of the 2-3 hours to cook dinner, too. 2) Time with friends/husband. If I stayed out with friends after work, then I wouldn't see my daughter at all, so I couldn't see them much. Weekends were reserved for those whom both my husband and I were friends with so we can all go as a family.

I'm planning to be a SAHM until my daughter is older because now that she is a toddler, I want to expose her to different things that I couldn't when I was working FT.

That's just my two cents.

1 mom found this helpful

I work FT, my husband works FT (and his job has some business travel). There are times that I feel like a single mom, when hs traveling M-F. You do get into a groove... However I find that (and I don't mean to offend anyone by saying this) we utilize the additional income in ways that give us more ease and leisure time. For example, we have a housekeeper come and do the heavy cleaning every 2 weeks. When I was juggling FT work during the newborn phase, the housekeeper came once a week. When it comes to shopping, I don't have time to run around to multiple stores and price comparison shop... If I need certain items, I go to a store and buy it--and often stock up because you know you might as well buy 2 or 3 so you're not forced to run out and do 'urgent shopping'. Same with bedding and clothes... Got enough underwear, bras, socks, and wardrobe basics to last a month--Why? Because, keeping up on laundry takes time... We might not always have the bandwidth to get laundry done every weekend, but we still have clean sheets and clothes. When I'm home on the weekends, I want to spend time with my kid/husband, get exercise, etc., instead of running around doing laundry, housework and errands. For the past few months, we have a babysitter come every Sunday for 2-3 hours (my daughter loves this; they bake, make crafts, play games) while I fiddle on to-do's/projects around the house, exercise, sometimes shop, haircut, have a daytime date with my husband, etc. And of course, there's the ever frustrating bedtime reality... I've come to accept that children of FT working parents go to bed much later than the typical 7:30/8:00 bedtime. I no longer beat myself up about bedtime. I get home around 6-6:30 and there's no way I can do dinner (and yes, due to our daughter's food allergy, I homecook), spend time as family and do the bath/bedtime routine in 2 hours. My job allows me to finish up on any pending deadlines, after my daughter goes to bed. I guess, you just figure out a way to make it all work. However, I admit that I have insecurities about not being able to financially support myself/children if necessary; I don't think I could be a SAHM and depend on someone else to take care of me... I know too many women who were suddenly widowed or divorced without a viable income. That 'what-if' situation would be too stressful for me; I'd rather have the stress of juggling mommyhood/life and work.

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Its very hard being a full time working mother. Its also very hard being a SAHM. Neither of us have it perfect and we ALL share many of the same emotions. I'm not sure any of us really do balance it ALL! We're always striving to improve the balance in our lives. We all have to rely on ourselves and others. We all have to let go at times. We all have to run away at times too. The best way I survive my days is to be organized, simple, well rested, destressed, understanding, caring, and more. Some days it works, other days it doesn't. Theres always a question in my head though about what/how I am doing things and there are times that I really BREAKDOWN. We do what we have to do. WE ALL DO. We all have our triumphants and reasons for doing things, our fears, our doubts, our inabilities (I do not say failures b/c NONE OF US ARE FAILURES!) our breaking points, our super mom, super woman moments. Just like SAHM's - I imagine we just have to have our routines, our breaks our organization and sanity to make it all work and when we don't, we need to regroup and get in control (to a point again) and I say this as a MOM, not just a FTWM or SAHM mom - this is for ALL OF US! : )