Working Mom and Sick Child

Updated on March 18, 2011
A.F. asks from Bellmore, NY
18 answers

I am looking for a job, probably full-time and I am wondering how to answer a question that might come up in an interview. If my daughter is sick I need to take that day off to take care of her. I do not have any help other than my husband and my husband can't take off from work.

If I am asked what I will do when my daughter is sick in terms of childcare, do I tell the truth and say I will need that day off or do I fib a bit and say what a potential employer wants to hear?

My daughter will have to go to daycare if I get a job and chances are she will get sick. I hate worrying about this but I'd like to know what would most people say in an interview. Right or wrong, if the job I am offered doesn't pay more than $30,000 I feel that I should be the person to stay home with my daughter and take care of her and not hire a sitter. If the job paid really well (over $50,000) I might consider that once-in-awhile as an option.

The jobs I am really qualified for are in education and no job will pay me the latter unless I go back to teaching full-time in NYC. I am seeking employment in a daycare or possbly an Administrative Assistant. Thank you for the advice.

1 mom found this helpful

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So What Happened?

I definitely appreciate the opinions' of others about this topic. I finally have an interview next week and while agreeing on a day and time, I divulged that I have a "young child" and need a sitter and how my husband's schedule is unpredictable. I may have set myself up for further questions. The problem is even going on an interview is difficult b/c I need a sitter and depend so much on my husband. My mom was a big help until recently as my mom is helping my sister with her baby.

I didn't realize that asking that question was illegal and I wish I wasn't "caught offguard" when setting up this interview. My husband is the breadwinner as I haven't worked in two years. His job is demanding, working nights and usually sleeping days. When we've talked about who would take off, it always comes back to me. My husband is a wonderful father but I believe he is just not the type of dad to want to take off to stay home with a sick child. I don't know if his job would give him a hard time taking off either. It seems like the mother is usually the one to take care of sick kids and that is just the way it is.
I would rather work part-time like I said and applied to a few daycares just to try to get free/discounted daycare and a small paycheck. But surprisingly, the question in a daycare arose about what I would do if my daughter was sick. After reading the responses I agree that I am not a good liar and I need to come up with a reasonable answer that isn't a lie. I think that if taking off too frequently for a child will cause problems and unnecessary stress then I am meant to do something else. Sometimes taking care of a sick child can be stressful and I only want to do the right thing for my daughter. Thanks again.

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E.G.

answers from Jackson on

My last job I didn't tell them about a child. I just gave minimal information. Its not their business unless they hire you.

4 moms found this helpful

B.S.

answers from Saginaw on

I think if the question arises, you need to answer honestly. If the job is not adjustable then maybe it isn't the type of job you really want/need.

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

L.M.

answers from Dover on

They can not ask you if you have children. Now, if you bring up that you have a child, they can ask something like "Is there any reason you wouldn't be able to work the required hours of the position?". Your answer could be "I would be available as scheduled but life does happen to all of us." If you lie, that is grounds for termination later so it is ok to be upfront or attempt to avoid that conversation but I do not recommend being dishonest.

Regardless of the pay, sometimes we have dual committments and your husband is her parent too. So while it may be you that takes off most of the time, he too should be willing once in a while (maybe he can be the one to schedule a vacation day or handle some of the scheduled closings and then you could handle the unplanned ones more easily.

4 moms found this helpful
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D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

It is not legal for them to ask if you have children. They can ask if you foresee issues that might prevent you from working the planned hours of the job.

4 moms found this helpful
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J.W.

answers from Chicago on

The organization shouldn't be asking you that question anyway because it's illegal. Regardless, you'll need to plan in advance for the issue. It's not just for sick days - many daycares are closed on holidays that offices are not.

When our daughter was a toddler, she was in daycare because DH and I were both in the workforce. We alternated the sick days. The fact that he was the primary breadwinner didn't matter. (Sidebar: DH got a lot more respect from his female co-workers after they saw him take a personal day when his kid was ill.) We did not have any family in the area to babysit. I hired a babysitter on Good Friday or Presidents' Day, which was totally expensive, but workable otherwise.

Sort of stressy, I know, but this is what we signed on for when we became parents:^)

3 moms found this helpful
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A.C.

answers from Huntsville on

If an interviewer asks that, it's a sign you don't want to work for the company.

3 moms found this helpful
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A.F.

answers from Tyler on

They can't legally ask you that question, but what you are going to do is something you need to consider. My husbands job is much more demanding than mine, but we still try to alternate sick days and doctors appointments. It isn't always easy, but I like working and we are lucky that we love our daycare too.

2 moms found this helpful
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P.O.

answers from Harrisburg on

They should not ask that, but if you "volunteer" that information, they might be bias and not hire you because of the potential of what they will expect. So don't volunteer that information unless asked.

Secondly, be sure to inquire during the interview what their sick and vacation policies are and then YOU determine if it fits into YOUR schedule or not, and decide if that type of job is for you. Frankly it is a fact of life for working moms that they have to take time off ever so often for appts and so forth, so if that great job pays well but is going to give you problems in taking care of your family, it's not worth it.

Best of luck on your interview!

2 moms found this helpful

M.J.

answers from Dover on

My oldest is actually home sick today, but it's an upset stomach without any vomitting or fever & he's 11 years old. We talked about it (DS & I) this morning & decided he'd be ok on his own considering I only work 15 minutes away so if he decided he needed me I could be home in a flash.

I'm with the other mom's, they can't legally ask you that. You & I both know though, that might not stop them from asking it anyway. You need to decide how you're comfortable answering it. I understand completely what you're saying about a job that pays one thing vs. another & how you would handle the situation based on that information. IMHO, whether you're the main breadwinner or not, first & foremost you're a Mama & if your kid is truly sick, they don't want to be with a baby-sitter, they want you & you alone. My DH & I have always tried to take turns as much as possible, though he's a cop & I work in an office. At the end of the day, once you have the job, you'll get the feel for how this kind of situation is handled by that company & make your decisions based on that combined with the needs of your family.

1 mom found this helpful
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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I would discuss time off in general and then discuss the specifics when you are faced with it on the job. It may vary by the boss or who is in the office, etc. You may say you need a sick day and not specify depending on what your boss is like. I would also discuss with your husband trading days. When DD was sick for a week, I took 3 days and he took 2. You sometimes have to compromise/work as a team.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

They shouldn't be asking that.
It can lead to discrimination.

I am sure, they don't ask that question to others, who don't have kids.

1 mom found this helpful
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C.W.

answers from Santa Barbara on

The other posters are totally right about it being illegal to ask about that but you have to understand your competition as well. Some other candidates won't have children, have grown children or a baby sitter to eliminate the need to take days off and they will freely volunteer this information to give them a leg up. Employers can really be choosy these days and have the right to select the "best" candidate in their eyes. I certainly wouldn't lie but emphasize that you will get the work done.

1 mom found this helpful
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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Even small towns have sick child day care. Ours has nurses and is in an older doctors building. The individual exam rooms, redecorated of course, are for each child and they have TV's, movies, toys, etc...and a care giver for the kids that is a professional.

They do cost a bit but if you need the money and don't want to loose your job sometimes you have to leave your sick child with someone else.

1 mom found this helpful
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L.W.

answers from Cincinnati on

Its illegal for them to ask the question. When you are in the interview, dont even MENTION the fact that you have kids...because that could hurt you. Companies may be inclined to hire someone with 'no strings' because the could be more reliable. (however stability is a desired quality too)
and once you do get hired and that situation comes up, then you should be able to use sick time or vacation time for that. I get 2 weeks per year of vacation and 5 sick days...thats what they are their for... People are human and we have all been there...if they dont understand that, then you are in not working for the best company.
I am in the same boat as you...we have no family around and I am not the bread winner PLUS I am hourly. My daughter has been pretty sick the last 2 years of her life (lots of ear infections/fevers etc)...it seems to work out where she spikes her fever, its usually before or after her nap...so I was able to get in almost a half day of work..I go get her, take her to the doc and she is able to go back to daycare the next day. I work it out with daddy so the next day I make him bring her to daycare so I can go back to the office the next morning really early (like 3 hours earlier than norm) to make up my time.
There has been only 2 times in the last 2 years where my daughter had a virus and was sick for more than just 1 day....with that, I took off 1 day and daddy took off the next.
I have never had an issue making my 40 hours each week even if my kid is sick..but i make my work 'think' that I am doing everythign to get my job done AND take care of my child.

1 mom found this helpful
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L.M.

answers from New York on

I would come up with something like "I'm in the process of setting up alternative child care", which is not lying.

1 mom found this helpful
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A.B.

answers from Kansas City on

Fib, they want you to. I have heard this out of the mouths of my employers at Rite Aid. If your child gets sick after you are hired then take off. Just make sure in the meantime you do your best at work.

1 mom found this helpful
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I.G.

answers from Seattle on

Since it is illegal for them to ask the question, it is ok for you to lie. Just say that you have childcare set up for your daughter and that it will not be a problem.
I would think twice about taking on a job that is not supportive of parents, but sometimes you don't have a choice, if you need the money.
In addition to finding childcare, try to find a sitter that will be available if your daughter gets sick.
Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
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K.L.

answers from Washington DC on

There are certain questions youo CANNOT be asked - your age, marital status, sexual orientation, children....among others. There is no need to disclose at the interview that you have any children.

1 mom found this helpful
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