Work Question

yup yup yup. I own my own business and I work when it is convenient for everyone else. My husband is gone most of the time, too, so I don't even get nights consistantly. It stinks, but soon my kids will be in school full time and my heart will ache for these years. I don't want to look back and regret missing them. I won't look back and regret not having a nice car ( we drive a 10 year old beater rather than have debt) or a nice couch. There's time a-plenty for that. This phase of mommying small folks doesn't last long and I cherish it, even when I feel frustrated.

I tried it. I worked part time and tried to be a mother and wife. I ended up being a failure at all 3. I wasn't a good employee because my kids took priority, but I wasn't there for my kids because I was at work. And I was a terrible wife because all my energy was sucked out by trying to be an employee and a mother.
I finally decided that no matter how bad out financial situation I was going to put my marriage and my family first. I quit my job and God provided by giving my husband a raise. We are still not financially comfortable by any means, but our household is happy because I'm home running it.

The only way I have been able to work at home (or be in school) is to clearly delineate time. For myself, that means that when my son is awake I neither work nor study... or I end up doing a mediocre job in BOTH arenas (working or school and parenting). So I split it so that his time is his time, and when he's asleep or away, then I work or study. That way I get to fully devote myself, and neither ends up with the short stick.

I do know mums who can work with their kids around, but their kids tend to be much more independent that mine is :). Mine has *always* been Mr. Social, however, that's just his personality. If he has the option of being with people or alone, 9 times out of 10, he chooses to be with others. SUPER extroverted.

Now that he's 8, I can study beside him while he's studying, but only on stuff that can be interrupted with questions, conversation, etc. Nothing that I need to fully devote myself to.

I have a home daycare and work 50 hour weeks, so while my daughter is with me when I'm working, she is on the bottom of the attention totem pole, simply because she's my kid. Somedays, I feel like I've barely spent any time with her at all, even though she's in the same room with me. On top of working, I also have to do all the regular daily chores that keep my home looking neat and clean enough that people want to bring their children to me. My husband is a restaurant manager, so he's gone most nights and weekends, and I'm basically on my own with my daughter. It's hard, not everything that should get done does get done as far as cleaning (our bedroom is usually trashed) and sometimes I feel guilty when I've done nothing but veg since I put my daughter to bed and will be leaving the dishes for the hubby to do when he gets home (like tonight), but I get over it. I find balance when and where I can, skip bathtime and just play a little longer, stay up later than I'd like to get some long-overdue chores done, accept that my house will never be "realtor perfect" and try to feel good when my to-do list for the week is more than 50% complete when I re-write it for the next week.
The one thing I never let myself slack on is work. I simply can't in my field, but no matter what your field is, work is what brings in the money. If you're not performing well at work, there are lots of people waiting for a chance at your job, so you need to focus and do the best you can while you're there. If you just can't get your head and heart into your job, then maybe it's not the right job for you and you should look into some other field/position. Good luck!

I work full time outside the home and I work full time inside the home. My dear hubby helps but he is not the greatest chef, or babysitter, or housekeeper, so I get to do it all. If I didn't schedule and write a list of to dos, I would go crazy. The moment I leave outside work, I mentally close off that part of my brain (what didn't get done, didn't get done - next day we can worry about it) and switch gears preparing for the home work. If we ever took a couple mins and write down allllll the stuff moms have to do, you would get a kick out of it just wondering how on earth we haven't collapsed yet. We are built to be survivors, but we are not superwomen.

What works for me is having a clear line between work and home. I don't worry about my daughter when I'm at work. I've always made sure she is in a loving and capable environment, whether it be babysitter when she was younger, or my husband off for the day, or now she's in a preschool. I feel like I can focus on my job because she is with someone trusted. Also, I work at a job where my boss knows I have a child and is okay with me taking time off should she be sick. On the flip side, I DO NOT bring home work. I work eight hours and that's it. I get the work done at work. Never bring it home. I come home and my focus shifts entirely to my family.

YEs YES YES!!! I feel quilty all the time!! Most of my bad feeling come because I cant focus on my job! Im a manager and because of the kids I cant be as flexable as I feel that I should. Im constantly strugling with confidance of job performance. Having consistant child care that I can trust helps tons!!! But I still struggle!

I used to work full time as an Interior Designer at a local architectural firm. Now I stay home with our daughter and work part-time online. Parenting IS full time. I have been struggling as well to draw a concrete line between work and parenting. I can't clean and cook when baby is napping, I have to work. So when she is awake I have to chores with her, everything takes 3 times longer. I neither here nor there. I am dreading the time she will be done with day naps! Thankfully I have a supportive husband. He wasn't always good about it, but all it took is to tell him how I feel about my full time, and two part time jobs, that I am completely drained. He now tries to spend time with her in the morning (he works second shift) so that I can do chores, then I work when he leaves for work and she naps. That way when she is awake I can dedicate my time to her.

Same thing here. I figure that I am doing my best, and if that's not good enough at work, at least I know I'm good enough at home. :) My job is fairly low-pay (like, barely minimum wage), and my boss is a jerk though... so I don't feel the need to go the extra mile. If I was making more, or if my boss was nicer, I would try harder, but I'm not going to burn myself out.

I work part-time from home. I definitely feel that I'm not as good an employee now that I have kids because, as you say, they come first. And when I have to work with the kids around, I definitely am not focusing well on either them or my work. The only way I've been able to be successful both at work and at mothering is to divide my time, as another poster suggested. I have my husband and then my mother in charge of my kids in the morning so that I can get most of my work done before 9:30. This means I have to get up and start working around 6:00, and sometimes that's hard. Sometimes that doesn't happen. But when I sleep in and have to work more during the day -- more when my children (all three under 5) are awake -- I feel like I'm not doing my best at work AND I'm not being there for my kids. Why am I staying at home with them if I'm not really paying attention to them? My kids are pretty independent, and some independent play is good, but I also want to actively engage with them, not just tell them "I'm working now, so please go play outside" or "I'd love to see the road you built, but it'll have to wait until I'm done working."

When I recognize that I'm not doing a good enough job either at work or at motherhood, I make adjustments to ensure that each part of my life has some focused, non-shared time. Ultimately, I have had to accept that I'm not going to be as good an employee as I once was (for example, I'm just not willing to put in extra hours now), but I make sure that I'm doing well enough to still be valuable.

Yes, I feel constant guilt over either not putting in enough effort at work or not spending enough time with the house/family. Before marriage I was a workaholic and it is hard for me to let go of that ethic. But, in the past few months I just keep thinking that when I look back on my life, I might regret the time I did not spend with with my family, but not the time not spent at work. It helps to ease my guilt about work, but nothing eases my guilt about being an inattentive mom.
I hope you are able to find that something that helps ease your mind about it - no need to add extra stress.
C.

I hear you. Last year, left the corp America job and started working from home. I love what I do and it does give me flexibility, but I am in the growing/beginning phase and I find I work more than I did in corp America, but I also believe it will pay off and level off.

I work 4-5 days a week, but only 4 hour shifts. It's enough to bring in that little bit extra, (and get me out of the house) without taking away from my home life. :)

The mothers that seem to do it all are liars. No one can be more than just human. Motherhood and guilt go hand and hand. I try not to dwell on the past. THere is nothing that can be done to change what has already taken place. I too work, my job is flexable but I can't give my all either. Do what makes you happy, if you are happy your children will follow suit.