Work Dilema

M.,

I have been on 3 sides of the fence: Working Full time, part time, and a stay at home mom. I say: TAKE IT! IT IS NOT THE QUANTITY, BUT THE QUALITY of the time you spend with your daughter. Socialization with other children was the best thing I ever did for my kids. It is stressful trying to balance it all, however, I do not see how it could get anymore stressful than what you describe already. DO IT. School will be over eventually. The job may not come around again. Your daughter will always love you no matter what. Nothing will make it easy for you, but remember, quality over quantity. THis sounds like it will make the long term much better for both of you. You are a great mom doing all of this as it is. Best wishes to you on your decision.

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Take the job. I've been there, i went back to school and to work both full time right when i left my husband and rarely saw my 3 kids, but now about 4 years later and i've been a work at home mom for a year and a half because i could finally afford to, what time i did have with my kids was spent doing things i could have never afforded to do before i went back to work full time and got my degree, things i always felt like my kids were missing out on doing because i couldn't afford it, like trips to the zoo, or Cedar point, or a nice little weekend at the beach. stuff like that doesn't bug me anymore, it was the best thing i ever did, and the quality of the limited time i had when i was away so much far made up for the lack of quanity, and they loved thier sitter. so go for it, make the life you always wanted for you and your daughter, it may mean time away but it's something i can tell you want to do for her as much as for yourself. good luck

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Hi M.:
Congrats on your new opportunity! I agree with the other ladies. Take the job. Sure, you'll be exhausted and rushed and stressed, but at the end of the day, that hour or two of time will be so wonderful. Sure, that nagging guilt of "missing out" on childhood will always be there, but at least you know you're building a solid foundation for the future.
You didn't say how old your daughter is, but if she's under 4, here's one more thing to consider: most working moms don't drop out of the workforce when their children are young; statistics show that it happens when their kids are around 5-7 because there's so much juggling involved. I see my boss going through it now with her 3 & 6 year olds. Preschool pickup, grade school open house, extracurricular activities...she's a mom taxi and a Vice President! Talk about a crazy schedule.
My plan is to work my butt off now so that in a few years I have the luxury of a more flexible schedule to better accommodate my daughter's school and social life. I know she's in good hands during the day and, while I feel like I'm missing out sometimes, I think it will be more important to be there at the weekday soccer game or tennis match (or whatever) to cheer her on in a few years. Hang in there and best of luck to you!

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I work M-F, 8-5 with a 35 minute drive to and from. (When I first had my daughter my drive was an hour each way.) I would get home from work and have VERY little time with her and it upset me so much. Now, she's up a little later so it's not so bad. I'm not sure what time your daughter wakes up, but I'm sure you'd have some morning time with her in addition to the evenings.

If this job is everything you've been wanting/needing, TAKE IT! :) Your mind will be at ease, which will make you a happy, less stessed momma. You say this job has great benefits and perks- Does this include a lot of time off? Use this time to spend quality days with your daughter.

It sounds like you're looking for someone to say it's "OK" for you to take this job, but I think you've already made up your mind. Your daughter will respect you for raising her well and finishing school.

Good luck to you...I say GO FOR IT! Let us know how it turns out. :)

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M.,

You'd be foolish not to take this job, especially if it will ease financial tension and allow you to finish school .. While I understand wanting to be with your daughter, it isn't as though you are never going to see her ... remember the old saying "quality is better than quantity" ... I took a job right after my son turned 6 weeks making a huge amount of money ... ended up working 50+ hours a week and no time for anything else ... I got laid off this year and have now gone back to school full-time and work part-time bartending at night ... it's rough, but I know in 2 years, I'll be happier and making more money ... I spend quality time with my son ... and granted he's older now, they will remember the quality of the time spent with them and not the quantity ... I have a very well adjusted 9 year old ... You can do this ... We're women, we're strong ... ;-)

Good Luck,

S.

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Take the job. You will find the time to spend with your daughter. Your house won't be clean LOL but you will spend time with your daughter. That really isn't a far drive time, I think that's about average for most people. And you have to remember that part of your responsibility is providing for her.

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I just finished school a couple weeks ago, I was going full time and working two part time jobs. I felt that if I wasn't at work or at school or in my room doing homework I was spending time with my son or sleeping. It has been this way his entire life...and now that I'm done with school we have so much more time together! It's wonderful to know that I will be able to buy a house for the two of us to live in and support us without too much worry of bills being paid or if I can get this years pictures taken. I know it sounds so extremely hard, and so very stressful, but if you make the time you have with your daughter quaility time and talk to her about things, even at a young age, she will look up to you and still think you are the greatest person on earth. My 4 year old son tells everyone that I take care of babies now cause I graduated and that he is so proud of me. I tell him my goals and he reminds me at least once a week...remember Mom, we are gonna buy a house and a dog! I did take sacrafices to get to where I am today, I have lived with my sons parents for two years (which is 45 minutes from school and work!), and my parents before they moved too far away to live with (for my dad's job). I have gone out MAYBE maybe once a month for the past 4 to 5 years now, and have tried my best to make every minute with my son count. Looking back, I'm glad I went through what I did, to give my son everything I possibly can. I don't know if it helped any...just know your not the only one going through tight times with school and work and driving and single motherhood!

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Congrats on the job offer! I think you should take it. Jobs like that these days are hard to come by. If it doesn't work out, at least you will know and not always wonder. If it sticks, you might be able to get a better schedule or telecommute eventually. As for Mommy Guilt, just accept that it will happen, and learn to love the crock pot and microwave. Let your house be less than immaculate. If she is old enough to understand, let her stay up late on Fridays with you and make it a point to do something fun on the weekends even if you don't feel like it. I was raised by a single Mom who worked all day long, sometimes in two jobs. I remember wishing she could be off work to pick me up from school, but I remember more getting to go out to eat on Fridays and when we wentto movies together. My mom is my hero because she always did what she had to do, but still made time for me when she could. I grew up taking responsibilty for myself and my messes and dirty clothes and learned that helping out makes Mommy happy. So don't worry...just get through the adjustment and enjoy your new life! Please keep us updated.

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M.,

Take the job. If it works out, move closer. If it doesn't, you'll know and won't have to wonder what if and have regrets. It doesn't have to be forever. Just try it first. Good luck!
B.

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Do what your heart tells you! And I don't know what that would be for you. :) But follow your heart. I've always told my kids that I'd rather be poor as church mice and happy instead of rich with lots of things/stuff but miserable, and I believe that for myself 100%. That's not to say that you can't be both rich and happy - it just means that if you keep your priorities in mind (people before things), it will all work out.

If you can, try to find some time by yourself, no distractions (haha! funny for a mom!) and look deep, deep inside your heart to try to really connect w/ what would make you and your daughter happiest, both in the short and long term. If it would help, make a list of "pros" and "cons" for each situation (one for new job, one for staying the same), and then after you've listed all the reasons you can think of, look at the most important reasons under each "pro/for" column and under each "against/con" column. Sometimes that helps me make decisions when I'm feeling conflicted... don't know if it'd help you. :)

Also, I have no idea how old your daughter is... and that would be a huge factor in my decision. If I were in your shoes, if my child were under 3 yrs old, I'd *really* want to be around as much as possible because as you said, you can NEVER get that time back and those first 3 yrs are so critical because it's when kids learn so much about love, trust, security --> they DO NOT care about the money then, I promise!!! If I were in your position and had a school aged child, I'd probably jump at the chance to take the job, and then once I got well-established in the job position (and was doing well!), I'd start looking for little ways to eek out more time with my child. Such as, would it be possible to work from home a few hours a week? Or would it be possible to work 9a-9p one day a week so that you could work 9a-3p another day? Or if your daughter is young/in day care, could she be very close to your job so that you could go have lunch with her during your lunch break? Stuff like that. I'm a big, big believer in the old saying: "Where there's a will, there's a way!"

Only you know what is best for you, for your daughter, both short term and long term. Whatever you choose, I am excited for you - it sounds like you have two *excellent* paths ahead of you (great job sounds wonderful, having lots of time w/ your daughter also sounds wonderful)! Rest assured that single moms who work can be super creative about finding ways to remain very connected to their kids. :) Wishing you much clarity in making your decision!

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This really has to be a decision that you make from your heart, but my opinion would be to take it. You did not say how young your daughter is, but if you are making good money you would be able to put her in a place that you feel good about. The first few days/weeks would be the hardest, but in the long run you would gain the peace of mind of knowing that you are creating a future for both of you that will give her opportunities that she would not have had otherwise. It is very stressful to struggle to make ends meet. This way you still have the weekends to be with her and without the stress of worrying about paying the next bill. Just reading what you wrote you sound like you really want to take the job. Eventually you would have to make this choice anyway, so if it is really the position you dream of then I say grab it! Congratulations!

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