Won't Sleep Apart from Me

A. - she is much too young to be forming a bad habit. It is difficult but it is important to remember she was totally cocooned just 7 weeks ago. You may want to do some research into swaddling - this is wrapping your baby snuggly in a blanket or get ahold of the book "Baby & Toddler Sleep Solutions for Dummies" it is interesting and helpful(see chapter 4). Otherwise, just try to let the chores go and enjoy your daughter.

J.

Hi A.,
I have a 16mo old son and when he was your daughters age he did the same thing. He would sleep in his bassenette though. I had to wait until he was sleep in my arms for a half hour then put him down to sleep. Your daughter still has time to get used to sleeping in a crib. Just be patient with her. She will eventually come around. At least she isn't like my son was and sleeps through the day and is awake at night. Now that was challenging. Just stick with it, and try little by little and eventually your daughter will get the hint. Good luck and best wishers.

This really worked for me and all of my friends. I highly recommend that you read HEALTHY SLEEP HABITS, HAPPY CHILD (very easy reading) by Marc Weissbluth, M.D. My child was just like yours until I read this book (gave me back my sanity)...but you must follow it in order for it to work. Good luck!

Been there and done that X2. I have 4 kids, and two would not sleep unless I was next to them, and would not nap unless I was holding them. Cribs are a very new concept in the history of humankind. Babies were meant to sleep with and be carried by moms. First time mom's tend not to give things enough of a try because they are doing something they are unfamiliar with. Don't give up on the sling! The older she gets, the more sling position options your baby will have. But here is the bottom line. My oldest is 27 today. That first baby is a huge life change, lets face it, and when I was a first-timer I found myself always looking forward to his next "first". The result of this was that I did not truly enjoy his babyhood. My youngest is 8, and man, was he ever a different story! I knew how fast his babyhood would be over and I knew he was definitely my last, so I savored and enjoyed every moment as I should have with all of them. The first few years of your first babies life seem to last forever. You aren't getting the chores done, the laundry done, the house clean... you aren't getting the rest you are used to getting. But let me tell you this. These are the very best years of your life with your child. You will long for them back. You will wish for a time machine to go back to this time in your child's life. Try to remember this. When I was a first timer older women would try to impart this to me, but I didn't really grasp it. Maybe no one does. But just try. Because when you think back on this time in your life, you will not think of how clean your house was or was not. You will think of the time you spent holding, bonding with, snuggling, sleeping with, hugging, and kissing that sweet little angel. The closeness you create now will last a lifetime. It is a time investment. And it is the best investment you will ever make.

Hi A.,
I'm a mom of 3 girls, ages 15, 12, and 3 month old.
Your little angel needs to feel secure. Only weeks ago she was warm and tucked in tight and snug in your womb, constantly being rocked by your movement, and soothed by the steady sound of your heartbeat. Now she must adjust to the outside world and that takes time.
I suggest that you sign up on parents.com It's a wonderful sight for free advice. I signed up during my pregnancy and enjoyed weekly emails following ages and stages and things to expect throughout. Now they send me monthly emails with information about my baby and what to expect for the coming month. Also gives me tips and advice.
One thing that helps me and I've read a lot about is recreating the womb. That soothes a baby instantly.
There is a special way to wrap your baby in her blanket that keeps her arms tucked into her body and her feeling secure. Also, make sure she is in a deep sleep before you put her down. If she wakes when you put her down it's probably because she's not in a deep enough sleep. They say it takes a good 15-10 minutes of feeding then rocking before they really fall asleep.
My baby falls asleep instantly to the hair dryer running or the vacuum. (You can make a recording of this) Once she falls into the deep sleep after about 10 to 15 minutes I shut it of and she sleeps good!
Babies enjoy the "white noise" sort of drowns everything out. They are used to loud sounds in the womb, like our heart beating or the blood swooshing through our arteries.
One thing that is the greatest is one of those baby swings. My baby loves the movement and takes great naps in it.
The most important thing is to create a consistent schedule. Pay attention to how often she feeds and feed her round the clock, lay her down to bed each night around the same time and wake her up in the morning the same time as well. She'll be in a good pattern in no time if you stick to it.
They sleep longer after a feeding too.
I read that babies need a lot of nurturing and holding and feeling secure especially in the first 3 months.
Good luck and email me anytime!
S.

Hi A.-
My baby boy was the exact same way from day 1. I spent many nights propped up in bed holding him while I "slept".
Perhaps your baby just needs more cuddling than others. I would suggest trying a co-sleeper to help her transition to sleeping on her own, but where she is still close enough to smell and sense you. I have read that it helps babies sleep to hear they're moms own breathing patterns.
Also, there is this really cool stuffed animal called a sleep sheep that attaches to the crib and makes 4 different noises (heartbeat, ocean, whale, and rain). It works like a charm to calm my baby (who is now 9 months old) and help him drift off to sleep on his own.
Good luck!
B.

Hi i am a mom of a 8 week old baby girl also she is doing the same thing as your daughter but what i have learned to do is let her fall asleep by your side then just slowly move away from her and she will sleep cause that is what i do with my daughter. Also what i have learned to do is put a blanket over her and put a soft doll by her side and she will stay asleep. I know it is very hard cause i am going threw it to but it just takes time. if u need help just e-mail me at ____@____.com i will help u out.

Too young to develop a habit. At 7 weeks old... she needs her mommy to soother her and help her to go to sleep. Try swaddling her.. she needs to feel secure. Also, she probably should be sleeping in the same room as you..in a bsssinet or co-sleeper. Enjoy this time with her and don't worry about getting so much done... they are only this small for a short amount of time.

I don't think there is any real good advice that will work everytime, I guess trying different things to see which one is the right one for your daughter. I am 36 yrs. old mother of two beautiful girls. When my first daughter was 1 yr old, my husband and I thought it was time for us to move her crib from our bedroom to her own bedroom. We didn't think it would be a problem since she slept in her crib anyways. When she realized that she was alone in a room, she cried and wouldn't sleep. We tried reading to her, giving her a teddy or doll, but nothing worked, she cried uncontrollably. We felt terrible, so we would pick her up and she would stop crying. She was getting used to being around us, which can become a problem. We decided to let her cry. We were in the room with her, but she was in her crib. Neither of us would carry her. And of course, she would cry. We let her cry throughout the night but never leaving her side. We would try talking with her and telling her that she was fine and that we loved her very much. We even tried showing her her room and making it sound awesome. Well nothing worked. Finally she cried for an hour and finally went to sleep. That was the only night that we had trouble with her falling asleep in her own room by herself. Sometimes you have to just let them cry. This I do promise, it'll hurt you more than it will hurt her. It'll feel like someone is ripping your heart out. But knowing that she is not hurt and that you're telling her that you love her and trying to convince yourselft that you are doing it for her own good, will help, just a little.

Yup. I have a 7 month old girl who does the exact same thing. to be honest; I have 4 children and they all did that. I always felt that this normal. Also, my children have never slept in the crib -ever. in some ways I feel it is unnatural (you know in the wild we would not be able to leave a newborn laying around anywhere) it gets better when they start crawling and don't feel so helpless anymore. I approached this with the - she loves me, and wants to be with me - what can I do? :) But if you do want to have her sleep in her crib you can use sleep methods - most of which have some sort of letting them cry for at least while. Usually starting at a couple of minutes and then coming back just to reassure. making the time spend away longer every time...never picking them up until it is morning. It takes a week or so of doing that and your baby will eventually get used to that ( or resignate ) and sleep in her bed. I will do that once they are weaned and about 2 years old...I feel they grasp the concept that I am coming back for them in the morning or if anything ever happens I am only a cry away. Believe you me, I totally understand you need to get things done and it feels overwhelming right now but just remember - this too shall pass. and she will never be so little and needing you again...trust me...I have been there :)
C.

She is not developing a habit, she is way too young for that and furthermore she cannot be spoiled at this age. Check out the "Happiest Baby on the Block"-it talks about swaddling and so forth. It is awesome! Also, when my daughter was that young we had a mommy-bear in her cradle so when we turned it on it simulated the sounds from the womb and it calmed her down. Also, have you tried a swing or a bouncy chair? This really helped us as well.
And remember, the things that work right now do not necessarily mean they will work in 3 months.
Hope this helped.

Your baby is still so young and doesn't want to be separated from you. Is she too big for a bassinet still? A crib is a big scary place for a little baby. We didn't move ours into his until 4 1/2 months old. He slept with us once he out grew the bassinet. If you must use the crib, make is more comfortable by using bumpers to nestle her in. Also, tuck a cloth diaper or other small item under your shirt for a while and then add the item to the crib, so it smells like you. Make sure it is not large enough for her to suffocate. You may also want to try purchasing the Amby Motion hammock. It bounces when the baby moves and puts the baby back to sleep when they awaken (if not hungry). Give the sling a few more tries. Maybe try a different type of sling. They really work well to settle babies and help them get off to sleep and you can still do things around the house. I loved my New Native carrier and also my BabyHawk carrier. Not a fan of bjorn as it separates their legs - not good on spine. Good luck

A.,

I'm a mother to a 3 yr. old daughter, a doula for 7 yrs., and a childbirth educator in training. We practice attachment parenting with our daughter who was a very high needs baby.

Every baby has a different personality. Some like to be held more than others. I think it's important that you listen to your daughter's needs and respond to them. My thoughts are that you cannot hold your daughter enough at this time.

Yes, she is still too young to develop a habit. Babies don't learn how to manipulate caregivers until about 18 months old. Until then, they cry because they have a need...a need to be fed, changed, held, listened to, consoled, etc. Meet that need ASAP and your daughter will develop a trust in you and will grow to be a happy toddler and child.

For 9 months she was used to being held (inside you) 24/7. It will take some time for her to get used to not being held. Initially, babies really do think that you and her are one person (you were that way for 9 months). It's kinda freaky for them to be in one part of the room and you in the other. It will take time for her to learn and get used to being her own separate being.
It is a belief of some pediatricians that babies are only born after 9 months because their heads would grow too big to fit through the vaginal canal, but they REALLY should be inside for an extra 3 months. So they recommend that you simulate the womb for the first 3 months after they're born. They should be attached to you, warm, and every need met ASAP. That's what they were used to. Yes, it's difficult, but it's more difficult to deal with a toddler whose needs have gone unmet for so long than to just tough it out now.

Try the Moby wrap. It's versatile and provides a good snug attached baby while your hands are still free to do other things.

Also, have you thought about co-sleeping? We found that everyone slept better that way.

Hope this helps,
C.

Hi A.,
I think you already know what to do...it's a matter of taking the time to gently and patiently make the crib part of your baby's sleep pattern. I started out the same way but realized that my husband and I needed that extra sleep you get when we're all sleeping in our own beds. Be consistent with this pattern and she'll learn when it's bedtime/naptime in her crib. Besides, you don't want one arm larger than the other....Good luck!!

I remember going through that myself. The good news is they out grow it in time. What i recommend is during the day putting her in a swing, that would help my little one relax and take nice long naps. For evening time start a routine a nice bath, baby massage, playtime, feeding then bedtime. She will start adjusting to routine and this will also make it easier as she starts getting older. I was told that you can not spoil babies the first year so you can hold them for as long as they need. I actually miss my little one at that age when she was so tiny and just laid peacefully in my arms. Enjoy it because they grow fast.

Hi A.,
She's only 7 weeks!! Hold that baby girl close to you while you can. :) Pretty soon she will be 16 and dating! She will grow out of the sleeping issues. My daughter was the same way. Good Luck!!

Dear A.,

Two of my three were like that. I would lie down next to them on the bed and nurse till they slept. Then carefully get up and let them sleep there. My son would awaken at the slightest movement, so getting up *really* carefully was agonizing and could take up to 5 minutes of slow inching along. But eventually it worked. Keep the baby warmly covered - she misses your warmth, and maybe try some very soft music in the background.

Good luck!

It is soooooooo crucial that she learn to soothe herself without your help!! Try this pattern: Eat, play, sleep. Don't let her fall asleep while eating - take off her clothes, wet washcloth on her feet, etc. Then play with her for a while (at 7 weeks, probably no more than 20-30 mins) and put her down She will fuss but she will also be tired. so she will eventualy fall asleep. Dont' give in. You will just be setting yourself up for YEARS of pain!!!!!! I read the book Babywise, and it really helped me.

I agree with Deborah. The baby is very young and not ready to be separated from you. The tendency is as old as human beings themselves; no young mammals sleep separately from their mothers. While its crucial that you eventually reclaim your body and independent life again, right now you are God to your baby girl; you are all she knows. You are life itself to her. A crib can seem like a big scary cage to a new little human that was accustomed to living safely within your womb.

Gurmukh suggests the baby is still separating-- nine months in and nine months out. Its like the whole gestation process really takes eighteen months. Although the umbilical cord has been cut, your baby is certainly not separate from you. Separation will come naturally, and then you'll miss her!

My girl is now four and doesn't sleep on me anymore. I miss that like anything. My boy is only one and I let him sleep on me whenever I can because this wonderful bliss phase doesn't last long.

I believe that methods are useful, such as the 5 S's, but its at least as important to empathize with your baby and understand their perceptions of things. There are lots of books available, but I seem to always come back to recommending The Continuum Concept. The relationship between mothers and children has been developing for a very, very long time. Its best to stay within that Nature arranged relationship, which includes sleeping with your children and letting them have their fill of bodily contact with you. In today's busy, non-tribal world, its important to get breaks, but especially at this young age, don't neglect your baby's absolute need to feel safe in your arms.

PS Congratulations!

There are special books written that give successful techniques to get your daughter to sleep, calmly throughout the night, in her own crib.

I forgot the name of the books because my daughter is now 5 years old.

But check your bookstore.

L.

Does the crib have soft bright colored pillows and a mobile? I'm not a mom so it may be more complex of an issue than decor but I can actually remember my crib as being a pleasant place because of the mobile.

Well, i dont know what the experts say...but I had all 5 of my kids either by my side nursing or gently transferred to the basinette next to my bed....close enough that i could pat their backs while i lay in bed....this worked for me....I was comforted by them being close and i think they were too....Of course they dont remember much about those early weeks but I can tell you that Ive got 5 wonderful kids aging from 18 to 12 and everyone who knows them loves them....and so do I.

Being a new mom is so hard isn't it? First we stress because our babies are sleeping all of the time then because they won't sleep. They are so cute and cuddly that we want to hold them forever. Then reality hits, and we realize we have to put them down sometimes.

My 11 week old son started doing this (again) over a week ago. He would wake up every hour at night and would only take hour or less naps during the day. Then my lactation consultant suggested swaddling again and doing the 5 S's again. I thought he'd outgrown swaddling since he had gotten too big to be wrapped in any receiving blankets I had (he would wiggle out of those "Swaddle Me" velcro blankets), but I bought a much bigger swaddling blanket (like over 36") to try out anyway. OMG! It worked!

Yes, it's only been 3 days of success so far. The first night he screamed when I tried to swaddle him (so I let him nurture nurse for a few minutes to calm him down). The next 2 nights he fussed a little but fell asleep withing 7 minutes. He's actually been sleeping 9-10 hours through the night (my pedi says it's ok to let him sleep this long), and he wakes up at 7-8 am quietly and smiling at me.

If you haven't, you may want to revisit the swaddling/5 S's thing again. It's from the "Happiest Baby on the Block" theory. Don't know this? It's by Dr. Harvey Karp. You can google 5 S's for babies. Or you can borrow, buy, or rent the DVD. First, SWADDLE her so tightly (my l.c. says, "like she's wrapped with an ace bandage") so that her arms are firmly by her sides. For some reason, it's an arm thing; the legs don't really matter so much. Your baby'll look like a mummy. Then position her on her SIDE or STOMACH (but don't put her to sleep this way; babies sleep on the backs only please!). Then, as loudly as she's crying, make a SHUSHING noise into her ear. Then, SWING her: while you have her in a side position, jiggle her a little, like only an inch or two, so that her head jiggles around a little, like her head is made of jelly; as well, you can swing her back and forth or put her in a swing (buckled in of course). The last S is SUCKING, give her a pacifier (only if breastfeeding is firmly established) or your finger to suck.

My baby relaxed and fell asleep just like in the video. It was strangely odd, like a magic pill. So, you may want to try this! Good luck!

A.,
Your baby doesn't know she's a separate being from you yet - she only knows she exists because you exist. You CANNOT spoil her (some people say under six months, others say under a year). Harvey Karp (recommended by lots of other moms here) says it's like the "fourth trimester" and I totally agree. Imagine what a shock it is for her to go from having all of her needs taken care of without asking (in the womb) to being alone in a big crib. If you want to wear her, try different carriers. The Moby wrap is awesome once you get the hang of it.
DD's crying - have to go. Good luck!

Dear A.,

Well, you could start with making her happy in her crib. Soft toys and soft blankets and a warm bath just before bed. Then you could let her fuss a bit so that she can get the lay of the land from the inside of the crib. Babies have to learn to be alone and to soothe themselves, just do some things that will soothe her. Pat her on the back. Play soft and sweet music that babies like. Stuff like that.

Also, you might give her your one handed love/work,then some time in bed. Both of you have to learn to give in to the other one, you've got a long way to go.

I am sure that the other mommies will be able to tell you more than what I wrote.

C. N.

A.,
I hear ya! My daughter did that too. She is not developing a habit - YET! Not until shes around 3-4 months old is when I would advise you to put a hult to that. What I did is just kept trying to put her down while rocking her and I think after when she was about 8 or 10 weeks she started to do better. I don't quite remember. But just try to rock her in her cradle/crib back and forth with your hand on her and slowly pull back. Hopefully soon she'll sleep better!
Good luck

The book "The Happiest Baby on the Block" will help with this. I had the same situation with my baby girl, adn this book really helped me to understand what it would be like to be 7 weeks old. They need lots of love and comfort. Hope this helps.

Sounds like you are describing my Amelia at that age. I promise it will get better! Have you tried swaddling her tight? That seems to work wonders. Also I found that wearing her in a sling (I like hotslings) she would sleep and then I could get things done. Amelia didn't sleep in her own crib until she was 4 months old and it took us a ton of practice to get her there. Your baby is too young to develop a habit, they say that doesn't happen until they are 4 to 5 months and they understand there surroundings. Right now your little one just wants to be comforted by momma! GOOD LUCK!

Hi A.,
I am a mom of a 6 month old little boy and I have to say that our best baby gift was the, Fisher Price Nature's Touch Cradle Swing. When I registered for it at Babies R Us, I was told that it was a must have...and it is! When my son was about the age of your daughter I would put him in the swing for naps during the day. For night time sleeping I had to do it in stages..newborn he slept in a bassinet in our room. Then when he was about 2 1/2 months old I got in the bad habit of him sleeping on my chest, just so I could get some rest! Then I got the BEST IDEA of all...I knew that he loved his changing table pad...so I got the idea to buy another pad, cover it with two covers to make it cozy and then I practiced getting him used to sleeping on it (NOT ON THE CHANGING TABLE). I slept in our spare bedroom with the baby, him on the pad in the bed and me in bed next to him. I would also take a thin blanket and wrap it around the pad and tuck it under both sides of the pad, so he felt cozy, slightly confined, but I new that he couldn't move, so very little danger of him getting the blanket in a dangerous situation, and he was on his back all night as the guidelines suggest. I started this process at 3 months. It worked GREAT! It was like our own little slumber party and then when I knew he had gotten used to it, I moved it into the crib, GREAT transition, NO problems and never went back! We just got back from a holiday trip and sleeping was a breeze, because I brought his pad and placed it into my mother-in- law's crib and it was like he had the comforts of home. Good luck with whatever you do try. ~K.

Hold Her and keep her with you..its only natural she should want to be with you. She was just in your womb for 10 months.

7 week old babies are still so new and need a lot of holding and comfort, so don't feel like you "should" be doing anything. If it is driving you crazy, however, you could try laying her in her crib for ten minutes to see what happens. They are little for such a short time, though, that even if you are having trouble getting anything done, it will pass. Eventually you will have to figure out your philosophy about whether to let her "cry it out" to go to sleep in her crib. If you are fine with this, you can wait until she is about 6 months old, when babies understand permanence-if you leave her in her crib, she will know you have not left her for good! Until then, you can just accept it, or try to put her down for a bit and see if she gets used to it. Have you tried a bouncy chair with a soft blanket to lay her in? I was always able to transfer my infants to this after they had fallen asleep on me. Anyway...good luck!

Have you considered co-sleeping with her? During the day, continuous carrying is humanly natural and normal. I wouldn't give up on slings or carriers, there are dozens of different kinds on the market to help you find the right one for her (and it will change with growth too). A newborn has very strong instincts to be in close continuous contact with her mother. Only when continuously denied does she give up and find other means of comfort. In my opinion, why wouldn't we want to be our child's main source of comfort? The teen and adult years will come soon enough when they actually want independence. Listen to your instincts and your baby.

Hi A.,

I have a two year old and am about to go through it all over again in May. I had trouble with my son sleeping through the night until he was 13 months old and I was completely beyond exhaustion. That is when I broke down and took someone's advice to get the book, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth, M.D.

It saved me and my son! After reading, gaining a better understanding of sleep patterns at different stages of development, and trying some techniques we all get to sleep through the night and he takes a wonderful 2 -3 hour nap each day. Of course, that was after he was older but there is wonderful information and advice for infants and newborns as well. I am keeping it nearby for, the reminders, when baby girl is born in May. It is a great resource guide with fantastic research on sleep and a variety of methods that suit your style and the needs of your child. It is well worth the time to read through the parts that would benefit you most.

Not a cure but I hope that offers some help. Good luck.