Wits End in Longview

Hi V.,
I was in a similar situation you are in now, with a 15 mo and a newborn, and my husband working VERY long hours 6 or 7 days a week. I stay home with the kids also, and it is much harder many days than working outside the home. My advice is to keep doing what your doing, it sounds like your giving your older son attention every day, so keep doing that, and just give him time to get used to the changes. Also, praise him for EVERY little thing he does right. Some of the best advice I received was to remember that even though the oldest is now a big brother, he's still a baby. Five years old is not very old to adapt to change quickly, so your just going to have to stick it out for a while. Also, instead of worrying about husband and wife time so much, when your husband is home, try to get out for a bit by yourself. Even if it's just to the store. Sometimes you just need to get away for a few minutes to feel normal again, then you can deal with things better. My husband and I hardly ever have date nights, but now that the boys are a little older, we do drop them off at my parents house for a weekend away, and that makes up for all the week nights we can't go out together. Good luck!!!

I guess I got really lucky. My two girls are 4 years apart and My oldest was wonderful when I had the baby. She was a great help. But I did make time for just me and her to do things special. We had "Big Girl Days". I would leave the baby home with dad and me and her would go to the mall and see a movie and go out to eat. We would even go get our nails done together (granted she only got clear polish). She felt grown (maybe thats her problem now come to think of it... ) Anyway, She loved it. If your son is acting up i think he just wants more attention. Give it to him but make him feel like a big boy. Take him on outings and give him individual attention. Let him know that you can only do this with him because he is so big. It may make him want to act big. Ya know? Hope This Helps!

V....what you need to try to do is make some one on one time. Even if its for a few minutes at a time. Make special time to read together, color together anything your little one enjoys doing. He just wants some time with Mom to be reassured that he is still loved. Explain to him that you love him and even though there is a new sibling, explain that mommy has enough love for everyone. Maybe your husband can even do a father/son day once week. Good luck to you and remember to let us know how it turns out.

It sounds like he needs some one on one time with both parents.

Hi V.,My name is C..I know what you are going through I have 4 kid's of my own.Mine did the same thing,your 5 year old is jealous of the new baby it's normal.It will get better after a while he is wanting all the attention because he got use to being the only child and he does not know how to act that mommy has another baby.Brothers and sisters will alway's be jealous of each other.It is hard to give them all the same amount of attention,I try to spend some one on one time with each of them.
Everything will be alright sweetie.

You poor thing. We've all been through something like this. Your son's behavior is perfectly normal and you're doing fine. It's great that he loves the baby and that makes things a little easier, believe it or not. (grin) His little world has been turned upside-down and he had no say in it, (because he's the child) so he reacting. He sees how much attention the baby is getting so he's mimicing her. Don't get angry or punish him. Just reassure him that he is still loved as much as ever, try to spend one-on-one time with him when the baby is sleeping and try to show him all the FUN things BIG kids get to do that babies can't do.

I also think you need a Mommy break. It's really hard to do when you're nursing, I know but here's an idea. Tell your husband that you are taking a 30-45 minute bath and he's in charge of the kiddos. Make sure Baby is well fed before you do, put on your favorite CD, and then LOCK the bathroom door!!! LOL!! Ignore Daddy's calls for help unless you can tell in his voice it's life or death. You should do this at LEAST once a week!! And that's not too much to ask of Hubby.

I have 3 kids so I've been there. Keep plugging away. It WILL get better. God Bless.

Chris H.

i have been there. whats going on is he wants to help but he also feels that the baby is getting everything and he gets nothing. what i did was poicked a day of the week for just my oldest and me to do something just the 2 of us no one else . let him know if everything stops that ya'll will keep doing it . its kinda like a date night . do something he likes to do or let him pick out of a few things to do . it might help

I too live in the Longview area. I have two sons. My oldest acted the same way when I had his brother. My oldest has behavior problems anyway so he just got worse. I had to set some time for just me and him without his brother so he knows he is still important to me. I also let him help with his brother (diapers, changing clothes, etc.) Makes him feel needed. T.
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Hi Again V.!

My two boys are exactly 5 years and 2 days apart. I remember going through some of that same stuff. Now my boys are 8 and 3, so it has been awhile. My husband is a police officer and works extra jobs as well as his normal schedule, so I was alone alot also. Our oldest needed to be reminded that he was still loved. He went for so long being the only child...the "favorite" and so it was hard for him to adapt to sharing mommy. We tried to involve him in every aspect of taking care of the baby. He was being a "special helper', or a "sweet big brother". As long as he was involved, he seemed to be good. But of course he also asked me one day as I was packing a bag for the baby if it was "time for him to go back to the hospital" LOL! He also regrssed a bit I believe when they see how much attention the baby gets, they want to act like a baby too. We went with it....we swaddled our 5 year old in a big blanket so he could lay with his brother and "sleep" like a baby and he wanted us to carry him to bed as well.

So, there are good days and hard days. I am 3 years down the road from where you are and you will be giving advice to someone before you know it about how you got through it.

As far as your husband goes, has he had any alone time with the kids so he can experience what you experience?...more importlantly have YOU had any alone time without the kids? Even if you go to lunch or the mall with a friend while he watched the kids before he goes to work, you could get a break and he can see (on a small scale)what goes on. If you are breastfeeding, then just plan to leave immedialtely after a feeding and be back in a few hours for the next feeding. It sounds like you could really use some "you" time.

Are you staying home by choice or because your husband wants you to? If you have some feelings of resentment for being at home instead of being at work, can you talk with your husband about it?

I just know you will be like all of us giving advice...and one day YOU will be giving the advice. I hope you find some things that will help you, V..

M. L.
www.WAHU.MakeMoreAtHome.com