Widowers

I have a wonderful friend that lost her husband to cancer in his late 40's and another friend that lost his wife to cancer too. They do have a different feeling than a divorced person. Good luck on your journey. The male friend has just begun to refurbish, paint and new carpet, new bedding, etc. It's important to let them make that move, it takes time and yet it's great to see them become their own person. Alot of healing!!!

1 mom found this helpful

you sound like a very blessed lady good luck!!

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Candice,

I lvoe Stacey B's comments. I think honoring your fiance's deceased wife will serve you best in the end. I'm sure he loves you but I can imagine all the emotions he's feeling. If you can work on a way to honor her together or help him find a way for he and his children to honor her, I think that it will be of great comfort to all.

You're on the right track and he's luck to have you.

God bless you,
M.

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Hello C.. I can relate to your experience. I just wanted to add that I don't think it's a good idea for him to rid his house of pictures of his deceased wife - she was an important figure in his life for 30 years, and I'm quite sure he loved her. I think he should be allowed to have some, or maybe one (bare minimum) pictures of her in the house. She is a part of who he is, and to deny that is to deny him.

C.,
I am married to a wonderful man who lost his pregnant wife on 9/11. In the beginning it was very challenging and I felt very ____@____.com we were dating, pictures were all over the house, clothes in the closet etc......I left it to him to decide when these things needed to be removed. Believe me, I wanted him to take them down, but needed to put myself in his situation. ...wondering how I would feel. Not only was he suffering for her loss but also had survivors guilt and many other horrible emotions that go along with 9/11. Most of my friends couldnt believe that I would ALLOW this to continue. Eventually, he made the decision and gave her clothes to her mother and donated her furniture to charity. We have a beautiful chest with all their memories...pictures, cards, wedding video etc. I cant tell you how many times my husband thanks and appreciates me for being supportive and patient. Throughout it all, I knew he loved ME and it would always be a different love than he shared with his deceased wife. As time passes, we now talk openly and often about her and their memories they have shared. I have no feeling of insecurities because we slowly worked through these issues and have become a very strong couple. Every year we memorilize his late wife together and I've come to feel as if I knew her. The bottom line is , over time, things get easier and if your supportive and secure with yourself and your relationship you can have a healthy loving relationship