Why Teach Our Kids to Work?

I can tell you from my 24 year old daughter's perspective. I always taught her how to do things on her own, from the age of 10 I paid her to work in my office and file things, I also had her write out the checks for my household bills, which I then signed. When she started working, she knew the value of money because she had seen what it takes to run a household. When she was old enough to drive, she had to call around to get insurance quotes, she was not given a car, but I took her shopping for one she had to pay for. She has expressed her gratitude to me many times over the years for teaching her theses things, as when she got married her husband did not know how to do many of them. She is a very responsible hard working adult who has a husband and a 7 month old and I am at peace knowing my job in raising her to stand on her own 2 feet has been completed. Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

When I was a kid, my mother did everything!!! I never had to make my bed, clean up, help with dinner or anything. Oh sure, I helped occasionally, when my dad threatened me within an inch of my life. And occasionally, I had to clean my room. But I had no skills to keep it clean. I had no concept of "maintaining" the cleanliness.

I am now a SAHM of 2 and am 38 years old. I still struggle with how to maintain my household. I have spent so many years trying to figure it out!

I started with "what do I do when the toilet paper runs out?" That was back in college. I had to learn how to get the shopping done. Then I had to learn how to be embarrassed at my lack of skills when I had visitors in my apartment.

When I got married, I really started thinking about how to keep my house clean and running smoothly. I have asked questions to friends and family, and read books to try to train myself - but it is soooo hard for me. I can't keep up with my laundry, my house keeping, planning dinners, getting my work done, bills paid. It is so hard on my self-esteem.

These are lifeskills!!! It is our responsibility to teach our kids the lifeskills they need to be functional!

I know people who never have to think about their house or laundry because it is part of a routine that gets done a little each day and doesn't get in the way of their life. My lack of skills has always been in the way of my life! I have that mental list of things I would love to do, but I am always trying to "catch up" on my responsibilities and never get to them. That is sad.

I work hard to make sure that my kids don't struggle the way I did. They keep their rooms clean, help with the housework, they are even learning to cook (they are 7 and 9). They have a chart, so it all gets done early in the morning and then they feel that feeling of "my work is done, and the day is mine to do as I want". Wish I had that, but I am still struggling.

I never want my kids to have that "entitlement" attitude that I see in kids these days. So many kids working at the entry level jobs are so lazy!! Customer service has gone straight down the tubes because of a lack of work ethic!
I tell my kids that no one is ever going to give them money just because they are cute! And I won't either. They are paid by the job. They can earn as much as they want if they work, but if they don't work, they don't get paid. This gives them such a great feeling when they buy something they really want with their own money! They have seen the whole circle - work, get paid, get what you want, or be able to give to someone who is in need. There is no helplessness or entitlement in that. They earned it.

I just don't want them to struggle like I do.

1 mom found this helpful

Well, my mom was far from perfect, but she did the best she could and always from her heart. She taught me to cook, clean(i still hate cleaning ), sew, and all the fun little things that make mom's special. My husband however, was raised by a woman who never wanted kids to begin with, ended up with 4 and screwed them all up. She never showed any of them any "natural affection". as a result, he thinks his end of the deal is to make a paycheck, the rest is on me...when i leave the kids with him it's "babysitting". Motherhood is a gift adn a responsibility that unfortunately, far too many women resent rather than cherish. I wish she had taught him to clean up after himself, think about the cost of things and how to work as a team member in a relationship. My mom taught me these things, and for that i am very gratefull. My mom just turned 61 and moved in with us, she is the only true mother figure my husband has ever had and it's amazing that finally at almost 40 years old, he is receiving the maternal attention he's been deprived of. I realise most men are not so lucky to even want to be in the same state as the mother-in-law, let alone the same house...but like i said, my mom is an amazing woman.

1 mom found this helpful

I am grateful to my mother for teaching me to sew. I'm not a pro and couldn't do as good a job as she does, but I can mend my family's clothes, make curtains, skirts for myself and clothes for my kids. It makes me feel good to accomplish something like that on my own and then be able to see the results of it every day. I wish I had paid more attention when my mother tried to teach me how to cook. I can follow a recipe to the "T" but if I don't have one then I'm at a loss. My siblings and I had daily jobs that we were required to do around the house. One in the morning and one after school. We rotated weekly and argued about it a lot but now that I'm grown and have my own home I know how to properly clean and maintain each room of the house. I'm truly grateful to my mother-in-law for teaching my husband to work. He is wonderful about helping me around the house. I have four children under the age of 5 including a 3 week old baby. Needless to say the house is often a mess when my husband gets home. He can't sit down until the kitchen and living room are clean because that's how his mother was, so he usually straightens up when he gets home.
One thing I wish I was better at is teaching my own children to work. I usually feel that it's easier to do it myself so I don't use their help as often as I should.

1 mom found this helpful

I was given some chores when I was younger, vacuuming, dusting, cleaning my room. For that I am thankful. However, Mom always did the laundry.....I just had to put my stuff away, so needless to say, hubby had some bouts w/ pink underwear (lol) until I learned to correctly sort the laundry. I am thankful too of the cooking experiences my mom shared with me, not a lot, but enough to survive by, now I love to cook and am running my own business thru Pampered Chef. One thing I wish that I was more aware of was the finance and budget side. I was raised most of my life by a single mom, she did awesome, we were really never aware of how tight things really were, we were always provided for. My husband on the other hand, had been out from under his parents house since he was fourteen, so he had to learn a lot of things on his own just to survive. One great thing that he did learn from his dad was how to work on cars, what a blessing and savings when it comes to mechanic work.

1 mom found this helpful

I was raised by four brothers and a father. I appreciated knowing how my car worked and really having to get in there to repair it. I also learned plumbing-putting on white tape specifically. I am married to an electrician and I appreciate knowing the breaker box and fans and switches. fixing bikes for kids. fixing flat tires, first aid kits, working for community. sewing--both hand and machine. velcro and duck tape as shelf stockers. hanging pictures. I could go on and on

1 mom found this helpful

Just to say--I think it is really important that we remember the primary job of children is to play.

More information? Check out Alliance for Childhood.

1 mom found this helpful

My mother started chores around the house about 7 years old and I went to work part-time starting at 14. It teaches responsibility and creates independence and working for a paycheck in teenage years teaches how far money really goes. Too many children have things handed to them and done for them and when it is time to go to work they are lazy workers and unreliable. I have been in management for 10 years and found it to be all too true. Children that don't learn to pick up after themselves will be slobs or expect someone else to do it for them as adults, especially men, if they were not taught to pick up after themselves women have to do it all for them. I bought all of my own school clothes. She also taught me how to budget money for monthly bills and expenses. She always said you need a job, a roof over your head and a car to get to work.

1 mom found this helpful

Bacause of my mom, grandmother and Girl Scouts (70's) I felt I was more prepared then most. I learned the value of routines, I had confidence because I knew how to do laundry and keep my house nice, plan meals and shop. I am a local moderator for FlyLady, and see floundering either because they never really learned how, or they never learned the importance of routines. I am raising my boys to learn these things so I can send them out into the world with confidence that they know how to take care of themselves. And the little guys really do want that responsibility! For example, my four year old was delighted when he was given wastebasket duty in the bathroom. You can visit housefairy.com to get a taste of kids and chores, I'm sure she'd be glad to help you as well!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi M.,
I was one of those whose mother did absolutely everything for us (6 kids). All my sister and I had to do was take turns doing the dishes after dinner. I did not even have to do my bed!! By the time I got home from school, my room was clean, dinner was done, laundry was completely done (even ironing) and the house looked spectacular. I have been married for 13 years and I still struggle with keeping the house in order and the laundry done. Sometimes I wonder how my mom did all this with 6 kids!! She grew up living with my aunts and uncles and helping them take care of their kids. She did not have the opportunity to do anything for herself (like get an education)so her biggest thing was for her kids to have everything done so we could study and not have to worry about chores or anything else. To her it made sense to do this! So I am teaching my kids to help around the house and learn what I didn't learn. My husband helps tremendously and there are times that he does a much better job than I do at everything.

1 mom found this helpful

First I think this is a wonderful topic and congratulations on being asked to present on it.

Growing up my family didn't have a lot of money so we were taught to appreciate what you have and work hard for the things you want. I have friends that had everything handed to them from their parents and I'm glad I didn't have that growing up. Life doesn't work that way. My parents taught all of us that to succeed you have to give it your all.

My mother taught me to cook and clean and I'm very grateful to her for that because I don't know what I would have done if she hadn't. I'm also lucky enough to have a husband that helps me out with the house. He was in the military for 6 years and I think that had some effect on him.

We plan on giving our three kids a little more responsibility than our parents gave us. I want our kids to learn to manage money at a little bit younger than we did. Other than that I don't think I would change one thing about what my mom taught me about becoming a wife or mom. She did a fantastic job. She wasn't able to give us all that she wanted but I feel like I'm a stronger person because of that.

Good luck with your presentation!

R.

1 mom found this helpful

I wish that my mother had taught me about working outside of the home when I was a child. I knew about cooking, cleaning, child care, sewing, and keeping a home, but I didn't know that husbands leave and then you have to take care of yourself. Now days you need to have at least a BA/BS to get a good job. Find something that interests you, something that you feel can be a career, because even with children and the happy home there is no guarantee that you will not have to work to help make ends meet.

M. B

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I am so thankful that my parents worked from home and are entrepreneurs. It taught me not only how to be dedicated enough to run my own business, but how to be creative and take risks when it comes to business. I learned to to be resourceful and budget conscious too. They taught me that fear of failure should not hold you back from something that you believe in and that you really can make anything successful if you work hard at it!

Hope this helps :)

Sincerely,
L. Smith
Owner/CEO - REgionz Kidz
http://www.regionzkidz.com

1 mom found this helpful

My parents were very good about teaching us to work. Both of my parents had to work (we were so poor, even now I'm blown away by it) and so every thing we had, we pretty much had to scrape for. It certainly taught us to be grateful for what we had!
But I digress -- I married for the first time at 18 - extremely young. Then I became a mom a week after my first anniversary. Without the training I got at home, we never would have survived. By 22 I was a single parent, and again, if I hadn't been taught to work, I have no idea where we'd be. I think that learning to work is not just important to learn the actual skills involved, but also to teach responsibility. When you are a parent, or even just out on your own, you don't have someone cooking for you, coming behind you to clean up your mess or paying your bills. When you have been taught to do a good job of those things yourself, you stay clean, healthy, and less stressed about money.
On the other hand, I was once engaged to a guy whose Mom grew up with a maid and a cook. She never had to do any of that stuff. When she left her home country and no longer could afford a maid and a cook, she was already a Mom of 4, and it was so hard for her to learn on her own all the things she'd never been taught. She had no idea how to clean anything, how to do laundry, how to cook - none of that! And to make matters worse, she didn't even speak English so she couldn't read the instructions on anything! She truly had to teach herself how to do EVERYTHING! It all turned out ok, but it was a very long, tough road, not just for her, but for her hubby and kids, too! She said that she never had thought that she would wish that she'd not had a maid and cook when she was younger, but she really did wish that someone had taught her how to manage her home before she was forced to struggle through it on her own.

This was really long, but I hope it helped!

1 mom found this helpful

as parents our primary job is to help grow our children into respecting citizens that conribute to our society as a whole.....I think the question "why make you kids work" is obvious...A more difficult q to answer would be why would you not make your kids work?

1 mom found this helpful

i think that kids want to contribute to the household. instead of chores think of it as being a part of the team that makes the family run. my daughter already has small responsibilities and she is only 2.
a recurring and worrisome theme that i see in your responses is the gender specific chores. both boys and girls should be taught to clean house and cook just as well as auto maintenance and yard work. think of it as a safety issue for girls. do you want to see your daughter stranded on the side of the road waiting for a man to come by to change a tire? and i'm sure most mothers want their son's to appreciate the hard work it takes to run a household.
what a neat project. good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

I grew up with my mom always busy with some kind of sewing project, cooking and baking, and she's a clean-freak. So I think that all this example I grew up with and just being involved with what she was working on at the time has taught me how to be a mom at home and be productive and busy with creativness. Knowing how to nest in a house and make it a home is the greatest trait my mother taught me. I grew up in a house full of girls so time with my dad were special. We would work on projects together outside and in the garage. He taught me how to fix things, build things, change a tire on the car, change the oil, and many other life skills that were important. My husband grew up in a home where his parents own an air-conditioning business. Their kids were pretty much required to help with the work. It was always hard work but this created a very strong work ethic and out of all the times my husband either lost his job, had to quit or whatever, he was never out of work for more than a couple of days. He was always willing and able to do whatever work he was given. He is now an employee for SRP and in the apprentice program to become a lineman. I contribute his dedicated hard work to the teaching of his parents. I think life skills are the most important things we can teach our children. They will find inspiration to work in whatever field that interests them as adults, but if we can instill in them the important basics of life and really focus on this, this is the most important foundation we can help them build. We are a homeschooling family and my experience is that there is no book or curriculum that can teach these important lessons. It's all up to us! Thanks for the question and listening to my response! A.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi, M.! It's C.! I was raised in a home with almost no chores. The only thing I had to do was make my bed every morning. The result of that has been that I am not good at organizing my time. And when I was first married, I couldn't figure out why the house was getting so dirty. I didn't realize that there was maintenance that needed to be done. My husband couldn't figure out why I didn't know how to take care of it all. He is one of 7 kids and they definitely had chores. His parents did a wonderful job of teaching them a good work ethic and as a result, he is a self-starter. If something has to be done within the next week or month or year, he does it right away! (Whereas, I wait until the last possible minute!) He is a huge help around the house and outside the house. I never have to pick up after him and he has definitely helped me learn how to better handle my responsibilities. I appreciate his attitude of just doing what has to be done without complaining. If you would like to chat some more about this (I have more to say!) you can call me! ###-###-####. I don't know if it's any help to you, but I definitely feel like I have some opinions on this matter! Talk to you later!
~C.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi, M.
I kind of have the flip side to this subject. As a kid, I never had to do any type of chores. My grandmother lived with us and never allowed us kids(5 of us)clean up after ourselves. I guess you can say we were spoiled. We did, however, work outside periodically; we made our beds sometimes; so in essence, we helped when we were able/allowed to. Once we got older and moved out, we all became responsible adults.
My husband and I both work and my children, now age 4 and 8, age 21 and 25, have always had chores to do and also are required to do yard work. We figure they too have to live in this house, so they need to help keep it up. I think it helps them appreciate what they have; it helps with responsibility, confidence, and pride.
Although my husband did not have a similar upbrining, he did most if not all the outside work for their family. He would do yardwork for his parents and earned some money working around his neighborhood. I can tell you that he truly appreciates the outdoors and having our house look nice.
I really don't see any harm in having kids help.

1 mom found this helpful

Wow! What a great topic!
This is close to my heart because I don't feel I was well prepared for some of life's challenges OR everyday responsibilities because, due to my parents ignorance, business or overfocus on other areas of life, certain concepts were simply NOT taught, or opportunities NOT provided for me and my sisters to learn. My dh was the child of alchoholics and was neglected for a majority of his life, being around meant being kicked around. So, you could say we have been learning in the school of hard knocks a lot of things that could have so easily been taught at home. We have learned together though, and want to raise kids who LOVE to learn, and can look at challenges as something to better themselves.
Some things dh and I wish we had seen modeled or taught-

* How to wake up early in the morning and go to bed at night so we get an adequate amount of sleep
* How to budget, save, spend money
* What kind of steps a person can take when making decisions for themselves and their family
* How to preplan basic things, to look ahead- ex. I have to have these slacks, shirt washed, dried and ironed for work, hat, shoes socks and badge in one spot BEFORE the morning of work, school, etc.
* How to do laundry and keep it maintained- same for regular housework(clean the bathroom, etc.)
* Clean up after self and have a place for things
* To finish what we start, and let us suffer the consequences if we don't
* To prioritize education all through life and what going through school throughout life takes and looks like(ex. I have my diploma, now go on to get Associates, now Bachelors, now Masters, etc)
* To put consistent, realistic boundaries on us
We didn't know how to do housework until we went into the Army, and then did enormous amounts of mopping, scrubbing, etc on a regular basis! That is where I learned most of my 'stuff':) It wasn't a 'job' you could quit like outside the military-you were forced to stay and stick it out, even when it wasn't a 'pleasant' experience. Very swift and immediate consequences an individual would have to face, full responsibility on YOU.
I guess our biggest struggle was definately finances- had NO clue how to deal with the paycheck thing. Dh sort of went by the seat of his pants- thought the man controlled the money. I was so scared of messing up I didn't want to spend anything! We still struggle here becuase of past ignorant supidity. We have children now, and are learning how to care for children, what their developmental and relational needs are, healthy interaction, etc. My mom hated being home and worked a lot. I had to take care of my three younger sisters and teach myself how to cook, clean and grade homework. My dh's parents would drive him and is brother out to field and leave them until his 12 year old sister would pick them up in a van and take them to the bar to pick up their passed out father. We started out way crippled in this area, but hey! We have each other and we are learning so much. We are clean, sober and still married after seven years with four beautiful children- we had to work hard to get to a point where some folks were at after high school with parents to help them out. But like I said, I love my dh and children, we have gone the whole way together. I am loved and have a family to love.:)

1 mom found this helpful

My parents were divorced and my mom worked, so most nights I made dinner and had it ready by the time she got home. She would leave written instructions about what time to put things in and what temperature, etc., and I'd follow them. Eventually I knew how to make all of her staple dishes without instructions. It wasn't fancy cooking, but it taught me at a young age to be comfortable with various cooking methods and how to use all the appliances, how to tell if different types of meat were done, etc. I've continued my culinary education on my own ever since, and am now a very accomplished cook, and looking forward to the day when my daughters are old enough to start doing some really substantive work with me in the kitchen. They participate a bit now, but are so young that they make more messes than they help.

I used to be dumbfounded when I was in my 20s and had friends who didn't know how to cook anything. Not know how to cook? Who in the world didn't know THAT? I've always been grateful that I learned to cook on my own so young.

1 mom found this helpful

First I want to say congrats on being asked to do something like this, how awesome for you!

I am thankful that I was taught how to clean and cook. I hear of so many wives that can't cook even the basic meals. My dad was very strict and the house always had to be clean and meals on the table at a certain time. From that I take pride in keeping a clean house and I prepare/cook meals daily for my family today.

I was taught that nothing in the world is free and therefor have to work for what I want. If they had given me everything I asked for I truly believe that would have taught me nothing except an attitude of "I want it so it should be given to me".

My mother taught me to be a strong woman and an independent one. She taught me to take care of myself so I didn't have to rely on someone else. This is best thing my mom did for me! I was a teen-parent and knew that my child was just that, my child and my responsibility. I knew I needed to graduate and go further in my education after that. Then I worked, got my own place and I took care of him and myself by myself. If she hadn't taught me to be independent and take care of my responsibilities then I truly believe I would have let her do everything for him while I hung out with my friends.

I hope I didn't babble too much and I hope I gave you some ideas that will help you! Good luck!!

1 mom found this helpful

My parents had myslef and siblings doing chores from a very young age. When i turned 12 I was responsible for my own laundry. I also started to help more with dinner prep and by the time I was 15 I would cook dinner for the entire family (that was 8 people). I'm grateful to that because when I went away to college I was well prepared to take careof myself. One of the things I wish my parents had been more strict on was thier follow through. If we did not finish a chore or task there was no punishment. My parents would groound us for misbehaviour and within a day they would forget and we would be outside playing. I'm trying to make sure I do not do that. If my boys do not finish thier room in a set time...and I give them plenty of time and chances, I tell them that I will go in with trash bags and anything left on the floor will get thrown away. i've done this several times. (I honestly thought the first time would have been enough but it wasn't). I think the follow through though is important or we teach oour kids that what we say does not matter and we have no authority.

1 mom found this helpful

Dear M., What a great opportunity you have! I was blessed with two parents who sucessfully passed on a great work ethic to myself and my 5 sisters. From my father I learned the satisfaction of working at what you love and the pride of doing one's work with attention amd commitment. From my mother I learned how much effort, care and organization is required to run a home smoothly(she was a SAHM to 6 girls), but also that we girls had many choices in what we could choose as our work. In my home, my husband excels in being CFO; playful,engaged daddy; organizer of social events and enthusiastic lover of music and film. For his paid work, he's in I.T. For myself, I excel at sharing books, art and dollies with our 4 yr.old, organizing meals and provisions in general; sharing my love of the natural world. For my paid work, I am in the natural products industry. Raising children is a very demanding work that all conscious, loving parents should be proud of....My parents raised 6 strong, intelligent women who have gone on to do much good work in the world and our homes, because they modeled pride in their chosen work.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi M.,

This is an important subject to me. I feel it is critical to teach children early on the importance of "team work" and strong work ethic. I won't go into details about what I do personally with my children; but will say that I want to convey to them our family is a "team" and they need to support the team. I want them to understand they are a very small part of a very large community of people and how there actions (or lack) of can affect the community as a whole.

I did not have a good experience with this growing up because I "had to" take care of things, as I lived with a single mom and younger brother. However, as an adult, I look back on that experience and what it taught me -- good work ethic and independence.

Best of luck to you with your presentation! :)

Warm Regards,
G. Van Luven