20 answers

Why Is My Son Still Angry, Violent, Hateful, and Disobedient.......

He is 3 yes I know...but we can't go 5 mins with out him hitting, screaming, whining, yelling, or getting into some other kind of trouble. yes we have taken him to the doctors.....they just tell me he is 3 and maybe we need "parenting classes" This is not normal and its stressing out the rest of the family. yes, we do all the usual things to teach a child to behave and all that stuff. Yes, we play with him, yes we tell him its ok to be angry sad,, etc. But enough is enough.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

we can put him the corner....he will throw him self around bang his head, we can send him to his room, he will scream and beat teh door till things fly off the wall, we can take his toys, he continues to do what ever it was anyway, we can try to side track him, doesn't work, we can try reverse psychology on him, doesn't work, and he is very verbal.....too verbal. I am looking forward to trying some of the things everyone has suggested. Parenting classes just is not an option for us at the moment. (we can't afford the cost...gas, child care, and loss of work to go to them)
However Just so you all know, he does see a behavior specialist. And he is now in Headstart. I talked to my husband this morning and we agreed to try some new methods as Dr. Sears has on his website. I think he wrote it just for us, LOL.
Thank you all Momma's!!

Featured Answers

Contact headstart and have him tested for Autisim. Even before you have him tested take all foods with MSG out of his diet and remove yorgert from his diet. Both MSG and yorgert will make an Autistic child violent.

Look into websites such as autisimspeaks.org and the easterseals.com for helpful information.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi L.. You don't actually say what you've done to try to change these behaviors, but these aren't really typical three year old behavior. Maybe parenting classes would be helpful if he is just being disobedient, but if you think it's something more, take him to a behavioral psychologist. Maybe it's just bad behavior that needs to be dealt with, with certain parenting/disciplinary skills or maybe he has some behavioral disorder. The right professional can help you to make that determination and set you on the right path to how to make things better at home. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

If you really think he needs it, you can try play therapy for him. Although, he just may be a very active, high energy, sensitive sensory kid that needs constant attention, activity and redirection. One of mine is like that, with no other type of disorder at all.

Dr. Sears is an expert in this field and has some wonderful tips on discipline and behavior shaping tactics for this age range. He also addresses specific 'bothersome behaviors', so be sure to click on that subcategory link as well for a wealth of knowledge.


5 moms found this helpful

These behaviors could be signs of something more serious. YOu should take him back to the doctor (or find a new one!) and get a full psych and medical evaluation. If your other children do not act like this, it's not you, unless you treat him totally differently from them. Even if you can just get one appointment with a child psychologist for a family evaluation, it would be time well spent.

3 moms found this helpful

Is he super verbal? If not, he may need help with expressing his feelings. Instead of screaming and tantrums, tell him he can go and yell into his pillow, or get him a mini-trampoline and let him jump. Boys have super, super energy and need to physically work things out- Are you getting him outside daily for at least a couple of hours? If not, take him to the park and let him run, run, run! Things will be better---hang in there. If nothing changes after doing these things, call your doctor for a referral to a good parenting class. Best wishes.


2 moms found this helpful

Along with another mom's response, I wondered about a possible ASD (autism spectrum disorder) too. Of course it may have nothing to do with your child. But it's definitely something I would consider and then consult with a developmental professional.

I like this book: "Healing the New Childhood Epidemics: Autism, ADHD, Asthma, and Allergies: The Groundbreaking Program for the 4-A Disorders" by Kenneth Bock, M.D. and Cameron Stauth. Your library may have it.

Good luck and I hope you can find some answers.

2 moms found this helpful

Not normal. It sounds like he doesn't take you seriously, he has no self control and you have lost all manner of authority. This isn't a matter of how much time you play with him. Its to the point where he has been getting away with so much that nothing is ever enough.

When you say no, do you mean it and follow through? For example, when you tell him "you can't hit. If you do, you won't watch any tv" but then when he does hit, you are so exhausted dealing with him after a few minutes you turn on the tv just to keep him quiet?

Do you reward him w/food/snacks/special treats? If so, bad.

Maybe if you give us some specifics, we could help out better.

I agree w/the parenting classes suggestion, but I also think you should take him to a child therapist or psychologist. Soon.

2 moms found this helpful

My friend's son was doing the same type of things. It turned out that he had severe intolerances to a lot of different foods: gluten (wheat), dairy, soy, high fructose corn syrup, and more. Once they changed his diet, he became a really sweet kid. They went to Windgate or Wyngate in the Minneapolis/Saint Paul area.

2 moms found this helpful

This was our son at age 3 as well. He is 7 now and is lovely. I just wanted to tell you that...hang in there! Some children are harder than others and it does not mean they are not normal like some posters have said. Our son was also extremely smart/verbal at that age. I have no idea if that has anything to do with it. I think part of it is just the age...3 is so hard in these intense kids. I have no idea what you guys are doing with your parenting skills but we found it really helps to be extremely consistent with discipline. Be quite black and white about things. And when he is being good praise him like crazy!!! Go overboard with the praise! The other thing that was SO important with our son was to make sure he ate regularly. He had to eat quality snacks waaaaaay more often than a more moderate child to keep his mood up. And of course he needed that nap daily. If we got busy and a snack got forgotten he would turn into a beast. Good luck with your little boy. (Have you read Raising Your Spirited Child yet? That was a good one for us)

2 moms found this helpful

I'm sorry you are having this problem, but whoever is telling you that you need parenting classes is right.

And enough is enough is true - but it falls on YOU, L..

It's not your child's job to figure out how to stop the negative behaviors. It is the job of the adults who take care of him. You can say it isn't normal, but unfortunately, saying that doesn't help. You have to learn to deal with YOUR child the way he is.

Some kids have easy temperments. Some have difficult temperments. Your child is hardwired to have the temperment he has. So that is what you have to work AROUND.

You need a plan. You need consistency. Right now, what you are doing isn't working. Go find help from a professional who can work with you to navigate this age. Three is hard! If he has special needs, that makes it even harder. And the family being stressed just makes him stressed and adds to the behavioral problems.

Start with your ped. Ask if he or she can refer you to a play therapist. They can make make some good assessments as to whether or not your child needs to be evaluated. They can also teach you what you are doing right and wrong. And help you make a plan.

Good luck,

2 moms found this helpful

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